I have an (almost) obese brother & need advice!

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Replies

  • st476
    st476 Posts: 357 Member
    janejellyroll wrote: »
    sunfastrose wrote: »
    st476 wrote: »
    First things first, I know that nobody on here is going to give dieting advice for a 11 year old kid. I'm not looking for dieting advice, but just help with what I can do to get through to my family.

    This is long, but here's just some background:
    My brother is 11 years old, 4'10 and 140 pounds. His BMI right now is 29.2 (so at the very top of the overweight category) and only 5 pounds away from obesity. Since I've been losing weight, my entire family has been putting it on me to get him to lose weight. I don't want to put a little kid on a low calorie diet exactly, so I've just been giving him meals such as...
    Breakfast: Apple, egg whites (he doesn't like the yolk)
    Snack: 100 cal pack of popcorn
    Lunch: Grilled chicken breast 5oz, vegetables, and a serving of whole wheat pasta
    Snack: Banana/granola bar
    Dinner: Salmon, brown rice and vegetables
    And maybe another "healthy" snack.

    This sample menu screams "diet" and "deprivation" - which is hard enough on a grown adult, much less on a kid. 11 year old is still growing, so he probably shouldn't be cutting calories as sharply as an adult. In addition, emphasis should be more on learning portion sizes and the concept of "always/sometimes/rarely" foods. With that said - I agree with an earlier poster that this is something that should be handled more by your parents, and possibly professionals (doctor/pediatrician and possibly a dietician).

    Yeah, I'm a highly motivated adult and this menu would have be feeling sad and deprived. It's a big leap for a growing child who is used to things like pasta and fried chicken.
    Yeah, for you. My brother is EXTREMELY picky with food. And he said he likes what I give him. Genuinely likes it. Likes it more than his old food. He LIKES plain food. Before, he only ate plain food. He still eats pasta and all the things he likes, just not fried in oil anymore.
  • TeaBea
    TeaBea Posts: 14,517 Member
    Your method is feed him "diet meals" instead of putting him on a diet (?) This might work for weight loss......but
    left to his own devices he will continue to eat "regular" food. But the good news is.....he can eat regular food & lose weight. It's about portion control......not about brown rice, or grilled chicken breast.

    A 180° change in the foods he eats is a temporary fix. It won't help him keep the weight off. He needs to "tweak" his snack choices. Small lunch box portions of chips may be helpful for portion control. He needs to include veggies with every lunch & dinner....there is nothing wrong with McNuggets but "balance" that with healthier things.

    He's 11. I'm assuming he is going to grow a few inches. @elphie754 is right. His caloric needs are different from yours & mine.

    Almost every kid in America needs to move more, my nephew included.
  • st476
    st476 Posts: 357 Member
    brb_2013 wrote: »
    Honestly, if he is sneaking food you just have to back off. I snuck food for years because my mom was always trying to make me diet. I know is hard to sit there and see the damage but if they can't buy overall better and healthier options (ie, not buying those crackers at all, having healthier options as a whole family) then he won't be successful. Maybe you should instead focus on helping him have active fun with you and bond with him. Getting him interested in sport would probably be the most beneficial. I mean it sounds like he isn't eating all day long, so he doesn't eat waaaay too much. Bringing his activity up might be the solution.

    Let him know all physical activities are a bit hard to begin with but that movement is important. Perhaps have him earn Xbox time after 1 hour of soccer or swim or what have you. Make it fun and make it a bro sis thing he will enjoy.

