I Want to Stay Fat

245678

Replies

  • ereach4731
    ereach4731 Posts: 41 Member
    If you are spiritual/religious or just plain open-minded, I suggest reading the following books so that you can answer your own question yourself, from within instead of trying to apply other people's opinions/lifestyles to your life.

    Women, Food, God - Geneen Roth
    A Course in Weight loss - Mariann WIlliamson
  • Normally I don't address issues like this, but I am this time. To the person who listed all the benefits of being fat. Here is one benefit you haven't listed: health problems such as hypertension, diabetes, cancer and heart attack. So you need to add that to your list.
  • OspreyVista
    OspreyVista Posts: 464 Member
    no benefits

    ^ this. I can not see a single benefit to staying fat. I've gotten to where I'm happy to be at,and I feel SO much better, physically and mentally. I can accomplish way more things than I used to be able to, and I'm way more confident in myself. Plenty of other benefits of losing the weight, I could go on and on. But I have not a single benefit that I can think of for staying fat. Sounds like it's just an excuse that is made to oneself in order to try and be happy with the fat. Losing weight is HARD. It's tough, and it can be upsetting when you don't see results. However, when you push through it and finally get to where you want to be at, it feels absolutely amazing.
  • gimpygramma
    gimpygramma Posts: 383 Member
    Because of my age (a month off 69) I can see a long term pattern in my weight gains. I am usually quite slim but at times in my life when I have been under a lot of pressure I have gained weight...usually about 20lbs. It is easy to put it down to stress eating but I think what I am really trying to do is acquire broad shoulders. I say this because when I am at a good weight (middle of the healthy BMI range) I am often bothered by the fact that I feel "small". I am 5'4" and weigh 120 lbs but I'd really like to be 5'7" or 5'8" with a weight to match. Even as a kid I always wanted to be bigger. I can't change my height but when I look back I can see that at times in my life when I needed more heft, I gained weight...not enough to be incapacitating in anyway but enough to make me feel bigger.
  • Inshape13
    Inshape13 Posts: 681 Member
    9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.

    :huh: :noway:

    I hope this was meant to be funny (epic fail), because women are not raped for what they look like....and regardless of weight, any woman can be forced into a car or physically moved at gunpoint/knifepoint.

    I can give an honest reply to this coming from being raped and gaining weight after that.....no this is not meant to be funny, it is reality to probably alot of people. There is no logic to the feelings that if you are thin that you could attract attention more easily than if you were fat and that you feel like more of a "target". It is not sensible to feel uneasy at all times and to have panic attacks.....it just is reality for people who survive it. You can tell yourself a million times that you could still be a victim due to physical means of kidnapping and such, but it still feels less of a threat if you are not as "desirable." It is what it is.
  • Missjulesdid
    Missjulesdid Posts: 1,444 Member
    9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.

    :huh: :noway:

    I hope this was meant to be funny (epic fail), because women are not raped for what they look like....and regardless of weight, any woman can be forced into a car or physically moved at gunpoint/knifepoint.

    Yes women of all sizes and ages are sexually assaulted but women who have put on weight often feel safer. I had a good friend who while losing weight had to stop losing and go to a psychologist to deal with her previous assault. She said that being fat helped her feel protected.. and it made her feel like it would be more difficult for someone to attack her again because she'd have more weight to throw around when defending herself..Then there is the whole psychological aspect of not feeling like as likely of a target, but her main concern was that the fat would physically protect her.
  • Saratini76
    Saratini76 Posts: 115 Member
    Oh, believe me....my "monster" inside me tells me this ALL the TIME! I have a food addiction. I don't truly want to be fat, but sometimes my brain says "it's easier", "it's cheaper", "You NEED to eat".

    OP, I think that a lot of people misunderstood this post, or maybe I have, but I feel like I should say this. I have given up so many times in the past because it was just too hard, or I plateaued, or stress and anxiety was eating me from the inside out. If you need to talk, just message me. I have (am) been there.

    Sara
    :brokenheart:
  • dennymau
    dennymau Posts: 118 Member
    Homey_zps733e78ec.gif
  • grimendale
    grimendale Posts: 2,194 Member
    If you have trouble losing weight, have you ever just asked yourself WHY you continue to keep the weight on? (For many of us, it's not laziness, etc.) What is the answer?

    Fear. Fear that you'll try and you'll fail. Fear that you'll succeed and it won't be everything you imagined. Fear that you'll lose the weight and it won't solve all of the problems you had hoped it will. Fear that you're not good enough, not attractive enough, not deserving enough. And it's far easier to give in to the fear and hide behind that protective layer of fat than to confront the fear.

