Dealing with FOOD DIARY police
Replies
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I'd you don't want comments on it, keep the diary private.
People send all kinds of messages in the inbox. Most are supportive, some aren't. I got one from someone who was banned that mostly called me names, but also blamed me for their banning, lol.0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »Me being me, my first thought would be that they are just trying to help, give me some suggestions- if they are private messaging me it's just probably important to them that I read their message because they think their suggestion is golden and can really benefit me, that's all. It is myfitnesspal after all and isn't that we add people as friends? To help each other out with suggestions ect? I wouldn't think off the bat that these people are being nasty to me.
Not saying you're not entitled to how you feel, just got a different view on it.
That's not why I add people as friends. I add people that I connect with in the forums, or that are also on mutual friends lists. Most of my friends are because of common personality types (sarcastic sense of humor, etc). I find many of them very supportive and motivational, but unless I ask them for suggestions about something, then no, I don't actually expect them to offer any input on my food choices, my exercise, etc.
Shouldn't be surprised if they do. Its a health and fitness website. That's why mfp has a comment section also, for people to comment under.
Personally, I have Facebook that's for sh*ts and giggles not mfp, I expect people to give me their suggestions....Unless their being rude and demanding, and pushing their views on me I don't wouldn't feel any type of way.
Agree 100%!0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »Me being me, my first thought would be that they are just trying to help, give me some suggestions- if they are private messaging me it's just probably important to them that I read their message because they think their suggestion is golden and can really benefit me, that's all. It is myfitnesspal after all and isn't that we add people as friends? To help each other out with suggestions ect? I wouldn't think off the bat that these people are being nasty to me.
Not saying you're not entitled to how you feel, just got a different view on it.
That's not why I add people as friends. I add people that I connect with in the forums, or that are also on mutual friends lists. Most of my friends are because of common personality types (sarcastic sense of humor, etc). I find many of them very supportive and motivational, but unless I ask them for suggestions about something, then no, I don't actually expect them to offer any input on my food choices, my exercise, etc.
Shouldn't be surprised if they do. Its a health and fitness website. That's why mfp has a comment section also, for people to comment under.
Personally, I have Facebook that's for sh*ts and giggles not mfp, I expect people to give me their suggestions....Unless their being rude and demanding, and pushing their views on me wouldn't feel any type of way.
Meh - I think we are just having different MFP experiences. If I need help, I will ask for it, and I will get it - the people on my friends list are extremely knowledgeable about diet, exercise, health, etc and many of them have been astoundingly successful. But I'm doing fine, and they know it. So they aren't going to tell me that I shouldn't have had a piece of chocolate after lunch because it might hinder my goals, because it won't. They aren't going to tell me that I should be weighing my food with a digital scale, because even though that is probably the number one piece of advice that is shared with regards to how to be successful - they know I'm doing ok without it and they know that I know that is something I could do if I wanted to be more accurate. They aren't going to tell me that instead of doing circuit training with light weights I should be lifting heavy things, because they know that I have been considering it but haven't worked myself up to that yet. So no, I wouldn't expect unsolicited advice from any of them. I've been here 1000 days as of today and have yet to get a piece of unwelcome, unsolicited advice. Or any creeper PMs either. Darn, maybe I am doing something wrong!0 -
You gotta love Teresa. Good one frankiesgirlie!0
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Seems fair, and by the same token, it shouldn't be big surprise if someone deletes such people. Not everyone agrees to such advice as part of friending someone.WinoGelato wrote: »Me being me, my first thought would be that they are just trying to help, give me some suggestions- if they are private messaging me it's just probably important to them that I read their message because they think their suggestion is golden and can really benefit me, that's all. It is myfitnesspal after all and isn't that we add people as friends? To help each other out with suggestions ect? I wouldn't think off the bat that these people are being nasty to me.
Not saying you're not entitled to how you feel, just got a different view on it.
That's not why I add people as friends. I add people that I connect with in the forums, or that are also on mutual friends lists. Most of my friends are because of common personality types (sarcastic sense of humor, etc). I find many of them very supportive and motivational, but unless I ask them for suggestions about something, then no, I don't actually expect them to offer any input on my food choices, my exercise, etc.
Shouldn't be surprised if they do. Its a health and fitness website. That's why mfp has a comment section also, for people to comment under.
Personally, I have Facebook that's for sh*ts and giggles not mfp, I expect people to give me their suggestions....Unless their being rude and demanding, and pushing their views on me wouldn't feel any type of way.
