What's a "normal" love life?
Replies
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All the ladies who are saying "multiple times a day", When do you have time for a job (or is your man a two pump chump)??
I enjoy a longer session at night and a quicky (10 minutes give or take) in the morning. I don't watch tv anymore, which frees up my calendar for more enjoyable experiences. Its amazing how much time you have when you reorganize your priorities.
I would have had trouble finishing in 10 minutes when I was a teenager, now I am in my 40's. If I don't have 30+ minutes, I don't even bother and even @ 30min I consider it a quicky and feel a little rushed. Everyone is different though. Also, it is amazing how many people on here must not know what the word "foreplay" means since some people are claiming 5 times a day. I'm guessing their love life is more like grope, grab, tug, go, pump pump, done (X 5).
Unless your partner is getting off 4-5 times within that 30+ minutes then you are doing it wrong.
When I was a teen I needed more time to get her "off", now that I know what I am doing even quicky can get the job done.
Some of the best time I've had have been spontaneous, half dressed up against a wall, ten minutes or less then fall into the shower and run out the house because you only have 5 minutes left to get to work.
I weep at the thought of all the fun I would have missed if my husband thought anything less than 30 minutes wasn't worthwhile.0 -
All the ladies who are saying "multiple times a day", When do you have time for a job (or is your man a two pump chump)??
I enjoy a longer session at night and a quicky (10 minutes give or take) in the morning. I don't watch tv anymore, which frees up my calendar for more enjoyable experiences. Its amazing how much time you have when you reorganize your priorities.
I would have had trouble finishing in 10 minutes when I was a teenager, now I am in my 40's. If I don't have 30+ minutes, I don't even bother and even @ 30min I consider it a quicky and feel a little rushed. Everyone is different though. Also, it is amazing how many people on here must not know what the word "foreplay" means since some people are claiming 5 times a day. I'm guessing their love life is more like grope, grab, tug, go, pump pump, done (X 5).
Unless your partner is getting off 4-5 times within that 30+ minutes then you are doing it wrong. Not that it sometimes doesn't last that long, just that it doesn't have to for everyone to be satisfied, if you know what you are doing
When I was a teen I needed more time to get her "off", now that I know what I am doing even quicky can get the job done.
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By yourself, in the loo, followed by sobbing?
. . . wait, that's not "normal?"
:grumble: My ex lied to me.0 -
Love life? Whats a love life?
:sad:
:brokenheart:0 -
My choice 2-3 times a week at least!0
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Daily is good for me....what are the other choices?
Daily.0 -
I didnt know we had to have a certain amount to be classified as 'normal'
I have a low sex drive, husbands is high..... we have it when i feel like it :ohwell:
As far as im aware we are both happy, i say this because i know he would tell me if he wasnt.
Knowing his high drive i have brought it up on occasion due to my own guilt (i say guilt cause i cant think of the word i want to use haha) OH has told me many times, its not the quantity its the quality. This dosnt always ease my thoughts and i have wondered many times if he will go elsewhere for a refill, but instead of worrying about it i tell him, he always reassures me.
This makes me sad for a few reasons.
1. "We have it when I feel like it" It's very hard to feel sorry for a woman with this mentality when a partner strays..
2. His drive is high and yours is low but you believe you are both happy? Either he is lying to you, or to himself.
3. You worry that the fact that he wants it more than you may lead him to stray but keep saying he reassures you or you reassure yourself.
Not trying to be crappy but it could be worth looking into your low drive. There could be emotional or hormonal causes for this. But just telling yourself that your partner is happy with your lack of sex is not way to live..0 -
I'm lucky if my husband of 25 years is interested twice a year. And those two times are only because I jump him and won't take no for an answer (on my birthday and our anniversary)! He has issues. Intimacy issues, abuse issues, ADHD and depression. But when I married him, it was for better or worse, through thick and thin. So I spend my life frustrated and very well stocked on toys and porn. He's getting treatment and trying really hard. I just don't think he'll ever be able to have a "normal" sex life. No sex isn't on my short list of "deal-breakers", so I make do. I love him and he's a good partner in other aspects. I'm not gonna leave him over this.
I noticed both your avatar and ticker are sexually driven, so you can tell that it's on your mind and I'm sure an important aspect of your life and femininity.
