I Want to Stay Fat
Replies
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I get what you are asking. I read awhile back sexuslly abused woman often gain weight as a defends to not get unwanted attention. Sometimes I wonder if I think I don't deserve to truly be thin.0
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IDK, the main benefit to being fat as far as I can tell was that if you end up getting sick and losing a bunch of weight, you will then be a normal sized person instead of severely underweight.0
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Yeah, truly no one wants to be overweight. If we were offered a magic pill that would instantly take the fat away, we'd all swallow it, right?If you have trouble losing weight, have you ever just asked yourself WHY you continue to keep the weight on? (For many of us, it's not laziness, etc.)
Does not compute. You can't say you'd take the easy way out if there was one and then claim you aren't lazy.
It means she's just like the rest of us. She works hard because she doesn't have the option not to. (Think: Lottery winner vs not)0 -
theres a difference with having a bit of extra weight that doesn't put your health at risk and being plain old OBESE! I am obese according to my BMI and I heard time and time again diabetes...asthma...high blood pressure...and more and all that never motivated me but I knew that every time I told myself physically I was fine I was slowly destroying myself esteem I felt terrible after a while holding all this weight on myself and I never did a thing. I want to let go of this luggage of a weight that holds me back from being happy, healthy, and successful. How can I possibly excel in college, a career, take care of kids, and more if i'm so overweight. Look deep within yourself like I did and see where your weakness stems from within yourself whats really holding you back. Happiness is a big motivation for me and I'm in day 12 of being fit and healthy for the 1 millionth time but I am really determined to lose 130 pounds and continue to get my life back on track.
P.S its like that commercial what will you gain when you lose?0 -
Please tell me you dont believe this... Your boss is less likely to ever give you a raise because your health care costs are so much higher than your other employees, you dont seem motivated or "the obvious" choice for a promotion. Half the time, people dont ever find out if they are cheated on or not so the whole theory that "finding if your mate really loves you" is for ****. If your mate loves you then they want you to be healthy and live a long life along side of them. Not to see you self sabotage by eating and not exercising.
I can go on and on but only you can stop making excuses for yourself. To each their own. I def will agree to disagree on this0 -
Employers typically want healthy employees. Health care costs are one of the major reasons why. However, it is undeniable that competition abounds in the workplace. In some situations, the dynamic between a female and her female boss is unhealthy. It is human nature to be jealous of others who you believe are better in some way than you (better looking, more educated, richer, luckier, etc.).
I am especially sensitive to this dynamic because I have experienced loss as a result of someone in my work organization being jealous of me. The specific incident was several years ago, but it was a traumatic event that still stays with me. This was a part-time, weekend job, but a very important one and one that I had held for a very long time. I was the best at what I did, but I was thwarted by two individuals once my immediate "supervisor" left and replaced. It was all done so underhandedly, so evilly. It was no doubt a sacituation where I had something they did not have, and they found their "in" and took it from me in a horribly devious manner.
I have had other situations in my life where I have been the object of jealousy. And no, I am not saying I am great or anything. Part of my experience (not all of it) has to do with growing up with a narcissistic (infantile, jealous) mother. I just learned about the adjective "narcissism" a year ago.
My current boss is a nice, fair person, but I have learned to respect boundaries, not get too chummy with her boss, etc. My attempts at being creative or innovative at work have all been met with reluctance and indifference on her part. She is old school, and likes to do things manually, whereas I like to automate things as much as possible so as not to reinvent the wheel and have to rely on my brain every time I do something.
The only solution I can come up with for myself is to bite the bullet and be brave enough to drop the weight. And accept the fact that people may not like it, people may be jealous, people will pick at me at work, I will attract attention, I will be hated, and so on. I know this sounds extreme, but these things may very well happen in certain circumstances.
