What's a "normal" love life?

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  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
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    All the ladies who are saying "multiple times a day", When do you have time for a job (or is your man a two pump chump)??

    I enjoy a longer session at night and a quicky (10 minutes give or take) in the morning. I don't watch tv anymore, which frees up my calendar for more enjoyable experiences. Its amazing how much time you have when you reorganize your priorities.

    I would have had trouble finishing in 10 minutes when I was a teenager, now I am in my 40's. If I don't have 30+ minutes, I don't even bother and even @ 30min I consider it a quicky and feel a little rushed. Everyone is different though. Also, it is amazing how many people on here must not know what the word "foreplay" means since some people are claiming 5 times a day. I'm guessing their love life is more like grope, grab, tug, go, pump pump, done (X 5).

    Unless your partner is getting off 4-5 times within that 30+ minutes then you are doing it wrong.

    When I was a teen I needed more time to get her "off", now that I know what I am doing even quicky can get the job done.

    Some of the best time I've had have been spontaneous, half dressed up against a wall, ten minutes or less then fall into the shower and run out the house because you only have 5 minutes left to get to work.

    I weep at the thought of all the fun I would have missed if my husband thought anything less than 30 minutes wasn't worthwhile.
  • TyTy76
    TyTy76 Posts: 1,761 Member
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    All the ladies who are saying "multiple times a day", When do you have time for a job (or is your man a two pump chump)??

    I enjoy a longer session at night and a quicky (10 minutes give or take) in the morning. I don't watch tv anymore, which frees up my calendar for more enjoyable experiences. Its amazing how much time you have when you reorganize your priorities.

    I would have had trouble finishing in 10 minutes when I was a teenager, now I am in my 40's. If I don't have 30+ minutes, I don't even bother and even @ 30min I consider it a quicky and feel a little rushed. Everyone is different though. Also, it is amazing how many people on here must not know what the word "foreplay" means since some people are claiming 5 times a day. I'm guessing their love life is more like grope, grab, tug, go, pump pump, done (X 5).

    Unless your partner is getting off 4-5 times within that 30+ minutes then you are doing it wrong. Not that it sometimes doesn't last that long, just that it doesn't have to for everyone to be satisfied, if you know what you are doing

    When I was a teen I needed more time to get her "off", now that I know what I am doing even quicky can get the job done.

    eyeroll.gif
  • RllyGudTweetr
    RllyGudTweetr Posts: 2,019 Member
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    By yourself, in the loo, followed by sobbing?

    . . . wait, that's not "normal?"

    :grumble: My ex lied to me.
  • chunkydunk714
    chunkydunk714 Posts: 784 Member
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    Love life? Whats a love life?

    :sad:

    :brokenheart:
  • buckshot1969
    buckshot1969 Posts: 87
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    My choice 2-3 times a week at least!
  • nichi123
    nichi123 Posts: 244
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    what are the other choices?

    Daily.
    Daily is good for me....
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    I didnt know we had to have a certain amount to be classified as 'normal'

    I have a low sex drive, husbands is high..... we have it when i feel like it :ohwell:


    As far as im aware we are both happy, i say this because i know he would tell me if he wasnt.

    Knowing his high drive i have brought it up on occasion due to my own guilt (i say guilt cause i cant think of the word i want to use haha) OH has told me many times, its not the quantity its the quality. This dosnt always ease my thoughts and i have wondered many times if he will go elsewhere for a refill, but instead of worrying about it i tell him, he always reassures me.

    This makes me sad for a few reasons.

    1. "We have it when I feel like it" It's very hard to feel sorry for a woman with this mentality when a partner strays..

    2. His drive is high and yours is low but you believe you are both happy? Either he is lying to you, or to himself.

    3. You worry that the fact that he wants it more than you may lead him to stray but keep saying he reassures you or you reassure yourself.

    Not trying to be crappy but it could be worth looking into your low drive. There could be emotional or hormonal causes for this. But just telling yourself that your partner is happy with your lack of sex is not way to live..
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    I'm lucky if my husband of 25 years is interested twice a year. And those two times are only because I jump him and won't take no for an answer (on my birthday and our anniversary)! He has issues. Intimacy issues, abuse issues, ADHD and depression. But when I married him, it was for better or worse, through thick and thin. So I spend my life frustrated and very well stocked on toys and porn. He's getting treatment and trying really hard. I just don't think he'll ever be able to have a "normal" sex life. No sex isn't on my short list of "deal-breakers", so I make do. I love him and he's a good partner in other aspects. I'm not gonna leave him over this.

    I noticed both your avatar and ticker are sexually driven, so you can tell that it's on your mind and I'm sure an important aspect of your life and femininity.

    I admire you for your loyalty. I dont know if I could do that. It makes me really sad and worried. Just curious, and if you find the inappropriate you dont have to answer, would your husband be open to you having a "friend" with benefits? Nothing more than that no emotions or anything. It's simply a relationship to fill a physical need he wont or cant offer. Maybe he couldnt emotionally handle the idea even though it was nothing but a physical relationship. I'm torn on one hand I think if your partner knows you are sexual to not at least try is selfish, but you cant expect a person to jump when you feel the urge or feel desire when it's not even a thought in his or her brain.

