WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MAY 2016

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  • klanders30
    klanders30 Posts: 2,569 Member
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    Barbie. Sending you strength and love. Karen from ny
  • barbiecat
    barbiecat Posts: 16,972 Member
    edited May 2016
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    :)Lisa, that's quite an impressive project...you are very talented

    :)Heather, there was one friend who offered to pick Jake up at the hospital once before but this time the friend is having cataract surgery the same week....then Jake told me that he really wants me to come stay at the hospital with him and that he trusts my driving more than anyone else...we figured out an alternate route home that will keep us away from downtown Seattle and the Seattle waterfront so the drive won't be so scary...I have just gotten used to having someone else drive except for out in the country where we live....I'm sorry that your husband is so reluctant to help you make plans for what would happen if he couldn't handle his own financial affairs

    :)Karen, Thank you for the link to the Five Wishes....We have a similar document that was prepared by our attorney when we made our wills but I might be able to share it with a friend who can't afford to pay a professional.

    :'(Joyce, I'm sorry your daughters won't be with you the way you want at the time of Charlie's surgery

    :)Alison, our grocery store is open 24 hours a day, but we like to get there before 8:30 when it isn't crowded....there is another grocery store in town that has lower prices on many items but the aisles are narrow and it's always crowded so I don't shop there.

    1056287i3zmwzup2m.gif Thank you for being with me while I ate my breakfast...now I am off to walk my dogs.

  • Peach1948
    Peach1948 Posts: 2,473 Member
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    Barbie ~ I can understand your reluctance to drive in Seattle. Since I have been driving through Atlanta every few weeks, a lot of my fear has abated. I hope that Jakes's surgery is successful. My mom had to have a fractured disc in her back cemented and her pain has subsided.

    Carol
  • Lilymay2
    Lilymay2 Posts: 2,524 Member
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    YEAH!!!! It has finally rained - started last night with a spectacular light show with sound effects. This morning looks soooo fresh!!

    Lillian in Fresh looking West Central Saskatchewan
  • miriamwithcats
    miriamwithcats Posts: 1,120 Member
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    Karenleona, as a person with a mental illness, I take great offense at your use of the term "nutballs".
  • miriamwithcats
    miriamwithcats Posts: 1,120 Member
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    Barbie and Joyce, hugs to both of you with what you are going through.

    Karen in the lovely dress, hope your day is filled with fun.

    Love to all. I am a bit upset right now so not feeling chatty.
  • Peach1948
    Peach1948 Posts: 2,473 Member
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    Lillian ~ Know you are doing the happy dance for rain!

    m6ib5n65ho2w.jpg
  • kimses2
    kimses2 Posts: 218 Member
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    Taking baby steps to get back in the swing of things. I tracked food yesterday. I found myself cheating on the entries which is funny because no one else will see it--guess that tells me where some of my challenges are! Because I just plain forget to log I'm going to set up some reminders on my phone. My exercise is going ok which is usually the case.

    Down at the Cape (Cod) doing yard work and left the kids (22 and 18) home alone, so I hope the house is still standing when I get home. I got a text last night from my daughter "big party here...lots of alcohol and it's all spilled on the new rug." very funny...such a smart aleck. Gosh. I hope it was a joke!!!!

    Kimses in MA
  • GRITSandSLUTSandWINOS
    GRITSandSLUTSandWINOS Posts: 2,573 Member
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    Annr – I have 2 boys, 180 degrees different in their temperament. They get along fabulously. Oldest one is more sensitive about things. Worries about failure, all the time. He married very young because GF was pregnant. We tried talking him out of it; but, he wanted to do the ‘right thing’ and so he married her. Marriage lasted 2 years. She had other plans with other men. But, he had a daughter to help raise. When she turned 14 (her birthday) she signed the petition to have her custody changed to her Daddy. Best thing that ever happened to her. DYS has always been ‘self-confident’ and isn’t afraid to ‘fail’, that is how he learns things. Very confident and makes 3x (or more) money than his brother will ever make given the education of each one. DOS works with his Daddy; but, really does not want to ‘take over the business’ (in some ways, I can’t really blame him); but, it has been good income for the two of us. DH will work until he drops in the bushes; but, lately has talked about wanting to quit working as hard as he does. I’d like DOS to find another job, then that way, if DH wanted to take on small jobs, he could do it without having to worry about making enough for son to support his family. I told him that maybe he needed to talk to DOS about a deadline for finding another job, if he isn’t willing to take on the business; say the end of December, 2016. He just looks at me. Son will be 40 in June. A little old to be starting at the bottom; but, with only 1 year of college under his belt. I know DH would help pay for him to go back to school, but, he doesn’t want to do that. Mainly, because his wife would want to do the same. We aren’t paying for her to go, nor are we paying for her spending every nickel they make. He is a smart man, could do anything that his heart desired. Maybe he ought to apply for jobs as a Hispanic (he could certainly pass for one). You know, ‘diversity’ and all that. Just kidding. His wife is trying to find another job as well. So it is a houseful of turmoil and we get the brunt of it. We are both tired of hearing about it.