I just read an article about how CEOs and oher successful people operate. They accept the fact that their secretaries may gossip about them, people may disapprove of them, etc. The more successful or great a person gets, the more negative stuff gets thrown their way. This is the way of the world. Successful people don't dismiss the negative stuff or pretend it doesn't exist, or be in denial about it. They just manage it, deal with it, and accept it exists.
I think this concept will help me in getting it through my head that I can safely drop the weight and whatever negativity it will bring to me - - I can deal with it successfully. The pain is manageable.
I read many supportive posts, but others that were not so supportive. My post is not an easy one to understand. I don't think some people understand it, as they never had the same thoughts, which is fine. I am glad for the supportive notes, as they have buoyed me against the negative reactions.0 -
Yeah, truly no one wants to be overweight. If we were offered a magic pill that would instantly take the fat away, we'd all swallow it, right?If you have trouble losing weight, have you ever just asked yourself WHY you continue to keep the weight on? (For many of us, it's not laziness, etc.)
Does not compute. You can't say you'd take the easy way out if there was one and then claim you aren't lazy.
I think the OP mentioned the 'magic pill' suggesting that perhaps, not everyone would be so quick to take it, or have no regrets. Provocative, seemingly illogical, yes? but based on other posts found in this thread, including my own original one, it might not be so unbelievable as you'd think.0 -
If you're fat:
1. Female friends won't be jealous of you.
2. Men won't make unwanted advances toward you.
3. Your boss won't see you as a threat, and therefore won't be mean to you or try to sabotage you.
4. You won't disappoint people if you get fat, because you're already fat.
5. You'll find out who your real friends are. if they stick with you despite your fatness, they truly like you for who you are.
6. You'll find out if your husband really loves you for who you are or for what you look like.
7. You can skip all the stares, catwhistles and flirtatious gestures you might receive if you were good looking.
8. You can feel satisfied you are not conforming to an unfair and compassionate-less society.
9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.
lol. #4 had me cracking up :laugh:0 -
I wasn't overweight as a child. I wasn't overweight as a teenager. I played sports. I was on the dance team. I liked to dress up. Around seventeen, I began suffering from severe depression and social anxiety. I'm not sure what triggered it, or if it was always latent inside of me. That was when I started putting on weight, and have been heavy and -heavier- ever since. Over the last ten years I've struggled with body issues and self-esteem on top of these mental and emotional problems.
Over that time, I have made some attempts to lose weight, which were successful until I just, stopped. These last few months I've been digging really deep, and I've realized that while most of my weight gain is credited to emotional eating... that in some twisted way, the thought of losing that weight scares me. I've hidden behind my low self-esteem and weight for a long time. What happens when I lose this weight? People might notice me. I might want more out of life, and I might get it. That scares the hell out of me. It's the same reason I don't dress up, I don't do my make-up. That monster inside of me helps me to sabotage myself. It seems crazy, but so do a lot of the things I think.
I don't want to be this way. This isn't who I really am. I wouldn't call this extra weight a 'benefit', but a tool in my attempt to hide from the world. And those are the issues I'm dealing with this time around as I commit to healthy changes in my life, and losing this weight.
You have got it nailed!!! Awesome response.0 -
I agree, this reply is spot on.0
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Yeah, truly no one wants to be overweight. If we were offered a magic pill that would instantly take the fat away, we'd all swallow it, right?
Truly, no, I wouldn't. I got myself into this, I'm responsible for getting myself out of this.
But, that's not the topic, so... I've justified staying fat because I bought a ton of rather expensive clothes, and didn't want to wear them for a seriously short time before they wouldn't fit anymore. Now I own a sewing machine. No more excuses.0 -
Employers typically want healthy employees. Health care costs are one of the major reasons why. However, it is undeniable that competition abounds in the workplace. In some situations, the dynamic between a female and her female boss is unhealthy. It is human nature to be jealous of others who you believe are better in some way than you (better looking, more educated, richer, luckier, etc.).
