Gained Weight and Lied to BF About It
SoCalMirna
Posts: 4 Member
My BF and I have been working since February to help me lose weight, and overall I had lost about 10 pounds. The last few weeks have been extremely stressful at work and I gained a few pounds. When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me, so I hid it from him, and thought "I can lose those pounds and get back on track without him knowing." 2 pounds turned to 4 pounds turned to 5-6. Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him. And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him to talk about why I gained the weight: work stress, weight loss stress, not caring about myself and putting others first. He has not spoken to me in over 24 hours. Not sure what's going to happen. I guess I just need to dust myself of and try again, but ive been trying for 15 years. Maybe I need therapy...
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Replies
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Is this the kind of relationship that you want to be in long term? One where you feel the need to lie to your boyfriend for any reason?57
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SoCalMirna wrote: »My BF and I have been working since February to help me lose weight, and overall I had lost about 10 pounds. The last few weeks have been extremely stressful at work and I gained a few pounds. When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me, so I hid it from him, and thought "I can lose those pounds and get back on track without him knowing." 2 pounds turned to 4 pounds turned to 5-6. Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him. And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him to talk about why I gained the weight: work stress, weight loss stress, not caring about myself and putting others first. He has not spoken to me in over 24 hours. Not sure what's going to happen. I guess I just need to dust myself of and try again, but ive been trying for 15 years. Maybe I need therapy...
Perhaps it's how this was written, but this doesn't sound like a healthy situation.38 -
SoCalMirna wrote: »My BF and I have been working since February to help me lose weight, and overall I had lost about 10 pounds. The last few weeks have been extremely stressful at work and I gained a few pounds. When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me, so I hid it from him, and thought "I can lose those pounds and get back on track without him knowing." 2 pounds turned to 4 pounds turned to 5-6. Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him. And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him to talk about why I gained the weight: work stress, weight loss stress, not caring about myself and putting others first. He has not spoken to me in over 24 hours. Not sure what's going to happen. I guess I just need to dust myself of and try again, but ive been trying for 15 years. Maybe I need therapy...
Yes, you do.
This relationship is in the bin if your bf won't talk to you over a few pounds.
The rest? Therapy at least.13 -
You deserve better honey. You deserve a partner. Someone who will love you and think you're gorgeous no matter your size. It's good to have someone who will support you in reaching your goals but you should never be afraid of letting them know you've hit a setback. Please, love yourself more and demand better from him.
A Friend of mine is currently going through a heartbreaking divorce after more than 10 years together because she could never lose enough weight for her husband to truly love her so your situation really hits me. Please don't stay in an unhealthy relationship.24 -
If I may, I'd like to ask a question. Who's idea was the weight loss? His or yours? But really think about it. If I was your choice alone, great. If it was your choice, but after your BF hinted at your weight, or made comments or made you feel bad about yourself, then your heart isn't going to be in it.
Get out of that relationship while you can. Trust me. My husband is the exact same way. He should not be acting like that. He should be supportive and understanding. I'm saving up my money to get out from under my husbands rule, but don't wait until it's too late like me.
If you need to talk, I'm here. Just PM me!8 -
This guys sounds like he's not worthy of your time and attention, if he would be mad at you for gaining weight. You don't need therapy, you need to find someone new who isn't so unnecessarily harsh on you.13
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Your post is full of red flags. You might need therapy to evaluate this relationship and why you're in it.13
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please find lose the boyfriend and find a great therapist. You are much better alone then with someone like this. Your self-worth cannot be measured by a scale.4
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To be fair, do you really think he's more upset about the weight gain or being lied to? I'd talk to him about that, you'll know what to do.16
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If you feel afraid to tell him that you had gained weight, you probably shouldn't be with him...5
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Get rid of the excess weight by ditching him. He sounds like a control freak
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EvgeniZyntx wrote: »SoCalMirna wrote: »My BF and I have been working since February to help me lose weight, and overall I had lost about 10 pounds. The last few weeks have been extremely stressful at work and I gained a few pounds. When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me, so I hid it from him, and thought "I can lose those pounds and get back on track without him knowing." 2 pounds turned to 4 pounds turned to 5-6. Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him. And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him to talk about why I gained the weight: work stress, weight loss stress, not caring about myself and putting others first. He has not spoken to me in over 24 hours. Not sure what's going to happen. I guess I just need to dust myself of and try again, but ive been trying for 15 years. Maybe I need therapy...
Yes, you do.
This relationship is in the bin if your bf won't talk to you over a few pounds.
The rest? Therapy at least.