My takeaway is I can delete eithout guilt.
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WinoGelato wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »Me being me, my first thought would be that they are just trying to help, give me some suggestions- if they are private messaging me it's just probably important to them that I read their message because they think their suggestion is golden and can really benefit me, that's all. It is myfitnesspal after all and isn't that we add people as friends? To help each other out with suggestions ect? I wouldn't think off the bat that these people are being nasty to me.
Not saying you're not entitled to how you feel, just got a different view on it.
That's not why I add people as friends. I add people that I connect with in the forums, or that are also on mutual friends lists. Most of my friends are because of common personality types (sarcastic sense of humor, etc). I find many of them very supportive and motivational, but unless I ask them for suggestions about something, then no, I don't actually expect them to offer any input on my food choices, my exercise, etc.
Shouldn't be surprised if they do. Its a health and fitness website. That's why mfp has a comment section also, for people to comment under.
Personally, I have Facebook that's for sh*ts and giggles not mfp, I expect people to give me their suggestions....Unless their being rude and demanding, and pushing their views on me wouldn't feel any type of way.
Meh - I think we are just having different MFP experiences. If I need help, I will ask for it, and I will get it - the people on my friends list are extremely knowledgeable about diet, exercise, health, etc and many of them have been astoundingly successful. But I'm doing fine, and they know it. So they aren't going to tell me that I shouldn't have had a piece of chocolate after lunch because it might hinder my goals, because it won't. They aren't going to tell me that I should be weighing my food with a digital scale, because even though that is probably the number one piece of advice that is shared with regards to how to be successful - they know I'm doing ok without it and they know that I know that is something I could do if I wanted to be more accurate. They aren't going to tell me that instead of doing circuit training with light weights I should be lifting heavy things, because they know that I have been considering it but haven't worked myself up to that yet. So no, I wouldn't expect unsolicited advice from any of them. I've been here 1000 days as of today and have yet to get a piece of unwelcome, unsolicited advice. Or any creeper PMs either. Darn, maybe I am doing something wrong!
Me too. I've never gotten a creepy PM from a guy (it helps my photo is me LITERALLY IN my wedding dress on my wedding day I guess, or maybe it's because they know subconsciously I'm a hardcore feminist, that tends to freak people out) or any unsolicited advice. And my diary is full on, anyone on the site can read it public. Frankiesgirlie's is only open to friends as far as I'm aware. It kind of amazes me that I've been sitting here all along, open door, and someone had to climb in a window to come pester her ya know?0 -
No one has asked yet, but I did unfriend them. Not right away, because I don't like making knee jerk reactions, but I did delete them.
The bottom line, I think, is that there is no right or wrong way per say It's all about what you're looking for in the MFP experience. I'm a bit of a loner or self starter. I've never liked the Ra Ra of a gym or class and have always worked out at home. As a runner I never liked running with someone because I like getting lost in my thoughts and the sound of their steps are distracting. I'm surprised, as is my husband, that I've gotten into the social aspect at all. My expectations are that my friends cheer for me on the day I'm the windshield and console me on the day I'm a bug. Period. There is no one on MFP that should be giving me unsolicited advice because they are not ME,and I bring into this all MY uniqueness that is going to have to be factored in to put together a system that works for me, as with EACH individual on MFP. It's what works for YOU. Period. Gotta get off this thread today. Thank you to all that participated, it was definitely intertaining, but my phone is dead, and I'm 1/2 a day behind on everything!AAAARRRRGGG!!0 -
Why do you have your food log open for viewing ?0
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MorganMoreaux wrote: »MarcyKirkton wrote: »I really don't get looking at other people's diaries. Seems like a lack of boundaries in my mind.
I look at other people's diaries. I figure, if they didn't want me to look then at it then they would set it to private. I'm a very routine person with my eating habits, and not very creative so it's nice to get ideas. I also like to see how people are achieving their macros because I always struggle with protien (I'm not a fan of meat, I'll eat chicken if I've been consecutively low on protien, but I don't like the taste of any of it, and am very allergic to eggs and milk). I never thought of it as being nosy. I also return the favour and share my diary with friends. If people see that I like chocolate who cares. If they want to judge me for it LMAO! There are worse things to be than a chocolate lover lol.
