What's a "normal" love life?

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Replies

  • laddyboy
    laddyboy Posts: 1,565 Member
    I've been married to the same wonderful woman for 17 years and I still want her like I did all those years ago. We normally were 2-3 times a week until she started with the mid life change. Now we are once a week at the least. Hopefully after she is on the other side of her female issue we can kick it up a little. I'll be honest, I'm wanting the 2-3 times weekly but I love her so much I'll wait it out. If we don't get back to the 2-3 times a week I'll still have her.
  • annamc18
    annamc18 Posts: 198 Member
    I'm the oddball. Married 18 years. We get it done 3-5 times a week. At least one is of the epic throwdown variety. My wife is a trooper. :bigsmile: :wink:

    My drive quite high, much more so than hers though she's likely still higher than average. I get suicidal after 48 hours without.

    Edit: oh, and four kids, including a couple of teens.

    ^THIS! HA!

    I have been with my BF for 6 years next week, and we haven't slowed down one bit since we've been dating. We probably average 5-7 days a week, but anything less than 3x a week and I start having issues lol. No kids yet, but I don't think that would slow us down much either lol.......OH! and epic throwdown variety sex is often the best :bigsmile: :wink:
  • betteringmyselfeachday
    betteringmyselfeachday Posts: 99
    Ideally for me it would be a couple times a week. However, my soon-to-be husband is a farmer which means crazy hours in the spring and the fall. Sometimes work makes it lucky to have it 1 a month. I hate it when we have it maybe monthly, but I think every relationship goes thru a dry spell at some point.

    if this is an ongoing thing, then I think it deserves a discussion. Try to spice things up!!
  • Orfygirl
    Orfygirl Posts: 274 Member
    Normal is whatever normal is for you. My husband and I have been together for over 15 years and we have 4 children. We ARE madly in love with each other even though our sex life can range from several times a day to once every couple of months. Even though we can go long stretches without sex at times, we do substitute it with other means of intimacy such as cuddling and holding each others' hands. My children joke with my husband and I saying that we "suck each others' faces off" because we just kiss a lot and that is ok if kissing is all we need for intimacy at that time. We are not only partners in the bedroom but we are partners for life, we are best friends and we enjoy spending as much time together as possible and every minute doesn't have to be sexual. It really depends on the couple whether or not you need actual sex all of the time to keep your relationship going. Just because you are having a lot of sex doesn't mean that your relationship will work outside of the bedroom and vice versa. "Normal" is what "normal" is for you and only you.
  • AndiGirl70
    AndiGirl70 Posts: 542 Member
    Haven't pulled out the "swing" in over a year.

    Time to dust off that swing and play school reccess !
  • steveinct
    steveinct Posts: 140 Member
    All the ladies who are saying "multiple times a day", When do you have time for a job (or is your man a two pump chump)??
  • Jennisin1
    Jennisin1 Posts: 574 Member
    Ideally for me would be night and morning.... with occasional randomness thrown in. I have discovered the least I'm able to accept is 3 times a week.
  • Jennisin1
    Jennisin1 Posts: 574 Member
    All the ladies who are saying "multiple times a day", When do you have time for a job (or is your man a two pump chump)??

    I enjoy a longer session at night and a quicky (10 minutes give or take) in the morning. I don't watch tv anymore, which frees up my calendar for more enjoyable experiences. Its amazing how much time you have when you reorganize your priorities.
  • _Krys10_
    _Krys10_ Posts: 1,234 Member
    All the ladies who are saying "multiple times a day", When do you have time for a job (or is your man a two pump chump)??

    8 hour work day leaves 16 hours for fun
  • Krizzo87
    Krizzo87 Posts: 14,186 Member
    There are basically three stages in the sex life of a married couple:

    1st stage is "Everywhere Sex" -- You can't wait to get your hands on each other. On the kitchen counter, the couch, in the backyard, garage. There are no boundaries.

    2nd stage is "Bedroom Sex" -- You're iin bed; you're both awake; you figure "What the heck. Let's give it a tumble."

    3rd stage is "Hallway Sex" -- You pass each other in the Hall, look at each other and say "*kitten* You".

    My wife and I have been together almost 25 years. We're somewhere between 1st and 2nd stage. We still enjoy sex together regularly, but we're not trying to find new yoga positions, so we can bring the weight machine into our repertoire.

    Haven't pulled out the "swing" in over a year.

    I would have to say I'm in stage 2, possibly creeping up on stage 3 on occassion. :laugh:
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    All the ladies who are saying "multiple times a day", When do you have time for a job (or is your man a two pump chump)??

    I enjoy a longer session at night and a quicky (10 minutes give or take) in the morning. I don't watch tv anymore, which frees up my calendar for more enjoyable experiences. Its amazing how much time you have when you reorganize your priorities.