To be fair, I read it as him being upset that she lied to him. And I get that. If she's lying about something so relatively trivial, then what else is she lying to him about?10 -
You deserve better honey. You deserve a partner. Someone who will love you and think you're gorgeous no matter your size. It's good to have someone who will support you in reaching your goals but you should never be afraid of letting them know you've hit a setback. Please, love yourself more and demand better from him.
A Friend of mine is currently going through a heartbreaking divorce after more than 10 years together because she could never lose enough weight for her husband to truly love her so your situation really hits me. Please don't stay in an unhealthy relationship.
And he deserves someone who won't lie to him.
(Well, I mean, I'm assuming. I don't know enough about him to know what he does or doesn't deserve. But as long as you're making the leap for random internet woman, I'll do the same for random internet guy.14 -
StephanieJane2 wrote: »Get rid of the excess weight by ditching him. He sounds like a control freak
Coupled with the discussions where women ask "Why won't my partner help me lose weight?" The thing that isn't happening is the thing that needs to happen, every time. Then when it happens it shouldn't be happening.
Can't we just say, stop lying and have an open conversation with your boyfriend? I like that option.4 -
"but ive been trying for 15 years" - to lose weight?? If so, that is the issue that needs to be addressed. Just based off of your OP the relationship does not sound healthy either but that's up to you.
If you've been struggling with your weight and being unhappy about it for this long then you really should take the time and effort to heal yourself from within. Unless we are healthy and happy with ourselves we cannot have healthy relationships with others.3 -
Red flags everywhere in OP's post. This is so wrong on so many levels. and advising talking through this is not an option for a happy solution and even if there was a happy medium for the moment, it will be just that, a moment or day.
I do wish it were as simple as just have a conversation with BF! But in reality and just based on what is shared in the entire OP, not a solution in this situation on either OP or BF's part. I was born at night but not last night and this is just plain ole ugly!
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jofjltncb6 wrote: »You deserve better honey. You deserve a partner. Someone who will love you and think you're gorgeous no matter your size. It's good to have someone who will support you in reaching your goals but you should never be afraid of letting them know you've hit a setback. Please, love yourself more and demand better from him.
A Friend of mine is currently going through a heartbreaking divorce after more than 10 years together because she could never lose enough weight for her husband to truly love her so your situation really hits me. Please don't stay in an unhealthy relationship.
And he deserves someone who won't lie to him.
(Well, I mean, I'm assuming. I don't know enough about him to know what he does or doesn't deserve. But as long as you're making the leap for random internet woman, I'll do the same for random internet guy.
So, it sounds like she's in an emotionally abusive relationship. She can't talk to him about her stress probably because he'll get angry or belittle her. If he gets mad at her for being stressed, or not losing weight, you'd be surprised at other trivial things he'll get mad at.
My husband gets angry at me if my son (who's 16) or I have one of his cokes (the soda, not the drug), or if I buy an extra pack of cigarettes, even though he can buy all he wants. Hell, I got yelled at for buying a new $3.00 shirt because my husband just dropped $1000 on a second Xbox one and a second monitor for his computer. To avoid fights, I lie. Not huge lies, but if he asks about a new shirt, I tell him my father bought it for me, because I don't want to be given the third degree and then be blamed because my $3.00 purchase is the reason we're tight on money this week. Because it sure as hell not the $1000 he spent.
By defending the BF, I can assume you've never been in an emotionally abusive relationship. You're lucky. She deserves some one is isn't going to treat he badly and crush her soul. So until you've walked in those shoes, you have no right to judge. Lying becomes a sanity saving defense mechanism.15 -
My husband is really invested in my weight loss journey because I am a genuinely happier person when I like what I see in the mirror (who isn't?) But, my husband supports me by cleaning the house so I can get in nightly workouts without the house falling to shambles (exaggeration), he also puts my daughter to bed without me some nights if I am meeting a girlfriend at the gym before close, he supports me accessing tools that he knows will motivate me (like my nutritional plan from a personal trainer, the fitbit I bought, new smaller sized clothing even when it's not strictly needed etc). He also plans date nights well in advance with me so we can plan were we are going and I can make it fit in my eating plan.
He doesn't get overly invested in my weight loss numbers other than congratulating me when I have lost weight and letting me *kitten* when I am in a plateau. He doesn't question my eating habits if I want a treat, and doesn't make me feel bad if my progress is slowed because of a binge.
What does your boyfriend actually do to help you lose weight if you were so nervous and upset over his possible reaction that you had to lie to him over two pounds? I hesitate to even call it a 2 pound gain because women will retain water weight at different times of the month. What came next, sure, but the original 2 pounds? Who knows.15 -
1. i'm sure he's more upset about the fact that you've lied to him than about you actually gaining weight.
2. not talking to you for over 24 hours? that's ridiculous. you both need to sit down and address the issues you so clearly have in your relationship. it's all about communication and trust... it appears you guys have neither.
