Do men secretly want a more traditional housewife?
Replies
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My husband enjoys that I am traditional in nature . . . my parents were older (Dad was born in 1923) so I was raised with old fashioned values; however my Mom made sure that I had my own education soI could choose to have a career. After we were married I stayed home for a month to get things organized just "so".
So we have a marriage that is a bit of both . . . we both work, we both contribute to household bills and chores. I do most of the cooking, he does most of the dishes. We both do laundry, I wash and dry - he puts away. As we grow into our marriage we find that there are things that one might do better than the other. . .I do the dusting/windows, he vaccums and is the bug killer!
One thing we both agree on is peace in our home, when we arrive from work - we leave it outside and we always greet one another with kind words and DATE NIGHT is a must for us.
So having said that, he loves that I enjoy cooking and having a neat home, but realizes that since I workoutside the home he has to pitch in.0 -
I'd secretly like to BE a traditional housewife. Not in the 1950s-everything-is-about-my-man sense...but in the my-family-is-my-job sense.
I was a stay-at-home mom for several years when my kids were younger and I took it for granted. I would love to be able to do that again.0 -
My husband and I have been married for 26 years and I am definitely the more traditional housewife, but I prefer it that way. He would let me get a job if I wanted to. I have a college degree and used to be a public school teacher. While my two oldest sons were little, I worked very long hours (no, teachers do not work just 7 to 3) and my husband traveled and was not home most of the time. That left me to take care of the boys and the house too. He saw how exhausted I was and asked me to come home until our children were older. I found that I LOVED being a stay-at-home mom, ended up having two more sons (total of 4), decided to homeschool, etc. I found that kids need as much guidance through the teen years as they do when they are younger, although it's a different kind of guidance. My youngest two are now 13 and 11. I've been home for 15 years and wouldn't change a thing. Hubby says he loves that I take such good care of the house and the kids and that when he goes to work, he doesn't have to worry about a thing because I'm so good at what I do. His dinner is prepared most of the time, laundry is always done, house is usually straightened really good and cleaned on a regular basis. In turn, hubby takes care of all the "man chores", is very supportive, and treats me like a princess every day of the year. That makes me want to please him even more.
Love this ^. Now, I understand that not all women want to take on a homemaker roll, but I think I definitely fall under the traditional housewife category. To me, being a stay at home wife and mom would be my job. So all the household duties would be under my jurisdiction. My SO feels that a lot of the duties should be shared, but nothing makes me happier than taking care of him and our family. Just my personal opinion. :happy:0 -
I worked thru most of our marriage (22 yrs this mth) and after our first son was born. Then when my hubby finished school he told me I could stay home! I went to work the next day and put in my 2 week notice! lol
I have been a stay at home/ work from home/ homeschooling mom for 8 yrs now! My hubby and I share the school work and house stuff and everything else! Even though he has a full time job he still makes as much time as he can for us!
I am very lucky to have this wonderful man and the life we live!
On the other hand,I do miss people interaction as I am a people person and love to chat and talk to different folks.
I work with my hubby 2 weekends out of the month, and the kids go to the office with us! I think I would go a bit nuts if I did not have this outlet for the people part of my personality. When the weekend is over I am more than happy to go home and be the house wife again though.
I do love to dress up in 50's style though! I have many dresses waiting in my closet for me to fit into them again! That is why I am here after all to use MFP's resources to help shed the lbs and inches!
Great topic OP and I love the 50's house wife list! If that was all I had to do that would be great! But there is so much more to life and making your spouse happy than just a pretty wife and a clean house!
Oh and I never have a headache either! lol
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Secretly? LOL
I guess it's better to keep it on the down low or face the feminists wrath?
I will always believe it's better to have 1 parent at home when the children are young. When they reach school age, have a parent actively involved in all the activities involved with that. By the time they hit middle school, you've instilled YOUR values, morals and expectations...not some daycares. It's a poor way to live, but rewards your children immensely. After that you can worry about the money.
But honestly, it could be either parent.0 -
The Good Wives Guide circa 1950!
Have dinner ready.
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself.
Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away clutter.
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
Over the winter months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Prepare the children.
Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces, comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Minimise all noise.
At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him.
You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the right time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Make the evening his.
Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, and his real need to be at home and relax.
Your goal.
Try to make sure that your home is a place of peace and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone throught that day.
Make him comfortable.
Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or a warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is master of the house and as such, will always excercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.
You have no right to question him.
A good wife knows her place
For the record, I would like to say that I have this posted on my office wall at work. Some of the bullet points are little over the top--I'm not going to take off his shoes or arrange a pillow for him--but I think most are within reason. Who doesn't want their home to be a tranquil place? Who doesn't want to present a clean home? Who doesn't want to look good for her husband? We both work full time, so having dinner ready when he's home isn't an option, obviously. But I still consider making a wholesome and healthsome dinner (and lunch and breakfast) my responsibility. He didn't brow beat or shame me into it. Being a 1950's style housewife who also works isn't a role that was forced on me; it's a mantle I willingly took up out of the mutual love and respect that's between my husband and myself.
People forget that there is reciprocity at play here. I may do all the housework and have a dated set of responsibilities, but that does not mean that my husband is not without his duties, as well. He makes about twice as much as I do, which makes his job more profitable and beneficial to our household, which in turn means that we often rely more on his paycheck than on mine. Say what you will, but if the roles were reversed and I became the bread-winner, I would immediately feel more pressure. He also has duties at home like yardwork and home maintenance/repairs. We both tend the garden, but I would say he does the lion's share of the work on it.
Do I dote on him? Yes. Does he dote on me? Absolutely. People like to look at "The Good Wife's Guide" and ridicule it, but they're forgetting about the give and take between the husband and the wife. This is not a one-sided relationship with all of the work delegated to the wife; husbands have responsibilties that go hand-in-hand with these.
To actually answer the OP's question, my husband was delighted to find me so old-fashioned. A woman who's head over heels for him, is genuinely excited by domesticity--including cooking the meals, cleaning the house, keeping up with the laundry, etc.--and is willing to entertain pretty much anything he would suggest, from attending tractor pulls to spur of the moment road trips. It helps that I actually enjoy this particular role, but I can make room for the fact that not everyone would take joy in it.0 -
I think it also depends on what kind of life style you want too. Two incomes vs one makes quite a difference in what you are able to afford besides all the sandwich making! What you are able to do when you leave the house. Maybe they weren't allowed to leave? ha0
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No.
I want my woman to have a full time job, come home, cook, clean, take care of the kids, satisfy me sexually, and then let me go and hang out with my friends all day.
Being the modern day woman is rough these days lol :laugh: :laugh:0 -
I wish I could afford to have an arrangement like that. Even better, I would like to be the house husband.0
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Good question. I could never act that way. Glad I wasn't alive back then, that's for sure. I'm a stay at home mom (for now), but doting? Nahh... I expect him to help me out around the house as if he didn't have a "real" job. He helps make the messes, helped made the kids, he can help take care of the house and cook, which he does.0
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So here's my question: in this modern society do men secretly (or sub subconsciously) want a 1950's doting housewife?
I'm not meaning dressing up like a 50's house wife, but more in spirit : making the man the #1 priority, centring your day around his comings and goings, hot meal on the table, house clean, wife all prettied up...
If guys do like that is it just a novelty and they get bored with it or is it something deep down they want but dare not say so?
Men aren't a monolith; they don't all want one thing or another in a woman (Heck, some of them don't want women.)
So yeah, some do and some don't, just like with anything else.
This is the perfect answer. Same goes for those questions "do men like brunettes or blondes?" and other similar garbage. It's like asking if all Americans love baseball. A large number might, but there are certainly plenty who don't.0 -
Depends on the guy. Myself and among most of my friends, nope, prefer a woman who has a job and is independent.
You can't be a working woman while doting on your husband?0 -
It is a fine balance, I do not want a 50s housewife by any means, but I do find it a bit absurd when some people want it both ways.
I was dating a girl that often said Your'e than man, you are supposed to make the money and take care of all those manly things. Then at the same time would say I don't have to cook and clean, this is the modern era.
