Soooo....I Have Cancer

Reinventing_Me

Praying for you and your loved ones.

FIGHT HARD AND THEN FIGHT SOME MORE.

Hugs

csuhar

tl;dr...I know.

I have a history of some ugly white spots appearing on my tongue. They were first noticed by my dentist at a 6 month check-up in 2008 and then again by me in 2010. Biopsies were performed and and each time it was determined that it was just dysplasia. While it didn't seem like a big deal, my ENT removed the tissue from my tongue. It was not a pleasant experience to say the least.

Fast forward to May of this year and thing started to feel a little weird while we were in California on vacation. I decided to just let it go, see if it would go away, whatever. After about a week and a half, things weren't feeling better so I took a look in the mirror. I knew immediately that something was wrong. It looked completely different than the last 2 versions and was in a slightly different location. I was scared.

I scheduled an appointment with my ENT for Friday June 14. He did a very thorough exam of my tongue. I could tell he did not like what he was seeing and feeling. He sat down on his chair, expressed an enormous level of concern with what he saw, and then told me those words that I will never EVER forget:

“You have cancer.”

My mind started spinning out of control and I felt like one of the characters from Mortal Kombat was using my stomach as a speedbag. I think he just said I have cancer. That cannot be true…can it? This isn't supposed to happen to a 30 year old guy that doesn't smoke, doesn't chew, drinks in moderation, and is arguably in the best shape of his life, right? A thousand questions started flooding my mind. How did this happen? You know this just by LOOKING at it? What are the next steps? I know you are a smart doctor but there is a chance you could be wrong…right? Do I need chemo? Radiation? What do I tell my family? Am I going to die.....?

Two biopsies, CT scan, chest x-ray, blood work, an MRI, 2nd and 3rd opinions in hand, and 6 days later his original diagnosis was confirmed.

I have cancer.

Woah. I called my family and close friends and told them the news. I repeated the story about a dozen times over the following week or so but the words didn't really seem to sink in. That quickly changed during my 2nd appointment with my head and neck surgeon. We reviewed the MRI scan and the tumor was staring me right it the eyes. Talk about a reality check. This *kitten* just. Go. Real. My surgeon put his hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eyes, and said, "You're going to be okay. You're going to be okay."

The next steps are surgery to remove the tumor and the lymph nodes in my neck, skin graft/reconstruction on my tongue, a 7-14 day recovery in the hospital, an additional 2-3 week recovery at home. After review of the pathology results of the lymph nodes and tumor I'll know whether or not I need radiation. At this time it seems as though it will be necessary (according to my surgeon, but it's technically TBD) which means 6-6 1/2 weeks of treatment followed by ~4 weeks of recovery afterwards.

Right now it's the fear of the unknown that scares me the most. I have no idea what to expect coming out of surgery. I'll likely need a feeding tube from my noes to my stomach and it's possible that I'll need a temporary tube in my trachea depending on how swollen my mouth and throat are when he is finished working. These things scare me but I know that I am in the hands of incredibly talented and compassionate doctors and nurses.

I have no idea why I'm sharing this with a bunch of strangers in the interwebz. I'm not looking for pity and I'm not looking for sympathy. Maybe I'm just using this as a form of therapy.

If you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read my story.

One thing is certain: I'm ready to put up the fight of my life and come out on the other side as a stronger person.

I'm sorry.

As a survivor of cancer who nearly died at the hands of my tumor, I know how frightening the experience is.

As someone who also lived a healthy lifestyle, didn't do the traditional "risky" activities, and was young when the diagnosis came (25), I also know how terribly bewildering this kind of sucker-punch can be. Why was I in a fight for my life while my friends who smoked like chimneys or drank themselves stupid on a regular basis were off having fun? It sure as hell wasn't fair.

Without knowing what kind of cancer you have, I can't tell exactly what your experience will be like. I went through chemo for 5 months, had a one-month respite, then did radiation for another month. It wasn't fun.

The key is to take this quote to heart: "Get busy living, or get busy dying". It won't be easy. It won't be fun. At times, it will be scary. But the key is to KEEP FIGHTING. Find your source of spiritual strength and dig deep. Treatment is lightyears beyond where it was only a few decades ago. Also, you are healthy going into this. That will help you as these treatments beat your body up in their own way.