3. he sounds emotionally abusive. you shouldn't be afraid to go to your significant other about ANYTHING, especially not gaining weight. him getting mad at you for slipping up? not okay.
5. be happy with yourself, babe. you're human. you're going to mess up and make mistakes. DONT STOP MOVING FORWARD. you're worth the success.
xoxo.4 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »You deserve better honey. You deserve a partner. Someone who will love you and think you're gorgeous no matter your size. It's good to have someone who will support you in reaching your goals but you should never be afraid of letting them know you've hit a setback. Please, love yourself more and demand better from him.
A Friend of mine is currently going through a heartbreaking divorce after more than 10 years together because she could never lose enough weight for her husband to truly love her so your situation really hits me. Please don't stay in an unhealthy relationship.
And he deserves someone who won't lie to him.
(Well, I mean, I'm assuming. I don't know enough about him to know what he does or doesn't deserve. But as long as you're making the leap for random internet woman, I'll do the same for random internet guy.
So, it sounds like she's in an emotionally abusive relationship. She can't talk to him about her stress probably because he'll get angry or belittle her. If he gets mad at her for being stressed, or not losing weight, you'd be surprised at other trivial things he'll get mad at.
My husband gets angry at me if my son (who's 16) or I have one of his cokes (the soda, not the drug), or if I buy an extra pack of cigarettes, even though he can buy all he wants. Hell, I got yelled at for buying a new $3.00 shirt because my husband just dropped $1000 on a second Xbox one and a second monitor for his computer. To avoid fights, I lie. Not huge lies, but if he asks about a new shirt, I tell him my father bought it for me, because I don't want to be given the third degree and then be blamed because my $3.00 purchase is the reason we're tight on money this week. Because it sure as hell not the $1000 he spent.
By defending the BF, I can assume you've never been in an emotionally abusive relationship. You're lucky. She deserves some one is isn't going to treat he badly and crush her soul. So until you've walked in those shoes, you have no right to judge. Lying becomes a sanity saving defense mechanism.
You're reading *way* into the backstory for OP...*and* me based on little to no actual information.
The number and depth of the assumptions you made in this post are fascinating. Truly.
Also, given the far greater details in your post (compared to OP), it sounds like you are in an incredibly unhealthy relationship and should seek couples and/or individual counseling either to salvage the relationship or at least yourself. (I mean this. Sincerely.)6 -
How old are you two??0
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Cohalligan wrote: »My husband is really invested in my weight loss journey because I am a genuinely happier person when I like what I see in the mirror (who isn't?) But, my husband supports me by cleaning the house so I can get in nightly workouts without the house falling to shambles (exaggeration), he also puts my daughter to bed without me some nights if I am meeting a girlfriend at the gym before close, he supports me accessing tools that he knows will motivate me (like my nutritional plan from a personal trainer, the fitbit I bought, new smaller sized clothing even when it's not strictly needed etc). He also plans date nights well in advance with me so we can plan were we are going and I can make it fit in my eating plan.
He doesn't get overly invested in my weight loss numbers other than congratulating me when I have lost weight and letting me *kitten* when I am in a plateau. He doesn't question my eating habits if I want a treat, and doesn't make me feel bad if my progress is slowed because of a binge.
What does your boyfriend actually do to help you lose weight if you were so nervous and upset over his possible reaction that you had to lie to him over two pounds? I hesitate to even call it a 2 pound gain because women will retain water weight at different times of the month. What came next, sure, but the original 2 pounds? Who knows.
You have got you a "good" one! Me too, I am very lucky. But I did kiss some frogs before I got him, I actually relate to exactly what is going on OP's story. And just like anything else, until you taste the good stuff, you really can't imagine that there is any better than what you've got.
I also wondered what were the consequences.. but just knowing that there were "any" consequences made me sad and cringe.1 -
Right so with out actually being in the house and living with you and knowing 100% the ins and outs of your relationship; basing this purely on what you posted this is what I got out of this:
You lied to him because you don't trust him to talk about your feelings.
Do you lie to him often about things not weight loss related?
WHY don't you "trust him" to talk about your feelings, has he been angry and verbally abusive to you in the past?
Perhaps the reason he's not talking to you has nothing to do with the weight gain and everything to do with the fact that you lied and didn't think to talk to him about it.
Do you two sit down and talk to each other? Communicate?
I can't imagine being in a relationship where I have to lie about, well, anything and where I don't trust my partner to tell them how I feel. I tell my husband everything. He's my best friend!
I am sensing that there's a whole lot more going on than just this small issue.2 -
You shouldn't lie to him and he shouldn't be this wrapped up in your weight loss.