    Had I been encouraged to play sports or go ride my bike I think I would have been less overweight as a young teen, when I did want to play I was told the family didn't have enough money... ya know? so instead of focusing on the food which you can't control forever- build a love of a sport with him. It make take a few tries, but be open minded and try anything. I know it sounds weird but I have really enjoyed running around in empty skate parks with the kids I nanny for. Trying to climb up the walls, running over small ramps, etc turns out to be a great sweat producer and so much fun. Try basketball, soccer, more swimming, Frisbee, hikes to cool spots, whatever you guys can think of. An hour a day of moving around will surely benefit him in the long run.
    Everyone is saying not to force my brother to eat what he doesn't want to eat (which I don't), and it's the same with exercise. We try to get him to move more but he doesn't want to. He isn't a big sports person at all and I (or my parents) could limit his Xbox time but he's obsessed. He cries when his connection stops working and if it's not Xbox then he's in bed watching YouTube videos on his iPad. It's really hard to get him to move when he can't pull away from his Xbox from 8am-9pm.
  • kristysaurus
    kristysaurus Posts: 91 Member
    Are you able to sit down as a family a learn about nutrition, nutrients, portion sizes etc.? Include him in the conversation about what healthy foods are, what portions look like and work with him to decide the meals and snacks that he wants (not food that you like or think he should eat. Ask him what he would like to see on the menu). The plan you posted is pretty (okay, very) restrictive for a young person, especially one who eats a lot of junk food and snacks. You are asking him to to a complete turn around in his eating which is not easy. The meal plan should include things he likes but in smaller portions. For example, If he likes cookies, maybe a snack option is 1 cookie and a glass of milk.

    You could create a list of simple breakfasts, lunches, dinners and snacks that are all healthy and food he likes/will eat. You, your family and your brother will then have many options to choose from and it will serve as a visible reminder. Post this list on the fridge for your family so they can see it. You could even precook many of these dishes so that he has things readily available if you aren't around.

    But in the end, if your mom is not willing to stick to it the only thing you can do is support him, help him move more (offer to go for walks or toss a ball around at the park, take him to swim class, etc) and help him make as many good choices as you can. If you can help him even a little bit, it can start to have a big impact on his health and he can continue to make positive changes as he gets older.
  • icemom011
    icemom011 Posts: 999 Member
    I think you can help him learn about portion sizes and teach him to like different kinds of food, especially vegetables, even those mushrooms. It takes time, and some fun, good recipes but it's doable. Teach him to moderate fast food, and the fact that it's made of really gross, unhealthy staff (imho). Lead by example, teach him to drink water instead of soda and juice. When my son was his age, he decided to start drinking more water and less junk drinks, and lost some weight just by doing that. Your parents should be actively participating, and not bringing home too much junk food. Also, very soon he would have a growth spur, and limiting his calorie intake just isn't right. Show him ways to eat bwtter and healthier, make better snack choices, portion sizes. Things of that nature.
  • catsdogsh
    catsdogsh Posts: 130 Member
    He is 11 and wants to lose weight you said. So really I'd start with the Dr. and ask what his nutrition needs are first. Also you can't cut out all fun food. Remember lifestyle change, not diet. Now your parents should also be listening to him that he wants to lose weight. They should be taking him to the Dr. and learning to also prepare healthy meals.
  • st476
    st476 Posts: 357 Member
    janejellyroll wrote: »
    st476 wrote: »
    janejellyroll wrote: »
    sunfastrose wrote: »
    st476 wrote: »
    First things first, I know that nobody on here is going to give dieting advice for a 11 year old kid. I'm not looking for dieting advice, but just help with what I can do to get through to my family.

    This is long, but here's just some background:
    My brother is 11 years old, 4'10 and 140 pounds. His BMI right now is 29.2 (so at the very top of the overweight category) and only 5 pounds away from obesity. Since I've been losing weight, my entire family has been putting it on me to get him to lose weight. I don't want to put a little kid on a low calorie diet exactly, so I've just been giving him meals such as...
    Breakfast: Apple, egg whites (he doesn't like the yolk)
    Snack: 100 cal pack of popcorn
    Lunch: Grilled chicken breast 5oz, vegetables, and a serving of whole wheat pasta
    Snack: Banana/granola bar
    Dinner: Salmon, brown rice and vegetables
    And maybe another "healthy" snack.

    This sample menu screams "diet" and "deprivation" - which is hard enough on a grown adult, much less on a kid. 11 year old is still growing, so he probably shouldn't be cutting calories as sharply as an adult. In addition, emphasis should be more on learning portion sizes and the concept of "always/sometimes/rarely" foods. With that said - I agree with an earlier poster that this is something that should be handled more by your parents, and possibly professionals (doctor/pediatrician and possibly a dietician).

    Yeah, I'm a highly motivated adult and this menu would have be feeling sad and deprived. It's a big leap for a growing child who is used to things like pasta and fried chicken.
    Yeah, for you. My brother is EXTREMELY picky with food. And he said he likes what I give him. Genuinely likes it. Likes it more than his old food. He LIKES plain food. Before, he only ate plain food. He still eats pasta and all the things he likes, just not fried in oil anymore.