ETA - to the posters that have referenced being hit on. Yeah, seriously guys need to realize this isn't a dating site. I recently accepted a friend request from a guy I thought may have been hitting on me, but gave him the benefit of the doubt until I started getting daily pm's that were just creepy. Never responded and deleted him as a friend after the second one (again, gave the benefit of the doubt to the first one that maybe he sent it to the wrong person). Weird.
I wonder if you "met" the same creepy guy I did.0 -
I had mine open for a couple of days and got super sick of peoples' advice so I closed it again. People on MFP are usually super helpful and supportive, but they can also be know it alls.0
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Why do you have your food log open for viewing ?
Last 2 posters must not have read entire thread. Issue wasn't that "friends" read my diary, but that they Sent PM suggesting I go on the trendy all meat diet that they were both on. I had no prior pm activity with them. Actually they were both new friends. I hadn't expressed in any posts that I was unhappy with my diet or was looking for a change. As a matter of fact, I had come on MFP with only 12 lbs to lose, with a goal of 1/2 lb per week and was ahead of schedule,with only 6 lbs to go. And lastly, I don't eat red meat, and only eat poultry or fish about once a week at most.
They also made daily references to me eating chocolate.
Friends looking at an open diary is not the issue. It's when someone gives unasked for advice, then that is a problem.
Personally, I think they're annoyed that I'm eating chocolate and losing weight.0 -
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Domicinator wrote: »I had mine open for a couple of days and got super sick of peoples' advice so I closed it again. People on MFP are usually super helpful and supportive, but they can also be know it alls.
Thank you! Thank you! Just closed mine too. I kept mine open to friends because I too like to see what people eat. It can be interesting. Like my friend from England that has porridge for breakfast...porridge--how cute is that? But I would never never give unsolicited advice to any of them!!
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I have rules that I set for myself, to analyze before I complain:
1 Do I believe that the initial comment, was derogatory?
2 Am I continually being harassed, with these types of comments; whether derogatory or not, by the same person; despite my obvious rejection of their prior advice?
3 Is this a 1st world problem? If the answers to the previous 2 questions, are "No"; then it's derogatory for me to complain because then I'm just showing off my privileged status. I think of someone whom has a tougher life, than I; scoffing because they wish that their life was so leisurely, that they had the time to encounter & then complain, about such ridiculousness. I feel that complaining about 1st world problems, is disrespectful to those that don't have a life, as easy as mine because it shows, that I don't appreciate how privileged I am; if I'd be able to waste any of it unnecessarily complaining.0 -
rankinsect wrote: »
If I didn't accept requests from the opposite sex I would have a tiny friends list indeed. Either this site is mainly women or guys just don't dig the tophat and steampunk glasses
Maybe we win points because we never do stuff that could be perceived as creepy. But I dig the tophat and glasses, and think you're a pretty cool dude the way you interact on the forums. Dude if you make the first move, I'll let you look at my diary!
Well, that is if it's ok with @scolaris I'm not sure if we are MFP engaged or something now, or how she deals with bromances. All I know is the taco thing... guess I'll have to get back with you!
And I think it's really, really sad that so many women report getting the serious creeper messages on here. It's almost as if some of those types think any statement in public is a way in. It might be something worth talking to the site admits about, seeing if they would make exceptions to the rule about not exposing PMs to warn or ban such people.
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Hahaha you funny
That's really all I look for in my internet husbands
That and mad taco skillz
I'm a fan of rankinsect too. We can arm wrestle for time alone with him in his diary0 -
But I'm still confused by this whole premise...
People PM other people -actual people on here - to harangue them about what they are or aren't eating???
~wrings hands~
That seems like 50 shades of 'nope'
And yes I acquired a few weird gentleman friends myself I subsequently had to discard, but being a post menopausal bluestocking of the schoolmarmish persuasion it just seemed kind of funny to me. Like maybe I should check my profile picture and make sure my underpinnings weren't askew seeing as my eye sight isn't all that it once was.
And now I learn this too is a 'thing'
Life is full of surprises, isn't it?
Maybe the diary bullies names should be flagged to an admin. It's not civil behavior.0 -
frankiesgirlie wrote: »
I think some of us just don't get it. To me, it makes sense that you closed your diary. I mean having it open and getting offended about feedback (however useless) strikes me as "see but don't comment, unless it's to say yum yum you're doing great rah rah". I don't get what it matters if someone gives you useless advice you're not gonna take anyway
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Hahaha you funny
That's really all I look for in my internet husbands
That and mad taco skillz
I'm a fan of rankinsect too. We can arm wrestle for time alone with him in his diary
Hold on here. Husbands?