I am especially sensitive to this dynamic because I have experienced loss as a result of someone in my work organization being jealous of me. The specific incident was several years ago, but it was a traumatic event that still stays with me. This was a part-time, weekend job, but a very important one and one that I had held for a very long time. I was the best at what I did, but I was thwarted by two individuals once my immediate "supervisor" left and replaced. It was all done so underhandedly, so evilly. It was no doubt a sacituation where I had something they did not have, and they found their "in" and took it from me in a horribly devious manner.
I have had other situations in my life where I have been the object of jealousy. And no, I am not saying I am great or anything. Part of my experience (not all of it) has to do with growing up with a narcissistic (infantile, jealous) mother. I just learned about the adjective "narcissism" a year ago.
My current boss is a nice, fair person, but I have learned to respect boundaries, not get too chummy with her boss, etc. My attempts at being creative or innovative at work have all been met with reluctance and indifference on her part. She is old school, and likes to do things manually, whereas I like to automate things as much as possible so as not to reinvent the wheel and have to rely on my brain every time I do something.
The only solution I can come up with for myself is to bite the bullet and be brave enough to drop the weight. And accept the fact that people may not like it, people may be jealous, people will pick at me at work, I will attract attention, I will be hated, and so on. I know this sounds extreme, but these things may very well happen in certain circumstances.
I just read an article about how CEOs and oher successful people operate. They accept the fact that their secretaries may gossip about them, people may disapprove of them, etc. The more successful or great a person gets, the more negative stuff gets thrown their way. This is the way of the world. Successful people don't dismiss the negative stuff or pretend it doesn't exist, or be in denial about it. They just manage it, deal with it, and accept it exists.
I think this concept will help me in getting it through my head that I can safely drop the weight and whatever negativity it will bring to me - - I can deal with it successfully. The pain is manageable.
I read many supportive posts, but others that were not so supportive. My post is not an easy one to understand. I don't think some people understand it, as they never had the same thoughts, which is fine. I am glad for the supportive notes, as they have buoyed me against the negative reactions.
I don't envy your struggles and haven't walked in your shoes but I would strongly encourage you to seek out the help you need and can develop a healthy approach to food, your body and your life.0 -
Thank you. I have tried finding a therapist. I saw one for one session, and another for two sessions. Neither had a clue as to what I was talking about. I do not think my issue is a mainstream issue for people. I was glad to write my post, because it revealed to me that some other people identify with some of what I am saying.
The fact is, so many people struggle on a daily basis , to better themselves, eat healthy, get ahead at work, look good, make more money, etc. So it might be jarring to some people to hear a person say they have been taking action (subconsciously, compulsively) to make themselves WORSE (specifically, fatter, unhealthier, and less attractive).0 -
Thank you. I have tried finding a therapist. I saw one for one session, and another for two sessions. Neither had a clue as to what I was talking about. I do not think my issue is a mainstream issue for people. I was glad to write my post, because it revealed to me that some other people identify with some of what I am saying.
The fact is, so many people struggle on a daily basis , to better themselves, eat healthy, get ahead at work, look good, make more money, etc. So it might be jarring to some people to hear a person say they have been taking action (subconsciously, compulsively) to make themselves WORSE (specifically, fatter, unhealthier, and less attractive).
If you talk to people who have suffered through depression then they will very likely understand. Please keep shopping for a therapist who can help you. They're like any other professional except that the personal "click" is critical. Find one that works for you. I personally found a lot of relief from simply exercising and getting fit. It hits some as a bit strange but it did work for me. However you can find help I wish you luck.0 -
I appreciate your note! Thank you for your support and advice. It is a good reminder for me that exercise can be a powerful antidote to stress, depression and anxiety.0
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They're like any other professional except that the personal "click" is critical. Find one that works for you.
