'I'm fat and happy' article. Thoughts?
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VintageFeline wrote: »Really, that article is less about weight and more about finding contentment within yourself regardless of how you're physically packaged. Something we should all aspire to.
I've been content with my physical appearance when fat and am still now that I'm less fat. I hope to be content when I get to goal too.
So yeah, this about finding inner peace and not being reliant on external factors. It could easily apply to jobs, partners, money etc. It just so happens her measure is her weight.
If you are content with your physical appearance what drives to try and lose weight?
(Genuine question, not trying to be snarky)
For me, I was one of the people who were truly and genuinely happy being not only fat, but morbidly obese. What drove me to lose weight was being diagnosed with prediabetes and the thought of having to watch my carbs, having to manage my insulin, having to take very careful care of any cut or sore, the likelihood of further complications.. I'm already juggling a couple of conditions I need to manage, and I don't need a new one. That was the only thing that drove me to lose weight.
If a fairy godmother appeared to me right now and fixed my genes promising my weight will never ever affect any condition or cause me health issues, I would stop dieting in a heartbeat. Would I go back to the way I was? Probably not. I've discovered a few things I like that require me to not be morbidly obese and I would like to keep them around like hiking, running, fitting into seats..etc. I would probably gain 10-15 pounds on top for a nice and luxurious maintenance level, but not more. Now if said fairy godmother also insures I will still be able to do all these things, I would just let things go and let my weight fall where it may.
I'm slightly less happy now than I was back then, but not to the extent that woman was. I shared my experience on another thread.
I think what this article is trying to say that fat isn't necessarily unhappy and thin isn't necessarily happy. I did not get the feeling that it implied all thin people are unhappy, on the contrary. It appeared to focus on finding happiness within you, regardless of size or anything else.
Some people start losing weight with all kinds of expectations like finding the perfect relationship, magically turning from a shy self conscious person into the life of the party, having their dream job, even better behaved kids and a more organized house (not kidding, I've heard both before) without realizing that size has little to do with many of the things they want and that a lot of extra work needs to be done on the inside to achieve what they want.
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perkymommy wrote: »I will never agree with people who say they are fat and happy. It's not possible. They just want to be that way and settle because they don't want to try to do anything to not be fat anymore because it's too hard to lose weight. That may sound harsh but I've been there myself and thought that way myself at times. It's never okay to be fat or obese, health-wise mainly, but not good.
Not possible for you, but you are judging by your standards. How can you say it is not possible for someone else.
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perkymommy wrote: »I will never agree with people who say they are fat and happy. It's not possible. They just want to be that way and settle because they don't want to try to do anything to not be fat anymore because it's too hard to lose weight. That may sound harsh but I've been there myself and thought that way myself at times. It's never okay to be fat or obese, health-wise mainly, but not good.
The fact that you failed at being happy while overweight doesn't mean that others will fail too.7 -
I found the article to be the proverbial Curate's Egg - only good in parts.
It may be the writer's reality but there is a false dichotomy going on which doesn't apply to many people - thin and miserable or fat and happy. Being in good shape does not require extreme sacrifice or misery but rather consistency and building solid habits. If you want to maintain cover model physique year round the situation may be different but that is not most people.
And this bit.
This bit wants me to hit my head against the nearest wall:I’m the one who looks like the mother.
All of this. The lifestyle she describes should not be necessary to maintain a healthy body weight unless you have a medical condition affecting your metabolism. For an average, otherwise healthy person, you don't have to starve yourself, never sleep and exercise to exhaustion to look like her "before" photo.0 -
perkymommy wrote: »I will never agree with people who say they are fat and happy. It's not possible. They just want to be that way and settle because they don't want to try to do anything to not be fat anymore because it's too hard to lose weight. That may sound harsh but I've been there myself and thought that way myself at times. It's never okay to be fat or obese, health-wise mainly, but not good.
If you've truly been there yourself, I am very disappointed in the way of thinking you've turned to, and hope that I never take on the point of view that you do when I reach my goals. I know too many people who have lost a lot of weight and suddenly lose every ounce of empathy for others who are overweight/obese. It's a strange phenomenon. Think of what you're saying. You are judging people from one glance and saying that they're "not okay" and making large assumptions about the type of people they must be. How dehumanizing is that? Also, you don't really have the authority to determine the parameters of what is possible in regards to happiness- a totally subjective and very complex emotion. Stop simplifying things to make yourself feel better, and take a good hard look in the mirror lest you become the bully.
