All the Lies
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I don't think I was in denial as much as I had a skewed view of things.
I'm 5'9" and weight 105 lb.s from about 8th grade until my mid 20s. I was so skinny I looked like a science project, bones sticking out everywhere.
I finally decided to do something about it and began eating like a horse. I put on quite a few pounds and years later I had a gut. I told people I thought of it as a medal because I'd rather have a few extra pounds on me than be massively underweight.
I have a gut and moobs now and I must admit it has been due to laziness and not caring. I know cico works and have proven it many times yet I keep doing the same wrong things over and over lately but at least I don't expect different results. I am getting back on the cico and exercise wagon slowly but surely, though!0 -
vegan4lyfe2012 wrote: »You really got me thinking…reading your original post and everyone’s responses. I am sure I’ve had more excuses than I could count… Family genetics… 3 babies in 5 years… beauty comes in all sizes… boyfriend doesn’t care about my size… I could go on and on.
I ended up being on my own with 3 children for a dozen years. Sadness set in with the longing that my children’s father and I could one day be back together again. We had met when we were 19 and had our first child together when I was 21 and he was 22. It broke my heart that we couldn’t be together…understanding now that it was simply immaturity on both our parts.
One day I was in the back bedroom and the phone in the kitchen rang. I started running down the hallway and tripped and fell…HARD. It hurt physically, but then it hurt emotionally. That was the day I realized that I had become what I used to make fun of (back in high school). How can I blame genetics for being 210# when I was a mere 115# back in high school? How could I allow myself to be so unhealthy when I had 3 children to care for?
That happened about 5 years ago. I determined that I was going to be fit and healthy. It took a long time, but I lost 57 pounds. I felt great and was confident in my skin.
Then, about 2 years ago, depression set in. My son was graduating from high school. I was now the parent of an adult. My middle daughter would be graduating in one more year and then I’d be almost-empty nesting with just my youngest daughter. The depression was so bad. Every sadness was filled with food. I would binge until I felt like I was going to vomit. I gained every bit of the weight back, less 5#.
So there I was…up to 205# again with no one (and nothing) to blame. I started seeing a therapist weekly. She really opened my eyes to the fact that I treated myself as only “mom” instead of my own person. I decided I needed to start doing things for myself, too. It had been 12 years since their father and I had been together, but I opened up to him and told him I still loved him. Warm fuzzies – he felt the same way!
Now, I don’t want you to think I have only lost weight because of him, because that wouldn’t be right. I have been learning to love myself…love that I am more than just a mom. That I can open up and share with their father and he shares with me. We’ve been back together for just over 6 months…and I’m down 45 pounds. I’m feeling good about ME.
So…no more excuses. We need to learn to love OURSELVES.
Good for you. I'm so glad things are working out for you!0 -
I don't know if this has already been said but:
Starting from grade school days:
"Its just babyfat, it'll disappear."
"You're just big-boned."
College:
"If you drink, don't eat but one meal and you won't gain weight.
"Liquor doesn't have as many calories as food. In fact clear liquor has zero calories because its clear."
"Because you lost weight before, it won't be hard for it to come off again."
"You haven't gained that much weight back."
"Oh don't worry that you've edged back up to 250. Its no where near as close as 283, your highest weight."
"He's f*cking you, so that must mean the weight gain doesn't matter." (The harshest one to face)
Even now sometimes:
"This one cheeseburger won't hurt your progress." (Because it turns into days of eating like that)
"One day without going to the gym will be fine. Two days won't hurt. Three days..."
But now I catch myself before I go too far into thinking like that. I don't ever want to become complacent again. I've come too far this time. I now know that drinking has far more calories in it than I thought it did in undergrad. I now know that I don't have a genetic disposition to be "big-boned" or have babyfat that will someday disappear on its own. Yo-yoing is no freaking joke and trying to lose weight you've previously lost is ten billion times harder. And I now know that if I'm not happy with my weight, then neither should the person that I'm with.