    Pip34 – Is the black lab a ‘new’ baby; or is this an older picture?

    Joyce – I don’t know what type of surgery your husband is going to have; but, I think it is important that he voice his ‘fears’ to his MD. I know when my Mother voiced the concerns that my Daddy had before surgery … the MD said, that he wished they had voiced it ahead of time. They might not have done it at that time. But, to NOT do it would or could have killed him. They were going in to repair a thin spot in one of his major bloodlines. He had a debilitating stroke when they were x-raying him to find out exactly where it was located and also to make sure there were not any other areas they needed to explore. He had already put it off until after the New Year because he wanted to have a Christmas when all his children and grandchildren would be with him. I think my Mother blamed herself a lot for it. But, there was no way to tell, one way or the other. I think you have to make that type of decision based on what the MD has suggested. Any surgery is without its own set of risks. Good that your sister is coming to stay with you. Everyone ‘waiting’ needs to have someone ‘waiting’ with them.

    Lisa – Nice ‘apartment/home-away-from-home’ in your warehouse. Looks like it will be very comfortable. How do you enter your bathroom? About the only ‘other’ thing I would want there would be a ‘shower’ … since you stay there several days in a row; but, that is just me.

    Heather – What would be expensive about having your name added to his bank account(s)? I would think that all you’d have to do is sign a new signatory card. Making a Will might be expensive up front; but, having one will save you or your children a whole lot of money by not having to advertise every time they wanted to sell something that would belong to his ‘estate’. Both my husband and I have ‘joint’ checking accounts; but, he uses his exclusively and I do the same. Unless, each of us have the permission of the other to use it. I also have a ‘joint account’ with my DOS; until or unless he signs on to be a ‘joint’ holder of his ‘wife’s account’ at the same bank; then he would have to come off it. We’d both have to go to the bank for us to make that change. But, I won’t allow him to stay on if, if he is on hers because the bank would draw $$$ out of my/our account should she ‘overdraw’ hers … which happens a lot!

    Both my DH and I have a “’Will’ a ‘Living Will’, a ‘POA’, and a ‘Durable Power of Attorney’” that would take care of all the things listed in the 5 Wishes document and all have been copies and are on file with our Financial Planner. The important thing is to have them where the survivor(s) can find them.

    Some people, for some 'odd' reason, do not want to make a Will because it means they are 'thinking' about their own death; but, not what happens when the other party in the marriage (or children) would have to go through and pay if they don't have one. There are certain documents that can be filed that would allow you to use his account to pay for daily necessities. For one, a General Power of Attorney. But, the easiest way would be to go to the bank with him and both of you sign a new signatory card; with the understanding that you won't use the funds unless he is in a condition that would require you to do so. Like I said, both my DH and I have 'joint' accounts at separate banks ... neither of us use the other's unless it is necessary or we have given the other permission to do so. The 'only' reason I placed our DOS on one of them, was so that he could get to some $$$ until things were settled out. I know he would never use it on his own.

    A General Power of Attorney would allow each of you to do what each other would do, if you were able to do so. In some states to do a "Power of Attorney" you HAVE to have it done by an attorney. That is the reason that my DH's daughter could take what she took from his Mother; she had pulled one off the Internet and did not 'know' the laws of Florida. We could have taken her to court over it; but, both DH and DBnL did not think it was worth the $500 an hour we'd have to pay an attorney to proved she had 'co-mingled' funds and then taken what she wanted from the estate. All I can say is "Karma will come visiting one day"; but, at this point I really don't give a damn if she does or doesn't. She's been 'out of our lives' for going on 10 years now. The way my DH views it, is she died the day his Mother did (as well as her husband and daughter). We do not expect a reconciliation; but, it is open if she wants it.

