I have an (almost) obese brother & need advice!
Replies
-
First things first, I know that nobody on here is going to give dieting advice for a 11 year old kid. I'm not looking for dieting advice, but just help with what I can do to get through to my family.
This is long, but here's just some background:
My brother is 11 years old, 4'10 and 140 pounds. His BMI right now is 29.2 (so at the very top of the overweight category) and only 5 pounds away from obesity. Since I've been losing weight, my entire family has been putting it on me to get him to lose weight. I don't want to put a little kid on a low calorie diet exactly, so I've just been giving him meals such as...
Breakfast: Apple, egg whites (he doesn't like the yolk)
Snack: 100 cal pack of popcorn
Lunch: Grilled chicken breast 5oz, vegetables, and a serving of whole wheat pasta
Snack: Banana/granola bar
Dinner: Salmon, brown rice and vegetables
And maybe another "healthy" snack.
I don't count calories for him, but that should be around 1500-1600 if I had to guess. He's never hungry when I feed him meals like this, and sometimes doesn't even finish his meals. This should be a good amount for him to lose a little weight or at least not gain any as he's getting older.
My mom is in the obese category and doesn't know a single thing about nutrition or losing weight (she thinks diet pills work, and that undercooked pasta has zero calories). I told her what to feed him and she stuck with it for a couple days. I'm trying to get him to eat mostly nutritious food because since he's really young I think it would benefit him to get used to eating food like this.
So far, it's only been a week. I've noticed wrappers for crackers laying around (2, so 500 calories) but he says he only ate one from the pack. He always lies or underestimates how much he eats (which is how got so big in the first place) so I don't think that's true. My mom allows him to eat it because I guess she doesn't realize a couple things here and there add up QUICKLY. Today, she gave him a microwaveable corndog for breakfast. It's only been a week but I can already see the entire plan that we had slowly falling apart and this is the 5th time at least that my mom was on board with him eating less/healthier but then gets too lazy and just gives him other things. How can she be too lazy when her child is almost obese and already at risk for health problems.
I'm only home for the summer, so when I'm not around to talk to my mom about it every single day (since once isn't enough. she constantly needs to be reminded) I know he's gonna go back to his old habits.
My mom wanted to take him to a nutritionist but my brother is extremely picky with food (doesn't like any sauces, doesn't like yolks, doesn't like cheese or sandwiches or burgers or anything except the most plain food. He got fat off of McDonald's McNuggets, multiple bowls of pasta with butter, fried chicken, French fries and constant snacking on chips/chocolate). Also, most days he just sits on Xbox all day long and doesn't move much. The only exercise he does is going on a 15 minute bike ride maybe twice a week (only on his bike downhill and slowly carrying it up when going uphill) and swimming practice for an hour on Saturday. Not even every Saturday either. My mom said that when her friend took her child to the nutritionist/dietician, they gave her a meal plan consisting of things like mushroom soup which my brother wouldn't put in his mouth in a million years. I don't want him to be miserable while eating healthy.
So basically, I'm just not sure what to do. Sorry this is so long.19 -
janejellyroll wrote: »sunfastrose wrote: »First things first, I know that nobody on here is going to give dieting advice for a 11 year old kid. I'm not looking for dieting advice, but just help with what I can do to get through to my family.
This is long, but here's just some background:
My brother is 11 years old, 4'10 and 140 pounds. His BMI right now is 29.2 (so at the very top of the overweight category) and only 5 pounds away from obesity. Since I've been losing weight, my entire family has been putting it on me to get him to lose weight. I don't want to put a little kid on a low calorie diet exactly, so I've just been giving him meals such as...
Breakfast: Apple, egg whites (he doesn't like the yolk)
Snack: 100 cal pack of popcorn
Lunch: Grilled chicken breast 5oz, vegetables, and a serving of whole wheat pasta
Snack: Banana/granola bar
Dinner: Salmon, brown rice and vegetables
And maybe another "healthy" snack.
