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Shame - does it hinder or help you lose or gain weight?
Replies
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pbprincess wrote: »diannethegeek wrote: »For me, I could not take the steps I needed to take and actually consistently stick to anything until I found a way to give up shame and guilt and accept my body for the way it is/was at the time. Acceptance has always done more for my weight and mental health than shame.
This. Exactly this.
Yep...this is exactly what worked for me. When I was overweight and it was mentioned (rarely) i would be defensive and adopt an "I don't give a *kitten* what you think I'm happy..." (I wasn't)2 -
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Shame didn't keep you heavy; that was low self worth.0
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I watched my family live through the cycle of shame about eating, and eating to feel better, and then feeling ashamed again. My mother abused food (and still does) and my father emotionally abused my mother for being heavy and abusing food. It was this awful, terrible cycle and it created - for me- a very negative emotional relationship with food (was bulimic in my teens) and it took me well into my twenties to change that.
Shame is not a self-awareness kind of response to the world around you. It is a feeling that you are being judged for doing something incorrect or improper. There's absolutely zero benefit to that.
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I think it depends on how the shame is done. If it is coming from a mean spirited place then it helps no one. I was shamed by someone after I gave birth to my son. I gained 60 lbs and I was unrecognizable. Some friends came to visit and they have always seen me skinny and not with the post pregnancy weight. She was in total shock that I had put on so much weight. She said I didn't even look like myself. She wasn't being mean she was truly shocked. Nonetheless I felt shamed and it motivated me to lose all the 60 lbs, introduced me to exercise and I still exercise 24yrs later.3
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I've really never found shame motivating, and I have to admit I've rarely or never felt it (that I can recall) in any systematic, persistent way. (I credit a ridiculously happy and secure childhood for this, mostly, BTW.)
Guilt, on the other hand, I used to use quite a lot when I was younger, to prod myself into action concerning things I knew I "should" do.
Now, not so much. For me, one of the blessings of aging (and going through early widowhood, and a seriously life-threatening disease of my own) is that I've actually been able to let go of a lot of negative emotions overall. They're a poor use of my time and energy. Why be unhappy deliberately? (Actually, I think I've let go of a lot of all kinds of optional/unnecessary emotions, only some of which were inherently negative.)
For me, the thing that finally made a switch flip in my head, so that I got serious about losing weight and actually did it, was finally reaching my limit of the health risks and conditions I was willing to take on, just for the sake of staying fat (eating & drinking a lot). That, in itself, seems like a "getting rid of the negative".5 -
I was embarrassed and ashamed over my weight. This was probably the main reason i decided to lose it.5
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I don't think that's the same thing as the "shame" being discussed.0
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lemurcat12 wrote: »I don't think that's the same thing as the "shame" being discussed.
Being told i was too fat was also a catalyst to my losing weight. And it wasn't said in a nice way either..0 -
I feel that shame is a useless and hateful tool used usually by people who have no idea what they are doing to the person being shamed - shame brings self loathing , embarrassment, isolation & can lead to self harm & even suicide. Haven't we learned by now that the words we use form actions be they positive or negative.
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diannethegeek wrote: »For me, I could not take the steps I needed to take and actually consistently stick to anything until I found a way to give up shame and guilt and accept my body for the way it is/was at the time. Acceptance has always done more for my weight and mental health than shame.
This is exactly my experience. Shame made me desperately try to lose weight a few times, but never in a sustainable way.0 -
Christine_72 wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »I don't think that's the same thing as the "shame" being discussed.
Being told i was too fat was also a catalyst to my losing weight. And it wasn't said in a nice way either..
But how you react to that is individual. For me, being told I can't do something makes me more determined and is a motivator. I can see reacting to being told I was too fat too, and seeing myself in a photo that embarrassed me was. That's because what I was feeling in response wasn't shame, at least not as I understand it's use here, but disappointment in myself, a sense that I could and should do better.
None of that is what I think is meant by shame here, which tends to relate to thinking one is a worthless, bad person, spoiled, not acceptable.