    I'm destined to be fat, so it's not my fault if I can't lose the weight. Only a lucky few are skinny, and I'm not one of them - it's not my fault: it's genetics, it's society, it's my family, my spouse, my job. Excuses are easy and comforting. Admitting that your weight is something you have done to yourself is hard. I took the easy way out for years. I let the fat define me; it controlled what I ate, what I did, what I wore, where I went (and more importantly, where I didn't).

    You don't want to stay fat, you're afraid of what might happen if you try to not be. You know it's not healthy, but those health problems are in the future. They're someone else's problem, not yours, here and now. It's easier to push those problems down the road, leave them for future you to handle. But here's the problem: once those health problems do arise, once you can't hide anymore, future you is going to be awfully pissed at present you for not handling this now. You'll sit in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines, getting blood tests for the hundredth time to figure out what's wrong this time, and you'll wonder why you didn't take those simple steps when you had the chance. Was not having to worry about whether someone was jealous of you, of worrying that someone might find you attractive, that someone might say something inappropriate to you really worth the pain of all of the health problems associated with obesity? Do you really believe that overweight women never get assaulted? Do you really believe that simply being fat makes you not a threat to your boss (who may be overweight themselves)? Is testing your r spouse really worth the years you're not going to get to spend together?

    I'm done being afraid. If I stumble, if I fall, if I fail, I will do so knowing that I fell in the pursuit of a better, healthier, happier me. And then, I'll pick myself up and I'll keep moving toward that goal. Food is not my enemy, fat is not even my enemy. Fear is. And I will face that fear, and I will conquer it. I recommend that you do the same.
  • Duck_Puddle
    Duck_Puddle Posts: 3,227 Member
    If you're fat:
    1. Female friends won't be jealous of you.
    2. Men won't make unwanted advances toward you.
    3. Your boss won't see you as a threat, and therefore won't be mean to you or try to sabotage you.
    4. You won't disappoint people if you get fat, because you're already fat.
    5. You'll find out who your real friends are. if they stick with you despite your fatness, they truly like you for who you are.
    6. You'll find out if your husband really loves you for who you are or for what you look like.
    7. You can skip all the stares, catwhistles and flirtatious gestures you might receive if you were good looking.
    8. You can feel satisfied you are not conforming to an unfair and compassionate-less society.
    9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.

    Every one of these is utter and complete bullsh!t. If these are what you consider to be the "benefits" of being fat, then you are deluding yourself and placing an inordinate (and unwarranted) emphasis on your appearance.

    I think the root of the reason people stay overweight is due to either lack of knowledge (thinking they are eating less than/better than they are and think they are burning far more calories than they really are), or a host of psychological issues (using food for comfort/to fill a void/to have "control"/etc.). I think the reason many people fail at losing weight is because of unreasonable expectations (in terms of what is necessary, how long it will take, etc), setting up extremist behaviors that are impossible to maintain (eating a cookie means you "blew it", gotta go to the gym 4 hrs a day, can't eat more than 1000 calories ever) and failing to address the psychological issues involved.

    That's my .02.
  • Tiff050709
    Tiff050709 Posts: 497 Member
    I wasn't overweight as a child. I wasn't overweight as a teenager. I played sports. I was on the dance team. I liked to dress up. Around seventeen, I began suffering from severe depression and social anxiety. I'm not sure what triggered it, or if it was always latent inside of me. That was when I started putting on weight, and have been heavy and -heavier- ever since. Over the last ten years I've struggled with body issues and self-esteem on top of these mental and emotional problems.

    Over that time, I have made some attempts to lose weight, which were successful until I just, stopped. These last few months I've been digging really deep, and I've realized that while most of my weight gain is credited to emotional eating... that in some twisted way, the thought of losing that weight scares me. I've hidden behind my low self-esteem and weight for a long time. What happens when I lose this weight? People might notice me. I might want more out of life, and I might get it. That scares the hell out of me. It's the same reason I don't dress up, I don't do my make-up. That monster inside of me helps me to sabotage myself. It seems crazy, but so do a lot of the things I think.

    I don't want to be this way. This isn't who I really am. I wouldn't call this extra weight a 'benefit', but a tool in my attempt to hide from the world. And those are the issues I'm dealing with this time around as I commit to healthy changes in my life, and losing this weight.

    This sounds a lot like me. I was never overweight, I played soccer and was on the swim team in high school. I was in the military. But I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety and just started putting on weight. I guess I always thought it was easier to eat and hide than to deal with what was going on with me. Now I am finally ready to deal with things and take my life back.
  • DaniH826
    DaniH826 Posts: 1,337 Member
    I get exactly what the OP is saying.