This sample menu screams "diet" and "deprivation" - which is hard enough on a grown adult, much less on a kid. 11 year old is still growing, so he probably shouldn't be cutting calories as sharply as an adult. In addition, emphasis should be more on learning portion sizes and the concept of "always/sometimes/rarely" foods. With that said - I agree with an earlier poster that this is something that should be handled more by your parents, and possibly professionals (doctor/pediatrician and possibly a dietician).
Yeah, I'm a highly motivated adult and this menu would have be feeling sad and deprived. It's a big leap for a growing child who is used to things like pasta and fried chicken.
4 -
Your method is feed him "diet meals" instead of putting him on a diet (?) This might work for weight loss......but
left to his own devices he will continue to eat "regular" food. But the good news is.....he can eat regular food & lose weight. It's about portion control......not about brown rice, or grilled chicken breast.
A 180° change in the foods he eats is a temporary fix. It won't help him keep the weight off. He needs to "tweak" his snack choices. Small lunch box portions of chips may be helpful for portion control. He needs to include veggies with every lunch & dinner....there is nothing wrong with McNuggets but "balance" that with healthier things.
He's 11. I'm assuming he is going to grow a few inches. @elphie754 is right. His caloric needs are different from yours & mine.
Almost every kid in America needs to move more, my nephew included.3 -
janejellyroll wrote: »sunfastrose wrote: »First things first, I know that nobody on here is going to give dieting advice for a 11 year old kid. I'm not looking for dieting advice, but just help with what I can do to get through to my family.
This is long, but here's just some background:
My brother is 11 years old, 4'10 and 140 pounds. His BMI right now is 29.2 (so at the very top of the overweight category) and only 5 pounds away from obesity. Since I've been losing weight, my entire family has been putting it on me to get him to lose weight. I don't want to put a little kid on a low calorie diet exactly, so I've just been giving him meals such as...
Breakfast: Apple, egg whites (he doesn't like the yolk)
Snack: 100 cal pack of popcorn
Lunch: Grilled chicken breast 5oz, vegetables, and a serving of whole wheat pasta
Snack: Banana/granola bar
Dinner: Salmon, brown rice and vegetables
And maybe another "healthy" snack.
This sample menu screams "diet" and "deprivation" - which is hard enough on a grown adult, much less on a kid. 11 year old is still growing, so he probably shouldn't be cutting calories as sharply as an adult. In addition, emphasis should be more on learning portion sizes and the concept of "always/sometimes/rarely" foods. With that said - I agree with an earlier poster that this is something that should be handled more by your parents, and possibly professionals (doctor/pediatrician and possibly a dietician).
Yeah, I'm a highly motivated adult and this menu would have be feeling sad and deprived. It's a big leap for a growing child who is used to things like pasta and fried chicken.
He tells you that he likes it. You've also said that he's sneaking foods and lying to you about it. I'm going to put it out there that what he says may not completely represent what he is thinking. It may be the truth, it may not. He may feel pressure to say that because he knows what you expect of him.
If he's sneaking food, then something is obviously going on. Do you know how much fat a boy his age needs? Is he getting that? Is he getting enough calories? Have you run the macros for his meals? You're a lay person trying to create a specialized diet plan for a young boy.
I know you love him and you want the best for him. But as much as your parents are being neglectful of him, they are also being neglectful of *you* by placing these unrealistic expectations on you.
Set appropriate boundaries for your parents. This doesn't mean you can't be there for your brother. It actually means you will be more able to focus on your relationship with him and you'll be the type of person he will come to over the years.6 -
Honestly, if he is sneaking food you just have to back off. I snuck food for years because my mom was always trying to make me diet. I know is hard to sit there and see the damage but if they can't buy overall better and healthier options (ie, not buying those crackers at all, having healthier options as a whole family) then he won't be successful. Maybe you should instead focus on helping him have active fun with you and bond with him. Getting him interested in sport would probably be the most beneficial. I mean it sounds like he isn't eating all day long, so he doesn't eat waaaay too much. Bringing his activity up might be the solution.
