What's a "normal" love life?

Options
1…68101112

Replies

  • freddykid
    freddykid Posts: 265 Member
    Options
    10 years and 4 young kids later it is weekly to bi-weekly. We have had gaps of a few months and other times 10-15 times per week. Results vary but I can definitely correlate the large gaps in time to when stress was high and or we were upset with each other.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Options
    There are basically three stages in the sex life of a married couple:

    1st stage is "Everywhere Sex" -- You can't wait to get your hands on each other. On the kitchen counter, the couch, in the backyard, garage. There are no boundaries.

    2nd stage is "Bedroom Sex" -- You're iin bed; you're both awake; you figure "What the heck. Let's give it a tumble."

    3rd stage is "Hallway Sex" -- You pass each other in the Hall, look at each other and say "*kitten* You".

    My wife and I have been together almost 25 years. We're somewhere between 1st and 2nd stage. We still enjoy sex together regularly, but we're not trying to find new yoga positions, so we can bring the weight machine into our repertoire.

    Haven't pulled out the "swing" in over a year.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • mrs_mab
    mrs_mab Posts: 1,024 Member
    Options
    Me & mine have been together 20+ years, married 17 of them, and we shoot for at least 3 times a week! Sometimes it's more, sometimes less. At least one time a week is a pretty good throw down that can last upwards of several hours.....that's usually when the teenage daughter is out of the house on the weekend, as our younger son isn't quite old enough to completely catch on to the strange noises coming from our room.....:huh: Now if we have the whole house to ourselves, and don't have to worry about being quiet then stuff gets really wild! :love: And a lot of the time, on those days where we don't get it in....we supplement somehow, as we both have a pretty high drive. Ever heard of a good Hand Shandy.......:bigsmile:
  • steveinct
    steveinct Posts: 140 Member
    Options
    All the ladies who are saying "multiple times a day", When do you have time for a job (or is your man a two pump chump)??

    I enjoy a longer session at night and a quicky (10 minutes give or take) in the morning. I don't watch tv anymore, which frees up my calendar for more enjoyable experiences. Its amazing how much time you have when you reorganize your priorities.

    I would have had trouble finishing in 10 minutes when I was a teenager, now I am in my 40's. If I don't have 30+ minutes, I don't even bother and even @ 30min I consider it a quicky and feel a little rushed. Everyone is different though. Also, it is amazing how many people on here must not know what the word "foreplay" means since some people are claiming 5 times a day. I'm guessing their love life is more like grope, grab, tug, go, pump pump, done (X 5).

    Well, I don't have that problem... I can have 1 (more sometimes) in 10 minutes.... so what if it isn't for you? and I'm good with an hour or more at night. I've been with guys who need more time.. they had no problem with short play and considered it extented foreplay for when we had more time later. I mean you can't exactly take 40 minutes in the dressing room.... O_o

    Wait a second... Something just occurred to me.. Do women count the sessions or the O's? In other words, does 5 times a day mean 5 sessions or 5 O's? That is two COMPLETELY different things.

    To your question: No, it is not all about me, however why would the woman I love want to have a regular session where I would never be able to finish? It doesn't matter if it happens here or there, but I don't think either partner should set up the other to feel unsatisfied.

    Yeah, you are right, but the dressing room is an excitement thing that sometimes can make things move faster. Oh yeah.. in an elevator too. =)
  • laurie62ann
    laurie62ann Posts: 433 Member
    Options
    3-5 times a week. Sometimes more if my hubby's got the energy!! Let's just say he's got some pretty jealous friends who are luck if they get it once a month....
  • mrs_mab
    mrs_mab Posts: 1,024 Member
    Options
    Yeah.....we have issues. :ohwell: I've tried to talk to him about it, telling him with my self esteem issues I don't feel wanted or attractive & he gets defensive & it goes nowhere.

    He don't wanna hear dat! He wants you to pull his pants down and get busy :bigsmile:

    Pretend you have self esteem. Then maybe you will acquire it.

    I have such a fear of rejection. I just can't. I know I shouldn't feel that way but he chooses to avoid me so it's hard to suck it up & go for it.

    Jump his bones girlfriend...I'm sure he would love it if you did!
    Also I would suggest to up your workouts!!! If you are doing just cardio, I strongly suggest adding in some weight lifting. I think working out, especially weight training, increases female and male sex drive....I'm sure there have been scientific studies as to why, but in my opinion when you work out you have more energy and you feel more confident, and that contributes to increased sex drive. At least it does for both of us.....I had some confidence issues when I had packed on a few extra pounds, and it wasn't that I didn't want it, it was that I was self-conscience and had a fear of him rejecting me, though now looking back I now that's just silly.....as I know if I was willing he'd NEVER turn IT down!
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
    Options
    Depending on where you both are in life and "in life" your shagging patterns may (but not necessarily go like this)

    Making babies --
    Like you were trying to save the world

    Kids very young --
    ehhh never. FFS, there is sleep to be caught up on!!

