'I'm fat and happy' article. Thoughts?
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VintageFeline wrote: »Really, that article is less about weight and more about finding contentment within yourself regardless of how you're physically packaged. Something we should all aspire to.
I've been content with my physical appearance when fat and am still now that I'm less fat. I hope to be content when I get to goal too.
So yeah, this about finding inner peace and not being reliant on external factors. It could easily apply to jobs, partners, money etc. It just so happens her measure is her weight.
If you are content with your physical appearance what drives to try and lose weight?
(Genuine question, not trying to be snarky)
I like VintageFeline was very happy even at my heaviest..newly wed to a wonderful man...great job, son was doing amazing and growing into a good man...what more could I want...I was happy as a pig in *kitten*...
health is what drove me...cholesterol was up, pain in my joints...tired a lot...just from carrying the extra weight around and not moving and exercising...
I wanted to be around for this happy marriage I found, to see my son marry etc...
I actually found I lost weight easier now that I am happy...and possibly because I am doing it for the right reason's this time..
So yes you can be fat and happy...
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http://www.scarymommy.com/im-fat-and-happy/?utm_source=FB
Found this this morning. Ok I never got as thin as her and never ate 1000 calories a day but man does she nail the 'it's hard to be thin' part on the head!
She doesn't indicate her height as far as I can see, but presuming she's about my height ...
I have been as thin as she was ... and I am currently as thin as she was ... weight-wise, that is. I think my hip bones might be wider so I'm not sure I could fit a size 4, although who knows with sizing these days.
And it is not "hard to be thin".
She says,
"I attained by eating a “plentiful” 1,000 calories a day; by running 35 miles a week (10 on Sunday); by sleeping an average of three hours a day; by counting every bit of food I ate, down to a single cherry tomato; by writing and tracking my weight every day for a year; by running the stairs of the hospital during my 12-hour shifts; by losing my period; by denying myself food when I was hungry; by denying myself sleep."
Hmm.
Well ... I've spent most of my life at her "thin" weight and never went through all that.
-- I eat anywhere from about 1500-2000 calories a day.
-- I cycle lots, but I love cycling and have been cycling since I was 6 years old. Life wouldn't be worth living without cycling.
-- I counted calories carefully for a total of 32 weeks over the past 1.5 years, but I'm a numbers/data person and like counting calories. The rest of the time over the past 1.5 years I've sort of half-heartedly counted, on and off. And when I was this thin in my 20s, 30s and early 40s, the main reason I counted calories, on the odd occasions I did, was to make sure I was eating enough.
-- I currently walk stairs, but I like doing that too ... gives me a break from sitting all day.
-- I would love to lose my period. Can't seem to manage to do that.
-- I don't deny myself food ...hey, I just had an evening snack of nutella and leatherwood honey on toast just now and I might have another piece later on.
-- And the only times I deny myself sleep is when I've got a major assignment due or final exam coming up in my grad course.
I was happy enough when I was heavier for the few years prior to signing up here too ... except for one thing. I couldn't do the cycling I like to do. Now that I've lost the weight and I'm back to normal, I can.
To each her own.
But one statement she makes in that article makes me wonder just how happy she is:
"Most of my clothes don’t fit, and that is discouraging."
Hmm.
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VintageFeline wrote: »Really, that article is less about weight and more about finding contentment within yourself regardless of how you're physically packaged. Something we should all aspire to.
I've been content with my physical appearance when fat and am still now that I'm less fat. I hope to be content when I get to goal too.
So yeah, this about finding inner peace and not being reliant on external factors. It could easily apply to jobs, partners, money etc. It just so happens her measure is her weight.
If you are content with your physical appearance what drives to try and lose weight?
(Genuine question, not trying to be snarky)
Health here too.
Physical appearance was a minimal concern of mine when I started losing weight. My concern was much more with my sleep apnea and the fact that I saw myself wandering down the same road to diabetes that so many of my relatives have gone down and has ended in serious medical complications, including kidney failure, amputation, and death.
Now? I'm happy with my overall health and, yes, physical appearance is a greater interest for me.1 -
It seems to me that the article is less on her weight and more on her overall sense of being. No, being thin does not equal happiness and being fat does not equal sadness. Nor is the opposite true.
