I have an (almost) obese brother & need advice!
Replies
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A lot of you are giving great advice (except the people saying it's my parents business and that his "diet" is too restrictive. I understand that but you guys need to understand my family is different from yours. My family is lazy and doesn't want to get involved with his health. And my brother isn't on a restrictive diet, because he honestly likes what he eats. You're just going to have to trust me on that one).
I don't really know what I was looking for. I've tried everything you guys have said and I know there's not much else to do, so thank you for the help. I'll schedule an appointment with the doctor and tell them straight up what my brother wouldn't eat if they try to give him a meal plan with things he doesn't like.
The people who are giving you advice you don't like understand what you're saying. I understand what you think about your parents and I understand that you don't think the meal plan you have created for your brother is restrictive.
Someone can understand what you're saying and still have opinions that differ from yours.3 -
A lot of you are giving great advice (except the people saying it's my parents business and that his "diet" is too restrictive. I understand that but you guys need to understand my family is different from yours. My family is lazy and doesn't want to get involved with his health. And my brother isn't on a restrictive diet, because he honestly likes what he eats. You're just going to have to trust me on that one).
I don't really know what I was looking for. I've tried everything you guys have said and I know there's not much else to do, so thank you for the help. I'll schedule an appointment with the doctor and tell them straight up what my brother wouldn't eat if they try to give him a meal plan with things he doesn't like.
If he is hiding food and lying about food he eats, there is already a serious issue that can cause life long emotional issues.
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If you live near a theme park, buy a summer pass for you two. He might hate exercise, but love the idea of the water park or rides or whatever. That's a TON of walking and a TON of fun. He might be up to it if you don't tell him it's exercise.6
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I know, I'm fine with him not losing any and maintaining, but I just know that letting him continue to eat like he has been will only make him get bigger. As he grows up, the food will increase too. I didn't know that BMI wasn't accurate for him. Either way, 140 pounds at 4'10 and 11 years old is overweight whether you look at BMI or not. I agree that we should go to a dietician, especially with my mom. Maybe she needs to hear it from a doctor (even though she already did last time he had a check up. They told him he's overweight and really needs to lose weight. This was a year ago and he's gained around 10-20 pounds since then).The goal for children is not to lose weight but to maintain their weight and grow taller. It's a whole different world thatn adults.
The BMI is not for children so his BMI is inaccurate.
I'd suggest a visit to the dietican-and you go with your mom. A good dietican will use foods your brother likes in the food plan.
And take him out walking and biking and swimming. Make some exeercise a goal every day.
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First, if your parents want your help they need to change what they do too. Advise them to talk to your brother's doctor and get professional help for the family.
Show your brother and your parents how he can eat what they normally have just smaller portions of higher calorie items and more of lower calorie items he enjoys. Show them what portion sizes should be for common foods they eat.
Don't quiz him about what he ate all the time, call foods unhealthy or comment that he obviously liked your food better than his parent's cooking. That puts him in a bad place of wanting to please everyone, frustration, resentment and hiding what he eats.
Teach your brother to cook. It is a great life skill as well as encouraging being more thoughtful about choices.
Help your brother to find a more physical activity he likes to do. There are active video games, sports, walking, hiking, bike riding, swimming, geocaching, gardening, building/woodworking, cleaning up parks or roadsides.
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I think I made it sound worse than it is. He's not exactly purposely lying or hiding, he's just underestimating what he eats. But I agree that it's an issue but it's honestly due to the fact that he KNOWS he's overweight. The doctor told him. My grandparents tell him. He sees it when he compares himself to other kids his age. That's where the emotional issues are coming from.A lot of you are giving great advice (except the people saying it's my parents business and that his "diet" is too restrictive. I understand that but you guys need to understand my family is different from yours. My family is lazy and doesn't want to get involved with his health. And my brother isn't on a restrictive diet, because he honestly likes what he eats. You're just going to have to trust me on that one).
I don't really know what I was looking for. I've tried everything you guys have said and I know there's not much else to do, so thank you for the help. I'll schedule an appointment with the doctor and tell them straight up what my brother wouldn't eat if they try to give him a meal plan with things he doesn't like.
If he is hiding food and lying about food he eats, there is already a serious issue that can cause life long emotional issues.