Point is if you want things 50/50 then they should be exactly that, if you want to kick it old school it should go both ways.0 -
So here's my question: in this modern society do men secretly (or sub subconsciously) want a 1950's doting housewife?
I'm not meaning dressing up like a 50's house wife, but more in spirit : making the man the #1 priority, centring your day around his comings and goings, hot meal on the table, house clean, wife all prettied up...
If guys do like that is it just a novelty and they get bored with it or is it something deep down they want but dare not say so?
Mine does, and I bring home the majority of the bacon. It's my one great complaint about our situation, and he doesn't realize he's doing it (even when we talk about it). Our chores are broken out like this.
Him:
Lawn
Trash
Vaccuming
Me:
Everything else (including house maintenance because he's not very handy, but I am). What is everything else you ask? Cooking, dusting, scrubbing (bathrooms, kitchen, floors), laundry, organizing, book keeping, household scheduling, child transportation, errand running, grocery shopping, we've just moved so this also means the painting of rooms and putting up fixtures like the wall shelves as well as putting together furniture and all the "nesting." I work a full time job and have a hobby job where I teach exercise classes several hours per week.
I say this, but our life is currently in a state of transition where our son is now in preschool full time. Before I was doing all those things during my time with my son and he was the primary care giver as preschool was half day and he was doing those things during his time away from our son or when our son was sleeping. Our life will settle into the new routine in another 2 weeks (it takes about a month for a routine to estabilish) and then we'll see the break down of responsibility. I'm hoping that we'll see an appropriate adjustment for life's demands that goes outside of "traditional" family roles.0 -
This man is crazy no woman in her right mind would agree to live this way.:laugh:No.
I want my woman to have a full time job, come home, cook, clean, take care of the kids, satisfy me sexually, and then let me go and hang out with my friends all day.
Clearly you haven't seen his profile pics.0 -
Yes. ALL men want exactly the same thing.
Or not. My husband likes that I work and am career oriented.0 -
after careful google perusal of the many and varied definitions of the word "dote"
I am puzzled by the non-doters as I thought that this was what people in love wanted to do to one another? I suggest the lady posting this in her office print out the link provided as it makes prettier artwork for the office and more thought provoking. The end.0 -
I don't know about what men want, but I wouldn't mind a housewife of my very own. :flowerforyou:0
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No, we want to be nagged by feminists for 80 years.0
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I'll ask everyone at the next Man meeting and let you know.
This made me LOL... for real.0 -
I don't know about what men want, but I wouldn't mind a housewife of my very own. :flowerforyou:
Me too!0 -
Secretly? LOL
I guess it's better to keep it on the down low or face the feminists wrath?
I will always believe it's better to have 1 parent at home when the children are young. When they reach school age, have a parent actively involved in all the activities involved with that. By the time they hit middle school, you've instilled YOUR values, morals and expectations...not some daycares. It's a poor way to live, but rewards your children immensely. After that you can worry about the money.
But honestly, it could be either parent.
Inorite. My husband made it no secret these were his desires much to the dismay of his aunts, sisters, and female cousins, friend's wives who were all trying to set him up with everyone. Imagine their surprise when he walked in one day with the me. And I turned out to not only look like I do but think his way as well. Ahahahaha. Now they love and accept us but it was wide eyes and quiet stares for the first year or two. Once they realized, I do speak my mind, and have an education but these are just our priorities/values they became nicer. I still sometimes feel like an animal at the zoo at family events, but less and less now that the economy has forced everyone to re-examine their roles with an eye for flexibility and survival.0 -
The Good Wives Guide circa 1950!
Have dinner ready.
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself.
Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away clutter.
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
Over the winter months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Prepare the children.
Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces, comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Minimise all noise.
At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him.
You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the right time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Make the evening his.
Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, and his real need to be at home and relax.
Your goal.
Try to make sure that your home is a place of peace and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone throught that day.
Make him comfortable.
Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or a warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is master of the house and as such, will always excercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.
You have no right to question him.
A good wife knows her place
Thank you. I needed a good laugh.
I will admit, I "dote" over my husband at times. Not because he expects it, but because I like doing things for him. He is terminally ill and lives a fairly restricted life while I am at work and the kids are at school. I know that he does not feel the role of the provider so I try to make sure he feels appreciated and important. Most days I feel like I play the role of the traditional housewife as well as the modern wife. I do 99% of the household chores as well as work full time. Every day is not a perfect utopia by any means. My house is not always at its tidiest but I do make sure that we have a meal together as a family every day. That is very important to me. My husband understands that working, taking care of him, and taking care of our special needs child (we also have a teenager, but he is pretty independant) takes a toll on me and he never complains if I don't clean or if I pick up take out instead of cooking. He likes that I work and that I can be independant, and that gives him a sense of security if something bad did happen to him. I like working, I also like taking care of my family. I guess I want it all and am pretty close to having it.0 -
Me three! Wait...what?I don't know about what men want, but I wouldn't mind a housewife of my very own. :flowerforyou:
Me too!0 -
Me three! Wait...what?I don't know about what men want, but I wouldn't mind a housewife of my very own. :flowerforyou:
Me too!
What I really want is a full time house-keeper/ nanny/personal-chief who is on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and lives less than 5 minutes away.0 -
Yes, I secretly want a more traditional housewife.
I also secretly want a harem.
Which is more acceptable? I understand that I will get neither, so it's all very neither here nor there. Still, we should discuss. Perhaps start my own pointless thread.
I secretly want my own pointless thread.0 -
I really have no clue what men want. :laugh: Personally I am a very modern girl living a sort of traditional life. I told my husband when we married that I was from a home with a work a holic mother who never had time or energy for me. So, for me it was important that if I couldn't afford to stay home and care for our children (and take care of household duties) that I would rather not have them at all. It was that important to me. So now we have 3 small children and I am home with them, cleaning, cooking, and haven't had a real paying job in about 7 years because of it. My husband has never given me his opinion either way, it's just our reality. I say our relationship is modern because he doesn't just let me take care of everything. He is very hands on with the kids and helps with the house whenever he can. He takes all 3 kids so I can go to work out every day. But he doesn't need to worry about paying a bill, grocery shopping, or scrubbing a toilet becuase those things are my domain. I think he must be happy with how things are, he's never said otherwise.0
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I didn't read all the responses but I would want a woman who has her own life. If something were to happen to me and I were to pass away I'd want my wife to have a skill she can fall back on so that she can survive.
I've seen too many women who honestly didn't know how to live without a man dictating their every movement.0 -
No.
I want my woman to have a full time job, come home, cook, clean, take care of the kids, satisfy me sexually, and then let me go and hang out with my friends all day.
This has been the actual attitude of every man I've ever dated.0 -
I may lose a man card on this one, but I do the bathrooms exclusively, almost all of the cooking, and most of the dishes and kitchen cleaning. I also do the mowing, gardening, tree trimming, and house and car repairs, so hopefully that lets me keep it :laugh:Hell no!
In every circle I belong to (ie. work, home, church, etc), I believe everyone needs to play to their strengths/passions first. There are other factors of course, but let me explain. My wife is naturally a better cook than I, so she'll usually make 70% of the meals we eat at home. I'll still help her prepare and we have the unspoken rule that whoever cooks, the other will do the dishes. If she's busy with work and I'm free, I'm not going to let the dishes sit there and make her stay up late to wash them, that's ridiculous. She likes to be in the garden, taking care of the plants and making sure the lawn looks good. I personally, don't care and would rather hire someone to do that. For some reason I know how to iron, well I might add. So I'll do most of the ironing should it be needed.
My wife usually does:
Mopping
Gardening (the actual planting and choosing of plants and such)
Cooking
Taking out the Trash
I usually do:
Laundry
Ironing
Dishes
Sweeping
Cleaning bathrooms
Lawn mowing
We don't really have set chores and it's not like if I'm out of the house for a week the dishes just sit there or laundry doesn't get done. The other person just picks up the slack. I do however like when she goes on vacation, then I can make whatever my heart desires.
July 10, 2013 5:53 am
A man that cleans the bathrooms?????
Are you kidding?????
I think I love you. wink0
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