Can say this is completely true. Mine wasn't saying anything different, nothing I hadn't heard before. But I trusted him and I believed him. Finally it just clicked in my head and everything fell into place. Which isn't to say I was "cured", just that I was ready to face it and deal with it in a way that wasn't self-sabotaging. That's the daily struggle.0 -
If you're fat:
1. Female friends won't be jealous of you.
2. Men won't make unwanted advances toward you.
3. Your boss won't see you as a threat, and therefore won't be mean to you or try to sabotage you.
4. You won't disappoint people if you get fat, because you're already fat.
5. You'll find out who your real friends are. if they stick with you despite your fatness, they truly like you for who you are.
6. You'll find out if your husband really loves you for who you are or for what you look like.
7. You can skip all the stares, catwhistles and flirtatious gestures you might receive if you were good looking.
8. You can feel satisfied you are not conforming to an unfair and compassionate-less society.
9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.
actually, these are many reasons i hide behind my fat. Im so afraid of being thin and catching a guy's eye. i didnt used to ahve self control or self worth when i was thin, dont know i will have it if i get thin again0 -
If you're fat:
1. Female friends won't be jealous of you.
2. Men won't make unwanted advances toward you.
3. Your boss won't see you as a threat, and therefore won't be mean to you or try to sabotage you.
4. You won't disappoint people if you get fat, because you're already fat.
5. You'll find out who your real friends are. if they stick with you despite your fatness, they truly like you for who you are.
6. You'll find out if your husband really loves you for who you are or for what you look like.
7. You can skip all the stares, catwhistles and flirtatious gestures you might receive if you were good looking.
8. You can feel satisfied you are not conforming to an unfair and compassionate-less society.
9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.
this reminds me of when someone had some material thing that I really wanted, but managed to convince myself that I was better without it. "i don't need those air jordans to play basketball, they just cost too muchand he still sucks.......except that air jordans are the best basketball shoes ever made, and actually DO help make certain aspects of the game better for nearly every player) kinda like " i would rather be fat and not have to fend off guys who were like hitting on me and stuff".....yeah who the hell wants to be flirted with and feel good about their achievements/body image anyway
when I was a kid and thought this way, I would quietly feel like i was giving up on the inside
Awwww....:frown:
:flowerforyou: 0 -
I appreciate your note! Thank you for your support and advice. It is a good reminder for me that exercise can be a powerful antidote to stress, depression and anxiety.
So can sunshine.:glasses: Not even joking. look it up.0 -
Okay, and not not to be funny, but I know it will seem kinda funny but not to be trite in such an emotional thread, but I am kinda gonna miss the elastic waisted pants. A little. I mean, I already am.0
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I think as a child part of the issue was I was lonely, so I turned to food and books. I always felt like an outcast and like everyone secretly hated me, and food made me feel better. I ate like a pig when I danced, and then in my teens, depression and heightened anxiety set in. I did lose some at WW, but when I quit I gained it back on and I think since then a fear of responsibility has set in. I want to lose the weight and earn a degree and hold down a respectable job, but I'm afraid I can't do it and come up with reasons why it's easier to stay where I am or get worse. I think as much as I want to be independent, I also fear it.
tl;dr I think the eating/weight gain has been a defense mechanism for me and I think the same can be said for a lot of people. There aren't benefits to staying fat, but I think when we're out of our comfort zone or get scared, we make up excuses or reasons why it'd be better/0 -
If you're fat:
1. Female friends won't be jealous of you.
2. Men won't make unwanted advances toward you.
3. Your boss won't see you as a threat, and therefore won't be mean to you or try to sabotage you.
4. You won't disappoint people if you get fat, because you're already fat.
5. You'll find out who your real friends are. if they stick with you despite your fatness, they truly like you for who you are.
6. You'll find out if your husband really loves you for who you are or for what you look like.
7. You can skip all the stares, catwhistles and flirtatious gestures you might receive if you were good looking.
8. You can feel satisfied you are not conforming to an unfair and compassionate-less society.
9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.