She didn't get thin in a healthy way either. It sounds like she starved/over exercised herself into it, no wonder she wasn't happy! There is an in between. Doing that bad stuff is just as bad for your health as being obese (actually medically obese, not just a little heavier than you'd like). She also sounds like she had some other issues (bi-polar is mentioned) and her weight was a reflection of that. A better article title would have been "Mentally healthy and happy"
What really stood out to me is that she says she's happy and yet she can't stop putting other down. "I'm the one who looks like a mom." Really, meaning what? Thin mother are unfit moms? You can't be thin and a mom? The entire last paragraph boils down to, if you're thin (or want to be thin) you're a horrible person for buying into what 'the world' expects of you.
So overall, I'm glad she got help and now feels at peace in her body and mind, but she could lose her attitude toward people who want to be thin because, shocker, she doesn't know their lives just as they shouldn't judge her for her weight since they don't know her life.6 -
I was obese. I was very healthy. All my blood work numbers were excellent. I exercised regularly, both intensely and lightly. I ate (mostly) healthy foods. I probably had more risk of developing type 2 diabetes than a similarly exercising bmi peer of 22-24. But maybe I had less risk than a non-exercising peer with a bmi of 22-24
Her experience was that in order to be thin, she only slept 3 or 4 hours a night. You need sleep.to be healthy. Perhaps she is healthier overweight and sleeping well and happy than slim and not sleeping well.
She is untying her weight from her self-esteem. And she is finding a weight that she can happily sustain. This is a good thing. Loving outselves as we are is important.
Working in the medical field, this is one argument I hear a lot that I can't get behind. I am a doctor of pharmacy and not medicine, but I do a lot of diabetes, hypertension, etc education and see so many people with preventable chronic conditions on a daily basis. I have to know a lot about the conditions being treated in order to understand the medications used to treat them.
I was morbidly obese- still obese and losing. I am also genetically lucky. I had perfect everything- blood pressure, lab results, you name it, but I was not healthy. The health conditions were inevitable, and many things are invisible until they manifest in horrible ways. The development of type II diabetes, for example, is silent until the damage is done. By the time someone's blood sugars reflect that they have diabetes, their pancreas has been working in overdrive for a long time to try and compensate for the insulin resistance that has also been developing for a long time. Many people are never diagnosed until they start showing symptoms, when it has probably been out of hand for a long time. I'm just using diabetes as an example since it was mentioned.
There are some incredibly genetically lucky people out there, but for most health issues are an inevitability, and they will catch up to you.
ALL THAT BEING SAID.... I am so over the faux "concern" so many people have, using it as an excuse to shame heavier people and treat them like they're disgusting or are somehow less than human. It's astonishing to me how many people say horrible things under the veil of "concern".
I am all about loving yourself, and quite frankly, I don't care about other peoples' choices or the fact that they're large. Heck, I'm large. Someone's health conditions are their own business completely unless I'm working and a patient is asking me questions or wants more information about something. I try my best to provide answers and information with kindness and without judgement.
I feel like fat-shaming is one of the last acceptable forms of prejudice in our society today (body-shaming in general really, but especially fat-shaming). I'm happy to see people speaking out about it. It's possible to be fat and healthy... but not forever, unless you have amazing genes. The risk of SO MANY, SO MANY medical conditions drastically increases with increased weight. That's the one part I think kind of discredits a lot of these arguments and gives fat-shamers more fuel. I think loving yourself, being happy and deserving to be treated like a human being is completely different from saying fat is healthy- not that one's health is anyone's business.15 -
smotheredincheese wrote: »I agree with her on this point: Happiness does not require thinness. Fatness does not presume sadness.
Things are changing for me, I am managing to keep my weight stable no matter how happy or sad I am, but for most of my life you didn't really have to ask me "How've you been?". You could see the answer before asking. If I'd been feeling overwhelmed, my weight was up. If I'd been happy and in control, my weight was down. I have to remind myself that everyone else isn't me, but thin=happy and fat=sad are my automatic thoughts.
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I think the article is misrepresented. It is not the comparison of fat to thin, it is a comparison between being overweight and having an eating disorder. I guess if those were my only two options I'd choose overweight too...but it's unfortunate that she doesn't seem to understand that there is a way to get healthy without killing herself.6
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I don't like the connotation that you can't be happy if you're thin.