As an aside, this has made me recall Salman Rushdie's novel Shame, which is actually my favorite of his books, and includes an interesting use of the concept of Shame, as well as a take on Pakistan's history.3 -
I'm not big on YouTube videos, but I found this one to be worth 6 and a half minutes of my life. And, no, I do not think shame has a constructive role to play in anyone's weight loss.
https://youtu.be/r2YYZBrPwwU2 -
sunnybeaches105 wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »Not everyone who feels "unashamed" about being overweight is whining. In fact, I think people who accept themselves and don't feel shameful and powerless are far less likely to whine.
Personally, I never whined about my weight aloud, because I didn't want anyone to hear me admit I considered it a failure of mine. (Also, because my automatic response to whining, including that tendency in myself, is why don't you do something about it, if it bothers you.)
I didn't whine either. I agree that not everyone whines. Truly "accepting" oneself takes honestly. Once I was honest with myself I wanted change. Honesty is something else I see missing in FA.
Honesty - like their often cited stat of only 5-20% of weight loss attempts resulting in long term success? Dude, you need some dishonesty and blatant stubbornness to embark on this journey and actually believe you'll make it. I'm fine with that and frankly do not see the FA movement as being dishonest. They've just made different choices than you might have if you were in their situation10 -
sunnybeaches105 wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »Not everyone who feels "unashamed" about being overweight is whining. In fact, I think people who accept themselves and don't feel shameful and powerless are far less likely to whine.
Personally, I never whined about my weight aloud, because I didn't want anyone to hear me admit I considered it a failure of mine. (Also, because my automatic response to whining, including that tendency in myself, is why don't you do something about it, if it bothers you.)
I didn't whine either. I agree that not everyone whines. Truly "accepting" oneself takes honestly. Once I was honest with myself I wanted change. Honesty is something else I see missing in FA.
Honesty - like their often cited stat of only 5-20% of weight loss attempts resulting in long term success? Dude, you need some dishonesty and blatant stubbornness to embark on this journey and actually believe you'll make it. I'm fine with that and frankly do not see the FA movement as being dishonest. They've just made different choices than you might have if you were in their situation
Oh my!! So true!!0 -
Love. I decided that I would show love for myself.
I often THANK my body for the progress it is making.3 -
"For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it," Works for women too.1
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Shame might be the goad to get people started, but I can't see how it can sustain the process and transition into maintenance. Maybe there are a small percentage of people that are only happy when they are miserable that will have shame work for them. For the rest of us, we need to find a positive focus and reason to change our lifestyle, it seems more sustainable and leads to greater happiness.1
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makingmark wrote: »Shame might be the goad to get people started, but I can't see how it can sustain the process and transition into maintenance. Maybe there are a small percentage of people that are only happy when they are miserable that will have shame work for them. For the rest of us, we need to find a positive focus and reason to change our lifestyle, it seems more sustainable and leads to greater happiness.
I was told everyday that I was fat/overweight. I felt ashamed, so I decided to do something about it. The more I lost, the less mean comments I got. The lack/lessening of mean comments sustained my journey to weight loss, and I'm sure, once I reach my goal weight, when no negative comments are aimed my way, will help me maintain my weight.
That's how being shamed works for me. Am I miserable? Hell no. In fact, there is a great feeling of vindication and glee when I the people that used to call me fat couldn't anymore.2 -
mommarnurse wrote: »Shame didn't keep you heavy; that was low self worth.
Neither kept me heavy. I was happily heavy because I liked eating higher calorie foods in large portions, and being fat was an acceptable side effect for that kind of freedom until it started affecting my health. My self worth was okay then, and it's still okay now. I don't know why people assume all fat people have self esteem issues or are feeling ashamed.
Anyway,
I can't speak from experience, so I'll just leave this here:
http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.00700484 -
I've really never found shame motivating, and I have to admit I've rarely or never felt it (that I can recall) in any systematic, persistent way. (I credit a ridiculously happy and secure childhood for this, mostly, BTW.)
Guilt, on the other hand, I used to use quite a lot when I was younger, to prod myself into action concerning things I knew I "should" do.
Now, not so much. For me, one of the blessings of aging (and going through early widowhood, and a seriously life-threatening disease of my own) is that I've actually been able to let go of a lot of negative emotions overall. They're a poor use of my time and energy. Why be unhappy deliberately? (Actually, I think I've let go of a lot of all kinds of optional/unnecessary emotions, only some of which were inherently negative.)