Let him know all physical activities are a bit hard to begin with but that movement is important. Perhaps have him earn Xbox time after 1 hour of soccer or swim or what have you. Make it fun and make it a bro sis thing he will enjoy.
Had I been encouraged to play sports or go ride my bike I think I would have been less overweight as a young teen, when I did want to play I was told the family didn't have enough money... ya know? so instead of focusing on the food which you can't control forever- build a love of a sport with him. It make take a few tries, but be open minded and try anything. I know it sounds weird but I have really enjoyed running around in empty skate parks with the kids I nanny for. Trying to climb up the walls, running over small ramps, etc turns out to be a great sweat producer and so much fun. Try basketball, soccer, more swimming, Frisbee, hikes to cool spots, whatever you guys can think of. An hour a day of moving around will surely benefit him in the long run.
0 -
Are you able to sit down as a family a learn about nutrition, nutrients, portion sizes etc.? Include him in the conversation about what healthy foods are, what portions look like and work with him to decide the meals and snacks that he wants (not food that you like or think he should eat. Ask him what he would like to see on the menu). The plan you posted is pretty (okay, very) restrictive for a young person, especially one who eats a lot of junk food and snacks. You are asking him to to a complete turn around in his eating which is not easy. The meal plan should include things he likes but in smaller portions. For example, If he likes cookies, maybe a snack option is 1 cookie and a glass of milk.
You could create a list of simple breakfasts, lunches, dinners and snacks that are all healthy and food he likes/will eat. You, your family and your brother will then have many options to choose from and it will serve as a visible reminder. Post this list on the fridge for your family so they can see it. You could even precook many of these dishes so that he has things readily available if you aren't around.
But in the end, if your mom is not willing to stick to it the only thing you can do is support him, help him move more (offer to go for walks or toss a ball around at the park, take him to swim class, etc) and help him make as many good choices as you can. If you can help him even a little bit, it can start to have a big impact on his health and he can continue to make positive changes as he gets older.1 -
I think you can help him learn about portion sizes and teach him to like different kinds of food, especially vegetables, even those mushrooms. It takes time, and some fun, good recipes but it's doable. Teach him to moderate fast food, and the fact that it's made of really gross, unhealthy staff (imho). Lead by example, teach him to drink water instead of soda and juice. When my son was his age, he decided to start drinking more water and less junk drinks, and lost some weight just by doing that. Your parents should be actively participating, and not bringing home too much junk food. Also, very soon he would have a growth spur, and limiting his calorie intake just isn't right. Show him ways to eat bwtter and healthier, make better snack choices, portion sizes. Things of that nature.0
-
I think you've been put in a really unfair position. I understand why your family wants you to help him but it's a job too big and complicated for you alone.
I guess first I would give him a bowl of veg before his nuggets, that way he's getting more nutrients and fiber but not feeling deprived of his favourite foods.
Maybe talk to your mom and teach her more about nutrition, ask her to stop keeping sweet treats in the house if they cause overeating (remind her that you can go buy a single serving any time you want one).
One of the favourite meals in our house with the kids is 'build your own baked potato' night...I scoop out half the potato from the baked potato skin, open it up and the kids can fill it up with whatever they want (usual choices are chicken, salsa, cheese, healthy chilli, lettuce, fajita stuff if there is some laying around, etc) it's a healthier option without feeling like diet food.
Getting him to help you cook would also get him on his feet as well as make him more willing to try new foods too!
Good luck and I'm sorry you're stuck like this, it is your business but it's just a really big job.5 -
He is 11 and wants to lose weight you said. So really I'd start with the Dr. and ask what his nutrition needs are first. Also you can't cut out all fun food. Remember lifestyle change, not diet. Now your parents should also be listening to him that he wants to lose weight. They should be taking him to the Dr. and learning to also prepare healthy meals.4
-
If he is sneaking food, he isn't being honest with you. He is likely just saying he likes it to make you happy.