This sounds like a terrible relationship all-around and you both probably need therapy. Oy.
I mean, I don't give my fiance specifics about my weight, but not because HE cares -- it's because I'M not comfortable telling anyone how much I weigh. In fact, last night he was going on and on about how much he doesn't even care because that isn't why he loves me. And I get that physical attraction matters and all that, but if it's to the point where there's no attraction, then maybe it's time to move on or something. Getting all controlling about it isn't ever going to be the answer.3 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »EvgeniZyntx wrote: »SoCalMirna wrote: »My BF and I have been working since February to help me lose weight, and overall I had lost about 10 pounds. The last few weeks have been extremely stressful at work and I gained a few pounds. When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me, so I hid it from him, and thought "I can lose those pounds and get back on track without him knowing." 2 pounds turned to 4 pounds turned to 5-6. Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him. And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him to talk about why I gained the weight: work stress, weight loss stress, not caring about myself and putting others first. He has not spoken to me in over 24 hours. Not sure what's going to happen. I guess I just need to dust myself of and try again, but ive been trying for 15 years. Maybe I need therapy...
Yes, you do.
This relationship is in the bin if your bf won't talk to you over a few pounds.
The rest? Therapy at least.
To be fair, I read it as him being upset that she lied to him. And I get that. If she's lying about something so relatively trivial, then what else is she lying to him about?
I'm sorry, but even if I lied to my husband about gaining 5 pounds, my husband wouldn't care. He definitely wouldn't be upset enough to not talk to me. That's not how I'm seeing this situation at all.8 -
So many red flags in the original post.
You should not be scared of your boyfriend for anything, especially not for gaining weight. 7 -
butterfli7o wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »EvgeniZyntx wrote: »SoCalMirna wrote: »My BF and I have been working since February to help me lose weight, and overall I had lost about 10 pounds. The last few weeks have been extremely stressful at work and I gained a few pounds. When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me, so I hid it from him, and thought "I can lose those pounds and get back on track without him knowing." 2 pounds turned to 4 pounds turned to 5-6. Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him. And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him to talk about why I gained the weight: work stress, weight loss stress, not caring about myself and putting others first. He has not spoken to me in over 24 hours. Not sure what's going to happen. I guess I just need to dust myself of and try again, but ive been trying for 15 years. Maybe I need therapy...
Yes, you do.
This relationship is in the bin if your bf won't talk to you over a few pounds.
The rest? Therapy at least.
To be fair, I read it as him being upset that she lied to him. And I get that. If she's lying about something so relatively trivial, then what else is she lying to him about?
I'm sorry, but even if I lied to my husband about gaining 5 pounds, my husband wouldn't care. He definitely wouldn't be upset enough to not talk to me. That's not how I'm seeing this situation at all.
I know people for whom it *would* be a big deal to be lied to about it though. Know them very well. And her post gives me no reason to discount that this is a factor, perhaps even the most significant factor.
Why so much discounting my life experiences?1 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »butterfli7o wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »EvgeniZyntx wrote: »SoCalMirna wrote: »My BF and I have been working since February to help me lose weight, and overall I had lost about 10 pounds. The last few weeks have been extremely stressful at work and I gained a few pounds. When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me, so I hid it from him, and thought "I can lose those pounds and get back on track without him knowing." 2 pounds turned to 4 pounds turned to 5-6. Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him. And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him to talk about why I gained the weight: work stress, weight loss stress, not caring about myself and putting others first. He has not spoken to me in over 24 hours. Not sure what's going to happen. I guess I just need to dust myself of and try again, but ive been trying for 15 years. Maybe I need therapy...
Yes, you do.
This relationship is in the bin if your bf won't talk to you over a few pounds.
The rest? Therapy at least.
To be fair, I read it as him being upset that she lied to him. And I get that. If she's lying about something so relatively trivial, then what else is she lying to him about?
I'm sorry, but even if I lied to my husband about gaining 5 pounds, my husband wouldn't care. He definitely wouldn't be upset enough to not talk to me. That's not how I'm seeing this situation at all.
I know people for whom it *would* be a big deal to be lied to about it though. Know them very well. And her post gives me no reason to discount that this is a factor, perhaps even the most significant factor.
Why so much discounting my life experiences?
@butterfli7o
If Jof lied to me about his body fat, I'd be really pissed off.
It affect my goals and long term strategy.
Don't discount how lying can affect others.2 -
My husband is the only man that has ever known my weight. He knows my losses and gains. He wants me to be happy and healthy. Lying to him would be lying to myself. If your bf has issues with your weight that make you want to lie... That sucks. You shouldn't feel like you have to lie. The truth comes out eventually, and the lying is always worse than what you lied about.0
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