    Lenora
  • Charleen2
    Charleen2 Posts: 223 Member
    edited May 2016
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    Lisa - I think you need to call the 'bedroom' a 'conference room'. There is no closet, so of course it's not a bedroom {wink, wink} just a conference room with a really odd table.
  • lhannon062709
    lhannon062709 Posts: 1,140 Member
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    Lenora - it's a tub with shower head--oddly enough tub/shower combos are cheaper than shower stalls. And the entrance is right where the word bathroom is... we will be putting a door up there, but haven't decided yet whether to put it before the laundry area or after... probably after.

    And Charleen, I actually laughed out loud. Love that... :) New softer, gentler conference table. Hee!

    The only rooms that existed when we got there were the front office and the craft workshop. We took the closet out of the craft workshop and ripped out all the old shelving in the toolroom behind it to turn it into a small bedroom, and then started building out from there. First with the dividing wall across the middle of the warehouse, then the rest. Considering how much of this I've done over the years, it's really nice to be doing it inside, instead of getting sunburnt or rained on! :dizzy:

    Back off to town, my mini-vacay at the ranch is over...

    Love y'all,
    Lisa in West Texas
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 16,674 Member
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    morning peeps-I will reply later when I get home
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,330 Member
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    Lenora - You are right about putting my name onto a couple of his accounts would be the cheapest and easiest way to access some of his money if I needed it, but I would have to catch him at a very good moment to suggest that. Because we got married later in life we each brought our own savings to the marriage and we both like to keep our own finances separate. Then we can do what we want with our own money. He is very generous, but on his own terms.
    My concern would be if he was permanently rendered incapable, such as a bad stroke. I would have to organise a nursing home for him if he couldn't be cared for at home long term and that can be horrendously expensive. He has savings, iin a lot of different accounts, but I couldn't get to them as things stand. Lasting Power of Attorney would have to be activated under those conditions, but would be much quicker and easier than having to go through the legal process after he was incapacitated. The same goes for me.
    We have both made mirrored wills, so that is all sorted.
    I will talk to him again.

    He is back from the cricket as it was raining. Fortunately my film was finished. :D Must post it off.

    Salmon tonight.

    Heather UK
  • barbiecat
    barbiecat Posts: 16,972 Member
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    miriamwithcats wrote: »
    Karenleona, as a person with a mental illness, I take great offense at your use of the term "nutballs".

    :) I applaud your courage to speak up....many people use thoughtless language not realizing how hurtful it is and continue to do so unless someone points it out to them. <3
  • Katla49
    Katla49 Posts: 10,385 Member
    edited May 2016
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    Lisa: Your living/working area inside the warehouse looks just right for your needs. :smiley:

    Karen: The five wishes link was great, but Oregon is not on the list. I'll need to see what is needed in Oregon. :star:

    Barbie: Seattle traffic is the pits. I wouldn't look forward to it, either. Can you time your drive to avoid rush hour? It sounds as though you've figured out the best possible route already. :flowerforyou:

    Lillian: Congratulations on finally getting some rain! I hope it is enough to put the fires OUT. :heart:

    Kimses: I do all my logging on my iphone. It is always with me, and stores the data so that if I don't have internet service I still don't miss that day with MFP. :flowerforyou:


    Yesterday we shared dinner at a Chinese restaurant in Kalama, WA with our sailing club. Some of the group took their boats but we drove. It was great to see everyone. We've missed nearly all of the club activities in the past year so this was a treat for us. The club is going to Martin Island for Memorial Day weekend this coming week. I wish we could go along, but we have a lot of work to do on our boat to get it cruise ready and I have doubts that we will get it done in time to go. We've had the boat mechanic fix all the mechanical problems, but our son changed how the boat was rigged and we want to change it back. That will take nice weather and several hours to accomplish, maybe even days. We aren't as spry as we once were. We might hop in the fishing boat and go down for a short visit while they're there, but it would need to be a calm day.