You obviously think you know better than your parents, which is sad, but it is obvious that nothing anyone says here will convince you to let your parents do the parenting.6 -
janejellyroll wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »sunfastrose wrote: »First things first, I know that nobody on here is going to give dieting advice for a 11 year old kid. I'm not looking for dieting advice, but just help with what I can do to get through to my family.
This is long, but here's just some background:
My brother is 11 years old, 4'10 and 140 pounds. His BMI right now is 29.2 (so at the very top of the overweight category) and only 5 pounds away from obesity. Since I've been losing weight, my entire family has been putting it on me to get him to lose weight. I don't want to put a little kid on a low calorie diet exactly, so I've just been giving him meals such as...
Breakfast: Apple, egg whites (he doesn't like the yolk)
Snack: 100 cal pack of popcorn
Lunch: Grilled chicken breast 5oz, vegetables, and a serving of whole wheat pasta
Snack: Banana/granola bar
Dinner: Salmon, brown rice and vegetables
And maybe another "healthy" snack.
This sample menu screams "diet" and "deprivation" - which is hard enough on a grown adult, much less on a kid. 11 year old is still growing, so he probably shouldn't be cutting calories as sharply as an adult. In addition, emphasis should be more on learning portion sizes and the concept of "always/sometimes/rarely" foods. With that said - I agree with an earlier poster that this is something that should be handled more by your parents, and possibly professionals (doctor/pediatrician and possibly a dietician).
Yeah, I'm a highly motivated adult and this menu would have be feeling sad and deprived. It's a big leap for a growing child who is used to things like pasta and fried chicken.
He tells you that he likes it. You've also said that he's sneaking foods and lying to you about it. I'm going to put it out there that what he says may not completely represent what he is thinking. It may be the truth, it may not. He may feel pressure to say that because he knows what you expect of him.
If he's sneaking food, then something is obviously going on. Do you know how much fat a boy his age needs? Is he getting that? Is he getting enough calories? Have you run the macros for his meals? You're a lay person trying to create a specialized diet plan for a young boy.
I know you love him and you want the best for him. But as much as your parents are being neglectful of him, they are also being neglectful of *you* by placing these unrealistic expectations on you.
Set appropriate boundaries for your parents. This doesn't mean you can't be there for your brother. It actually means you will be more able to focus on your relationship with him and you'll be the type of person he will come to over the years.
3 -
Go chase him out the house with the broom.
If you have all this responsibility placed on you to take care of him, you need to be given some authority. (I personally don't agree with the position your parents are putting you in, but it is what it is).
Hide his phone and controller, or turn off the power and take him outside. Poke him until he chases after you. Idk. Your parents sound *kitten*, sorry.5 -
The goal for children is not to lose weight but to maintain their weight and grow taller. It's a whole different world thatn adults.
The BMI is not for children so his BMI is inaccurate.
I'd suggest a visit to the dietican-and you go with your mom. A good dietican will use foods your brother likes in the food plan.
And take him out walking and biking and swimming. Make some exeercise a goal every day.7 -
Since he is so Young and he is the responsibility of your parent, maybe you could try to get them to see a nutritionist. Not to get a plan, but to understand how it works and how it affacts his/theirs lives. That would be a start and then maybe they would be more sensible to what he is eating. I think it's hard to expect from a child to get healty when his parents at home are doing the opposite.2
-
I disagree with the people saying it isn't your business - he's your brother, and your parents have asked you for help, so of course you're involved.
But I think setting meal plans isn't going to work at all in the long run if your parents are still clueless about nutrition. While you're with them over the summer can you encourage the whole family to get more active, take regular bike rides and hikes and go swimming together? I would also take the opportunity to cook together as practical experience might help your mother learn about nutrition better than just explaining it can.11 -
kristysaurus wrote: »Are you able to sit down as a family a learn about nutrition, nutrients, portion sizes etc.? Include him in the conversation about what healthy foods are, what portions look like and work with him to decide the meals and snacks that he wants (not food that you like or think he should eat. Ask him what he would like to see on the menu). The plan you posted is pretty (okay, very) restrictive for a young person, especially one who eats a lot of junk food and snacks. You are asking him to to a complete turn around in his eating which is not easy. The meal plan should include things he likes but in smaller portions. For example, If he likes cookies, maybe a snack option is 1 cookie and a glass of milk.