    Personally, I dont even know how you would broach the subject, but I've often thought if it gets that bad in my relationship I would talk to him about the idea. I know it's for better for worse, but if you consider your sexuality to be an important part of your personality... IDK just curious.

    Thanks for sharing your story.
  • babyj0
    babyj0 Posts: 531 Member
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    Every day for me.
    But 4 times a week would be okay, I guess. Haha
  • downinaggieland98
    downinaggieland98 Posts: 224 Member
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    I didnt know we had to have a certain amount to be classified as 'normal'

    I have a low sex drive, husbands is high..... we have it when i feel like it :ohwell:


    As far as im aware we are both happy, i say this because i know he would tell me if he wasnt.

    Knowing his high drive i have brought it up on occasion due to my own guilt (i say guilt cause i cant think of the word i want to use haha) OH has told me many times, its not the quantity its the quality. This dosnt always ease my thoughts and i have wondered many times if he will go elsewhere for a refill, but instead of worrying about it i tell him, he always reassures me.

    This makes me sad for a few reasons.

    1. "We have it when I feel like it" It's very hard to feel sorry for a woman with this mentality when a partner strays..

    2. His drive is high and yours is low but you believe you are both happy? Either he is lying to you, or to himself.

    3. You worry that the fact that he wants it more than you may lead him to stray but keep saying he reassures you or you reassure yourself.

    Not trying to be crappy but it could be worth looking into your low drive. There could be emotional or hormonal causes for this. But just telling yourself that your partner is happy with your lack of sex is not way to live..

    I thought the same thing...
  • _cdngirl71_
    _cdngirl71_ Posts: 112 Member
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    My boyfriend and I have sex 4-6 times a week.
  • awise19
    awise19 Posts: 154 Member
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    Well deployments and trainings get in the way of our love life, but when my husband is home... It is daily... mutiple times a day. I like it that way and I hope it never changes, actually no. I won't let that change. haha
  • PilotX
    PilotX Posts: 233 Member
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    A normal sex life is when you ask your wife and she says not tonight but I promise tomorrow
  • lightdiva1
    lightdiva1 Posts: 935 Member
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    A normal sex life is when you ask your wife and she says not tonight but I promise tomorrow

    LOL!
  • angelams1019
    angelams1019 Posts: 1,102 Member
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    In a relationship, I expect it every day lol The only time this wasn't the expectation is if we didn't see each other that day.
  • SoViLicious
    SoViLicious Posts: 2,633 Member
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    Mostly three times a week. But some weeks I can do more.
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
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    Yeah.....we have issues. :ohwell: I've tried to talk to him about it, telling him with my self esteem issues I don't feel wanted or attractive & he gets defensive & it goes nowhere.

    He don't wanna hear dat! He wants you to pull his pants down and get busy :bigsmile:

    Pretend you have self esteem. Then maybe you will acquire it.

    I have such a fear of rejection. I just can't. I know I shouldn't feel that way but he chooses to avoid me so it's hard to suck it up & go for it.

    Just saw your response. If you convince him it's 'cause you want to, then he'll be all about it. Ain't no man going to stop a woman from tearing his pants off! If he acts all stupid because you put genuine effort then grab your vibrator and handle business in front of him. NO JOKE. Show him you're gonna get yours with or without him. He may be suspicious if you never act this way, but he won't think about it until after the deed is DONE. Then just tell him you want things to get better. That's it.
  • delaniecastillo
    delaniecastillo Posts: 284
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    A normal sex life is when you ask your wife and she says not tonight but I promise tomorrow

    QFT, lol
    Between 3 kids (one a 4mth old), gymming, work full-time, and more? lol Right now, I am trying to get my energy back up.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
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    been married for 10+ years. 1-2 times a week.
    could i stand to go a couple more times/week? sure.
    but we have an incredible relationship, so it's all good.
  • princessofredrock
    princessofredrock Posts: 382 Member
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    Normal is what you make it! Like others have said, if you are happy and satisfied then you are fine!

    After 21 yrs of marriage and together for 23.... with 3 boys that are 10, 8 and 7..... you would be amazed at the time you find to do the things you want! Lucky for my hubby I was pg during the time my libido should have kicked in so I have it now! lol Once a day or twice is not uncommon for us! :happy:

    I had lots of confidence issues when I gained weight and depression after having babies is common as well. My hubby was there for me and still is. He is still all over me like a teenager! He makes me feel wanted and loved and works very hard to make me happy. Of course I do the same for him! What ever it takes! :wink:

    To the OP. Maybe your hubby does not know how to deal with what is going on with you and avoidance is his protection.

    I agree with those that say jump his bones! Play dress up. Get a maid outfit to clean house in! Try something that will turn you both on! Be obvious and go for it!

    Good luck hun! ; )
    Chelle

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