I admire you for your loyalty. I dont know if I could do that. It makes me really sad and worried. Just curious, and if you find the inappropriate you dont have to answer, would your husband be open to you having a "friend" with benefits? Nothing more than that no emotions or anything. It's simply a relationship to fill a physical need he wont or cant offer. Maybe he couldnt emotionally handle the idea even though it was nothing but a physical relationship. I'm torn on one hand I think if your partner knows you are sexual to not at least try is selfish, but you cant expect a person to jump when you feel the urge or feel desire when it's not even a thought in his or her brain.
Personally, I dont even know how you would broach the subject, but I've often thought if it gets that bad in my relationship I would talk to him about the idea. I know it's for better for worse, but if you consider your sexuality to be an important part of your personality... IDK just curious.
Thanks for sharing your story.0 -
Every day for me.
But 4 times a week would be okay, I guess. Haha0 -
I didnt know we had to have a certain amount to be classified as 'normal'
I have a low sex drive, husbands is high..... we have it when i feel like it :ohwell:
As far as im aware we are both happy, i say this because i know he would tell me if he wasnt.
Knowing his high drive i have brought it up on occasion due to my own guilt (i say guilt cause i cant think of the word i want to use haha) OH has told me many times, its not the quantity its the quality. This dosnt always ease my thoughts and i have wondered many times if he will go elsewhere for a refill, but instead of worrying about it i tell him, he always reassures me.
This makes me sad for a few reasons.
1. "We have it when I feel like it" It's very hard to feel sorry for a woman with this mentality when a partner strays..
2. His drive is high and yours is low but you believe you are both happy? Either he is lying to you, or to himself.
3. You worry that the fact that he wants it more than you may lead him to stray but keep saying he reassures you or you reassure yourself.
Not trying to be crappy but it could be worth looking into your low drive. There could be emotional or hormonal causes for this. But just telling yourself that your partner is happy with your lack of sex is not way to live..
I thought the same thing...0 -
My boyfriend and I have sex 4-6 times a week.0
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Well deployments and trainings get in the way of our love life, but when my husband is home... It is daily... mutiple times a day. I like it that way and I hope it never changes, actually no. I won't let that change. haha0
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A normal sex life is when you ask your wife and she says not tonight but I promise tomorrow0
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A normal sex life is when you ask your wife and she says not tonight but I promise tomorrow
LOL!0 -
In a relationship, I expect it every day lol The only time this wasn't the expectation is if we didn't see each other that day.0
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Mostly three times a week. But some weeks I can do more.0
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Yeah.....we have issues. :ohwell: I've tried to talk to him about it, telling him with my self esteem issues I don't feel wanted or attractive & he gets defensive & it goes nowhere.
He don't wanna hear dat! He wants you to pull his pants down and get busy :bigsmile:
Pretend you have self esteem. Then maybe you will acquire it.
I have such a fear of rejection. I just can't. I know I shouldn't feel that way but he chooses to avoid me so it's hard to suck it up & go for it.
Just saw your response. If you convince him it's 'cause you want to, then he'll be all about it. Ain't no man going to stop a woman from tearing his pants off! If he acts all stupid because you put genuine effort then grab your vibrator and handle business in front of him. NO JOKE. Show him you're gonna get yours with or without him. He may be suspicious if you never act this way, but he won't think about it until after the deed is DONE. Then just tell him you want things to get better. That's it.0 -
A normal sex life is when you ask your wife and she says not tonight but I promise tomorrow
QFT, lol
Between 3 kids (one a 4mth old), gymming, work full-time, and more? lol Right now, I am trying to get my energy back up.0 -
been married for 10+ years. 1-2 times a week.
could i stand to go a couple more times/week? sure.
but we have an incredible relationship, so it's all good.0 -
Normal is what you make it! Like others have said, if you are happy and satisfied then you are fine!
After 21 yrs of marriage and together for 23.... with 3 boys that are 10, 8 and 7..... you would be amazed at the time you find to do the things you want! Lucky for my hubby I was pg during the time my libido should have kicked in so I have it now! lol Once a day or twice is not uncommon for us! :happy:
I had lots of confidence issues when I gained weight and depression after having babies is common as well. My hubby was there for me and still is. He is still all over me like a teenager! He makes me feel wanted and loved and works very hard to make me happy. Of course I do the same for him! What ever it takes!