LOL I wouldn't believed this too
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"I carry it well" and "I like being big". Both of those might in fact still be on my profile page here. The second one's not complete BS, but it wasn't as true as I thought it was. The first one is just a flat out lie.0
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The biggest lie I told myself every day was that I would start my diet tomorrow. I literally said this every day. It was usually as I was eating something crappy or stopping to buy a bottle of wine on my way home from work. Well, I'm over it; tomorrow finally came. I'm sick of being fat and it's no one's fault but my own that I'm fat. No more excuses, it all starts with me. I'm still in the beginning stages and have only lost 9 pounds so far, but it's a start and I'm feeling good!0
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The biggest lie I told myself every day was that I would start my diet tomorrow. I literally said this every day. It was usually as I was eating something crappy or stopping to buy a bottle of wine on my way home from work. Well, I'm over it; tomorrow finally came. I'm sick of being fat and it's no one's fault but my own that I'm fat. No more excuses, it all starts with me. I'm still in the beginning stages and have only lost 9 pounds so far, but it's a start and I'm feeling good!
Boy do I EVER get this one. I made that mistake at the beginning of using MFP too. "I'll get under count tomorrow" or "I'll log this later" or "forget logging today I will be out too much". shedding the lies is awesome! 0 -
That I was just "big boned".
That I'd be loved no matter my weight (this lie happens to men too ladies).
That I could still do everything I could when I was in shape.
That I could lose the weight easily whenever I wanted.0 -
Wow, this question really made me think. Even at my heaviest weight I didn't think I looked that bad, just big-boned with a chubby face.
Sure it was not easy being the only bigger person in my family and shopping for clothes was a chore and I had to settle, but still I had a great social life, a wonderful man who loved me (and still does 80 lbs down), I had no medical issues, I carried myself well and cared about my appearance (other than the extra weight) and I had admirers.
It was almost as if when I looked at myself in a mirror I appeared smaller than what I really was. I just thought and accepted that I was meant to be overweight.
One day it just hit me that I'm missing out a lot on life and I wanted more. I had a lot of soul searching to do. I realized that I ate my feelings and that I needed to make better food choices.
Through a lot of sweat and tears I did lose the weight and have kept it off for over 2 and a half years and I'm working hard to maintain, but I was not "big-boned".
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This thread is making me face my lies.
1. that no one notices I've gained weight because I'm tall and carry it well.
2. that i can keep drinking coffee and cream all day and still lose weight
3. that i can keep having cocktails or wine every night and still lose weight
I say these last two because i think - or know - those calories are what keep me from the deficit I need to lose.0 -
i didn't realize how much i was using weight as a replacement for height. Being only 5'-6" i felt like when i saw my ideal weight on charts at 150lbs or so, I always said, geez there won't be anything to me...So...I"m getting past that and would rather be fit/lean now than "big" as in Heavy...0
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Sinnister78 wrote: »That I was just "big boned".
That I'd be loved no matter my weight (this lie happens to men too ladies).
That I could still do everything I could when I was in shape.
That I could lose the weight easily whenever I wanted.
I hope that you have somebody in your life who DOES love you no matter what your weight. Everybody deserves that kind of love.0 -
You are awesome!JenAndSome wrote: »I gained weight after getting into a relationship about 6 years ago. Shortly after I started dating a guy his ex had his son and pretty much just gave the baby to us. I told myself that it was okay to be heavier because people would just assume he was my baby and that it was baby weight. Hahahahha. Sad but true.
On a bright note I dropped the guy but still get the kid. Best kind of winning.
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Viagra comment really hit home. Friday was my birthday & there wasn't any birthday sex. It is me, isn't it.........
Biggest lie? I don't have time to exercise. I commute 1 hr each way to my job & am there for 10+ hrs a day. Truth - I can take a walk at lunch or work out when I get home or @ 4:30 in the morning.......plus I have 2 dogs that would love a walk.......
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At the DMV they asked me about my weight & I Started crying that I hadn't lost it since I had my baby. My baby was standing right next to me at 15 years old & all I thought was "don't say anything Jon"0
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My lies were 1) Exercise never seemed to do anything, it just sucked and 2) All I had to do was cut out snacks.. except nachos... except chips... except cheese...