I refuse to compete for another mans attention, so no arm wrestling is taking place either. Wait... umm... I mean.... Can you PM me some photos of your tacos?But I'm still confused by this whole premise...
People PM other people -actual people on here - to harangue them about what they are or aren't eating???
~wrings hands~
That seems like 50 shades of 'nope'
And yes I acquired a few weird gentleman friends myself I subsequently had to discard, but being a post menopausal bluestocking of the schoolmarmish persuasion it just seemed kind of funny to me. Like maybe I should check my profile picture and make sure my underpinnings weren't askew seeing as my eye sight isn't all that it once was.
And now I learn this too is a 'thing'
Life is full of surprises, isn't it?
Maybe the diary bullies names should be flagged to an admin. It's not civil behavior.frankiesgirlie wrote: »
I think some of us just don't get it. To me, it makes sense that you closed your diary. I mean having it open and getting offended about feedback (however useless) strikes me as "see but don't comment, unless it's to say yum yum you're doing great rah rah". I don't get what it matters if someone gives you useless advice you're not gonna take anyway
I just deal with things as they come. On the internet you can close the diary, block people, whatever. It's an irritation at times, but easier than real life for the most part. I have two neighbors that are vegan. One is very informed at the details, the other informs himself with YouTube videos and crazy web sites. The informed one never pushes, the one that does crazy month long cleanses tries to tell everyone how he is just super awesome cool dood because he starved himself for a month. It would be easier if he had a block function.
The creepy message thing bugs me though, and it seems to be a trend. It just makes more people paranoid that everyone might have ill intentions. And that sucks.0 -
robertw486 wrote: »Hahaha you funny
That's really all I look for in my internet husbands
That and mad taco skillz
I'm a fan of rankinsect too. We can arm wrestle for time alone with him in his diary
Hold on here. Husbands?
I refuse to compete for another mans attention, so no arm wrestling is taking place either. Wait... umm... I mean.... Can you PM me some photos of your tacos?But I'm still confused by this whole premise...
People PM other people -actual people on here - to harangue them about what they are or aren't eating???
~wrings hands~
That seems like 50 shades of 'nope'
And yes I acquired a few weird gentleman friends myself I subsequently had to discard, but being a post menopausal bluestocking of the schoolmarmish persuasion it just seemed kind of funny to me. Like maybe I should check my profile picture and make sure my underpinnings weren't askew seeing as my eye sight isn't all that it once was.
And now I learn this too is a 'thing'
Life is full of surprises, isn't it?
Maybe the diary bullies names should be flagged to an admin. It's not civil behavior.frankiesgirlie wrote: »
I think some of us just don't get it. To me, it makes sense that you closed your diary. I mean having it open and getting offended about feedback (however useless) strikes me as "see but don't comment, unless it's to say yum yum you're doing great rah rah". I don't get what it matters if someone gives you useless advice you're not gonna take anyway
I just deal with things as they come. On the internet you can close the diary, block people, whatever. It's an irritation at times, but easier than real life for the most part. I have two neighbors that are vegan. One is very informed at the details, the other informs himself with YouTube videos and crazy web sites. The informed one never pushes, the one that does crazy month long cleanses tries to tell everyone how he is just super awesome cool dood because he starved himself for a month. It would be easier if he had a block function.
The creepy message thing bugs me though, and it seems to be a trend. It just makes more people paranoid that everyone might have ill intentions. And that sucks.
Hahah block function for real life. You ever have someone keep talking and you wish you could use the volume controls on the remote?
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robertw486 wrote: »Hahaha you funny
That's really all I look for in my internet husbands
That and mad taco skillz
I'm a fan of rankinsect too. We can arm wrestle for time alone with him in his diary
Hold on here. Husbands?
I refuse to compete for another mans attention, so no arm wrestling is taking place either. Wait... umm... I mean.... Can you PM me some photos of your tacos?But I'm still confused by this whole premise...
People PM other people -actual people on here - to harangue them about what they are or aren't eating???
~wrings hands~
That seems like 50 shades of 'nope'
And yes I acquired a few weird gentleman friends myself I subsequently had to discard, but being a post menopausal bluestocking of the schoolmarmish persuasion it just seemed kind of funny to me. Like maybe I should check my profile picture and make sure my underpinnings weren't askew seeing as my eye sight isn't all that it once was.