    Human beings are masters at tricking ourselves into justifying anything we want to.

    Everyone's body weight is what it is for a whole bunch of reasons. It's never black and white and it's never simplistic. Certainly the physics are as simple as calories in/calories out, but people are not just physical beings. We act with our emotions, too. So many factors affect our decision-making process. So many layers that come into play.

    Good on you for getting honest with yourself about what is actually happening inside your head. Now you can begin to address it. All the best to you. :flowerforyou:

    And anybody mocking the statements she made by way of her personal justification list ... I bet that you, too, have a nonsensical justification list that applies other areas of your life. Everybody does. So be careful who you judge.
  • gimpygramma
    gimpygramma Posts: 383 Member
    Obesity levels are unusually high among women who have been sexually abused. The fat, I have read, is a shield of sorts.
    An old book on this subject is called, "Fat is a Feminist Issue." by Susie Orbach. It deals with the unconscious reasons that make many women reluctant to lose those excess pounds.
  • nicoledfinn
    nicoledfinn Posts: 40 Member
    In the past i have found that i get to a certain weight, and then end up sabotaging it, by eating and eating and eating, till im back to square one and think i must actually want to be fat for some reason, of course thats not true but why would i do that! part of it could be due to the fact that i didnt believe i could be thin and instead of being dissapointed i would get fat again, i really dont know but since i have seen the success stories on here i know and beieve it is possible, i am nearing my "danger weight" now, so i guess i will have to see what happens when i reach it and hopefully when i get below it, i can keep on going! I
  • Cold_Steel
    Cold_Steel Posts: 901 Member
    If you're fat:
    1. Female friends won't be jealous of you.
    HAHAHHAHAHA really ?
    2. Men won't make unwanted advances toward you.
    So they will only make wanted advances at you ? Haha this is not a problem for fat women its a problem for fat women without confidence or social skills... there is a guy for every girl
    3. Your boss won't see you as a threat, and therefore won't be mean to you or try to sabotage you.
    Really I see quite the opposite happening at my work
    4. You won't disappoint people if you get fat, because you're already fat.
    But you sure will disappoint people when you die young due to heart disease or diabetes.
    5. You'll find out who your real friends are. if they stick with you despite your fatness, they truly like you for who you are.
    Or they keep you around because your fat and not a threat.... See number 1 and 2 of your points.
    6. You'll find out if your husband really loves you for who you are or for what you look like.
    Or he will just leave you for a skinnier woman, when your medical bills get to high
    7. You can skip all the stares, catwhistles and flirtatious gestures you might receive if you were good looking.
    See response to 1
    8. You can feel satisfied you are not conforming to an unfair and compassionate-less society.
    How is being healthy conforming to any thing but the longevity of your life ?
    9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.
    Oh I hope you are like 18 or something.... Because this sounds like a comment from a very young person...
    Rape choice has nothing to do with size or the look of a woman, people are sick, they do it for control
  • MsPudding
    MsPudding Posts: 562 Member
    You are lying to yourself and its not healthy. Being fat is not healthly. You are fat because you over eat and do not work off the calories. You are trying to make an excuse for being lazy and fat and it doesn't wash. Your gonna kill yourself. Is that what you planned, just like you planned to be fat?
    I think you're really missing OP's point. No one said it's healthy. The fact is, that for some people, there are psychological advantages to being overweight. Not for everyone, but for some.


    There was a book written years ago by Susie Orbach called 'Fat is a Feminist Issue' that went into some interesting psychological reasons for why women (though I think many of them could equally be applied to men) may subconsciously seek to be fat.
  • Britterboo22
    Britterboo22 Posts: 300 Member
    I DONT want to stay fat.
    Now don't get me wrong Im pro "big is in" or "bones are for the dog meat is for the man" BUT i do mean that in a sensible way. You can still be curvatious without all the rolls and excess crap. For me anyway.

    I got fat by dealing with the stresses of life through food instead of finding a better, healthier approach to dealing with my problems.
    Divorce, kids, job stress etc. BUT NOW that ive totally transformed the way i look at things foodwise/ healthwise id much rather be unable to sleep late in the mornings cause i have too much energy rather than not have enough energy to even get out of bed and out of my pajamas for heavens sakes!