    This!!! My fiance and I do not even have cable and sometimes our TV is turned off for over a month at a time. Also, no kids and never will have kids.
  • Kai81109
    Kai81109 Posts: 52 Member
    I would say as often as you two can fit it in. Only been married 5 yrs it slowed down some from the first year but we have a soon to be 4 year old. It varies some times once every other week if were super busy if not then a couple times a day or at least once a day. You gotta keep it fresh and exciting though or it gets boring.
  • Mainebikerchick
    Mainebikerchick Posts: 1,573 Member
    Pretty much daily and I've been with my hubby for 12 1/2 years and have been married for 3....so to those who say marriage wrecks the sex....I say it didn't do a DAMN thing to mine except make it better!!!!!! :bigsmile:
  • MaritaD
    MaritaD Posts: 178 Member
    You all suck. :(

    Yes sucking is a part of it :) hehehe
  • steveinct
    steveinct Posts: 140 Member
    All the ladies who are saying "multiple times a day", When do you have time for a job (or is your man a two pump chump)??

    I enjoy a longer session at night and a quicky (10 minutes give or take) in the morning. I don't watch tv anymore, which frees up my calendar for more enjoyable experiences. Its amazing how much time you have when you reorganize your priorities.

    I would have had trouble finishing in 10 minutes when I was a teenager, now I am in my 40's. If I don't have 30+ minutes, I don't even bother and even @ 30min I consider it a quicky and feel a little rushed. Everyone is different though. Also, it is amazing how many people on here must not know what the word "foreplay" means since some people are claiming 5 times a day. I'm guessing their love life is more like grope, grab, tug, go, pump pump, done (X 5).
  • BarbellApprentice
    BarbellApprentice Posts: 486 Member
    As others noted, the time frame can vary and still be normal. However, if he is never or rarely initiating or pursuing you, then that is a major red flag.
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    Typical is something like just over 2x a week.

    Aparently, I am very, very abnormal.

    http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html#frequency
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    Morning, nooners, quickies....anytime:tongue:
  • NKfanKelli
    NKfanKelli Posts: 44
    Wow! This blew up overnight! Some posts made me laugh, some were sadly very relatable, and some were sadly unrelatable! :ohwell:
  • Jennisin1
    Jennisin1 Posts: 574 Member
    All the ladies who are saying "multiple times a day", When do you have time for a job (or is your man a two pump chump)??

    I enjoy a longer session at night and a quicky (10 minutes give or take) in the morning. I don't watch tv anymore, which frees up my calendar for more enjoyable experiences. Its amazing how much time you have when you reorganize your priorities.

    I would have had trouble finishing in 10 minutes when I was a teenager, now I am in my 40's. If I don't have 30+ minutes, I don't even bother and even @ 30min I consider it a quicky and feel a little rushed. Everyone is different though. Also, it is amazing how many people on here must not know what the word "foreplay" means since some people are claiming 5 times a day. I'm guessing their love life is more like grope, grab, tug, go, pump pump, done (X 5).

    Well, I don't have that problem... I can have 1 (more sometimes) in 10 minutes.... so what if it isn't for you? and I'm good with an hour or more at night. I've been with guys who need more time.. they had no problem with short play and considered it extented foreplay for when we had more time later. I mean you can't exactly take 40 minutes in the dressing room.... O_o
  • freddykid
    freddykid Posts: 265 Member
    10 years and 4 young kids later it is weekly to bi-weekly. We have had gaps of a few months and other times 10-15 times per week. Results vary but I can definitely correlate the large gaps in time to when stress was high and or we were upset with each other.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    There are basically three stages in the sex life of a married couple:

    1st stage is "Everywhere Sex" -- You can't wait to get your hands on each other. On the kitchen counter, the couch, in the backyard, garage. There are no boundaries.

    2nd stage is "Bedroom Sex" -- You're iin bed; you're both awake; you figure "What the heck. Let's give it a tumble."

    3rd stage is "Hallway Sex" -- You pass each other in the Hall, look at each other and say "*kitten* You".

    My wife and I have been together almost 25 years. We're somewhere between 1st and 2nd stage. We still enjoy sex together regularly, but we're not trying to find new yoga positions, so we can bring the weight machine into our repertoire.

    Haven't pulled out the "swing" in over a year.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • mrs_mab
    mrs_mab Posts: 1,024 Member
    Me & mine have been together 20+ years, married 17 of them, and we shoot for at least 3 times a week! Sometimes it's more, sometimes less. At least one time a week is a pretty good throw down that can last upwards of several hours.....that's usually when the teenage daughter is out of the house on the weekend, as our younger son isn't quite old enough to completely catch on to the strange noises coming from our room.....:huh: Now if we have the whole house to ourselves, and don't have to worry about being quiet then stuff gets really wild! :love: And a lot of the time, on those days where we don't get it in....we supplement somehow, as we both have a pretty high drive. Ever heard of a good Hand Shandy.......:bigsmile:
  • steveinct
    steveinct Posts: 140 Member
    All the ladies who are saying "multiple times a day", When do you have time for a job (or is your man a two pump chump)??