I know people will argue that's not what she's saying, but it's certainly implied.5 -
I honestly do not know how to respond to the article, but I would say I do not fault the writer for finally accepting her slightly curvier self (if she really has as there was a clear undertone of having to explain herself: "Most of my clothes don't fit, and that is discouraging"). Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and a little self love is always great....that said the highlights of her personal internal disorder and implications of crash dieting over and over...rather than healthy sustainable calorie counts and an active lifestyle to promote a GOOD MOOD and HEALTH: It's no wonder she wasn't happy. I personally was happy with my curvier figure: joint pain, high cholesterol, and not being able to keep up with my kids..that's what made me decide to lose a "few lbs" (-49 today)....what I have gained is so much more important than the pounds I've lost: Confidence in myself, Pride in my accomplishments, and Awe that my body is capable of so much more than I ever thought was possible. I enjoy exercise. I love the way my body feels when it's fueled with good food. I love the sense of community that happens when you are surrounded by passionate, driven people like here on MFP. If anything, I'm happier..not because I'm thin, but because I have found a new family/support system that I never had before.3
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And this bit.
This bit wants me to hit my head against the nearest wall:I’m the one who looks like the mother.
Yes ... as it happens my mother was slender and fit and active right up until she hit about 70. She's still somewhat active, but has put on a little bit of weight.
Same with my grandmother. She was practically sprinting down the road after a hip operation in her early 80s while telling me how it had slowed her down.
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She talks of peace and attributes it to being fat while talking of new medication for her bipolar disorder. While I'm not arguing that it's possible to be fat and happy but it strikes me as odd that she doesn't even consider that the meds are helping with the peace of mind.
Happiness is important and should not be tied to your weight. But health is important and obesity is a disease and significantly raises your risk of many other diseases.6 -
VintageFeline wrote: »Really, that article is less about weight and more about finding contentment within yourself regardless of how you're physically packaged. Something we should all aspire to.
I've been content with my physical appearance when fat and am still now that I'm less fat. I hope to be content when I get to goal too.
So yeah, this about finding inner peace and not being reliant on external factors. It could easily apply to jobs, partners, money etc. It just so happens her measure is her weight.
If you are content with your physical appearance what drives to try and lose weight?
(Genuine question, not trying to be snarky)
Health, of course. It's easy to be fat and happy. It's not easy to fat and healthy for long. Loving myself and my life is what has always driven me to weight control.4 -
I think this article is potentially harmful as the author obviously has disordered thinking regarding body image and food, and is attempting to convey a message based on that disordered thinking. While the underlying message of accepting one's self is great, her methodology for deriving that conclusion is harmful imo. Maintaining a size that falls into the healthy category doesn't require starvation or excessive exercise, and her statements of sacrifice and minimal nutrition make it seem that the only way to maintain a healthy size is to severely restrict one's diet and to exercise for hours each, which is false.
Individuals who are obese may potentially read this article and completely give up modifying their lifestyle because the author essentially states that living a healthy size is not realistic, and that can be damaging to their health. Yes, making lifestyle changes is difficult and requires effort and energy initially as we are creatures of habit and lifestyle changes temporarily take us out of our comfort zones until we acclimate. Reasonable changes can be implemented over time and do not require an excessive amount of thought or energy to implement and maintain, as weight loss is not a race. The end result of small changes overtime can yield huge benefits in terms of overall health. I interpreted the author's overall message as one of "don't bother trying, it's too hard and unsustainable", which is very inaccurate.
I think the author's focus should be more on her mental health and less on her weight as I believe her weight to be a symptom of larger issues. I suspect if she addressed the mental health issues her weight would no longer be a focus as she would be in a better state of mind, and would probably lose weight unintentionally by not comfort eating to handle stress. I also think her lack of sleep also has a huge impact on her frame of mind and diet, and if she forced herself to get adequate sleep many other areas of her life would improve. All in all, I don't think she needs to be a spokesperson for body image or diet as she has outstanding unresolved issues at play an should not be in a position to give advice as she is not an authority on the subject matter and remains in an unhealthy state [mentally] herself. She has given up on maintaining a healthy weight because she was trying to do so in unsustainable ways, she has not actually made any progress forward towards a healthy lifestyle, and should not be advocating for other people to just give up as she did.12 -
I thought the article was great, I just hope she is being true to herself. If she is way happier than that is really fantastic.