    Katla in Beautiful NW Oregon

    Tibetan proverb: "The secret to living well and long is: Eat half, walk double, laugh triple and love without measure..."

    “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” Thomas A. Edison
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 9,786 Member
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    afternoon ladies~
    well took care of Faith early,and went grocery shopping, spent 274.60 and saved 97.90 with coupons and card savings...so it came down to 177.00 and change.. thats pretty good, only think is lost my grocery list, 1/2 way through the store.. took groceries home, put them away, got Toms lunch together for tomorrow and took some meatloaf out for him for tonight, so he is set for the day.. think I will go take a nap....
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 16,674 Member
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    .
  • Peach1948
    Peach1948 Posts: 2,473 Member
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    Margaret and Miriam ~ I have to chime in. I think that we have gotten to the point of having to be too socially correct! Kareleon's reference to "nutballies" was just a light hearted way of expressing what she was facing that evening. As a 5th grade teacher, I sure had my share of reprimands from parents over the 30 yr stint where I annoyed them with something I said. Never meant to hurt/harm anyone.
  • GRITSandSLUTSandWINOS
    GRITSandSLUTSandWINOS Posts: 2,573 Member
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    Heather – Like you said, same goes for you, too. Do either of you have children that you brought into the marriage? That can be ‘sticky’ as well; because after one of you dies, there is nothing that can be done about changing your Will and leaving his children out of it, or him leaving your children out of the Wills. We have mirror Wills as well; then we leave our ‘stuff’ to our children, share and share alike; but, then they can divide it between themselves. DYS does not want to own anything with DOS and I can understand that. The land we live on is actually 2 tracts of land that are about the same in size; one that has unencumbered land behind it will go to DOS; and the tract of land our house sits on goes to DYS (after insurance pays for it). Also, DH specifically wrote his daughter out of his Will because of what she did when his Mother died. Basically, she got the major portion of the estate … and DH and DBnL got left out; but, “Karma will come to visit one day.” Would a Durable Power of Attorney make it so you could get to his money if you needed it or is that only for obtaining medical services and making medical decisions? I’m pretty sure that if you have a “Power of Attorney” you could take it to the bank and draw out his money if you needed to. Having a General POA means that the person with the ‘power’ has the right to do anything that the person giving the power the same as if he was doing it. But, there again, I am only a ‘former’ legal secretary and still cannot give legal advice. Laws in London could be very different there in London. I’d call an attorney and ask about it, then do what is necessary to get one for each of you. Of course, doing this is a ‘legal document’ and usually they have to be ‘filed with the Clerk of Court; and, if you decide you don’t want it, you have to file papers to ‘rescind’ it. But, being a legal secretary, I was exposed to all that can come along with people who don’t have the 4 legal documents that allow a spouse or a child to make decisions in your stead or when you die. Will, Living Will, Power of Attorney, and a Durable Power of Attorney. Definitely talk to him again (and again, if necessary). You are only trying to do this to protect each of you. A Death Certificate and a copy of the Will, would probably allow you to get the money in different accounts ... it would prove you are entitled to it, unless he has named someone specific to get it. I know when I die, all DH has to do is take a copy of the death certificate to the Financial Adviser (maybe with a copy of the Will) and his name will then be put on the account as the owner. I don't see why this would be any different at a bank.

    Another thing that is very important, if you have life insurance – DO NOT NAME THE “ESTATE” AS THE BENEFICIARY! NAME A PERSON – SPOUSE OR WHOEVER YOU WANT TO GET IT. In the USA, having a named person to be the beneficiary allows that person to pay debts that are owed, such a funeral expenses, last bills, and anything that is due to others. If you name the “Estate” … you give creditors first right to the money and you’d have to wait until the Will goes through Probate Court. Some Wills that are simple don’t have to go through the Probate Court; but, most of them are filed with the Clerk of Court (or Probate Court).

    I missed the post of calling people ‘nutballs’; but, I agree with Miriam … not nice when talking about someone who has a ‘mental illness’. So many can be controlled by taking medication … just like diabetes can be controlled by medication. It is an illness, no different than physical ones. Unfortunately, misunderstood by others.

    Lenora

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