And now I learn this too is a 'thing'
Life is full of surprises, isn't it?
Maybe the diary bullies names should be flagged to an admin. It's not civil behavior.frankiesgirlie wrote: »
I think some of us just don't get it. To me, it makes sense that you closed your diary. I mean having it open and getting offended about feedback (however useless) strikes me as "see but don't comment, unless it's to say yum yum you're doing great rah rah". I don't get what it matters if someone gives you useless advice you're not gonna take anyway
I just deal with things as they come. On the internet you can close the diary, block people, whatever. It's an irritation at times, but easier than real life for the most part. I have two neighbors that are vegan. One is very informed at the details, the other informs himself with YouTube videos and crazy web sites. The informed one never pushes, the one that does crazy month long cleanses tries to tell everyone how he is just super awesome cool dood because he starved himself for a month. It would be easier if he had a block function.
The creepy message thing bugs me though, and it seems to be a trend. It just makes more people paranoid that everyone might have ill intentions. And that sucks.
Hahah block function for real life. You ever have someone keep talking and you wish you could use the volume controls on the remote?
At times with the one guy I just went straight for the mute button. And it's not just his diet stuff, it's everything... its' on a YouTube documentary so it must be true!
But it is amazing how some people get on the internet and "disconnect" from common everyday courtesy they would give a real person. At times I think some of them just don't relate that an actual person with their own will is at the other end of the conversation.0 -
Wowza! I am sure they don't realize how rude it is to offer unsolicited opinions. They likely have their best interest in mind for you. This has never happened to me. But i do feel strange when people comment in a post regarding my menu of the day, even though mine is open for viewing.0
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robertw486 wrote: »
But it is amazing how some people get on the internet and "disconnect" from common everyday courtesy they would give a real person. At times I think some of them just don't relate that an actual person with their own will is at the other end of the conversation.robertw486 wrote: »Hahaha you funny
That's really all I look for in my internet husbands
That and mad taco skillz
I'm a fan of rankinsect too. We can arm wrestle for time alone with him in his diary
Hold on here. Husbands?
I refuse to compete for another mans attention, so no arm wrestling is taking place either. Wait... umm... I mean.... Can you PM me some photos of your tacos?But I'm still confused by this whole premise...
People PM other people -actual people on here - to harangue them about what they are or aren't eating???
~wrings hands~
That seems like 50 shades of 'nope'
And yes I acquired a few weird gentleman friends myself I subsequently had to discard, but being a post menopausal bluestocking of the schoolmarmish persuasion it just seemed kind of funny to me. Like maybe I should check my profile picture and make sure my underpinnings weren't askew seeing as my eye sight isn't all that it once was.
And now I learn this too is a 'thing'
Life is full of surprises, isn't it?
Maybe the diary bullies names should be flagged to an admin. It's not civil behavior.frankiesgirlie wrote: »
I think some of us just don't get it. To me, it makes sense that you closed your diary. I mean having it open and getting offended about feedback (however useless) strikes me as "see but don't comment, unless it's to say yum yum you're doing great rah rah". I don't get what it matters if someone gives you useless advice you're not gonna take anyway
I just deal with things as they come. On the internet you can close the diary, block people, whatever. It's an irritation at times, but easier than real life for the most part. I have two neighbors that are vegan. One is very informed at the details, the other informs himself with YouTube videos and crazy web sites. The informed one never pushes, the one that does crazy month long cleanses tries to tell everyone how he is just super awesome cool dood because he starved himself for a month. It would be easier if he had a block function.
The creepy message thing bugs me though, and it seems to be a trend. It just makes more people paranoid that everyone might have ill intentions. And that sucks.
Hahah block function for real life. You ever have someone keep talking and you wish you could use the volume controls on the remote?
Exactly correct, which is why I am so against the term "in real life"; when describing an offline life. As if people online, aren't real.0 -
robertw486 wrote: »robertw486 wrote: »Hahaha you funny
That's really all I look for in my internet husbands
That and mad taco skillz
I'm a fan of rankinsect too. We can arm wrestle for time alone with him in his diary
Hold on here. Husbands?
I refuse to compete for another mans attention, so no arm wrestling is taking place either. Wait... umm... I mean.... Can you PM me some photos of your tacos?But I'm still confused by this whole premise...
People PM other people -actual people on here - to harangue them about what they are or aren't eating???