Not many people are really and truly happy being overweight. For all the reasons given above. For all the reasons we are all on this forum. I have lost count of celebrities who said 'I'm happy fat!' then lost 100lbs and said 'I was pretending to be happy fat'.
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I wasn't able to finish the article because my phone didn't like the web page, but if it continues in the same fashion, then I have no problem with it.
If her point is that attaining a certain weight does not guarantee happiness, then I wholeheartedly agree. Losing weight has its benefits, especially starting from a very high BMI, and can improve quality of life, but it won't fix your life.
I was suicidal at my previous lowest weight. The happiest two years of my life happened when I weighed 300+. I'm now back to my lowest, and I am going to fight and continue on with weight loss and management, but I am not a brand new person with a brand new life. I think people often believe they will be someone different if they lose a lot of weight.
From a health perspective, I am doing much better not being 300+ pounds, but I may never reach normal BMI. That's fine. There are different levels of risk. There's a stark difference from how my body felt at a BMI in the upper 50's and my current still-obese BMI of 30.
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I too appreciate her message that your happiness shouldn't be tied to a dress size or a scale weight. However I also wish she hasn't painted her approach to being thin as the norm, because it is clear she lost weight in a very unhealthy way- body and mind. Her article makes people who count calories sound like obsessive zealots incapable of enjoying life, simply because that was how she felt.
I was probably about the same size as her current pic at my heaviest and my weight now is about the same as her lowest (definitely don't have her abs though!). I have never been happier because I took an approach which was manageable and sustainable rather than overly restricting as she did. I feel her message may discourage some who are considering weight loss via counting calories because they think it won't work, that they will be miserable, etc.5 -
What I took away from the article was that she was unhappy for a long time with her body and life. She has a bipolar disorder. Being thin didn't fix it. Her job didn't fix it. Marriage and divorce didn't fix it. Having kids didn't fix it
Doing intense and overly restrictive things to get thin and stay thin didn't help her mentally. Gaining weight didn't fix her problems either. Getting on medication and getting her head in a better place has made her happier and that is more important than her size to her. She happens to be happier while being a bigger size. She could have been happier at a smaller size if her head was in the right place and she were doing sustainae things.
I get that size or outer appearance doesn't equal happiness or contentment. I don't think the people coming here trying to lose 30 lbs in a month to fit in a dress or wear a bikini on their vacation will believe her at all. They believe happiness is looking a certain way in a bikini no matter what.2 -
I am not sure how I feel about this article. I eat cake, eat pizza and drink wine as long as it is in moderation, but I don't do it every day. Yes I exercise, but I have found what I love to do (lift and to hell with cardio til I die). I think this article is judgmental because she was living a unhealthy lifestyle before and sound like the same now and that's ok? I wish this article was more about being healthy and "fat" not "don't give a $#!+ and fat".
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Yeah the "I'm the one who looks like a mother" got me irritated too. She doesn't look like my mom, who had 4 kids, and she doesn't look like me, I have 4 kids. She doesn't look like the ex of my fiance, who had 5.
Skinny moms are moms, stereotyping "mom" as "fat" is messed up all sorts of ways, and bothers me exactly the same ways as "real women have curves" does.
Other than that, I think it's an OK essay. She's not unhealthy fat, she's active and happy and eating moderately and this is how her body looks, it's good that she is happy with it. I only think it's wrong that she extrapolates that out to say that anyone doing that will be fat, most of us won't, and very very wrong that she uses her experience to build a worldview that says that any thin mom is doing something unhealthy to maintain her body.1 -
If you are content with your physical appearance what drives to try and lose weight?
(Genuine question, not trying to be snarky)
I think I am sexy as can be and I love myself to the fullest.
I want to lose weight because:
1. I love a challenge
2. I want to ride the kiddie rides with my son at Busch Gardens
3. I want to be a stripper or dancer and well they don't do well with plus sizes
I'm also saving money on food costs by not eating out.. I have always enjoyed the gym and finally have the work schedule to go to it.
I have literally been fat since I was a young child. I don't know anything else but this.. and I spent a lot of my youth hating myself, hating my appearance and being low. I listened to others opinions instead of my own and I *am* happy with my looks physically. I am not ugly. I prefer large men and large women sexually. You can be content with your physical appearance but still change it for other reasons.0
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