For me, the thing that finally made a switch flip in my head, so that I got serious about losing weight and actually did it, was finally reaching my limit of the health risks and conditions I was willing to take on, just for the sake of staying fat (eating & drinking a lot). That, in itself, seems like a "getting rid of the negative".
Shame is nothing more than an emotional response. Much like yourself, I think shame should rarely if ever exist if you keep yourself accountable for what you can and can't get improve at.
Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you respond to it. Shame, negative feedback, critical statements, etc... all mean nothing unless a person allows it to affect them in a negative way. Another person can take that same input and use it as a positive.
There is a point where truth is truth, and though at times the truth can be hurtful to some people, others will run with it and change the truth. I know military boot camp didn't sugar coat anything about people who where thin or heavy, and they controlled the variables to prove that change could be made. The choices were comply or fail, and the vast majority could comply. And the negative aspects were never skirted around... they were addressed directly until the people with the weight issues accepted them and addressed them. In modern society, many people just quit rather than change, then often place blame on those telling them the truth.
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Does shame help you lose weight?
The broader concept is "negative reinforcement" and there's a buncha research about it. In short: helps some people, hurts others. Males usually respond better to it than females. Look into it if you're interested.
IMO, negative emotions are useful when they initially motivate improvements. But wallowing in them is foolish, leading to all sorts of bad things including depression and self-pity.
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I studied a bit of health communication and one thing I took away from it was that there are 2 types of people: those who monitor their health (by seeking out information), and those who avoid seeking health information. Each type of person responds differently to health advice. For instance, shaming does not work for monitors. They already know understand the dangers of a particular health condition, and that's why they oftentimes go to the doctor when something seems off. Avoiders, on the other hand, deal with worrisome health information by putting it in the back of their minds. For them, shaming and using scare tactics are the best way to bring those health issues to the forefront of their thoughts.
Hope this helps.1 -
sunnybeaches105 wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »Not everyone who feels "unashamed" about being overweight is whining. In fact, I think people who accept themselves and don't feel shameful and powerless are far less likely to whine.
Personally, I never whined about my weight aloud, because I didn't want anyone to hear me admit I considered it a failure of mine. (Also, because my automatic response to whining, including that tendency in myself, is why don't you do something about it, if it bothers you.)
I didn't whine either. I agree that not everyone whines. Truly "accepting" oneself takes honestly. Once I was honest with myself I wanted change. Honesty is something else I see missing in FA.
Honesty - like their often cited stat of only 5-20% of weight loss attempts resulting in long term success? Dude, you need some dishonesty and blatant stubbornness to embark on this journey and actually believe you'll make it. I'm fine with that and frankly do not see the FA movement as being dishonest. They've just made different choices than you might have if you were in their situation
I agree with stubborn but not the dishonesty part. That may be the case for some, I've heard people talk about "working hard" when they have to put in effort over a weekend or past 5:00. Stats like you pulled out of thin air were made for them. They don't experience hard work unless its forced upon them. They whine and moan and never do anything above and beyond the minimum.
Then there are others. Some of us embrace hard work and thrive on it. We revel in it, it drives us. For us, work can be a drug in and of itself, and it's wonderful to feel that level of energy. I see others on here like that, several of whom I've clashed with. There's nothing like two stubborn people arguing with each other, but I'll always respect that person far more than the one who blindly follows and doesn't think or work.
Sure, we fail at times. We hit a wall. Life gets in the way. We make a fool of ourselves. But, we learn to laugh it off, pick ourselves up, figure out what we did wrong, and keep moving. Hell, it took me 6 years to get through college because I couldn't afford it and had to work full time. I didn't have more than 4-5 days off a year for several years for most of that period. I worked 80+ hours a week for the first 8 years of my career. I hit a wall several times, saw colleagues die from exhaustion and addictions, watched it evaporate after the economy collapsed, and had to completely start over. Business is good now. I pushed through. You want something? Work for it. Not that play work like so many do, but real work. People who really work are rare. And think about it. Work hard and smart. You say different choices? No, their choices were made for them when they started making excuses and blaming everyone but themselves.