To the OP. Maybe your hubby does not know how to deal with what is going on with you and avoidance is his protection.
I agree with those that say jump his bones! Play dress up. Get a maid outfit to clean house in! Try something that will turn you both on! Be obvious and go for it!
Good luck hun! ; )
Chelle0 -
I have a friend who has been with her husband for 20 years and together 25 years. They have had sex every freakin day of that time (absent a very brief period after each of their 3 kids). It is unbelievable.
For me now with 4 kids from 2-10 it is once a week - there are times I would be interested in more but not every week- we are extremely busy (2 full-time jobs and kids in all kinds of crazy sports) and frankly with little ones who will still wake you up at night- the sleep is important!
I am hopeful things will get better as the 2 year old gets older and my desire will increase but honestly it is fine at once a week at this point.0 -
IMHO, normal is whatever works for the couple. As long as both people are truly okay with it.
I've never understood the "I have a headache" thing, myself. As long as I've been with someone I don't hate (and there was a time I was married to someone I hated so that was the exception) I can't see why we ladies (or you men) can't "take one for the team" once in a while, even if it's not the first thing on your list of things to do at that moment. I realize it can be a little harder for men to "take one for the team" than women, physically. That's what the little blue pills are for. And if it's long term and you know your relationship is solid, maybe guys with an unusually low drive should look into their testosterone levels. And ladies same goes for us. Get those hormone levels checked if your drive is extremely low. And if a low drive is medication related, all the more reason to just take one for the team. Ladies, have you EVER found yourself afterward going "gee I wish I hadn't done that" when it was with someone you are in a healthy relationship with?
The only times in my life where I didn't have this philosophy were when a relationship was so filled with resentment that the last thing in the world I wanted was "that man" putting his hands on me. So if that's where you're at, you've got a bigger problem than "a headache".0 -
All the ladies who are saying "multiple times a day", When do you have time for a job (or is your man a two pump chump)??
I enjoy a longer session at night and a quicky (10 minutes give or take) in the morning. I don't watch tv anymore, which frees up my calendar for more enjoyable experiences. Its amazing how much time you have when you reorganize your priorities.
I would have had trouble finishing in 10 minutes when I was a teenager, now I am in my 40's. If I don't have 30+ minutes, I don't even bother and even @ 30min I consider it a quicky and feel a little rushed. Everyone is different though. Also, it is amazing how many people on here must not know what the word "foreplay" means since some people are claiming 5 times a day. I'm guessing their love life is more like grope, grab, tug, go, pump pump, done (X 5).
Unless your partner is getting off 4-5 times within that 30+ minutes then you are doing it wrong. Not that it sometimes doesn't last that long, just that it doesn't have to for everyone to be satisfied, if you know what you are doing
When I was a teen I needed more time to get her "off", now that I know what I am doing even quicky can get the job done.
And there he is!! Mr. Twopump!
I am guessing by your awareness your skills are probably lacking, but let me clue you in on something that should have been obvious: I was talking about how long I take, not her. I am glad your are done before she has a chance for multiple O's and I guess I am glad that you are proud of it? Anyway.. Nice try.0 -
All the ladies who are saying "multiple times a day", When do you have time for a job (or is your man a two pump chump)??
I enjoy a longer session at night and a quicky (10 minutes give or take) in the morning. I don't watch tv anymore, which frees up my calendar for more enjoyable experiences. Its amazing how much time you have when you reorganize your priorities.
I would have had trouble finishing in 10 minutes when I was a teenager, now I am in my 40's. If I don't have 30+ minutes, I don't even bother and even @ 30min I consider it a quicky and feel a little rushed. Everyone is different though. Also, it is amazing how many people on here must not know what the word "foreplay" means since some people are claiming 5 times a day. I'm guessing their love life is more like grope, grab, tug, go, pump pump, done (X 5).
Unless your partner is getting off 4-5 times within that 30+ minutes then you are doing it wrong.
When I was a teen I needed more time to get her "off", now that I know what I am doing even quicky can get the job done.