Neither are true in the way that I felt them. Exercise may not be my favourite, but funny how losing a little weight made it so much easier and therefore better. And the snacks... well it turns out I don't have to cut them out. But eating a bag of nachos every second day dipped in cheese sauce sure wasn't helping me.
It's funny how I almost am starting to feel like I'm lying to myself more now, after losing some weight. Before, I was mostly ignorant. But now... I convince myself it's okay to eat like it's the holidays for weeks because I can just lose it again once I'm 5 - 10 lbs up. And I oddly feel chubbier now because I know I could get thinner... where as when I was a bit bigger but hadn't lost weight I thought I looked good (not in photos though... and don't get me wrong, I don't think I look bad, there are just areas I critique now that I never bothered with before).
Is it possible to be more in denial about getting to maintenance than having to lose weight? I'm effectively maintaining since I gain and lose the same 10 lbs over and over... but it's not the same as choosing and controlling maintenance. Instead I'm in "holiday" and "diet" mode (yo-yo) but within a small 5 to 10 pound range. It's not quite working for me mentally, but I'm working on getting over it. I never did reach my goal weight. I feel like my goal was unfinished but also don't feel like I should bother enough to get there. It's so weird.vegan4lyfe2012 wrote: »You really got me thinking…reading your original post and everyone’s responses. I am sure I’ve had more excuses than I could count… Family genetics… 3 babies in 5 years… beauty comes in all sizes… boyfriend doesn’t care about my size… I could go on and on.
I ended up being on my own with 3 children for a dozen years. Sadness set in with the longing that my children’s father and I could one day be back together again. We had met when we were 19 and had our first child together when I was 21 and he was 22. It broke my heart that we couldn’t be together…understanding now that it was simply immaturity on both our parts.
One day I was in the back bedroom and the phone in the kitchen rang. I started running down the hallway and tripped and fell…HARD. It hurt physically, but then it hurt emotionally. That was the day I realized that I had become what I used to make fun of (back in high school). How can I blame genetics for being 210# when I was a mere 115# back in high school? How could I allow myself to be so unhealthy when I had 3 children to care for?
That happened about 5 years ago. I determined that I was going to be fit and healthy. It took a long time, but I lost 57 pounds. I felt great and was confident in my skin.
Then, about 2 years ago, depression set in. My son was graduating from high school. I was now the parent of an adult. My middle daughter would be graduating in one more year and then I’d be almost-empty nesting with just my youngest daughter. The depression was so bad. Every sadness was filled with food. I would binge until I felt like I was going to vomit. I gained every bit of the weight back, less 5#.
So there I was…up to 205# again with no one (and nothing) to blame. I started seeing a therapist weekly. She really opened my eyes to the fact that I treated myself as only “mom” instead of my own person. I decided I needed to start doing things for myself, too. It had been 12 years since their father and I had been together, but I opened up to him and told him I still loved him. Warm fuzzies – he felt the same way!
Now, I don’t want you to think I have only lost weight because of him, because that wouldn’t be right. I have been learning to love myself…love that I am more than just a mom. That I can open up and share with their father and he shares with me. We’ve been back together for just over 6 months…and I’m down 45 pounds. I’m feeling good about ME.
So…no more excuses. We need to learn to love OURSELVES.
This love story made me smile.0 -
I never believed I was in a calorie surplus. I always believed that the worst consequence I'd suffer for my behavior was not losing weight. Despite a lot of consistent patterns of evidence to the contrary. But in the moment of pigging out, drinking to excess, partying, I believed the lie that there'd be no consequences other than I'd stay exactly the same.
I also believed or had hope that science would figure it out. Like it would be discovered that some singular food or ingredient is what is causing obesity, or that some particular vitamin or mineral deficiency is responsible for obesity, or they'd invent some pill that fixes obesity, or find some gene and manipulate it, or some such and alike. I believed science was on the verge of solving it where the answer was something other than I eat too much and should stop eating too much.