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SingRunTing wrote: »I don't like the connotation that you can't be happy if you're thin.
I know people will argue that's not what she's saying, but it's certainly implied.
I agree. I feel like she is saying that she wasn't happy because it was too much work to be thin. I feel like she has gone from one extreme to the next. If she stated her current weight and size, I missed it, forgive me. Instead of pushing herself so hard to be a size 4, why not shoot for an 8 or a 10. Why go up to a 16 (or whatever her size is)? It doesn't have to be Small or Large. They do make size Mediums.
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MorganMoreaux wrote: »I think this article is potentially harmful as the author obviously has disordered thinking regarding body image and food, and is attempting to convey a message based on that disordered thinking. While the underlying message of accepting one's self is great, her methodology for deriving that conclusion is harmful imo. Maintaining a size that falls into the healthy category doesn't require starvation or excessive exercise, and her statements of sacrifice and minimal nutrition make it seem that the only way to maintain a healthy size is to severely restrict one's diet and to exercise for hours each, which is false.
Individuals who are obese may potentially read this article and completely give up modifying their lifestyle because the author essentially states that living a healthy size is not realistic, and that can be damaging to their health. Yes, making lifestyle changes is difficult and requires effort and energy initially as we are creatures of habit and lifestyle changes temporarily take us out of our comfort zones until we acclimate. Reasonable changes can be implemented over time and do not require an excessive amount of thought or energy to implement and maintain, as weight loss is not a race. The end result of small changes overtime can yield huge benefits in terms of overall health. I interpreted the author's overall message as one of "don't bother trying, it's too hard and unsustainable", which is very inaccurate.
I think the author's focus should be more on her mental health and less on her weight as I believe her weight to be a symptom of larger issues. I suspect if she addressed the mental health issues her weight would no longer be a focus as she would be in a better state of mind, and would probably lose weight unintentionally by not comfort eating to handle stress. I also think her lack of sleep also has a huge impact on her frame of mind and diet, and if she forced herself to get adequate sleep many other areas of her life would improve. All in all, I don't think she needs to be a spokesperson for body image or diet as she has outstanding unresolved issues at play an should not be in a position to give advice as she is not an authority on the subject matter and remains in an unhealthy state [mentally] herself. She has given up on maintaining a healthy weight because she was trying to do so in unsustainable ways, she has not actually made any progress forward towards a healthy lifestyle, and should not be advocating for other people to just give up as she did.
This sums my thoughts up as well.0 -
VintageFeline wrote: »Really, that article is less about weight and more about finding contentment within yourself regardless of how you're physically packaged. Something we should all aspire to.
I've been content with my physical appearance when fat and am still now that I'm less fat. I hope to be content when I get to goal too.
So yeah, this about finding inner peace and not being reliant on external factors. It could easily apply to jobs, partners, money etc. It just so happens her measure is her weight.
If you are content with your physical appearance what drives to try and lose weight?
(Genuine question, not trying to be snarky)
Health. The desire to avoid the fate of heart attack, stroke, diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol (often more than one) which has plagued my relatives and killed many long before they should have passed. The desire to be active and not in pain. The desire to serve in my job, which requires the energy to work long hours with people in crisis. And it's nice to walk up four flights of stairs and not be gasping for breath.
Then there was the one time I ran up seven flights of stairs of a parking structure to reach a suicidal student before he jumped. Reached the top and was able to carry on a very important conversation.4 -
snowflake930 wrote: »perkymommy wrote: »I will never agree with people who say they are fat and happy. It's not possible. They just want to be that way and settle because they don't want to try to do anything to not be fat anymore because it's too hard to lose weight. That may sound harsh but I've been there myself and thought that way myself at times. It's never okay to be fat or obese, health-wise mainly, but not good.
Not possible for you, but you are judging by your standards. How can you say it is not possible for someone else.
