I Want to Stay Fat

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Replies

  • Joanitude
    Joanitude Posts: 171 Member
    I recently concluded that I must WANT to stay fat. Otherwise, I would be thin, right?
    It is a shame that too many people just reacted to the provocative title, instead of thinking through the post. People (in general) do not do things that don't give them some type of reward. Part of the challenge is figuring out what the payoff is for me being fat. Once I get a handle on that, then I can address the real issues. Pretty much the same process I used with cigarettes too. I had to find the payoff before I could address my specific reasons for smoking, and successfully quit.

    A while back I came across a post about addressing another part of this inner process: Identity. I put it on my blog here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Joanitude/view/identity-crisis-467054
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
    if there was a psychological aspect to it, avoidance might have been part of the experience*, but that sort of happened after i gained weight (bc of meds), can't say it was a motivator to gain.

    i think most of my problem was just ignorance about good health habits and unconscious eating (not attending to portions, nutrional content, etc - just eating what i felt like eating). i'm really glad things like mfp exist, and that it's more possible now than before to get good information.

    because the ways to lose weight before were either: the food guide (not inspiring or really useful in terms of adapting principles to individual lifestyles) or gimmicks. Even weight watchers, which is more or less ok, is a gimmick with its points, because it skims over the actual information needed to be a conscious consumer. Never mind those crazy 'eat nothing but soup' diets.

    *not even sure of that. I did 'hide' some, but, part of that was because i felt like crap all the time, because i was eating crap and not exercising. vicious circle, but mostly i think related to habit, not some deep desire to self sabotage.
  • MsPudding
    MsPudding Posts: 562 Member
    Being fat can stop you from being able to have children, oh but that might be a good thing, since you probably don't want them anyway.

    You will have no self esteem. Your health will suffer so you will die young. You will have no social life. Your husband is probably going to stop having sex with you and start having sex with someone else. (unless of course you are killing him by making him fat too)

    So if you're fat you have no self-esteem, no social life and your husband/partner is going to stop having sex with you and cheat? A bit of a generalisation don't you think?

    Being fat will cause health issues. Full stop. That is the primary reason for losing weight. Anything other than that is down to the individual and their reasons. I'm fat and I have self-esteem, I also have a social life (is that allowed?) and I have a partner who finds me as sexy as all hell the way I am right now, but also supports me in losing weight. The single reason I want to lose weight is to improve health.

    Sorry, but fat != introverted, loveless hermit.
  • PrimalSiren
    PrimalSiren Posts: 144
    I don't understand this type of thinking. My mom uses this excuse a lot, "I won't be successful at losing weight until I find the payoff for staying fat." I call BS!! Are you really sitting there, stuffing your face with doughnuts, thinking how much you love eating them because they keep you from being raped? Are you eating crap food and telling yourself, "I'm going to see how much my husband REALLY loves me!" C'mon this is just another excuse to cover up the real reason people over eat. Food tastes good, it makes you feel good when you eat it, you have no self control, you're lazy and changing habits is hard, etc. you're kidding yourself if you think people aren't paying attention to you, they look at you just as much if not more than the average person because your bigger size makes you stand out.

    I used to do the same thing because I didn't want to take responsibility for my weight gain. Then I grew up and recognized the fact that it was 100% my fault and excusing the reason behind it with another stupid reason was getting me nowhere. I lost all the weight and I love the positive attention I get. I'm super shy, but looking good has helped a ton with my confidence.
  • SurfyFriend
    SurfyFriend Posts: 376 Member
    I think the standard American diet causes weight gain, whether you want it to or not, unless you count your calories.
  • BigBrunette
    BigBrunette Posts: 1,543 Member
    I think this is a really interesting topic. And I wonder if some people are misinterpreting the OP, especially her list of "benefits" to being fat. I don't think she means those are valid reasons for being fat; I think she means those are the ways some of us fool ourselves into getting and staying fat. Those "benefits" make it psychologically more comfortable for us to be unhealthy. Just speaking from personal experience.
  • jenn26point2
    jenn26point2 Posts: 441 Member
    I don't understand this type of thinking. My mom uses this excuse a lot, "I won't be successful at losing weight until I find the payoff for staying fat." I call BS!! Are you really sitting there, stuffing your face with doughnuts, thinking how much you love eating them because they keep you from being raped? Are you eating crap food and telling yourself, "I'm going to see how much my husband REALLY loves me!" C'mon this is just another excuse to cover up the real reason people over eat. Food tastes good, it makes you feel good when you eat it, you have no self control, you're lazy and changing habits is hard, etc. you're kidding yourself if you think people aren't paying attention to you, they look at you just as much if not more than the average person because your bigger size makes you stand out.