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A lot of you are giving great advice (except the people saying it's my parents business and that his "diet" is too restrictive. I understand that but you guys need to understand my family is different from yours. My family is lazy and doesn't want to get involved with his health. And my brother isn't on a restrictive diet, because he honestly likes what he eats. You're just going to have to trust me on that one).
I don't really know what I was looking for. I've tried everything you guys have said and I know there's not much else to do, so thank you for the help. I'll schedule an appointment with the doctor and tell them straight up what my brother wouldn't eat if they try to give him a meal plan with things he doesn't like.
Your brother may like what he's eating.....but he sometimes doesn't finish meals. He sneaks snacks & lies to you about it. These are warning flags.
Does your meal plan EVER include a piece of candy? Does your meal plan EVER include a chip? Does your meal plan EVER include fast food?
Learning portion control for HIS favorite foods will give him tools to keep the weight off. Your radical menu is temporary. He may lose a few pounds, but will quickly gain them back when you go back to school.8 -
Have you asked him why he's snacking, what he's feeling right before he does it, then feeling while he does it? It could be a stress/emotional reaction and would be great if you could identify other options for stress relievers besides eating food, maybe even cooking together (for your parents) may show him how to have a relationship with food that's healthy and positive. If he's lying about it then there is some guilt.
I'm not sure what your journey has been, but it may be good to talk about the emotions, how you deal with them, how hard it is for everyone, etc. Target has a fitness journal that is great, it has sections to fill out daily goals, notes, what you like about yourself, it's a good way to keep awareness.2 -
You're story keeps changing. First he is hiding food, now it is just he under estimates...
I get that you want to come off as this amazing person and likely looking for praise for your efforts. However, you are coming across as a know it all who can do no wrong when it comes to your brother. Sorry for the harsh reality, but you may be doing serious emotional and physical damage to him. You NEED to understand that.3 -
Do you think he could grasp the idea of using MyFitnessPal? Maybe you could keep in touch that way.1
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JosetteandBill wrote: »Do you think he could grasp the idea of using MyFitnessPal? Maybe you could keep in touch that way.
MFP is only for people 18 and older.2 -
My brother is scared of rides lol, and I don't really have one close. He's so hard to please. I do try to do fun things with him as much as I can but I'm a college student and I have responsibilities and I feel like I'm burning myself out having to focus on not only myself but another person too. My parents aren't helping much so it's all on meBlendaBrenda wrote: »If you live near a theme park, buy a summer pass for you two. He might hate exercise, but love the idea of the water park or rides or whatever. That's a TON of walking and a TON of fun. He might be up to it if you don't tell him it's exercise.
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I think a lot of people probably said what I'm about to, but I think first kudos for caring for him and wanting the best for him! A lot of people jumped on you for "not being his parent, back off, etc" but I can see you're coming from a place where your parents aren't interested or involved and you want the best for your little brother. No harm in being a good role model!
I think keep it as simple as possible. Encourage him to get outside and involved in sports and playing. Go for bike rides with him, go hiking, try geocaching (treasure hunting- kids love it!), if he likes skateboarding or bmxing, take him out to skateparks, etc.
Don't push the meal plans but instead offer healthy snacks. Put out a veggie tray after school, make fun stuff with fruits and veggies, etc.
Also, he's at a great age to be cooking so if he's interested and willing, get him to pick a meal he wants to cook (maybe like Thursday night is his dinner-cooking night) and help him out of course if he needs it. Encouraging a healthy relationship with food is totally something that will make a more lasting impact than restricting foods.
If he likes crackers, great- teach him a bit about portion sizes but not in a restrictive way. Encourage him to enjoy his snacking and put crackers on a plate and cut up some cheese and making it more of a presentation. Simple things about enjoying food (like a scoop of ice cream in a bowl, instead of out of a carton) will teach about portion control in a different way - so that it's not about measuring and weighing food, or about not being allowed something.1 -
you are a WONDERFUL sister to care so much about your brother. I don't need to repeat what others have said regarding his parents should be taking care of what he eats. i say just model healthy behaviors.2
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JosetteandBill wrote: »Do you think he could grasp the idea of using MyFitnessPal? Maybe you could keep in touch that way.
He's a growing child. My Fitness Pal is designed for adults. He can't plug his stats in here and get valid numbers.