YES. Every single one of these hits the social-psychological-pragmatic nail right on the head. Smartly observed, and aptly put. Thank you so much for saying this.0 -
Okay, and not not to be funny, but I know it will seem kinda funny but not to be trite in such an emotional thread, but I am kinda gonna miss the elastic waisted pants. A little. I mean, I already am.
You're in luck! This year it's all elasticized harem/peg leg pants (tapered at the ankle; normal crotch height, unlike the MC Hammer pants we were supposed to wear last year). I love that this is true - so comfortable.
in silk, too
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Just made me laugh - thanks!0
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actually, these are many reasons i hide behind my fat. Im so afraid of being thin and catching a guy's eye. i didnt used to ahve self control or self worth when i was thin, dont know i will have it if i get thin again
This was an issue for me for a long time. Then I realized that I had to beat those demons even when I WAS fat, and I accepted it. Mostly.0 -
bump0
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I believe it's addiction to sugar, salt and fat, advertising and ancestoral/cultural views in relation to body size and portion control.
Foods are so full of sugar, salt and fat and/or additives with all the processed foods and take away options. People lack time and therefore choose easier food options which are full of crap.
Advertising and eating out at restaurants in general serve large portion sizes majority of the time. I used to have the view "if I am paying this much then I am going to eat it all (or doggy bag it to take it home).
Back in the olden days people thought people who were overweight were wealthy & no doubt healthy cuz they were obviously feeding well. Why do grandparents always freak out when they see you've lost weight!
It's easier now to eat whatever the hell you want and not exercise, but it'll be harder in the long run.0 -
I have been fat for a long time in my life, and every time I go to the doc, they always say I am healthy, not one suggests I should lose weight.
You're only 26, the health issues of being overweight haven't caught up with you yet. Remain fat and your story will change. My hubby is obese and always used the same reasoning. Our doctor still doesn't tell him to lose weight, just treats all his issues. At 57 he has high BP, is pre diabetic, has trouble breathing and has to use a CPAP to sleep, wears a knee brace because his joints can't support him anymore and is just generally not healthy.
First, I would like to clarify that I understand what the OP is saying. It is interesting to see how harsh folks are about this. If they feel they had a weight issue because they are lazy and ignorant, good for them. They found their problem and apparently fixed it. It's funny that reading the "this is bs...fat people are just lazy and stupid" they all sound so angry. So, obviously no emotional issues there. (this is sarcasm.....I see some have a hard time seeing the intent behind the words, so I'll just point it out in case someone didn't get it.)
But, what I really wanted to respond to is the post above.
Regarding the post above, I agree. My husband smokes. When he goes to the doctor the doctor tells him he is healthy and in good shape. Marvelous. We all know he will more than likely get lung cancer or have a hard attack or live the later years of his life with emphysema (sp?....oh, wait, that's the fat girl being too lazy to use a dictionary...how appropriate.). ANYWAY, my husband knows this, his doctor knows this, I know this. But, today, he is healthy as determined by his stats. The doc doesn't talk to him about the dangers of smoking. They have had the discussion in the past, how many times do you need to have it. I am obese. I see my doctor once a year. We don't talk about the hazards of being overweight. My blood tests are good, my yearly's are fine. My aches and pains can be attributed to my age and certainly losing weight might alleviate some. What is there to discuss.
Basically, the point is, by the time your doctor actually treats you for obesity related issues....it's probably too late. Don't be in denial. Yes, many of the diseases are related to other issues....example: diabetes is related to glucose/insulin/sugar issues and the correlation with weight would be that fat people don't eat healthy so of course they get diabetes......And if the fat people ate a non-diabetic, healthy diet, then we wouldn't be fat. Is that the chicken or the egg? Who cares. Even if that weren't true, the weight exacerbates the problem. It strains your body and your organs. You can be fat and healthy. But, for how long?
IMO, I think fat is unhealthy. I am fortunate that I haven't gotten sick or had any medical issues. However, I'm in my 40's. I am quite certain that if I continue the way I am and don't do something about it then my 50's or 60's I will probably not be so lucky.