    I used to do the same thing because I didn't want to take responsibility for my weight gain. Then I grew up and recognized the fact that it was 100% my fault and excusing the reason behind it with another stupid reason was getting me nowhere. I lost all the weight and I love the positive attention I get. I'm super shy, but looking good has helped a ton with my confidence.

    well said.
  • RoadsterGirlie
    RoadsterGirlie Posts: 1,195 Member
    If you're fat:
    1. Female friends won't be jealous of you.
    2. Men won't make unwanted advances toward you.
    3. Your boss won't see you as a threat, and therefore won't be mean to you or try to sabotage you.
    4. You won't disappoint people if you get fat, because you're already fat.
    5. You'll find out who your real friends are. if they stick with you despite your fatness, they truly like you for who you are.
    6. You'll find out if your husband really loves you for who you are or for what you look like.
    7. You can skip all the stares, catwhistles and flirtatious gestures you might receive if you were good looking.
    8. You can feel satisfied you are not conforming to an unfair and compassionate-less society.
    9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.

    Here are my responses to each of this. I hope you are kidding, btw.

    1. They may not be jealous of you, but it is possible they may make fun of you behind your back
    2.True, and you may also miss out on a great relationship.
    3. You may never get hired in the first place.
    4. Those people are probably already disappointed in you.
    5. Genuine people will like you thin or fat. Why not be thin.
    6. See number 2.
    7. See number 2.
    8. See number 3.
    9. You may not be able to outrun said rapist.
  • RunningRichelle
    RunningRichelle Posts: 346 Member
    I recently concluded that I must WANT to stay fat. Otherwise, I would be thin, right?

    Yeah, truly no one wants to be overweight. If we were offered a magic pill that would instantly take the fat away, we'd all swallow it, right?

    But there must have been some motivation for me to transform myself in to a whale - beyond just liking ice cream too much.

    Being fat has some benefits (warped though they are) for people. Hard to admit. It's almost taboo to admit.

    If you have trouble losing weight, have you ever just asked yourself WHY you continue to keep the weight on? (For many of us, it's not laziness, etc.) What is the answer?

    I've heard Jillian M talk about this. Her theory is that the weight affords the person something. For example, a guy may stay overweight because when he starts to lose the weight, his mother, also overweight, distances herself from him. So the weight in that case affords the guy an easier, closer relationship with his mom. She also talks about how in being overweight, we wear our dysfunction on our sleeves, and it's out there for everyone to see, where a person who isn't overweight but still dysfunctional may be doing other unhealthy, destructive things to themselves.

    Interesting discussion topic, thanks for the post.
  • Easy, I'll start swimming again when I loose 20lbs, I'll start running again when I loose 20 lbs, I'll buy new clothes when I loose weight, I will feel better about myself and happier when I loose weight (so its ok to feel bad/sad now)...If I weren't fat I'd be someone, have a great career, everyone would love me (and thats why I am still a no-one, but I have potential)...hanging onto the fat is just denial in the face of reality, and the biggest excuse to be lazy ever...drop it before it drops you
  • wild_wild_life
    wild_wild_life Posts: 1,352 Member
    I have been thinking of sharing my (whole) story on the forums for some time, and reading this thread prompted me to "let it all out." LOL

    This is why I got fat:

    When I was 12, a family friend began molesting me. It was a difficult time in my family. I lost both of my grandfathers within 6 months of each other. My parents were grieving the loss of their fathers and trying to help my now widowed grandmothers cope. So they were preoccupied and not paying too much attention to what was really happening. My molester was actually a good friend of both my grandfathers and about the same age. My parents just viewed it as him stepping in to fill the "grandfather" gap in my life. Little did they know......