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sunnybeaches105 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »Not everyone who feels "unashamed" about being overweight is whining. In fact, I think people who accept themselves and don't feel shameful and powerless are far less likely to whine.
Personally, I never whined about my weight aloud, because I didn't want anyone to hear me admit I considered it a failure of mine. (Also, because my automatic response to whining, including that tendency in myself, is why don't you do something about it, if it bothers you.)
I didn't whine either. I agree that not everyone whines. Truly "accepting" oneself takes honestly. Once I was honest with myself I wanted change. Honesty is something else I see missing in FA.
Honesty - like their often cited stat of only 5-20% of weight loss attempts resulting in long term success? Dude, you need some dishonesty and blatant stubbornness to embark on this journey and actually believe you'll make it. I'm fine with that and frankly do not see the FA movement as being dishonest. They've just made different choices than you might have if you were in their situation
I agree with stubborn but not the dishonesty part. That may be the case for some, I've heard people talk about "working hard" when they have to put in effort over a weekend or past 5:00. Stats like you pulled out of thin air were made for them. They don't experience hard work unless its forced upon them. They whine and moan and never do anything above and beyond the minimum.
Then there are others. Some of us embrace hard work and thrive on it. We revel in it, it drives us. For us, work can be a drug in and of itself, and it's wonderful to feel that level of energy. I see others on here like that, several of whom I've clashed with. There's nothing like two stubborn people arguing with each other, but I'll always respect that person far more than the one who blindly follows and doesn't think or work.
Sure, we fail at times. We hit a wall. Life gets in the way. We make a fool of ourselves. But, we learn to laugh it off, pick ourselves up, figure out what we did wrong, and keep moving. Hell, it took me 6 years to get through college because I couldn't afford it and had to work full time. I didn't have more than 4-5 days off a year for several years for most of that period. I worked 80+ hours a week for the first 8 years of my career. I hit a wall several times, saw colleagues die from exhaustion and addictions, watched it evaporate after the economy collapsed, and had to completely start over. Business is good now. I pushed through. You want something? Work for it. Not that play work like so many do, but real work. People who really work are rare. And think about it. Work hard and smart. You say different choices? No, their choices were made for them when they started making excuses and blaming everyone but themselves.
Guess my stat pulled out of thin air now makes even more sense since people who really work are very rare
Was actually nice reading a little bit about you, though.
But, to be honest, my first thought was, "Wut"1 -
sunnybeaches105 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »Not everyone who feels "unashamed" about being overweight is whining. In fact, I think people who accept themselves and don't feel shameful and powerless are far less likely to whine.
Personally, I never whined about my weight aloud, because I didn't want anyone to hear me admit I considered it a failure of mine. (Also, because my automatic response to whining, including that tendency in myself, is why don't you do something about it, if it bothers you.)
I didn't whine either. I agree that not everyone whines. Truly "accepting" oneself takes honestly. Once I was honest with myself I wanted change. Honesty is something else I see missing in FA.
Honesty - like their often cited stat of only 5-20% of weight loss attempts resulting in long term success? Dude, you need some dishonesty and blatant stubbornness to embark on this journey and actually believe you'll make it. I'm fine with that and frankly do not see the FA movement as being dishonest. They've just made different choices than you might have if you were in their situation
I agree with stubborn but not the dishonesty part. That may be the case for some, I've heard people talk about "working hard" when they have to put in effort over a weekend or past 5:00. Stats like you pulled out of thin air were made for them. They don't experience hard work unless its forced upon them. They whine and moan and never do anything above and beyond the minimum.
Then there are others. Some of us embrace hard work and thrive on it. We revel in it, it drives us. For us, work can be a drug in and of itself, and it's wonderful to feel that level of energy. I see others on here like that, several of whom I've clashed with. There's nothing like two stubborn people arguing with each other, but I'll always respect that person far more than the one who blindly follows and doesn't think or work.