~wrings hands~
That seems like 50 shades of 'nope'
And yes I acquired a few weird gentleman friends myself I subsequently had to discard, but being a post menopausal bluestocking of the schoolmarmish persuasion it just seemed kind of funny to me. Like maybe I should check my profile picture and make sure my underpinnings weren't askew seeing as my eye sight isn't all that it once was.
And now I learn this too is a 'thing'
Life is full of surprises, isn't it?
Maybe the diary bullies names should be flagged to an admin. It's not civil behavior.frankiesgirlie wrote: »
I think some of us just don't get it. To me, it makes sense that you closed your diary. I mean having it open and getting offended about feedback (however useless) strikes me as "see but don't comment, unless it's to say yum yum you're doing great rah rah". I don't get what it matters if someone gives you useless advice you're not gonna take anyway
I just deal with things as they come. On the internet you can close the diary, block people, whatever. It's an irritation at times, but easier than real life for the most part. I have two neighbors that are vegan. One is very informed at the details, the other informs himself with YouTube videos and crazy web sites. The informed one never pushes, the one that does crazy month long cleanses tries to tell everyone how he is just super awesome cool dood because he starved himself for a month. It would be easier if he had a block function.
The creepy message thing bugs me though, and it seems to be a trend. It just makes more people paranoid that everyone might have ill intentions. And that sucks.
Hahah block function for real life. You ever have someone keep talking and you wish you could use the volume controls on the remote?
At times with the one guy I just went straight for the mute button. And it's not just his diet stuff, it's everything... its' on a YouTube documentary so it must be true!
But it is amazing how some people get on the internet and "disconnect" from common everyday courtesy they would give a real person. At times I think some of them just don't relate that an actual person with their own will is at the other end of the conversation.
Didn't see this edit last night. See now this is the part I disagree with. Tell me of a real life situation where you ask dozens and dozens of people to have access to exactly what you're eating, right down to the gram? To me that would almost be like being a chef on a cooking show and asking for no comments whatsoever on your food. IMO you either have to state up front that you're not interested in such comments on your food, or close your diary. I'm thinking of earlier posts where people are even scared to make suggestions when someone does complain about not feeling full or otherwise struggling. Then what the heck are we on each other's lists, supporting each other for?
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robertw486 wrote: »robertw486 wrote: »Hahaha you funny
That's really all I look for in my internet husbands
That and mad taco skillz
I'm a fan of rankinsect too. We can arm wrestle for time alone with him in his diary
Hold on here. Husbands?
I refuse to compete for another mans attention, so no arm wrestling is taking place either. Wait... umm... I mean.... Can you PM me some photos of your tacos?But I'm still confused by this whole premise...
People PM other people -actual people on here - to harangue them about what they are or aren't eating???
~wrings hands~
That seems like 50 shades of 'nope'
And yes I acquired a few weird gentleman friends myself I subsequently had to discard, but being a post menopausal bluestocking of the schoolmarmish persuasion it just seemed kind of funny to me. Like maybe I should check my profile picture and make sure my underpinnings weren't askew seeing as my eye sight isn't all that it once was.
And now I learn this too is a 'thing'
Life is full of surprises, isn't it?
Maybe the diary bullies names should be flagged to an admin. It's not civil behavior.frankiesgirlie wrote: »
I think some of us just don't get it. To me, it makes sense that you closed your diary. I mean having it open and getting offended about feedback (however useless) strikes me as "see but don't comment, unless it's to say yum yum you're doing great rah rah". I don't get what it matters if someone gives you useless advice you're not gonna take anyway
I just deal with things as they come. On the internet you can close the diary, block people, whatever. It's an irritation at times, but easier than real life for the most part. I have two neighbors that are vegan. One is very informed at the details, the other informs himself with YouTube videos and crazy web sites. The informed one never pushes, the one that does crazy month long cleanses tries to tell everyone how he is just super awesome cool dood because he starved himself for a month. It would be easier if he had a block function.
The creepy message thing bugs me though, and it seems to be a trend. It just makes more people paranoid that everyone might have ill intentions. And that sucks.
Hahah block function for real life. You ever have someone keep talking and you wish you could use the volume controls on the remote?
At times with the one guy I just went straight for the mute button. And it's not just his diet stuff, it's everything... its' on a YouTube documentary so it must be true!
But it is amazing how some people get on the internet and "disconnect" from common everyday courtesy they would give a real person. At times I think some of them just don't relate that an actual person with their own will is at the other end of the conversation.