    Anyway, I remember consciously thinking that if I got fat, my molester would no longer be attracted to me. (I was 12, and this seemed logical to my 12-year-old brain.) So I started bingeing. And behold! I found comfort in that food. It took the edge off of all the pain and confusion I was feeling. I literally used food to stuff my feelings. But even though I was gaining weight at an alarming rate, my molester did not leave me alone. In fact, the abuse went on for another 4 years.

    At some point, when I was around 14 I think, I finally told my parents what was happening. They did not believe me. There was no way their good friend and now father figure to them could be doing the things I claimed he was doing. (We have since had numerous conversations about all of this, and I've forgiven my parents.)

    My weight gain did have a positive side effect. Because of all the difficult and painful things that were happening in my life, I did not want any attention from boys (or men for that matter). I viewed any attention as suspect. Will he do the same things to me as my molester was doing? Will he use me? Will he hurt me? Will he take advantage of my vulnerability? So I became used to hiding myself under a layer a fat. It was my protection. It was my comfort.

    I'm 47 years old, and I'm STILL struggling with this. As I've lost weight, people have noticed. It is extremely uncomfortable. When someone says something about my weight loss or how great I'm looking, I get very emotional. "Wait....you are looking my body? You noticed that? OMG! Alert! Alert! Danger!!" Even if the comment comes from a female, it is still very alarming to me.

    This is probably why I am still single at 47. If a man shows the slightest bit of interest in me, I become suspicious and distrustful. I've been through a lot of counseling, and this is the one area that I still struggle to get over.

    I'm sharing my story to illustrate that "letting yourself get fat" can often have a whole psychological component that can be more difficult to overcome than actually losing weight. I still struggle. Since the age of 12, food was my drug of choice. It is the thing that I instantly crave when I'm in pain, scared, stressed out, worried, anxious, angry. If I'm feeling exposed or vulnerable, I have to fight the urge not to "cover myself" with a food binge.

    There was a point in my life where I actually did chose to stay fat. Consciously. I did not want the attention of anyone, particularly men. So I understand the OP's post. Totally.

    Thank you for your post. :flowerforyou:

    I also understand where the OP is coming from. And for me, the key word is 'stay'. It's comfortable to stay the same 'you' you think you are. It's scary to change.

    For those trying to 'disprove' the OP's point, this is not a question of right or wrong. You can't logically prove that someone shouldn't feel the way they do. Let's support each other, or move along.
  • MsPudding
    MsPudding Posts: 562 Member
    Here are my responses to each of this. I hope you are kidding, btw.

    The op isn't kidding - the op is talking about perceived benefits i.e. the subconscious (and sometimes even conscious) things some people to do remain fat that are a result of psychological issues. And if you read the thread you'll see at least two people who did this to themselves as a result of trauma.
    1. They may not be jealous of you, but it is possible they may make fun of you behind your back
    2.True, and you may also miss out on a great relationship.
    3. You may never get hired in the first place.
    4. Those people are probably already disappointed in you.
    5. Genuine people will like you thin or fat. Why not be thin.

    For #1, see #5 - real friends don't laugh at you behind your back.
    #2 - shy, thin people may also miss out on great relationships. Generally, attracting people in the first instance is about being out-going and confident.
    #3 - the only reason for not hiring someone who's fat is if their weight physically prevents them from doing the job; not hiring them otherwise based on size prejudice is bogus, illegal and given that the majority of boardrooms are filled with overweight, middle-aged men, also ludicrous.
    #4 - I can't imagine that any family member who actually gives a damn about you would be disappointed in you purely based on weight. Concerned, yes. Disappointed, no.
  • strivingfor130
    strivingfor130 Posts: 221 Member
    I also think a lot of people misinterpreted the point of the OP. Whenever we do something we do it for a reason; there's always some sort of pay off. Whether I eat 5 doughnuts because I am hungry, like the taste, or feeding myself emotionally, I'm eating them for a purpose. Sure, there are LOTS of reasons people are fat, but sometimes people have some psychological reasons. Yes, the reasons listed earlier in the post may seem crazy or out right ridiculous but there are people out there that have these types of thoughts. These thoughts can be sabotaging whenever someone actually tries to lose weight. Hey, look at this way...we all got this way for a reason. There was SOME pay off for overeating and not exercising. Think of it this way....a person with Anorexia doesn't want to look extremely sick, they just want to be thin. But is it usually about the food and being thin? No. Most of the time it is about having a sense of control when nothing else in their life is controllable...way deeper than just eating 500 calories a day.