Sure, we fail at times. We hit a wall. Life gets in the way. We make a fool of ourselves. But, we learn to laugh it off, pick ourselves up, figure out what we did wrong, and keep moving. Hell, it took me 6 years to get through college because I couldn't afford it and had to work full time. I didn't have more than 4-5 days off a year for several years for most of that period. I worked 80+ hours a week for the first 8 years of my career. I hit a wall several times, saw colleagues die from exhaustion and addictions, watched it evaporate after the economy collapsed, and had to completely start over. Business is good now. I pushed through. You want something? Work for it. Not that play work like so many do, but real work. People who really work are rare. And think about it. Work hard and smart. You say different choices? No, their choices were made for them when they started making excuses and blaming everyone but themselves.
Guess my stat pulled out of thin air now makes even more sense since people who really work are very rare
Was actually nice reading a little bit about you, though.
But, to be honest, my first thought was, "Wut"
Meh. It wasn't that hard for me to lose weight. It's not that much work. That's the point. People won't put in even a little real effort. There's even a website full of people chearing them on, and they'd rather talk about shame. If it's not that simple then at least put in the effort to get counseling. It's just frustrating to watch.
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sunnybeaches105 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »Not everyone who feels "unashamed" about being overweight is whining. In fact, I think people who accept themselves and don't feel shameful and powerless are far less likely to whine.
Personally, I never whined about my weight aloud, because I didn't want anyone to hear me admit I considered it a failure of mine. (Also, because my automatic response to whining, including that tendency in myself, is why don't you do something about it, if it bothers you.)
I didn't whine either. I agree that not everyone whines. Truly "accepting" oneself takes honestly. Once I was honest with myself I wanted change. Honesty is something else I see missing in FA.
Honesty - like their often cited stat of only 5-20% of weight loss attempts resulting in long term success? Dude, you need some dishonesty and blatant stubbornness to embark on this journey and actually believe you'll make it. I'm fine with that and frankly do not see the FA movement as being dishonest. They've just made different choices than you might have if you were in their situation
I agree with stubborn but not the dishonesty part. That may be the case for some, I've heard people talk about "working hard" when they have to put in effort over a weekend or past 5:00. Stats like you pulled out of thin air were made for them. They don't experience hard work unless its forced upon them. They whine and moan and never do anything above and beyond the minimum.
Then there are others. Some of us embrace hard work and thrive on it. We revel in it, it drives us. For us, work can be a drug in and of itself, and it's wonderful to feel that level of energy. I see others on here like that, several of whom I've clashed with. There's nothing like two stubborn people arguing with each other, but I'll always respect that person far more than the one who blindly follows and doesn't think or work.
Sure, we fail at times. We hit a wall. Life gets in the way. We make a fool of ourselves. But, we learn to laugh it off, pick ourselves up, figure out what we did wrong, and keep moving. Hell, it took me 6 years to get through college because I couldn't afford it and had to work full time. I didn't have more than 4-5 days off a year for several years for most of that period. I worked 80+ hours a week for the first 8 years of my career. I hit a wall several times, saw colleagues die from exhaustion and addictions, watched it evaporate after the economy collapsed, and had to completely start over. Business is good now. I pushed through. You want something? Work for it. Not that play work like so many do, but real work. People who really work are rare. And think about it. Work hard and smart. You say different choices? No, their choices were made for them when they started making excuses and blaming everyone but themselves.
Guess my stat pulled out of thin air now makes even more sense since people who really work are very rare
Was actually nice reading a little bit about you, though.
But, to be honest, my first thought was, "Wut"
Meh. It wasn't that hard for me to lose weight. It's not that much work. That's the point. People won't put in even a little real effort. There's even a website full of people chearing them on, and they'd rather talk about shame. If it's not that simple then at least put in the effort to get counseling. It's just frustrating to watch.
Surely you're not criticizing all posters here for their interest and participation in this topic?2 -
sunnybeaches105 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »Not everyone who feels "unashamed" about being overweight is whining. In fact, I think people who accept themselves and don't feel shameful and powerless are far less likely to whine.
Personally, I never whined about my weight aloud, because I didn't want anyone to hear me admit I considered it a failure of mine. (Also, because my automatic response to whining, including that tendency in myself, is why don't you do something about it, if it bothers you.)
I didn't whine either. I agree that not everyone whines. Truly "accepting" oneself takes honestly. Once I was honest with myself I wanted change. Honesty is something else I see missing in FA.