I have a theory that they finally get to say what's on their minds, without a filter, on the internet. It meets some primal expressive need. lol*
But you guys are absolutely right about the need to not feel guilty if the urge to delete someone comes up. People who justify such behavior, in my experience, do not accept the feedback that they are actually lacking boundaries. The only way to handle them is to not allow them near.0 -
Didn't see this edit last night. See now this is the part I disagree with. Tell me of a real life situation where you ask dozens and dozens of people to have access to exactly what you're eating, right down to the gram? To me that would almost be like being a chef on a cooking show and asking for no comments whatsoever on your food. IMO you either have to state up front that you're not interested in such comments on your food, or close your diary. I'm thinking of earlier posts where people are even scared to make suggestions when someone does complain about not feeling full or otherwise struggling. Then what the heck are we on each other's lists, supporting each other for?
I agree with you there, as I was one of the people who posted about how I was afraid of hurting someone's feelings by commenting about anything relating to their diary. To shame people for their food choices are one thing, but to see things that are obvious issues are another. I'm not going to act like I've never viewed someone's diary and wanted to send them a message like "Hey, are you truly only eating 800 calories and burning off 1000?" This site isn't Facebook and I'm not simply here to comment or like a status. I'm here to help people on their journey. People have requested me because they can tell from my progress and my photos that I know what the heck I'm doing; one of my friends hit a plateau in the summer and I gave her some advice and she's lost 50 pounds since then. Seeing progress like that for my friends makes me truly happy for them. I get disheartened when I see time after time people on the boards or on my friends list saying they've stalled or binged when I know steps they can take to fix the issue. I know some friends I can message easily and others I have to get a feel for how they react to things.
There are two sides to this situation, though. One is that some friends will make inappropriate comments about what you eat. "French fries, really? That's a lot of chocolate!" etc. That's wrong and should not occur without a good reason. For example, if the same friend later posts a status about how they keep gaining weight and you're just like "Hmm, maybe you're not logging properly. Maybe you're underestimating those snacks." However, the other side of it is that I feel some people get touchy about their diaries because they damn well know they aren't doing what they're supposed to whether it's inaccurate logging to make their numbers, consistently eating foods that aren't nutrient dense and then binging, etc. The whole point is that making comments on it is contingent upon whether or not that friend posts a status wondering where they went wrong. Other than that, all I do is keep my opinions to myself or delete that friend.0 -
Personaly I've experienced this first hand. I felt that that I was caught off guard. When I looked at theirs, ha ha! It was private. This is why mine is too. We need more genuine members with a show of respect and support.0
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But I'm still confused by this whole premise...
People PM other people -actual people on here - to harangue them about what they are or aren't eating???
~wrings hands~
That seems like 50 shades of 'nope'
And yes I acquired a few weird gentleman friends myself I subsequently had to discard, but being a post menopausal bluestocking of the schoolmarmish persuasion it just seemed kind of funny to me. Like maybe I should check my profile picture and make sure my underpinnings weren't askew seeing as my eye sight isn't all that it once was.
And now I learn this too is a 'thing'
Life is full of surprises, isn't it?
Maybe the diary bullies names should be flagged to an admin. It's not civil behavior.
Unsolicited offers of advice does not rise to the level of bullying. Also, there is sufficient self help available that one does not need to involve an admin:
1. Unfriend people who offer unwanted advice. I'd warn them once first.
2. Make your diary private, or chose the share using a key option with select people.
Now if one were getting hate speech type messages, sure, involve an admin.0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »But I'm still confused by this whole premise...
People PM other people -actual people on here - to harangue them about what they are or aren't eating???
~wrings hands~
That seems like 50 shades of 'nope'
And yes I acquired a few weird gentleman friends myself I subsequently had to discard, but being a post menopausal bluestocking of the schoolmarmish persuasion it just seemed kind of funny to me. Like maybe I should check my profile picture and make sure my underpinnings weren't askew seeing as my eye sight isn't all that it once was.
And now I learn this too is a 'thing'
Life is full of surprises, isn't it?
Maybe the diary bullies names should be flagged to an admin. It's not civil behavior.
Unsolicited offers of advice does not rise to the level of bullying. Also, there is sufficient self help available that one does not need to involve an admin:
1. Unfriend people who offer unwanted advice. I'd warn them once first.
2. Make your diary private, or chose the share using a key option with select people.
Now if one were getting hate speech type messages, sure, involve an admin.
Agreed.
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