I'm not saying I agree with the statement that people who are fat cannot be happy in their own skin, but I think there is a small truth in the statement as far as the settling bit is concerned.
Let's say you took 100 people who claimed they were happy being overweight, fat, or obese and asked them if they'd like to follow a weight loss plan to be in a healthy weight range and they said no, they're happy with their body. Okay fine, if that's the case then good. Say you then told those 100 people that you had a pill they could swallow where all that work to be done in the gym and changing their eating habits would be negated and all they had to do was take this pill once and lose some weight, how many of those 100 do you think would deny that offer? I'm willing to bet the amount of content people would change immensely.
The fact of the matter is that, no matter your size, being what most consider "fit" is not an easy task. It takes hard work, dedication, and patience. Most people are not willing to put in the effort that it takes to achieve or maintain that level of fitness. It's so much easier to come home and relax or wake up and unwind before work than it is to get into a habit of exercising. It's much easier to just eat what you want without regard to calories or hunger level than it is to consider whether or not you really need to eat at that moment.
I am what many people would consider to be fit but I work hard for that. Working hard does not include starving myself, but it does include keeping an eye on my intake, which is 2000+ as stated above, it takes working out every morning for 30 to 60 minutes, it takes walking several miles per day and being generally active. Even then, I still don't consider myself fit, just a bit above average although people tell me otherwise. The point is that many people want the fitness model body without wanting to put in the work that it takes to get there. Society as a whole wants instant gratification.4 -
I think the reactions to the article are illuminating.
Some people are offended that she didn't validate their pursuit of thinness. They argue "I dont have to diet or work out that much to be a size 4!" as if the author implied everyone did... She didn't. She spoke about what it took her to maintain an unusually small but culturally admired physique.
Some people are angry that she isn't thin any more. They argue "health". "She's going to get diabetes! She's a bad mom! "
Some people are worried that her attitude will spread. "How dare she speak of her experience! It might make other people think it is OK to be overweight! That's never OK!
Some people are sure she's lying. " I'm only happy if I'm thin, she must be dishonest! "
To me, these reactions illustrate how deeply fat phobia permeates society. They illustrate the author's point that a lot of people equate fat with only negativity and thin with only positivity. And the sheer level of hostility and defensiveness in many posts reveals how deeply embedded in our psyches these stereotypes are.
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While I don't think size, great or small, should rob someone of their self-worth or self-esteem, I did struggle with the overall message I perceived in her post. The implication you have to suffer and be miserable to be thin. It's not an either/or kind of thing for me and I truly don't think it has to be for anyone else. I didn't give up foods I love, nor do I eat things I hate. I don't do exercises I hate--I love weight-lifting, yoga and running. They bring me joy and balance and stress relief.
To me, she made counting calories sound like a mental disorder. Counting calories was what helped me lose weight. Calorie counting has made me aware of and accountable for what I eat (or don't eat). I am responsible for my weight gain, loss or maintenance. Not my stress, my family, my hypothyroidism, my "bad genes," or my job or anything else. Me. It's all me. And more than calories, I'm in tune with what macros work best for my body. I doubt that would have happened without the overall calorie counting. Plus, I'm additionally more aware of vitamins and minerals and have worked with my doctor to supplement as needed.4 -
Let's say you took 100 people who claimed they were happy being overweight, fat, or obese and asked them if they'd like to follow a weight loss plan to be in a healthy weight range and they said no, they're happy with their body. Okay fine, if that's the case then good. Say you then told those 100 people that you had a pill they could swallow where all that work to be done in the gym and changing their eating habits would be negated and all they had to do was take this pill once and lose some weight, how many of those 100 do you think would deny that offer? I'm willing to bet the amount of content people would change immensely.
Speaking from experience,very similar to smokers who can't kick the habit. Before I managed to quit 3 years ago, in the 22 years I smoked a pack or more a day I told myself I smoke because I love smoking. I don't want to quit. I just looooove it. Ask any smoker who says they love smoking if they could go back to that first drag they ever took and change that one decision, would they? 100% of smokers not still in full delusion mode (read young folks mostly) would take that opportunity in a heartbeat.
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I think the reactions to the article are illuminating.
