Gained Weight and Lied to BF About It
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meh2
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There's not enough context to form an opinion about the "he made her stand on a scale" thing. I mean, what set off warning bells for me that something was off was:SoCalMirna wrote: »My BF and I have been working since February to help me lose weight, and overall I had lost about 10 pounds.
For ME, making my weight loss into a joint project with the BF or having the BF working on MY weight loss makes no sense and feels over-involved. But clearly for the OP this makes sense (and is consistent with various other posts we get here that seem to think the partner should be involved).
Given this, we don't know what the plan is, and her using him for accountability or weighing front of him could be part of that. (Again, seems over-involved to me, but clearly related to her claiming that HE is working to help her lose weight.)
Now, why is he going to be mad because she gained weight? Because all this is really about him wanting her to be thinner? Sure, maybe. That was my assumption at first (and from him working on her weight loss). But it could be because she gets so upset and down about being overweight. It could be that she's insecure at it had no grounding in his actual likely reaction. Being scared of the partner's reaction clearly is a sign that the relationship needs work, but we don't actually know the cause.
And why is he mad? Because of the lying? Because he thinks she wasn't trying after demanding (possibly, who knows--again, we lack context) that he be involved?
Point is, we don't know.
I do think therapy probably couldn't hurt and you might be a lot happier and find it easier to treat your weight loss as a personal thing.3 -
I know I shouldn't, but here goes...When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me
Does op actually know that he'd be mad? Or does she "know?" Meaning, she really doesn't know, she's just projecting her own insecurities onto him, and she thinks he'll be mad? Of course, this begs the follow-up question of how/why she knows/thinks this.
Nowhere does OP say that he "made" her do anything. That could be the case - it's definitely a possibility. But, it could just be that they were in the bathroom together (or wherever) and suggested she step on the scale, so she did. I mean, if he's been helping her, and she's been ok with that, this is a perfectly reasonable request.Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him
If you don't trust him, why are you in this relationship to begin with? Again, it begs the follow-up question of, "why don't you trust him?"And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him...
eta: There are just so many questions that really ought to be asked before crucifying anyone. It's certainly possible that OP's BF is a 1st Class PoS. But, isn't anyone (outside of a few) actually interested in the truth?4 -
I know I shouldn't, but here goes...When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me
Does op actually know that he'd be mad? Or does she "know?" Meaning, she really doesn't know, she's just projecting her own insecurities onto him, and she thinks he'll be mad? Of course, this begs the follow-up question of how/why she knows/thinks this.
Nowhere does OP say that he "made" her do anything. That could be the case - it's definitely a possibility. But, it could just be that they were in the bathroom together (or wherever) and suggested she step on the scale, so she did. I mean, if he's been helping her, and she's been ok with that, this is a perfectly reasonable request.Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him
If you don't trust him, why are you in this relationship to begin with? Again, it begs the follow-up question of, "why don't you trust him?"And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him...
eta: There are just so many questions that really ought to be asked before crucifying anyone. It's certainly possible that OP's BF is a 1st Class PoS. But, isn't anyone (outside of a few) actually interested in the truth?
"The nature of the evidence is irrelevant; it’s the seriousness of the charge that matters.”3 -
BekahC1980 wrote: »
Well forgive me mister or miss police. DamnBekahC1980 wrote: »Honey I haven't read any of the comments but I wanted to say be thankful he's gone. What he is doing now will ONLY get worse, trust me! I have been in your shoes.
Unfortunately OP didn't say he was gone. She said he hasn't spoken to her in over 24 hours.
Wow, did I miss something? I was in agreement with you, which you would know if you had read the comments (yeah, go ahead and "damn" that because I did mean it that way this time). Was just saying it is unfortunate for her that he may not be, probably isn't, GONE. And, it's Mrs. Police, thank you very much.0 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »I know I shouldn't, but here goes...When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me
Does op actually know that he'd be mad? Or does she "know?" Meaning, she really doesn't know, she's just projecting her own insecurities onto him, and she thinks he'll be mad? Of course, this begs the follow-up question of how/why she knows/thinks this.
Nowhere does OP say that he "made" her do anything. That could be the case - it's definitely a possibility. But, it could just be that they were in the bathroom together (or wherever) and suggested she step on the scale, so she did. I mean, if he's been helping her, and she's been ok with that, this is a perfectly reasonable request.Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him
If you don't trust him, why are you in this relationship to begin with? Again, it begs the follow-up question of, "why don't you trust him?"And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him...
eta: There are just so many questions that really ought to be asked before crucifying anyone. It's certainly possible that OP's BF is a 1st Class PoS. But, isn't anyone (outside of a few) actually interested in the truth?
"The nature of the evidence is irrelevant; it’s the seriousness of the charge that matters.”