Sparkteens would better address his caloric needs.7 -
I did. Read the comments. I agree there would be a lot wrong with making him eat things he doesn't like, and things like that. But what's wrong with giving a child the things he likes in healthier versions (i.e. baked instead of fried, smaller portions) because essentially that's all I'm doing.first and foremost, he's 11 years old. he's not done growing. putting him on ANY kind of a diet is wrong. if you want to help, just model healthy behaviors (eating good food in appropriate portions). he doesn't need to be counting calories. get him to be more active, eat healthier foods along with the junk he wants. help him to understand the relationship between calories in vs calories out, but NOT DIETING!!!!!!!!!!
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BlendaBrenda wrote: »If you live near a theme park, buy a summer pass for you two. He might hate exercise, but love the idea of the water park or rides or whatever. That's a TON of walking and a TON of fun. He might be up to it if you don't tell him it's exercise.
Agree with this person, I haven't gone through the whole thread but getting him into some kind of activity would be ideal. Soccer, basketball, football... anything really.
He's a kid so he only eats what is in the house, your parents need to get on board with that otherwise there is nothing you can do. Parents stop buying *kitten* and then there is no *kitten*... start making quality dinners quit bitching that there is no time in the day, there is tons of time people are just *kitten* lazy.
If he's buying *kitten* food with his allowance you take away the allowance then... so many things you can do ... ideally you want to take him to the gym, have the kid fall in love with the gym and find a passion for bodybuilding and then when he's 18 he will be like omg thank you for taking me when I was a kid.
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Thank you! All good pointsfitdaisygrrl wrote: »I think a lot of people probably said what I'm about to, but I think first kudos for caring for him and wanting the best for him! A lot of people jumped on you for "not being his parent, back off, etc" but I can see you're coming from a place where your parents aren't interested or involved and you want the best for your little brother. No harm in being a good role model!
I think keep it as simple as possible. Encourage him to get outside and involved in sports and playing. Go for bike rides with him, go hiking, try geocaching (treasure hunting- kids love it!), if he likes skateboarding or bmxing, take him out to skateparks, etc.
Don't push the meal plans but instead offer healthy snacks. Put out a veggie tray after school, make fun stuff with fruits and veggies, etc.
Also, he's at a great age to be cooking so if he's interested and willing, get him to pick a meal he wants to cook (maybe like Thursday night is his dinner-cooking night) and help him out of course if he needs it. Encouraging a healthy relationship with food is totally something that will make a more lasting impact than restricting foods.
If he likes crackers, great- teach him a bit about portion sizes but not in a restrictive way. Encourage him to enjoy his snacking and put crackers on a plate and cut up some cheese and making it more of a presentation. Simple things about enjoying food (like a scoop of ice cream in a bowl, instead of out of a carton) will teach about portion control in a different way - so that it's not about measuring and weighing food, or about not being allowed something.
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...I'm his sister, and his parents put it on me to control what he eats. My mom knows she has no knowledge about nutrition because the only way she ever lose weight was by going on diets such as drinking only milk on Tuesdays (no food) and only vegetables on Wednesdays....
And you're telling me giving him healthy food is doing more harm than letting him eat fried food and chips all day long? I'm not limiting his calories. I let him eat as much food as he needs to feel full. My mom refuses to take him to a health specialist.
If i was in your situation, i would be telling my mom H*** no i am not a dietician, therefore i am NOT going to control what MY brother eats. give him your cell # and/or email so that he can contact you whenever he wants to talk or ask ?s. that's as far as i would help him. if your parents won't change, then you should model good, healthy behaviors with him.2 -
Hi - I'm not sure if it's been suggested yet, but at 11 years old, I was able to cook several dishes myself. If your brother has approached and spoken to you about his own desire to lose weight, it might be beneficial to actually teach him to cook some of the healthy items he likes, that he has been willing to eat. This way - if Mom wakes up and would default to microwaving him a corndog, he has the skills to empower himself to go for the egg whites or to cut up fresh fruit. It's one thing for folks to suggest he "learn portion size" or "make good decisions", but as is often the case, if he's not the one preparing the meals, he's at the mercy of whoever is.
Also - helping him to understand it's not all or nothing - if Mom microwaves him a corndog for breakfast, what can he choose as a healthy snack or lunch for himself later that day, that will help him stay in balance?
Just a few thoughts, good luck to you!3
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