    He tells you that he likes it. You've also said that he's sneaking foods and lying to you about it. I'm going to put it out there that what he says may not completely represent what he is thinking. It may be the truth, it may not. He may feel pressure to say that because he knows what you expect of him.

    If he's sneaking food, then something is obviously going on. Do you know how much fat a boy his age needs? Is he getting that? Is he getting enough calories? Have you run the macros for his meals? You're a lay person trying to create a specialized diet plan for a young boy.

    I know you love him and you want the best for him. But as much as your parents are being neglectful of him, they are also being neglectful of *you* by placing these unrealistic expectations on you.

    Set appropriate boundaries for your parents. This doesn't mean you can't be there for your brother. It actually means you will be more able to focus on your relationship with him and you'll be the type of person he will come to over the years.
    No because when I gave him something he didn't like, he straight up told me and refused to eat it. He doesn't eat what he doesn't like. He's spoiled and not the type of person who sucks it up. And yes, he does sneak around food but that doesn't mean he doesn't like what I give him. I don't know about you, but I can eat snacks all day long without even being hungry. I could eat some ice cream or chocolate at ANY time of day. It's the same with him. No I'm not trying to create a specialized diet, I'm just giving him the same stuff he likes but a healthier version.
  • Kanyon17
    Kanyon17 Posts: 156 Member
    Since he is so Young and he is the responsibility of your parent, maybe you could try to get them to see a nutritionist. Not to get a plan, but to understand how it works and how it affacts his/theirs lives. That would be a start and then maybe they would be more sensible to what he is eating. I think it's hard to expect from a child to get healty when his parents at home are doing the opposite.
  • st476
    st476 Posts: 357 Member
    kristysaurus wrote: »
    Are you able to sit down as a family a learn about nutrition, nutrients, portion sizes etc.? Include him in the conversation about what healthy foods are, what portions look like and work with him to decide the meals and snacks that he wants (not food that you like or think he should eat. Ask him what he would like to see on the menu). The plan you posted is pretty (okay, very) restrictive for a young person, especially one who eats a lot of junk food and snacks. You are asking him to to a complete turn around in his eating which is not easy. The meal plan should include things he likes but in smaller portions. For example, If he likes cookies, maybe a snack option is 1 cookie and a glass of milk.

    You could create a list of simple breakfasts, lunches, dinners and snacks that are all healthy and food he likes/will eat. You, your family and your brother will then have many options to choose from and it will serve as a visible reminder. Post this list on the fridge for your family so they can see it. You could even precook many of these dishes so that he has things readily available if you aren't around.

    But in the end, if your mom is not willing to stick to it the only thing you can do is support him, help him move more (offer to go for walks or toss a ball around at the park, take him to swim class, etc) and help him make as many good choices as you can. If you can help him even a little bit, it can start to have a big impact on his health and he can continue to make positive changes as he gets older.
    I did that already and it gets through to them for a day and then they get over it. I said this billions of times already and I understand how it seems restrictive but my brother has a strange sense of taste. He ate microwaveable popcorn before, but instead of a whole bag I give him the smaller 100 cal bags. He ate pasta and fried chicken before so now he gets 1 serving instead of 4 and grilled instead of fried chicken. Everything he eats consists of things he had before and that he likes.
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
    st476 wrote: »
    janejellyroll wrote: »
    st476 wrote: »
    janejellyroll wrote: »
    sunfastrose wrote: »
    st476 wrote: »
    First things first, I know that nobody on here is going to give dieting advice for a 11 year old kid. I'm not looking for dieting advice, but just help with what I can do to get through to my family.

    This is long, but here's just some background:
    My brother is 11 years old, 4'10 and 140 pounds. His BMI right now is 29.2 (so at the very top of the overweight category) and only 5 pounds away from obesity. Since I've been losing weight, my entire family has been putting it on me to get him to lose weight. I don't want to put a little kid on a low calorie diet exactly, so I've just been giving him meals such as...
    Breakfast: Apple, egg whites (he doesn't like the yolk)
    Snack: 100 cal pack of popcorn
    Lunch: Grilled chicken breast 5oz, vegetables, and a serving of whole wheat pasta
    Snack: Banana/granola bar
    Dinner: Salmon, brown rice and vegetables
    And maybe another "healthy" snack.