Some of the best time I've had have been spontaneous, half dressed up against a wall, ten minutes or less then fall into the shower and run out the house because you only have 5 minutes left to get to work.
I weep at the thought of all the fun I would have missed if my husband thought anything less than 30 minutes wasn't worthwhile.
I agree, spontaneous times are different, but she was talking about a 10 minute session every morning. There are times when things can move quicker out of massive passion or lust.0 -
For ladies that have been pregnant...did you have a lot of sex during pregnancy? Was your husband hesitant to have sex with you while pregnant?0
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Barring a specific medical condition, I'd wager it's pretty rare for a guy to respond to his S/O's "Honey, would you like to?" with anything other than an enthusiastic "YES! Now. . . now is good, for me, thanks!"IMHO, normal is whatever works for the couple. As long as both people are truly okay with it.
I've never understood the "I have a headache" thing, myself. As long as I've been with someone I don't hate (and there was a time I was married to someone I hated so that was the exception) I can't see why we ladies (or you men) can't "take one for the team" once in a while, even if it's not the first thing on your list of things to do at that moment. I realize it can be a little harder for men to "take one for the team" than women, physically. That's what the little blue pills are for. And if it's long term and you know your relationship is solid, maybe guys with an unusually low drive should look into their testosterone levels. And ladies same goes for us. Get those hormone levels checked if your drive is extremely low. And if a low drive is medication related, all the more reason to just take one for the team. Ladies, have you EVER found yourself afterward going "gee I wish I hadn't done that" when it was with someone you are in a healthy relationship with?
The only times in my life where I didn't have this philosophy were when a relationship was so filled with resentment that the last thing in the world I wanted was "that man" putting his hands on me. So if that's where you're at, you've got a bigger problem than "a headache".0 -
All the ladies who are saying "multiple times a day", When do you have time for a job (or is your man a two pump chump)??
I enjoy a longer session at night and a quicky (10 minutes give or take) in the morning. I don't watch tv anymore, which frees up my calendar for more enjoyable experiences. Its amazing how much time you have when you reorganize your priorities.
I would have had trouble finishing in 10 minutes when I was a teenager, now I am in my 40's. If I don't have 30+ minutes, I don't even bother and even @ 30min I consider it a quicky and feel a little rushed. Everyone is different though. Also, it is amazing how many people on here must not know what the word "foreplay" means since some people are claiming 5 times a day. I'm guessing their love life is more like grope, grab, tug, go, pump pump, done (X 5).
Unless your partner is getting off 4-5 times within that 30+ minutes then you are doing it wrong. Not that it sometimes doesn't last that long, just that it doesn't have to for everyone to be satisfied, if you know what you are doing
When I was a teen I needed more time to get her "off", now that I know what I am doing even quicky can get the job done.
I personally prefer for it to take longer. We aren't rushed now that we have no kids at home and the build up without him trying to get me off 4-5 times in 30+ minutes is nice. Of course, when he was 34, I was 25 so things were quicker and multiple Os were par for the course. I am sure that some women my age still have them (that aren't faking them), but just like men slow down some, so do women as we get older. Thing is, we enjoy it as much or more than we did 23 years ago and actually just as often if not more often, usually 3+ times a week. Maybe because there is ultimate trust and much lower inhibitions. Either way, I know I wouldn't trade our 30-60 minutes from start to finish for a 10 minute quickie more than occasionally.0 -
Yeah.....we have issues. :ohwell: I've tried to talk to him about it, telling him with my self esteem issues I don't feel wanted or attractive & he gets defensive & it goes nowhere.
Yes, this sounds familiar, although mine doesn't get defensive, I just get the "I know" or "I'll try harder" & then nothing.0 -
unfortunately only like 3 x a month - (on his part) i honestly need it more than that - or i seem to need attention elsewhere - im not saying cheating - but its like you need to flirt - to feel sexy still - again - just being honest - please dont hate or judge -lol
Totally understand that0 -
It is interesting that when I started lifting weights my libido sky-rocketed which my husband loved. I can't tell you how crazy that was. I felt like a teenage boy. Now that things have calmed down and my body is out of shock we are at 2 to 3x a week. We are both happy with that and have a great marriage.
Have any other females had that experience? Is it the jump in testosterone?0
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