Honesty - like their often cited stat of only 5-20% of weight loss attempts resulting in long term success? Dude, you need some dishonesty and blatant stubbornness to embark on this journey and actually believe you'll make it. I'm fine with that and frankly do not see the FA movement as being dishonest. They've just made different choices than you might have if you were in their situation
I agree with stubborn but not the dishonesty part. That may be the case for some, I've heard people talk about "working hard" when they have to put in effort over a weekend or past 5:00. Stats like you pulled out of thin air were made for them. They don't experience hard work unless its forced upon them. They whine and moan and never do anything above and beyond the minimum.
Then there are others. Some of us embrace hard work and thrive on it. We revel in it, it drives us. For us, work can be a drug in and of itself, and it's wonderful to feel that level of energy. I see others on here like that, several of whom I've clashed with. There's nothing like two stubborn people arguing with each other, but I'll always respect that person far more than the one who blindly follows and doesn't think or work.
Sure, we fail at times. We hit a wall. Life gets in the way. We make a fool of ourselves. But, we learn to laugh it off, pick ourselves up, figure out what we did wrong, and keep moving. Hell, it took me 6 years to get through college because I couldn't afford it and had to work full time. I didn't have more than 4-5 days off a year for several years for most of that period. I worked 80+ hours a week for the first 8 years of my career. I hit a wall several times, saw colleagues die from exhaustion and addictions, watched it evaporate after the economy collapsed, and had to completely start over. Business is good now. I pushed through. You want something? Work for it. Not that play work like so many do, but real work. People who really work are rare. And think about it. Work hard and smart. You say different choices? No, their choices were made for them when they started making excuses and blaming everyone but themselves.
Guess my stat pulled out of thin air now makes even more sense since people who really work are very rare
Was actually nice reading a little bit about you, though.
But, to be honest, my first thought was, "Wut"
Meh. It wasn't that hard for me to lose weight. It's not that much work. That's the point. People won't put in even a little real effort. There's even a website full of people chearing them on, and they'd rather talk about shame. If it's not that simple then at least put in the effort to get counseling. It's just frustrating to watch.
Seems to me most of the posters in this thread saying shame didn't help have successfully lost weight.6 -
sunnybeaches105 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »Not everyone who feels "unashamed" about being overweight is whining. In fact, I think people who accept themselves and don't feel shameful and powerless are far less likely to whine.
Personally, I never whined about my weight aloud, because I didn't want anyone to hear me admit I considered it a failure of mine. (Also, because my automatic response to whining, including that tendency in myself, is why don't you do something about it, if it bothers you.)
I didn't whine either. I agree that not everyone whines. Truly "accepting" oneself takes honestly. Once I was honest with myself I wanted change. Honesty is something else I see missing in FA.
Honesty - like their often cited stat of only 5-20% of weight loss attempts resulting in long term success? Dude, you need some dishonesty and blatant stubbornness to embark on this journey and actually believe you'll make it. I'm fine with that and frankly do not see the FA movement as being dishonest. They've just made different choices than you might have if you were in their situation
I agree with stubborn but not the dishonesty part. That may be the case for some, I've heard people talk about "working hard" when they have to put in effort over a weekend or past 5:00. Stats like you pulled out of thin air were made for them. They don't experience hard work unless its forced upon them. They whine and moan and never do anything above and beyond the minimum.
Then there are others. Some of us embrace hard work and thrive on it. We revel in it, it drives us. For us, work can be a drug in and of itself, and it's wonderful to feel that level of energy. I see others on here like that, several of whom I've clashed with. There's nothing like two stubborn people arguing with each other, but I'll always respect that person far more than the one who blindly follows and doesn't think or work.
Sure, we fail at times. We hit a wall. Life gets in the way. We make a fool of ourselves. But, we learn to laugh it off, pick ourselves up, figure out what we did wrong, and keep moving. Hell, it took me 6 years to get through college because I couldn't afford it and had to work full time. I didn't have more than 4-5 days off a year for several years for most of that period. I worked 80+ hours a week for the first 8 years of my career. I hit a wall several times, saw colleagues die from exhaustion and addictions, watched it evaporate after the economy collapsed, and had to completely start over. Business is good now. I pushed through. You want something? Work for it. Not that play work like so many do, but real work. People who really work are rare. And think about it. Work hard and smart. You say different choices? No, their choices were made for them when they started making excuses and blaming everyone but themselves.