TeachTheGirl

I seriously had tears in my eyes reading through this.

I hope your surgery and recovery is swift.

Wildflowerangel

"One thing is certain: I'm ready to put up the fight of my life and come out on the other side as a stronger person."

This is the best mindset to have going into the unknown. Just stay positive, and stay strong!!

futurestarz

thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.

Sharon_C

I think you're sharing this with us because it's easier to talk to strangers. Less emotion, maybe?

One thing I've discovered over the past two years of my life (ever since my husband fell off his bicycle and suffered a traumatic brain injury) is that we have an inner strength we didn't even know was there until it's tested. I have that strength and YOU have that strength.

You're ready to fight. I can hear it in your words.

You can do this.

I have faith in you.

In the meantime I'm sending you an enormous cyber hug. :flowerforyou: <--and a flower :happy:

recee96

God bless you for sharing. Surround yourself with positive support and stay away from the negativity. That will be key to keeping you sane as you go through treatment. You will just have an awesome testimony to share!

I'm a cancer survivor as well and I was the youngest person in the room having chemo. You too will beat this thing!

xaMErica

My 12 year old brother had his Chemo port removed today. It sucks... but once you've met people in your shoes going through it too.. it'll get better. My brothers cancer was in his brain.

jhoyett

Thanks for sharing your story. You will beat this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

missymakayla

I have a friend from HS that just had this done, he is home and was just able to go back to lite duty @ work. He said it was not fun, but it's what needed to be done. I will pray for you, and wish you the best....

WhitneySheree88

First off, thank you for sharing this with us. Your courage and strength are inspirational. Secondly I am so sorry your going through this, I have had many family members be visited by the big C and each time is it a very scary process but remember you are strong, stronger than you even know right now and you.will.beat.this! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Sending big hugs and happy thoughts your way! :flowerforyou:

Seefylol

You'll overcome this dude. Sometimes life just throws these things in your face unexpectedly but just believe in yourself and everything will be alright.

Nightterror218

So sorry to hear about your cancer, prayers for you are your family.

One a side note, cancer of the lymph nodes is suppose to be the easier cancer to treat in terms of cancer. I have 2 coworkers who are survivors and clean of cancer.

rileamoyer

God grant you strength to fight and WIN!!!!!

89nunu

It's a very brave step to share this! And I was moved to read your story!
You seem to be doing the 'right' things, whatever that may be and whether there even is a 'right' way of dealing with this, take one step at a time, don't let it drag you too far down and most importantly kick cancers butt for me!!

oddyogi

I can't imagine how you must feel, but I admire your courage. I think your attitude alone makes me think that you'll be just fine after a long road of painful procedures! My thoughts are with you! :flowerforyou:

sasuckow17

At the age of 23 I was also diagnosed with cancer. Leukemia specifically. I COMPLETELY know the feeling of not understanding why it happens to you. I've been cancer free for 3 years but the unknown is never far from my mind. It taught me not to take life for granted though, and that is why I try so hard to be healthy and take advantage of every day given to me. You will do great! Keep your head up even when it gets super hard, you'll come out better on the other side!

karolreyes76

I feel priviledged to be able to hear your story. I consider you a very strong individual...I pray that you and your family can look back someday and just see this experience as a growing one.

God Bless

xoxoxoxoxo

SieSie76

These sort of things shouldn't happen to ANYONE.... But it happens. I was 23 when I was diagnosed with a very rare and potentially deadly cancer. I was fit, eating better, working out, never got into smoking anything more than the occasional hookah and drank, but nothing serious.

I was at my first ever job, just started working there when I started having back issues. A large mass had formed and in a couple weeks, I ended up in the hospital. Had I waited any longer to get it checked out, I would not be here.

But I am. It's very discouraging to hear such news. It sucks especially for people who did nothing to their body to deserve it. But at least they found it and will treat you, Thank goodness for that~

My prayers be with you that treatment goes well. I know you'll pull through~

TheRightWeigh

OP gets mad respect...great attitude.