Some people are offended that she didn't validate their pursuit of thinness. They argue "I dont have to diet or work out that much to be a size 4!" as if the author implied everyone did... She didn't. She spoke about what it took her to maintain an unusually small but culturally admired physique.
Some people are angry that she isn't thin any more. They argue "health". "She's going to get diabetes! She's a bad mom! "
Some people are worried that her attitude will spread. "How dare she speak of her experience! It might make other people think it is OK to be overweight! That's never OK!
Some people are sure she's lying. " I'm only happy if I'm thin, she must be dishonest! "
To me, these reactions illustrate how deeply fat phobia permeates society. They illustrate the author's point that a lot of people equate fat with only negativity and thin with only positivity. And the sheer level of hostility and defensiveness in many posts reveals how deeply embedded in our psyches these stereotypes are.
Like the poster above, my issue with her pursuit for "thinness" is that she made it seem like you have to go through suffering to do so. I'm chiming in on this because I mentioned I am 5'3", 111 pounds and eat 2000+ calories per day earlier in the thread. However, I have never pursued to be thin; I pursue being fit. If that means I find myself closer to 120 pounds in a few years because I've put on muscle, then I'll be elated. She seemed to knock calorie counting which really is the most foolproof way to lose weight overall. She also made a slight that she now looks like a mom, implying thinner or fitter women don't look like moms. As I stated earlier, that really does fall into the "REAL women have curves" nonsense that I hear spouted constantly.
I know I'm not the only person who posted, but I can only speak for myself when I say that fat phobia is not something that affects me. I have overweight and even obese family members and friends. What do I say about their health? Nothing, because it's none of my damn business! The only time it would be my business is if they became so overweight they could not function in day to day life and needed an intervention or if they actually came to me and asked for help to lose weight, be more fit, or some combination thereof. Other than that, the weight of other people around me, no matter how close they are to me is none of my damn business. A person's weight does not affect their value in my eyes.
I think society ALWAYS has something to say. If you're considered thin you must eat like a bird, exercise too much, starve yourself, have bulimia, etc. If you're considered overweight, you must do nothing but eat donuts all day long while lying on the couch. I'd be ridiculous if I said that overweight people, particularly the obese, didn't get some of the worst treatment out of all this, but don't you think some points in her article only highlight the inane belief that to be thin you must be sickly or starve?5 -
snowflake930 wrote: »perkymommy wrote: »I will never agree with people who say they are fat and happy. It's not possible. They just want to be that way and settle because they don't want to try to do anything to not be fat anymore because it's too hard to lose weight. That may sound harsh but I've been there myself and thought that way myself at times. It's never okay to be fat or obese, health-wise mainly, but not good.
Not possible for you, but you are judging by your standards. How can you say it is not possible for someone else.
I'm not saying I agree with the statement that people who are fat cannot be happy in their own skin, but I think there is a small truth in the statement as far as the settling bit is concerned.
Let's say you took 100 people who claimed they were happy being overweight, fat, or obese and asked them if they'd like to follow a weight loss plan to be in a healthy weight range and they said no, they're happy with their body. Okay fine, if that's the case then good. Say you then told those 100 people that you had a pill they could swallow where all that work to be done in the gym and changing their eating habits would be negated and all they had to do was take this pill once and lose some weight, how many of those 100 do you think would deny that offer? I'm willing to bet the amount of content people would change immensely.
The fact of the matter is that, no matter your size, being what most consider "fit" is not an easy task. It takes hard work, dedication, and patience. Most people are not willing to put in the effort that it takes to achieve or maintain that level of fitness. It's so much easier to come home and relax or wake up and unwind before work than it is to get into a habit of exercising. It's much easier to just eat what you want without regard to calories or hunger level than it is to consider whether or not you really need to eat at that moment.
I am what many people would consider to be fit but I work hard for that. Working hard does not include starving myself, but it does include keeping an eye on my intake, which is 2000+ as stated above, it takes working out every morning for 30 to 60 minutes, it takes walking several miles per day and being generally active. Even then, I still don't consider myself fit, just a bit above average although people tell me otherwise. The point is that many people want the fitness model body without wanting to put in the work that it takes to get there. Society as a whole wants instant gratification.