    And BTW who wouldn't want a man hittin on you and catcalling atchu cause you look good?
    i know i wouldn't be complaining.
  • jody664
    jody664 Posts: 397
    I have been thinking of sharing my (whole) story on the forums for some time, and reading this thread prompted me to "let it all out." LOL

    This is why I got fat:

    When I was 12, a family friend began molesting me. It was a difficult time in my family. I lost both of my grandfathers within 6 months of each other. My parents were grieving the loss of their fathers and trying to help my now widowed grandmothers cope. So they were preoccupied and not paying too much attention to what was really happening. My molester was actually a good friend of both my grandfathers and about the same age. My parents just viewed it as him stepping in to fill the "grandfather" gap in my life. Little did they know......

    Anyway, I remember consciously thinking that if I got fat, my molester would no longer be attracted to me. (I was 12, and this seemed logical to my 12-year-old brain.) So I started bingeing. And behold! I found comfort in that food. It took the edge off of all the pain and confusion I was feeling. I literally used food to stuff my feelings. But even though I was gaining weight at an alarming rate, my molester did not leave me alone. In fact, the abuse went on for another 4 years.

    At some point, when I was around 14 I think, I finally told my parents what was happening. They did not believe me. There was no way their good friend and now father figure to them could be doing the things I claimed he was doing. (We have since had numerous conversations about all of this, and I've forgiven my parents.)

    My weight gain did have a positive side effect. Because of all the difficult and painful things that were happening in my life, I did not want any attention from boys (or men for that matter). I viewed any attention as suspect. Will he do the same things to me as my molester was doing? Will he use me? Will he hurt me? Will he take advantage of my vulnerability? So I became used to hiding myself under a layer a fat. It was my protection. It was my comfort.

    I'm 47 years old, and I'm STILL struggling with this. As I've lost weight, people have noticed. It is extremely uncomfortable. When someone says something about my weight loss or how great I'm looking, I get very emotional. "Wait....you are looking my body? You noticed that? OMG! Alert! Alert! Danger!!" Even if the comment comes from a female, it is still very alarming to me.

    This is probably why I am still single at 47. If a man shows the slightest bit of interest in me, I become suspicious and distrustful. I've been through a lot of counseling, and this is the one area that I still struggle to get over.

    I'm sharing my story to illustrate that "letting yourself get fat" can often have a whole psychological component that can be more difficult to overcome than actually losing weight. I still struggle. Since the age of 12, food was my drug of choice. It is the thing that I instantly crave when I'm in pain, scared, stressed out, worried, anxious, angry. If I'm feeling exposed or vulnerable, I have to fight the urge not to "cover myself" with a food binge.

    There was a point in my life where I actually did chose to stay fat. Consciously. I did not want the attention of anyone, particularly men. So I understand the OP's post. Totally.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,177 Member
    If you're fat:
    1. Female friends won't be jealous of you.
    2. Men won't make unwanted advances toward you.
    3. Your boss won't see you as a threat, and therefore won't be mean to you or try to sabotage you.
    4. You won't disappoint people if you get fat, because you're already fat.
    5. You'll find out who your real friends are. if they stick with you despite your fatness, they truly like you for who you are.
    6. You'll find out if your husband really loves you for who you are or for what you look like.
    7. You can skip all the stares, catwhistles and flirtatious gestures you might receive if you were good looking.
    8. You can feel satisfied you are not conforming to an unfair and compassionate-less society.
    9. You will be less likely to be abducted, raped, etc. You will be too heavy to be forced into a car or physically moved.

    This is a load of crap....there are no advantages to being a lard *kitten*. Plus, early and untimely death...yeah...really advantageous.
  • loosesealbluth
    loosesealbluth Posts: 46 Member
    I can kind of understand where you're coming from. Staying fat is much, much easier and isn't inherently correlated with laziness. Psychologically speaking, losing weight can be detrimental. I've been dealing with worsened depression recently and just started therapy; my therapist explained that a lot of my depression could be attributed to the fact that I've taken away my one consistent comfort (food) and now there's a void of sorts. Losing weight for me has also been a huge transformation in that I've taken away a "shield" of sorts. I have a lot of new confidence and have definitely begun receiving more attention from others. Seeing people pay more attention to me is frustrating, especially when I'm so used to staying in the background/hiding. Calorie counting can be rough too; I oftentimes feel horrible/worthless at the end of a bad day or a binge day – putting so much attention into what I'm consuming impacts and controls more aspects of my life than I'd like to admit.

    Having said all of this, it's hard to say why I'm losing weight. At the end of the day, I think it does boil down to respect. I'm understanding that, even though it's bs, people will (and already do) treat me better and with more respect if I'm a smaller size. There are obviously health reasons, too, but mostly respect.