Well, and men are bigger and more abusive. Obviously.0 -
By the way, maybe we've been trolled. No response at all from OP. I fully expected her to launch a big defense of dear BF by now, or at the very least clarify.1
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I know I shouldn't, but here goes...When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me
Does op actually know that he'd be mad? Or does she "know?" Meaning, she really doesn't know, she's just projecting her own insecurities onto him, and she thinks he'll be mad? Of course, this begs the follow-up question of how/why she knows/thinks this.
Nowhere does OP say that he "made" her do anything. That could be the case - it's definitely a possibility. But, it could just be that they were in the bathroom together (or wherever) and suggested she step on the scale, so she did. I mean, if he's been helping her, and she's been ok with that, this is a perfectly reasonable request.Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him
If you don't trust him, why are you in this relationship to begin with? Again, it begs the follow-up question of, "why don't you trust him?"And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him...
eta: There are just so many questions that really ought to be asked before crucifying anyone. It's certainly possible that OP's BF is a 1st Class PoS. But, isn't anyone (outside of a few) actually interested in the truth?
I was totally interested from a complete unbias standpoint. Because 15 years of this? And I was concerned that there was a remote possibility of consequence over something some small as a few pounds of weight gain.. not logical to me.
Secondly, it always takes two people to tango. Always. So there may be some pitty (I hate to use that word) wanted on behalf of OP that we gang up on BF, and BF is not here to interject his side of things.
Who knows, OP wrote the thread, and has not been back. So it may have just be "I need to vent" not thinking that there our folks in the cyber space paying attention.
edited to add: I live by this rule, there is three sides to every story.. Yours, Mine and the Truth.2 -
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I think the important thing to look at here is why you felt the need to lie to your boyfriend about your weight gain? You're human and make mistakes and there are going to be times when you fail at things, even those you want to most. You shouldn't be ashamed of failing and he shouldn't make you feel bad for it.
It is possible that he is upset about your lie, which he's entitle to be, however if you find that he's more upset about the weight gain I would strongly suggest that you evaluate the relationship and ask yourself if it's the type of relationship that will help you be the best version of youself. There is a difference between motivation and control.
Finally ask yourself if your journey is for you or for him? So long as it's to make someone else happy, I hate to break it to you, you will never succeed in reaching your ultimate goal. You may reach it temporarily sure, but it wont be for the right reason and will ultimately not work long term. You have to be ready for a life change, you have to be dedicated to it, you have to be willing to pick yourself and move forward when you fail, you have to push yourself when nobody is there to hold your hand, but most importantly you have to do it for yourself.
Good luck on your journey, wishing you all the best.
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This article struck me as odd from the first sentence. "My boyfriend and I have been working hard for me to lose weight." Um...ok...has he been your personal trainer in the gym every day pushing you to work out? Otherwise I wouldn't say he's been "working hard" for you to lose weight. You're the one doing the work! He's just being supportive. Have some more confidence, yesh. Secondly, the fact that you felt the need to hide a weight gain of 2lbs from your boyfriend because be would get mad is a serious red flag in your relationship. If he was really supportive he would keep your motivated regardless. When I backslid and started gaining weight back the thought to hide it from my husband never even occurred to me. I ran to him for support and he said things like "It's ok. You're under alot of stress from your nursing classes. Don't give up! I'll go jogging with you tomorrow so you won't be alone!"0
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Ugh ... I'm surprised how many people are defending the situation couldn't even read all the comments so weirded out.. OP take charge of your life and body.. If you don't want him to know your weight he doesn't have to know (he doesn't own you.. he isn't entitled to it) If you didn't meet you goal or if u do meet your goal one day it is your own success or failure..it is it's something that if your comfortable sharing with someone is cool if not its your choice and shouldn't be such a big deal.. seriously what happened to never asking a lady's weight anyways . OWN YOUR TRIUMPHS and FAILURES! You don't owe him anything !1
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Ohhhh! It makes me sad to read this. You never need to justify yourself to anyone. Be who you are and work on yourself for you. Everyone else is secondary.
If your man is going to be upset with you, he is not helping you. I hope you find it in yourself to be happy with yourself and if you want to feel better, do it for you!1 -
Please take care of yourself. Why is he involved in you weighing in? Support is great but make sure it feels like support and love and not something else.0
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SoCalMirna wrote: »My BF and I have been working since February to help me lose weight, and overall I had lost about 10 pounds. The last few weeks have been extremely stressful at work and I gained a few pounds. When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me, so I hid it from him, and thought "I can lose those pounds and get back on track without him knowing." 2 pounds turned to 4 pounds turned to 5-6. Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him. And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him to talk about why I gained the weight: work stress, weight loss stress, not caring about myself and putting others first. He has not spoken to me in over 24 hours. Not sure what's going to happen. I guess I just need to dust myself of and try again, but ive been trying for 15 years. Maybe I need therapy...
WTF?
He's giving you the silent treatment over that?