Guess my stat pulled out of thin air now makes even more sense since people who really work are very rare
Was actually nice reading a little bit about you, though.
But, to be honest, my first thought was, "Wut"
Meh. It wasn't that hard for me to lose weight. It's not that much work. That's the point. People won't put in even a little real effort. There's even a website full of people chearing them on, and they'd rather talk about shame. If it's not that simple then at least put in the effort to get counseling. It's just frustrating to watch.
That doesn't mean that it's easy for everyone else. If it were easy to lose and maintain weight, there would be less people who have to do it.
A "little" effort doesn't do anything for my weight loss. It takes a huge effort to get the scale to move down.
Do you want to share how many pounds you lost and how long it took you?
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sunnybeaches105 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »sunnybeaches105 wrote: »lemurcat12 wrote: »Not everyone who feels "unashamed" about being overweight is whining. In fact, I think people who accept themselves and don't feel shameful and powerless are far less likely to whine.
Personally, I never whined about my weight aloud, because I didn't want anyone to hear me admit I considered it a failure of mine. (Also, because my automatic response to whining, including that tendency in myself, is why don't you do something about it, if it bothers you.)
I didn't whine either. I agree that not everyone whines. Truly "accepting" oneself takes honestly. Once I was honest with myself I wanted change. Honesty is something else I see missing in FA.
Honesty - like their often cited stat of only 5-20% of weight loss attempts resulting in long term success? Dude, you need some dishonesty and blatant stubbornness to embark on this journey and actually believe you'll make it. I'm fine with that and frankly do not see the FA movement as being dishonest. They've just made different choices than you might have if you were in their situation
I agree with stubborn but not the dishonesty part. That may be the case for some, I've heard people talk about "working hard" when they have to put in effort over a weekend or past 5:00. Stats like you pulled out of thin air were made for them. They don't experience hard work unless its forced upon them. They whine and moan and never do anything above and beyond the minimum.
Then there are others. Some of us embrace hard work and thrive on it. We revel in it, it drives us. For us, work can be a drug in and of itself, and it's wonderful to feel that level of energy. I see others on here like that, several of whom I've clashed with. There's nothing like two stubborn people arguing with each other, but I'll always respect that person far more than the one who blindly follows and doesn't think or work.
Sure, we fail at times. We hit a wall. Life gets in the way. We make a fool of ourselves. But, we learn to laugh it off, pick ourselves up, figure out what we did wrong, and keep moving. Hell, it took me 6 years to get through college because I couldn't afford it and had to work full time. I didn't have more than 4-5 days off a year for several years for most of that period. I worked 80+ hours a week for the first 8 years of my career. I hit a wall several times, saw colleagues die from exhaustion and addictions, watched it evaporate after the economy collapsed, and had to completely start over. Business is good now. I pushed through. You want something? Work for it. Not that play work like so many do, but real work. People who really work are rare. And think about it. Work hard and smart. You say different choices? No, their choices were made for them when they started making excuses and blaming everyone but themselves.
Guess my stat pulled out of thin air now makes even more sense since people who really work are very rare
Was actually nice reading a little bit about you, though.
But, to be honest, my first thought was, "Wut"
Meh. It wasn't that hard for me to lose weight. It's not that much work. That's the point. People won't put in even a little real effort. There's even a website full of people chearing them on, and they'd rather talk about shame. If it's not that simple then at least put in the effort to get counseling. It's just frustrating to watch.
That doesn't mean that it's easy for everyone else. If it were easy to lose and maintain weight, there would be less people who have to do it.
A "little" effort doesn't do anything for my weight loss. It takes a huge effort to get the scale to move down.
Do you want to share how many pounds you lost and how long it took you?
Around 90 pounds. Took 3 years to get lean the first time around, but only about 6 months of that was after I found MFP. That's when it became easy. We all have a ridiculously effective tool in MFP. I wish I had found it earlier.2
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