I'd like to add that I'm not trying to be critical or attack. Be happy that you are healthy, that's wonderful. Just know that being overweight doesn't tend to lead to longevity or continued health. It tends to lead to issues farther down the line.0 -
First, I would like to clarify that I understand what the OP is saying. It is interesting to see how harsh folks are about this. If they feel they had a weight issue because they are lazy and ignorant, good for them. They found their problem and apparently fixed it. It's funny that reading the "this is bs...fat people are just lazy and stupid" they all sound so angry. So, obviously no emotional issues there. (this is sarcasm.....I see some have a hard time seeing the intent behind the words, so I'll just point it out in case someone didn't get it.)
But, what I really wanted to respond to is the post above.
Regarding the post above, I agree. My husband smokes. When he goes to the doctor the doctor tells him he is healthy and in good shape. Marvelous. We all know he will more than likely get lung cancer or have a hard attack or live the later years of his life with emphysema (sp?....oh, wait, that's the fat girl being too lazy to use a dictionary...how appropriate.). ANYWAY, my husband knows this, his doctor knows this, I know this. But, today, he is healthy as determined by his stats. The doc doesn't talk to him about the dangers of smoking. They have had the discussion in the past, how many times do you need to have it. I am obese. I see my doctor once a year. We don't talk about the hazards of being overweight. My blood tests are good, my yearly's are fine. My aches and pains can be attributed to my age and certainly losing weight might alleviate some. What is there to discuss.
Basically, the point is, by the time your doctor actually treats you for obesity related issues....it's probably too late. Don't be in denial. Yes, many of the diseases are related to other issues....example: diabetes is related to glucose/insulin/sugar issues and the correlation with weight would be that fat people don't eat healthy so of course they get diabetes......And if the fat people ate a non-diabetic, healthy diet, then we wouldn't be fat. Is that the chicken or the egg? Who cares. Even if that weren't true, the weight exacerbates the problem. It strains your body and your organs. You can be fat and healthy. But, for how long?
IMO, I think fat is unhealthy. I am fortunate that I haven't gotten sick or had any medical issues. However, I'm in my 40's. I am quite certain that if I continue the way I am and don't do something about it then my 50's or 60's I will probably not be so lucky.
I'd like to add that I'm not trying to be critical or attack. Be happy that you are healthy, that's wonderful. Just know that being overweight doesn't tend to lead to longevity or continued health. It tends to lead to issues farther down the line.
^This0 -
For me, being fat has insulated me from the world. Now that I can better cope with the ups and downs of life, I don't need the insulation.
Exactly. You are right, there are psychological reasons why many people put on weight and keep it on. One of my closest friends was always really thin until she got to 20 and was raped. After that she piled on the pounds and she has no interest in losing them. I think she feels 'safer' now that she's big. She feels protected by the fact that she is fat.
Now I'm not saying everyone who puts on weight has psychological problems but in a lot of chronic cases were people have been obese for years and just keep on getting bigger, there is usually an underlying reason... something that needs to be accepted and dealt with... whether it be emotional pain/trauma, bad habits formed in childhood, low self esteem....
I think weight loss for a lot of people is more than just a physical thing.... there are mental demons/attitudes and beliefs that need to be shed along with the fat... and sometimes they are harder to overcome
This was me. My father forged an inappropriate relationship with me at a young age. When I was nine I started eating everything. My grandpa called me hollow leg. My mom wasn't fat, so I thought it would help me if I was. It didn't. At 11 I finally saved up enough money to leave home, then got caught. I was already over 120 pounds at 11. I continued to pile on the pounds. At 16 I got married to get out of my father's house and I was already 189 pounds and a size 16.
The one thing I promised myself is that I would be a much better parent to my kids than my parents were to me. Then, when I was ready to start conceiving in March 2012, I was told that I had PCOS and had to drop 50 pounds to conceive. That was when I realized that my weight and my decisions were the only things still hurting me.0
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