    I enjoy a longer session at night and a quicky (10 minutes give or take) in the morning. I don't watch tv anymore, which frees up my calendar for more enjoyable experiences. Its amazing how much time you have when you reorganize your priorities.

    I would have had trouble finishing in 10 minutes when I was a teenager, now I am in my 40's. If I don't have 30+ minutes, I don't even bother and even @ 30min I consider it a quicky and feel a little rushed. Everyone is different though. Also, it is amazing how many people on here must not know what the word "foreplay" means since some people are claiming 5 times a day. I'm guessing their love life is more like grope, grab, tug, go, pump pump, done (X 5).

    Well, I don't have that problem... I can have 1 (more sometimes) in 10 minutes.... so what if it isn't for you? and I'm good with an hour or more at night. I've been with guys who need more time.. they had no problem with short play and considered it extented foreplay for when we had more time later. I mean you can't exactly take 40 minutes in the dressing room.... O_o

    Wait a second... Something just occurred to me.. Do women count the sessions or the O's? In other words, does 5 times a day mean 5 sessions or 5 O's? That is two COMPLETELY different things.

    To your question: No, it is not all about me, however why would the woman I love want to have a regular session where I would never be able to finish? It doesn't matter if it happens here or there, but I don't think either partner should set up the other to feel unsatisfied.

    Yeah, you are right, but the dressing room is an excitement thing that sometimes can make things move faster. Oh yeah.. in an elevator too. =)
  • laurie62ann
    laurie62ann Posts: 433 Member
    3-5 times a week. Sometimes more if my hubby's got the energy!! Let's just say he's got some pretty jealous friends who are luck if they get it once a month....
  • mrs_mab
    mrs_mab Posts: 1,024 Member
    Yeah.....we have issues. :ohwell: I've tried to talk to him about it, telling him with my self esteem issues I don't feel wanted or attractive & he gets defensive & it goes nowhere.

    He don't wanna hear dat! He wants you to pull his pants down and get busy :bigsmile:

    Pretend you have self esteem. Then maybe you will acquire it.

    I have such a fear of rejection. I just can't. I know I shouldn't feel that way but he chooses to avoid me so it's hard to suck it up & go for it.

    Jump his bones girlfriend...I'm sure he would love it if you did!
    Also I would suggest to up your workouts!!! If you are doing just cardio, I strongly suggest adding in some weight lifting. I think working out, especially weight training, increases female and male sex drive....I'm sure there have been scientific studies as to why, but in my opinion when you work out you have more energy and you feel more confident, and that contributes to increased sex drive. At least it does for both of us.....I had some confidence issues when I had packed on a few extra pounds, and it wasn't that I didn't want it, it was that I was self-conscience and had a fear of him rejecting me, though now looking back I now that's just silly.....as I know if I was willing he'd NEVER turn IT down!
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
    Depending on where you both are in life and "in life" your shagging patterns may (but not necessarily go like this)

    Making babies --
    Like you were trying to save the world

    Kids very young --
    ehhh never. FFS, there is sleep to be caught up on!!

    Kids watching Thomas --
    Once a week very quietly and 5 days of giggling between yourselves afterwards


    Kids staying with grandparents --
    Once a day at least

    One of your parents pass away --
    Sod all for a few weeks and then a few subsequent weeks of shagging like the survival of the human race depends on it

    You / he / both of you get a promotion --
    2 nights of the wild WILD thing then a week of nothing as you stay up late figuring out what to do with the money

    Buy a house --
    shag

    Sell a house --
    fret (so no shagging)

    Of course everyone is different so your responses may be completely the opposite. My point is 'there is no normal'. There are just people.

    I love it!! :D
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    Sometimes a few times a weeks, sometimes it might be a few weeks (or more in rare instances) when there is nothing. Some times it is a few times a day. Just depends on what is going on and how crazy life can be. Work to become good at enjoy quickies and save long, romantic times for when you can get time away.

    And learn to enjoy *kitten*....a lot. Both of you.
  • fannyfrost
    fannyfrost Posts: 756 Member
    Normal is what works for both partners and changes based on age and family life. Before my daughter, 5 times a week was normal. after the baby, well once a week was a bonus.

    Stop comparing to others and start asking yourself is this working me, is this working for hubby. If its not then work to change it.
  • blah2989
    blah2989 Posts: 338 Member
    Wow! Im surprised how long some of you are able to go without. I need it at LEAST 3X a week. Id prefer everday but with his work schedule its not always possible lol. But thats me personally. I think its between you and your partner. Decide what works for both of you.

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