I'm not sure I'm really following your pill illustration. It seems like you are saying that taking the offer of the pill means that a person is actively wanting to be more fit and is settling for not doing it because it's too much work. If somebody offered me a pill that would make me an excellent pianist or baker or hockey player or linguist, I would say "yeah, sure I'll take it." But that doesn't mean that I am right now sitting here wanting to be an excellent pianist/baker/hockey player/linguist. It just means that if somebody said I could be those things I'd take it because, sure, why not? I like free stuff just fine and will accept it but can certain happily live without it as well.5 -
perkymommy wrote: »I will never agree with people who say they are fat and happy. It's not possible. They just want to be that way and settle because they don't want to try to do anything to not be fat anymore because it's too hard to lose weight. That may sound harsh but I've been there myself and thought that way myself at times. It's never okay to be fat or obese, health-wise mainly, but not good.
You have a very narrow point of view. It is possible, just like we have accepted and be happy with the salaries, spouses, houses, etc we could find.2 -
The author's been:
- fat and unhappy
- thin and unhappy
- fat and happy
- maybe one day she'll discover what it is to be happy, period.
What I got from this article is that when she was thin, she didn't have the right tools or the approach to strike a balance between diet and exercise to maintain a healthy weight. She was underrating, over-exercising, and overexerting herself. Being fat at the moment is less stressful on her body and on her psyche than the extremes that she went through to achieve thinness. However, it doesn't mean that being thin is unhealthy, or the root of her unhappiness. It simply means that she doesn't yet know how to be both thin and happy. And so, she's choosing happiness.
Being happy or thin doesn't have to be a choice. But, it does come down to it for certain people. Maybe it's a pit stop for her on the way to a more healthy lifestyle.
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Wow, this is great, every one's opinions are making me think in ways I hadn't before.
Its surprising to me to hear so much more from posters who are regular here, their feelings about size, and their own motives for what they have done about their eating and body size as well as how health may or not come into the decisions they made and make.1 -
perkymommy wrote: »I will never agree with people who say they are fat and happy. It's not possible. They just want to be that way and settle because they don't want to try to do anything to not be fat anymore because it's too hard to lose weight. That may sound harsh but I've been there myself and thought that way myself at times. It's never okay to be fat or obese, health-wise mainly, but not good.
you don't have to agree just accept it.
I was exceptionally happy with my life at my biggest. Not sure I could have succeeded in the weight loss if I wasn't happy.
I have always loved my body and all things about it...it's called self confidence...and my husband tells me that is the main thing that attracted him to me...keep in mind he is 10 years younger and slim himself but he found me attractive because of the self confidence and sexuality I exuded.
I didn't settle at all...and if the bolded statement were true I wouldn't be here and MFP wouldn't have as many successful losers/maintainers as it does...
I didn't see anyone say it was "okay to be fat or obese, health wise.." or any other way...but you can be fat and happy...
Perhaps expand your reality.2 -
perkymommy wrote: »I will never agree with people who say they are fat and happy. It's not possible. They just want to be that way and settle because they don't want to try to do anything to not be fat anymore because it's too hard to lose weight. That may sound harsh but I've been there myself and thought that way myself at times. It's never okay to be fat or obese, health-wise mainly, but not good.
The fact that you failed at being happy while overweight doesn't mean that others will fail too.
Thank you.
I was very happy, confident, felt attractive, ok in my own skin. I worked VERY hard to get there. The problem is I'm 44, was continuing to gain, and I could no longer stave off the impacts on my health and quality of life. The obesity catches up with people. I was also getting physically uncomfortable with the limitation the weight was creating.
I'm not chasing a dress size or some ideal body. My goal weight is a few pounds into the overweight BMI category, but my doctor agrees that with my frame and current muscle base, that's a great place to be as long as I remain active. I'm not caught up in some mythical idealization of thinness.
I'm chasing the notion that there are forms of dance I'll be able to excel in again. I'm chasing the dream of being able to do certain yoga positions without a gut in the way. I'm chasing the opportunity to see my future grandchildren. Huge difference. I know my weight doesn't equal happiness. I have already learned to truly love myself. That is precisely the reason why I am losing this weight.5
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