You could create a list of simple breakfasts, lunches, dinners and snacks that are all healthy and food he likes/will eat. You, your family and your brother will then have many options to choose from and it will serve as a visible reminder. Post this list on the fridge for your family so they can see it. You could even precook many of these dishes so that he has things readily available if you aren't around.
But in the end, if your mom is not willing to stick to it the only thing you can do is support him, help him move more (offer to go for walks or toss a ball around at the park, take him to swim class, etc) and help him make as many good choices as you can. If you can help him even a little bit, it can start to have a big impact on his health and he can continue to make positive changes as he gets older.
2 -
janejellyroll wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »sunfastrose wrote: »First things first, I know that nobody on here is going to give dieting advice for a 11 year old kid. I'm not looking for dieting advice, but just help with what I can do to get through to my family.
This is long, but here's just some background:
My brother is 11 years old, 4'10 and 140 pounds. His BMI right now is 29.2 (so at the very top of the overweight category) and only 5 pounds away from obesity. Since I've been losing weight, my entire family has been putting it on me to get him to lose weight. I don't want to put a little kid on a low calorie diet exactly, so I've just been giving him meals such as...
Breakfast: Apple, egg whites (he doesn't like the yolk)
Snack: 100 cal pack of popcorn
Lunch: Grilled chicken breast 5oz, vegetables, and a serving of whole wheat pasta
Snack: Banana/granola bar
Dinner: Salmon, brown rice and vegetables
And maybe another "healthy" snack.
This sample menu screams "diet" and "deprivation" - which is hard enough on a grown adult, much less on a kid. 11 year old is still growing, so he probably shouldn't be cutting calories as sharply as an adult. In addition, emphasis should be more on learning portion sizes and the concept of "always/sometimes/rarely" foods. With that said - I agree with an earlier poster that this is something that should be handled more by your parents, and possibly professionals (doctor/pediatrician and possibly a dietician).
Yeah, I'm a highly motivated adult and this menu would have be feeling sad and deprived. It's a big leap for a growing child who is used to things like pasta and fried chicken.
He tells you that he likes it. You've also said that he's sneaking foods and lying to you about it. I'm going to put it out there that what he says may not completely represent what he is thinking. It may be the truth, it may not. He may feel pressure to say that because he knows what you expect of him.
If he's sneaking food, then something is obviously going on. Do you know how much fat a boy his age needs? Is he getting that? Is he getting enough calories? Have you run the macros for his meals? You're a lay person trying to create a specialized diet plan for a young boy.
I know you love him and you want the best for him. But as much as your parents are being neglectful of him, they are also being neglectful of *you* by placing these unrealistic expectations on you.
Set appropriate boundaries for your parents. This doesn't mean you can't be there for your brother. It actually means you will be more able to focus on your relationship with him and you'll be the type of person he will come to over the years.
A weight loss diet for a growing child *is* a specialized diet. If the child is picky and already prone to emotional eating, even more so.
It's relatively normal to like to snack on tasty food all day. But he's already learning to hide his food consumption and lie about it. These are issues that could impact the rest of his life, so please think about exercising caution and not inadvertently making the situation worse.3 -
A lot of you are giving great advice (except the people saying it's my parents business and that his "diet" is too restrictive. I understand that but you guys need to understand my family is different from yours. My family is lazy and doesn't want to get involved with his health. And my brother isn't on a restrictive diet, because he honestly likes what he eats. You're just going to have to trust me on that one).