    Kids watching Thomas --
    Once a week very quietly and 5 days of giggling between yourselves afterwards


    Kids staying with grandparents --
    Once a day at least

    One of your parents pass away --
    Sod all for a few weeks and then a few subsequent weeks of shagging like the survival of the human race depends on it

    You / he / both of you get a promotion --
    2 nights of the wild WILD thing then a week of nothing as you stay up late figuring out what to do with the money

    Buy a house --
    shag

    Sell a house --
    fret (so no shagging)

    Of course everyone is different so your responses may be completely the opposite. My point is 'there is no normal'. There are just people.

    I love it!! :D
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    Options
    Sometimes a few times a weeks, sometimes it might be a few weeks (or more in rare instances) when there is nothing. Some times it is a few times a day. Just depends on what is going on and how crazy life can be. Work to become good at enjoy quickies and save long, romantic times for when you can get time away.

    And learn to enjoy *kitten*....a lot. Both of you.
  • fannyfrost
    fannyfrost Posts: 756 Member
    Options
    Normal is what works for both partners and changes based on age and family life. Before my daughter, 5 times a week was normal. after the baby, well once a week was a bonus.

    Stop comparing to others and start asking yourself is this working me, is this working for hubby. If its not then work to change it.
  • blah2989
    blah2989 Posts: 338 Member
    Options
    Wow! Im surprised how long some of you are able to go without. I need it at LEAST 3X a week. Id prefer everday but with his work schedule its not always possible lol. But thats me personally. I think its between you and your partner. Decide what works for both of you.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Options
    I'd be happy with twice a day, but he doesnt have the drive nor stamina to keep up with me. I settle for 3-5 times a week. It's never enough though, but thank God for Mr. Hitachi the Japanese friend who never lets you down.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Options
    All the ladies who are saying "multiple times a day", When do you have time for a job (or is your man a two pump chump)??

    You rub it right and she can be a two pump chump too
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Options
    Yeah.....we have issues. :ohwell: I've tried to talk to him about it, telling him with my self esteem issues I don't feel wanted or attractive & he gets defensive & it goes nowhere.

    He don't wanna hear dat! He wants you to pull his pants down and get busy :bigsmile:

    Pretend you have self esteem. Then maybe you will acquire it.

    I have such a fear of rejection. I just can't. I know I shouldn't feel that way but he chooses to avoid me so it's hard to suck it up & go for it.

    Jump his bones girlfriend...I'm sure he would love it if you did!

    this!

    he probably has a fear of rejection too - thats why he avoids you, which then makes the situation worse...

    crack open a bottle of wine, and lock him in the bedroom!

    I dont know if any of you have ever been with a person who has a low drive, but this is the worst possible advice. When it gets to this point you really need counseling especially if the talking hasnt worked.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Options
    I can relate to an earlier post on this thread. After celebrating 20yrs of marriage and 4 children later (aged 5-15) I can say my husband and I are so far off the bell curves its crazy! I'm 43 and he's 54 and honest to goodness we have uninhibited sex at least 5 days a week. We are experiencing what I'm calling our "sexual renaissance". We've gone through all the phases in a married sex life including a 3yr dry spell. I can honestly say we are having the best sex ever, bar none. The key? Lose the inhibitions, communicate your needs/wants/fantasies openly and honestly and don't be afraid to try new things in and out of the bedroom to keep it interesting. I can also tell you a happy, active sex life extends its feel good mood to all areas of your life.

    This is happy to hear
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Options
    This thread is making me realize just how much I miss sex.
  • _Krys10_
    _Krys10_ Posts: 1,234 Member
    Options
    This thread is making me realize just how much I miss sex.


    Aww you need a hug and maybe something more
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Options
    without reading all the responses I don't think there is a real "normal" it ebbs and flows.
    Especially if there are kids involved.

    If you aren't happy with the frequency find a productive way to resolve that.
  • jillianbeeee
    jillianbeeee Posts: 345 Member
    Options
    You all suck. :(

    lol. Agreed. Been married 23 years and he just doesn't have the drive that I do. He works 14 hours a day. Me? I would be content with 2 times a month at this dam point. Nothing to do with my weight, just age and tiredness. Yep sucks.
  • alipene
    alipene Posts: 945 Member
    Options
    As many people have said, it's different for every couple. As long as the frequency is mutually acceptable, it's all good. For us 'normal' is 2-3 times a week after 24 years of marriage (together 29), but there have been leaner times. It's also about quality not quantity.
  • silver_arrow3
    silver_arrow3 Posts: 1,373 Member
    Options
    Still working on acquiring a love life, thanks.

    Most of my exes have had much lower drives than me.. Daily is acceptable though. I miss sex too... :grumble:

Categories