    Does it all matter? Maybe. For some people finding out their dysfunctional thoughts about being overweight helps to create more healthy and rational thoughts which in turn allows them to not self sabotage when trying to lose weight. For others, they may just need to change their behaviors regarding food and exercise.
  • LexiAtel
    LexiAtel Posts: 228 Member
    If you're fat:
    1. Female friends won't be jealous of you.
    2. Men won't make unwanted advances toward you.
    3. Your boss won't see you as a threat, and therefore won't be mean to you or try to sabotage you.
    4. You won't disappoint people if you get fat, because you're already fat.
    5. You'll find out who your real friends are. if they stick with you despite your fatness, they truly like you for who you are.
    6. You'll find out if your husband really loves you for who you are or for what you look like.
    7. You can skip all the stares, catwhistles and flirtatious gestures you might receive if you were good looking.
    8. You can feel satisfied you are not conforming to an unfair and compassionate-less society.
    9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.

    10. Skinny people actually pay more for their clothing!
    11. Should SITF, you will be the last one to starve to death.
    12. Skinny people die too, no matter how healthy you are.
    13. It's much more fun being fat, you can eat all you want, with no worries.


    No sarcasm..

    As far as this goes:
    There are no benefits to being fat. You are going to spend many years in the hospital if you choose this path.
    I have been fat for a long time in my life, and every time I go to the doc, they always say I am healthy, not one suggests I should lose weight.

    There was a man, and he jogged everyday, but in his mid 40s he died of a heart attack. He was in shape, had a proper diet, and if I remember right, he was actually some kind of spokesman FOR joggers or dieters.

    My point is, we all gonna die, and I really don't want to live forever. I don't mind being overweight, I just don't want to be a 400lb 35 year old woman is all, lol.

    If you ask ME, I think a lot of health issues with fat people is what they eat and HOW much they eat. Many of the obese people tend to have diabetic issues or borderline, but AMAZINGLY, if they cut out a lot of the junk by even HALF, their problems cease. SO no, it's not being FAT that causes these health concerns, it's what you EAT, and how much of it! Granted most people get fat because of what they eat, but if you go to the doc one day, and don't have any fast food or a soda right before the appointment, your blood sugars and possibly blood pressure will be just fine, and the doc wont say a word about it.

    Have a Dr. Pepper on the way to the appointment though, and you'll get a red flag, even if you're skinny. This generation has used "diabetes" too frequently and often anymore. You don't have diabetes cause you're fat, you don't get diabetes because you're fat. Diabetes is a serious problem, and some people can have it early on, and a lot of people who have TRUE diabetes are actually skinny.

    The ONLY reason you're borderline diabetic from "FAT" is because you overworked your poor organs and they are becoming weak from it. That's why many people have issues with their heart, liver, and everything. Some of these problems are genetic though, and there's nothing you can do about it. There should be a different term for this, because people are using "diabetes" as an excuse to being fat.
  • JanaCanada
    JanaCanada Posts: 917 Member
    If you're fat:
    1. Female friends won't be jealous of you.
    HAHAHHAHAHA really ?
    2. Men won't make unwanted advances toward you.
    So they will only make wanted advances at you ? Haha this is not a problem for fat women its a problem for fat women without confidence or social skills... there is a guy for every girl
    3. Your boss won't see you as a threat, and therefore won't be mean to you or try to sabotage you.
    Really I see quite the opposite happening at my work
    4. You won't disappoint people if you get fat, because you're already fat.
    But you sure will disappoint people when you die young due to heart disease or diabetes.
    5. You'll find out who your real friends are. if they stick with you despite your fatness, they truly like you for who you are.
    Or they keep you around because your fat and not a threat.... See number 1 and 2 of your points.
    6. You'll find out if your husband really loves you for who you are or for what you look like.
    Or he will just leave you for a skinnier woman, when your medical bills get to high
    7. You can skip all the stares, catwhistles and flirtatious gestures you might receive if you were good looking.
    See response to 1
    8. You can feel satisfied you are not conforming to an unfair and compassionate-less society.
    How is being healthy conforming to any thing but the longevity of your life ?
    9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.
    Oh I hope you are like 18 or something.... Because this sounds like a comment from a very young person...
    Rape choice has nothing to do with size or the look of a woman, people are sick, they do it for control