You shouldn't be scared of him knowing that you gained a few pounds
That's not healthy!1 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »EvgeniZyntx wrote: »SoCalMirna wrote: »My BF and I have been working since February to help me lose weight, and overall I had lost about 10 pounds. The last few weeks have been extremely stressful at work and I gained a few pounds. When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me, so I hid it from him, and thought "I can lose those pounds and get back on track without him knowing." 2 pounds turned to 4 pounds turned to 5-6. Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him. And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him to talk about why I gained the weight: work stress, weight loss stress, not caring about myself and putting others first. He has not spoken to me in over 24 hours. Not sure what's going to happen. I guess I just need to dust myself of and try again, but ive been trying for 15 years. Maybe I need therapy...
Yes, you do.
This relationship is in the bin if your bf won't talk to you over a few pounds.
The rest? Therapy at least.
To be fair, I read it as him being upset that she lied to him. And I get that. If she's lying about something so relatively trivial, then what else is she lying to him about?
Orrrrrrr it's so trivial that it shouldn't matter in the first place and she lied because she was SCARED to tell him. THAT is the problem. The lying is secondary, an issue caused by fear. An unhealthy relationship.
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jofjltncb6 wrote: »You deserve better honey. You deserve a partner. Someone who will love you and think you're gorgeous no matter your size. It's good to have someone who will support you in reaching your goals but you should never be afraid of letting them know you've hit a setback. Please, love yourself more and demand better from him.
A Friend of mine is currently going through a heartbreaking divorce after more than 10 years together because she could never lose enough weight for her husband to truly love her so your situation really hits me. Please don't stay in an unhealthy relationship.
And he deserves someone who won't lie to him.
(Well, I mean, I'm assuming. I don't know enough about him to know what he does or doesn't deserve. But as long as you're making the leap for random internet woman, I'll do the same for random internet guy.
Awesome that you totally ignore the fear and control that is obviously happening
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mangamadayan wrote: »DTMA
Dump that mothereffer already
I think I have to have 9 afterlives to be in the same room when my gets on the scale. She would rather let men die a tenth time.
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jofjltncb6 wrote: »You deserve better honey. You deserve a partner. Someone who will love you and think you're gorgeous no matter your size. It's good to have someone who will support you in reaching your goals but you should never be afraid of letting them know you've hit a setback. Please, love yourself more and demand better from him.
A Friend of mine is currently going through a heartbreaking divorce after more than 10 years together because she could never lose enough weight for her husband to truly love her so your situation really hits me. Please don't stay in an unhealthy relationship.
And he deserves someone who won't lie to him.
(Well, I mean, I'm assuming. I don't know enough about him to know what he does or doesn't deserve. But as long as you're making the leap for random internet woman, I'll do the same for random internet guy.
So, it sounds like she's in an emotionally abusive relationship. She can't talk to him about her stress probably because he'll get angry or belittle her. If he gets mad at her for being stressed, or not losing weight, you'd be surprised at other trivial things he'll get mad at.
My husband gets angry at me if my son (who's 16) or I have one of his cokes (the soda, not the drug), or if I buy an extra pack of cigarettes, even though he can buy all he wants. Hell, I got yelled at for buying a new $3.00 shirt because my husband just dropped $1000 on a second Xbox one and a second monitor for his computer. To avoid fights, I lie. Not huge lies, but if he asks about a new shirt, I tell him my father bought it for me, because I don't want to be given the third degree and then be blamed because my $3.00 purchase is the reason we're tight on money this week. Because it sure as hell not the $1000 he spent.
By defending the BF, I can assume you've never been in an emotionally abusive relationship. You're lucky. She deserves some one is isn't going to treat he badly and crush her soul. So until you've walked in those shoes, you have no right to judge. Lying becomes a sanity saving defense mechanism.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
My relationship with my mother was like OP's, like the same. She was so mean about everything including my weight.
Ditched that relationship after she did some even more terrible things.
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Cohalligan wrote: »My husband is really invested in my weight loss journey because I am a genuinely happier person when I like what I see in the mirror (who isn't?) But, my husband supports me by cleaning the house so I can get in nightly workouts without the house falling to shambles (exaggeration), he also puts my daughter to bed without me some nights if I am meeting a girlfriend at the gym before close, he supports me accessing tools that he knows will motivate me (like my nutritional plan from a personal trainer, the fitbit I bought, new smaller sized clothing even when it's not strictly needed etc). He also plans date nights well in advance with me so we can plan were we are going and I can make it fit in my eating plan.
He doesn't get overly invested in my weight loss numbers other than congratulating me when I have lost weight and letting me *kitten* when I am in a plateau. He doesn't question my eating habits if I want a treat, and doesn't make me feel bad if my progress is slowed because of a binge.
What does your boyfriend actually do to help you lose weight if you were so nervous and upset over his possible reaction that you had to lie to him over two pounds? I hesitate to even call it a 2 pound gain because women will retain water weight at different times of the month. What came next, sure, but the original 2 pounds? Who knows.
He's awesome!
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