Another lie I believed was that my weight will just work itself out without me doing anything intentional to fix it. Like it will just fix itself and I'll just get surprised with 5-10 lbs weight losses over time here and there until whammo! I'm not overweight anymore! Wouldn't that be nice.0 -
Sadly I love this thread!
I think I've done all of them...
It's normal to have two bars of chocolate, two bags of crisps, and two cans of Coke every day - check.
It's genetics (my Mum went pear shaped) - check.
I've always been slim and fit and I'm not really that different (by now obese according to BMI) - check.
Clothes are all shrinking - check.
Manufacturers are making clothes smaller - check.
I can eat as much as I want because I do a bit of walking and mucking out horses - check.
I'm not really eating that much (around 2400 a day at this point) - check.
I've broken a bone, so need more calories to heal - check.
No-one would really notice what size I was - check.
Hubby loves me no matter what - check.
High cholesterol was never going to be an issue (wrong!) - check.
No longer really into that side of things - too tired? Nope, too fat (for me, and for him?) - check.
It's baby weight - youngest of two is now eighteen... - check.
I went through a forced early menopause, so there's no chance I'll ever lose the weight - check.
I'm too old (forty-something) and I'd look silly slim - check.
There's not that many calories in x, y, z foods and I could eat two mince pies in one sitting, have a latte and two Danish pastries for mid-morning snack. Every day. - check.
Yup. Done all of them. Sadly, eighteen months into changing and I can still find myself slipping into one or more of the lies :-(
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I could relate to so many of the other responses!!
I'd always been bigger than my peers. At 10 years old I was 5'6" and 130-140 lb. So I wasn't too alarmed to be bigger than my female peers as an adult, either.
People told me I carried my weight well and for a long time I believed them. I had "skinny" hands, feet, wrists, etc, and no double chin, so I even told myself that I might look bad thinner. I would refer back to a photo of myself at my former low weight as an adult and claim that I looked "sickly" at that somewhat smaller size. I didn't. I just wasn't used to seeing my face any thinner.
I had great blood work and other tests any time I went to the doctor, and any time I did something physical with friends (walking, swimming, climbing stairs) I would match or outperform my thinner friends, so I used that as "proof" that my health was excellent. And while I still believe I was in excellent health FOR A MORBIDLY OBESE WOMAN I think it's pretty sad that I didn't stop to consider other alternatives, like no longer being obese.0 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »I could relate to so many of the other responses!!
I'd always been bigger than my peers. At 10 years old I was 5'6" and 130-140 lb. So I wasn't too alarmed to be bigger than my female peers as an adult, either.
People told me I carried my weight well and for a long time I believed them. I had "skinny" hands, feet, wrists, etc, and no double chin, so I even told myself that I might look bad thinner. I would refer back to a photo of myself at my former low weight as an adult and claim that I looked "sickly" at that somewhat smaller size. I didn't. I just wasn't used to seeing my face any thinner.
I had great blood work and other tests any time I went to the doctor, and any time I did something physical with friends (walking, swimming, climbing stairs) I would match or outperform my thinner friends, so I used that as "proof" that my health was excellent. And while I still believe I was in excellent health FOR A MORBIDLY OBESE WOMAN I think it's pretty sad that I didn't stop to consider other alternatives, like no longer being obese.
OMG this. On the one hand, my self esteem existing at all is due in part to people accepting me for how big I was, but god it's so easy to let those "But you look so good! You're fine!" comments derail your motivation to change!0 -
I walk 20/40 minutes a day so that's enough exercise - leisurely pace going to work...
I don't have any health issue / I am pear-shape so my fat isn't nearly as dangerous as if I carried it on top
One time (high calorie food) won't kill me; it's all about moderation - only not tracking so I guess "one time" was every day
I am too stressed out/tired to cook
I travel too much so I can't maintain a routine in exercising and eating
I will look pale and sick if I go below x lbs - I still believe this and that's why my goal is just to reach middle of BMI range without believing my own eyes
And... conversely I have been quite slim before and I always believed I am fatter than all my friends because that's my body image of myself.0
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