    Exactly. :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:
  • helloayo
    helloayo Posts: 4 Member
    And BTW who wouldn't want a man hittin on you and catcalling atchu cause you look good?
    i know i wouldn't be complaining.

    I agree with most of what you said except wanting men catcalling at you. I am at my highest weight ever and I still get leered at, catcalled, and inappropriately hit on by men. I've even been followed. I do not like any of it. It makes me feel unsafe. I understand how having a layer of fat to "protect" you would be desirable, but ultimately it doesn't help.

    I know that men can approach women without making them feel objectified, so catcalling and the like is not ok IMO.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,142 Member
    very interesting topic. I know I am dealing a lot more now that I am not overeating but it is easier to overeat than take a pencil and paper and solve a problem and have the courage to solve it when it means confronting or changing my ways and saying NO to people.

    I can not feel any pain if I eat. It is like medication and let people talk or treat me anyway. It started a long time ago with abusive parents. Eating felt good when you don't know how to solve problems.

    Like an alcoholic, drinking gives them relief for a while just like food does to me. I am now looking at long range consequences of my eating. It is easier to eat than do the work of getting friends. I have had to realize I am worth taking care of and watch what I eat. I am worth finding friends to help me. It takes a lot of strength to change. Staying fat is easier, not taking care of yourself is easier at first then it catches up with you! Then long range consequences take over, not fitting in clothes, people disrespecting you, dr visits, etc. yes, I understand the OP wanting to stay fat, it is hard to change and put the work in and do different but we have to for long range consequences.
  • helloayo
    helloayo Posts: 4 Member
    And BTW who wouldn't want a man hittin on you and catcalling atchu cause you look good?
    i know i wouldn't be complaining.

    I agree with most of what you said except wanting men catcalling at you. I am at my highest weight ever and I still get leered at, catcalled, and inappropriately hit on by men. I've even been followed. I do not like any of it. It makes me feel unsafe. I understand how having a layer of fat to "protect" you would be desirable, but ultimately it doesn't help.

    I know that men can approach women without making them feel objectified, so catcalling and the like is not ok IMO.
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
    I recently concluded that I must WANT to stay fat. Otherwise, I would be thin, right?

    Yeah, truly no one wants to be overweight. If we were offered a magic pill that would instantly take the fat away, we'd all swallow it, right?

    But there must have been some motivation for me to transform myself in to a whale - beyond just liking ice cream too much.

    Being fat has some benefits (warped though they are) for people. Hard to admit. It's almost taboo to admit.

    If you have trouble losing weight, have you ever just asked yourself WHY you continue to keep the weight on? (For many of us, it's not laziness, etc.) What is the answer?

    for 99% of people, it boils down to lack of accurate scientific information on how to actually lose the weight they want to lose.

    if you understand how to do it, then liking food too much or lack of willpower just become silly excuses. even a small daily deficit over a long period of time can result in a dramatic overall weight loss.
  • tk2007
    tk2007 Posts: 38 Member
    I can't see the benefit for myself. When I got fat, all my male friends butted me out of all social activities with them, and I hated going shopping with my female friends because they always liked trying on clothes I could never fit myself into without looking like a cow. I couldn't travel around without getting tired and I hated stairs (the university I was at at the time had ONLY stairs at most buildings). It had no benefit. My self esteem was already crushed and having a layer of fat only made it worse.

    I'm glad I lost the fat. I plan to keep it off.