    This sample menu screams "diet" and "deprivation" - which is hard enough on a grown adult, much less on a kid. 11 year old is still growing, so he probably shouldn't be cutting calories as sharply as an adult. In addition, emphasis should be more on learning portion sizes and the concept of "always/sometimes/rarely" foods. With that said - I agree with an earlier poster that this is something that should be handled more by your parents, and possibly professionals (doctor/pediatrician and possibly a dietician).

    Yeah, I'm a highly motivated adult and this menu would have be feeling sad and deprived. It's a big leap for a growing child who is used to things like pasta and fried chicken.
    Yeah, for you. My brother is EXTREMELY picky with food. And he said he likes what I give him. Genuinely likes it. Likes it more than his old food. He LIKES plain food. Before, he only ate plain food. He still eats pasta and all the things he likes, just not fried in oil anymore.

    He tells you that he likes it. You've also said that he's sneaking foods and lying to you about it. I'm going to put it out there that what he says may not completely represent what he is thinking. It may be the truth, it may not. He may feel pressure to say that because he knows what you expect of him.

    If he's sneaking food, then something is obviously going on. Do you know how much fat a boy his age needs? Is he getting that? Is he getting enough calories? Have you run the macros for his meals? You're a lay person trying to create a specialized diet plan for a young boy.

    I know you love him and you want the best for him. But as much as your parents are being neglectful of him, they are also being neglectful of *you* by placing these unrealistic expectations on you.

    Set appropriate boundaries for your parents. This doesn't mean you can't be there for your brother. It actually means you will be more able to focus on your relationship with him and you'll be the type of person he will come to over the years.
    No because when I gave him something he didn't like, he straight up told me and refused to eat it. He doesn't eat what he doesn't like. He's spoiled and not the type of person who sucks it up. And yes, he does sneak around food but that doesn't mean he doesn't like what I give him. I don't know about you, but I can eat snacks all day long without even being hungry. I could eat some ice cream or chocolate at ANY time of day. It's the same with him. No I'm not trying to create a specialized diet, I'm just giving him the same stuff he likes but a healthier version.

    A weight loss diet for a growing child *is* a specialized diet. If the child is picky and already prone to emotional eating, even more so.

    It's relatively normal to like to snack on tasty food all day. But he's already learning to hide his food consumption and lie about it. These are issues that could impact the rest of his life, so please think about exercising caution and not inadvertently making the situation worse.
  • ryount
    ryount Posts: 7 Member
    Just saying for what it's worth . . . keep feeding him granola bars, pasta, and brown rice, and he will continue to gain weight. "Portion control" is a myth. Weight is controlled by hormones, not directly by calories or portion size. These are old wives' tales that has been proven wrong-headed over the last 15 years.

    Since he is already near "obesity," he has an insulin resistance problem, probably caused by too much refined sugar and too much grain (and especially whole grains, which spike blood sugars more than table sugar.) Calories matter, but do not matter nearly as much as cutting down (or better, out) sugars and grains, since the body reacts differently to fat, carb, and protein calories. Your heart is in the right place, but low calorie meals than contain more than 50 grams of carbs a day will not only cause him to gain weight, but will also make him miserable, grumpy, and low energy (his body will fight your best efforts to let go of weight, and eventually he will gain it all back, plus more, and then his body will "set" his "normal weight" higher.

    Research experts and recent research findings:
    Dr. Jason Fung, Obesity Code
    Dr. William Davis, Wheat Belly Total Health
    Dr. David Perlmutter, Grain Maker and Grain Brain.

    You can also go to Dr. Davis' Facebook page ~https://www.facebook.com/OfficialWheatBelly/~ to see hundreds of stories about this. No, I am not associated with his organization, except as an obese WB follower for the last 19 months. I've lost 40 lbs and regained my health at 68. You can post a question there about low carb high fat eating for children. Your brother may not like giving up pizza, spaghetti-Os, ice cream, and chips, but it is those very things -- whatever the portion size -- that is making America obese, and have been since the USDA published its Food Pyramid ("6-11 servings of grains per day, low fat") in the late 1970s.

    That aside, your parents have put you in a very difficult position. As I said, your heart is in the right place, and that is to help your brother.

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