I don't really know what I was looking for. I've tried everything you guys have said and I know there's not much else to do, so thank you for the help. I'll schedule an appointment with the doctor and tell them straight up what my brother wouldn't eat if they try to give him a meal plan with things he doesn't like.6 -
I actually disagree with most of the posters. I think it's admirable you're trying to help him now before things get too out of hand. As a younger sister to older sisters who were AWFUL about being slightly overweight, they really only made the problem worse. They didn't teach me anything about how to eat better (I was already an active sports playing kid at least) and only made me feel bad about myself and then I ballooned in weight.
But it sounds like you're very supportive and positive and trying to teach him good nutrition. I'm a little surprised people think that menu is total deprivation. It sounds reasonable and tasty to me. And if he's saying he likes it, all the better. I don't know many 11 year olds that would lie to a sister about that. People can like all kinds of food. I love junk food. Obviously since I'm overweight. But I also LOVE a nice dinner of salmon or chicken breast and some broccoli and a little rice or pasta or something. I constantly admonish myself for not cooking it for myself more often because I do truly enjoy it just as much as pizza and burgers. Maybe even more so.
It's only been a week so I wouldn't give up hope yet. It'll take time to get the whole family into a new routine.
If you feel like he's sneaking snacks maybe talk to him about foods he'd like to incorporate into his diet and talk to him about eating when hungry. I love what an other poster said about always/sometimes/rarely foods. I've never heard of it put like that. That seems so brilliant to me.
I definitely think it's good you're not focusing on calories and counting, only encouraging nutritious food. Because that's what it's ultimately about right? And keep in mind he is pre-pubescent and only 4'10. He's got a lot of growing to do and he could very quickly become 5'7+ and 160 pounds in a matter of months. But instilling healthy food habits is good.
And if you have time be active with him in a way that doesn't feel like exercise. Sometimes as a kid I didn't always want to play alone, sometimes I did. But it was nice when my dad would come out and play baseball with me or go swimming with me. I think instilling the idea of being active is more important than the idea of "exercising." Exercise is a modern invention for living a sedentary school or office life.
I would do some more research online on reputable sites that can guide you on prepubescent nutrition and how to instill good habits.
You sound like a good role model for the whole family and I think that's great.13 -
Just saying for what it's worth . . . keep feeding him granola bars, pasta, and brown rice, and he will continue to gain weight. "Portion control" is a myth. Weight is controlled by hormones, not directly by calories or portion size. These are old wives' tales that has been proven wrong-headed over the last 15 years.
Since he is already near "obesity," he has an insulin resistance problem, probably caused by too much refined sugar and too much grain (and especially whole grains, which spike blood sugars more than table sugar.) Calories matter, but do not matter nearly as much as cutting down (or better, out) sugars and grains, since the body reacts differently to fat, carb, and protein calories. Your heart is in the right place, but low calorie meals than contain more than 50 grams of carbs a day will not only cause him to gain weight, but will also make him miserable, grumpy, and low energy (his body will fight your best efforts to let go of weight, and eventually he will gain it all back, plus more, and then his body will "set" his "normal weight" higher.
Research experts and recent research findings:
Dr. Jason Fung, Obesity Code
Dr. William Davis, Wheat Belly Total Health
Dr. David Perlmutter, Grain Maker and Grain Brain.
You can also go to Dr. Davis' Facebook page ~https://www.facebook.com/OfficialWheatBelly/~ to see hundreds of stories about this. No, I am not associated with his organization, except as an obese WB follower for the last 19 months. I've lost 40 lbs and regained my health at 68. You can post a question there about low carb high fat eating for children. Your brother may not like giving up pizza, spaghetti-Os, ice cream, and chips, but it is those very things -- whatever the portion size -- that is making America obese, and have been since the USDA published its Food Pyramid ("6-11 servings of grains per day, low fat") in the late 1970s.
That aside, your parents have put you in a very difficult position. As I said, your heart is in the right place, and that is to help your brother.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392.8K Introduce Yourself
- 43.7K Getting Started
- 260K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.8K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 412 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.9K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.6K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.5K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions