I have an (almost) obese brother & need advice!
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Your decision to have your family see a nutritionist is the best thing you can do for them. It is unfair that your mom has put this on you. I know how it is keeping up with school and life at your age. You have a heart of gold but don't let your family be your demise. Keep being the best sister & daughter you can and keep your head in the books.3
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Just saying for what it's worth . . . keep feeding him granola bars, pasta, and brown rice, and he will continue to gain weight. "Portion control" is a myth. Weight is controlled by hormones, not directly by calories or portion size. These are old wives' tales that has been proven wrong-headed over the last 15 years.
Since he is already near "obesity," he has an insulin resistance problem, probably caused by too much refined sugar and too much grain (and especially whole grains, which spike blood sugars more than table sugar.) Calories matter, but do not matter nearly as much as cutting down (or better, out) sugars and grains, since the body reacts differently to fat, carb, and protein calories. Your heart is in the right place, but low calorie meals than contain more than 50 grams of carbs a day will not only cause him to gain weight, but will also make him miserable, grumpy, and low energy (his body will fight your best efforts to let go of weight, and eventually he will gain it all back, plus more, and then his body will "set" his "normal weight" higher.
*insert big ol' NOOOOOPPPEEE gif here*
Calories at the end of the day are what control whether you gain or lose.
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Tell your parents to kick his little butt out of the house and go play. You're only home for the summer. You aren't going to do much. You need to teach your parents. They are the ones buying the food. They are the ones allowing him to stay on his Xbox all day. They are the ones enabling this. Now they want to continue to be lazy with him and look to you to help him? Eff all of that. He needs activity. Get him a bike. Go roller blading. Go play basketball. That will go over better than 100 calorie snack packs.4
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No it's not changing because in my original post I said I'm not sure if he's underestimating or lying. And actually yes, I am looking for some praise. I'm a 19 year old who has a lot on her plate and has to also basically parent a little kid and deal with a drunk of a dad and a mom who is too lazy to do anything for him. Considering I have all this to do, obviously I may be doing things wrong or coming on too strong sometimes. But what you need to understand is that you don't know the entire situation so when I tell you that he likes what he's having, or that he doesn't feel restricted, or whatever else then you just need to believe me, okay? I was looking for some advice on what to say to my mom or what to do when it comes to taking him to the doctor, not criticism on what I'm currently feeding him because I know what he's doing now is much better than what he was doing before and I know he likes what he's eating. I know my brother better than what you think you know from a short description. Thanks for the helpYou're story keeps changing. First he is hiding food, now it is just he under estimates...
I get that you want to come off as this amazing person and likely looking for praise for your efforts. However, you are coming across as a know it all who can do no wrong when it comes to your brother. Sorry for the harsh reality, but you may be doing serious emotional and physical damage to him. You NEED to understand that.
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Just saying for what it's worth . . . keep feeding him granola bars, pasta, and brown rice, and he will continue to gain weight. "Portion control" is a myth. Weight is controlled by hormones, not directly by calories or portion size. These are old wives' tales that has been proven wrong-headed over the last 15 years.
Since he is already near "obesity," he has an insulin resistance problem, probably caused by too much refined sugar and too much grain (and especially whole grains, which spike blood sugars more than table sugar.) Calories matter, but do not matter nearly as much as cutting down (or better, out) sugars and grains, since the body reacts differently to fat, carb, and protein calories. Your heart is in the right place, but low calorie meals than contain more than 50 grams of carbs a day will not only cause him to gain weight, but will also make him miserable, grumpy, and low energy (his body will fight your best efforts to let go of weight, and eventually he will gain it all back, plus more, and then his body will "set" his "normal weight" higher.
Research experts and recent research findings:
Dr. Jason Fung, Obesity Code
Dr. William Davis, Wheat Belly Total Health
Dr. David Perlmutter, Grain Maker and Grain Brain.
You can also go to Dr. Davis' Facebook page ~https://www.facebook.com/OfficialWheatBelly/~ to see hundreds of stories about this. No, I am not associated with his organization, except as an obese WB follower for the last 19 months. I've lost 40 lbs and regained my health at 68. You can post a question there about low carb high fat eating for children. Your brother may not like giving up pizza, spaghetti-Os, ice cream, and chips, but it is those very things -- whatever the portion size -- that is making America obese, and have been since the USDA published its Food Pyramid ("6-11 servings of grains per day, low fat") in the late 1970s.
That aside, your parents have put you in a very difficult position. As I said, your heart is in the right place, and that is to help your brother.
So much junk I don't even know where to start.
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sunfastrose wrote: »Just saying for what it's worth . . . keep feeding him granola bars, pasta, and brown rice, and he will continue to gain weight. "Portion control" is a myth. Weight is controlled by hormones, not directly by calories or portion size. These are old wives' tales that has been proven wrong-headed over the last 15 years.
Since he is already near "obesity," he has an insulin resistance problem, probably caused by too much refined sugar and too much grain (and especially whole grains, which spike blood sugars more than table sugar.) Calories matter, but do not matter nearly as much as cutting down (or better, out) sugars and grains, since the body reacts differently to fat, carb, and protein calories. Your heart is in the right place, but low calorie meals than contain more than 50 grams of carbs a day will not only cause him to gain weight, but will also make him miserable, grumpy, and low energy (his body will fight your best efforts to let go of weight, and eventually he will gain it all back, plus more, and then his body will "set" his "normal weight" higher.
*insert big ol' NOOOOOPPPEEE gif here*
Calories at the end of the day are what control whether you gain or lose.
Not to mention that expecting an eleven-year-old boy who is a picky eater who apparently enjoys carbohydrates to maintain a diet that is free of sugar and grain is setting him up for failure and even more emotional issues around eating.5 -
That's what I'm saying, you have no idea how hard I try! I know my mom has a bigger power over him than I do, and I've talked to her so many times and told her that she needs to get him off Xbox and she needs to just stop being so easy with him and letting him do whatever he feels like doing. She agrees with me but then it's like she forgot the conversation ever happenedMissTattoo wrote: »Tell your parents to kick his little butt out of the house and go play. You're only home for the summer. You aren't going to do much. You need to teach your parents. They are the ones buying the food. They are the ones allowing him to stay on his Xbox all day. They are the ones enabling this. Now they want to continue to be lazy with him and look to you to help him? Eff all of that. He needs activity. Get him a bike. Go roller blading. Go play basketball. That will go over better than 100 calorie snack packs.
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I have no advice, but I think you're an awesome sister. I wish someone had cared enough to help me learn about proper nutrition when I was a kid. It could saved me countless years of yo-yo dieting.8
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No it's not changing because in my original post I said I'm not sure if he's underestimating or lying. And actually yes, I am looking for some praise. I'm a 19 year old who has a lot on her plate and has to also basically parent a little kid and deal with a drunk of a dad and a mom who is too lazy to do anything for him. Considering I have all this to do, obviously I may be doing things wrong or coming on too strong sometimes. But what you need to understand is that you don't know the entire situation so when I tell you that he likes what he's having, or that he doesn't feel restricted, or whatever else then you just need to believe me, okay? I was looking for some advice on what to say to my mom or what to do when it comes to taking him to the doctor, not criticism on what I'm currently feeding him because I know what he's doing now is much better than what he was doing before and I know he likes what he's eating. I know my brother better than what you think you know from a short description. Thanks for the helpYou're story keeps changing. First he is hiding food, now it is just he under estimates...
I get that you want to come off as this amazing person and likely looking for praise for your efforts. However, you are coming across as a know it all who can do no wrong when it comes to your brother. Sorry for the harsh reality, but you may be doing serious emotional and physical damage to him. You NEED to understand that.
Not sure if you saw my original post further up, but I want to add to counter some other posters' suggestions of you controlling his Xbox time- I think that's a terrible idea as his sister. I really resented my sisters when they tried to *police* my behavior- either food or activity. I know they were an extra kind of awful, but I think that should come from the parents. You should be his friend and role model. And I don't even know what the solution is as far as the technology because parents all over struggle with figuring out how to limit screen time without massive fights and tantrums. I personally struggle myself with my own screen time.1 -
No it's not changing because in my original post I said I'm not sure if he's underestimating or lying. And actually yes, I am looking for some praise. I'm a 19 year old who has a lot on her plate and has to also basically parent a little kid and deal with a drunk of a dad and a mom who is too lazy to do anything for him. Considering I have all this to do, obviously I may be doing things wrong or coming on too strong sometimes. But what you need to understand is that you don't know the entire situation so when I tell you that he likes what he's having, or that he doesn't feel restricted, or whatever else then you just need to believe me, okay? I was looking for some advice on what to say to my mom or what to do when it comes to taking him to the doctor, not criticism on what I'm currently feeding him because I know what he's doing now is much better than what he was doing before and I know he likes what he's eating. I know my brother better than what you think you know from a short description. Thanks for the helpYou're story keeps changing. First he is hiding food, now it is just he under estimates...
I get that you want to come off as this amazing person and likely looking for praise for your efforts. However, you are coming across as a know it all who can do no wrong when it comes to your brother. Sorry for the harsh reality, but you may be doing serious emotional and physical damage to him. You NEED to understand that.
What you're trying to do is great. Your care for your brother is coming through very clearly. I understand that you love your brother and you want to help him. What some of us are suggesting is that what you're doing may not be helping him and there may be a better way to be there for him and support him. Even when what we're doing comes from a place of love and good intention, it can still cause issues sometimes.
If you aren't sure if he is lying about his food or just underestimating, I would honestly assume the "worst," that he does feel guilt about what he's eating and may feel the need to hide it from you (or even from himself). So maybe consider paying attention to his emotional needs right now because if his emotional needs get worse, it will probably compromise his physical health more in the long run. I know you know your brother better than we do, but you don't even know if he's lying to you or not.
You need to help protect yourself and your brother from the boundary issues that your parents have.
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Yeah I know all of that was BS.janejellyroll wrote: »sunfastrose wrote: »Just saying for what it's worth . . . keep feeding him granola bars, pasta, and brown rice, and he will continue to gain weight. "Portion control" is a myth. Weight is controlled by hormones, not directly by calories or portion size. These are old wives' tales that has been proven wrong-headed over the last 15 years.
Since he is already near "obesity," he has an insulin resistance problem, probably caused by too much refined sugar and too much grain (and especially whole grains, which spike blood sugars more than table sugar.) Calories matter, but do not matter nearly as much as cutting down (or better, out) sugars and grains, since the body reacts differently to fat, carb, and protein calories. Your heart is in the right place, but low calorie meals than contain more than 50 grams of carbs a day will not only cause him to gain weight, but will also make him miserable, grumpy, and low energy (his body will fight your best efforts to let go of weight, and eventually he will gain it all back, plus more, and then his body will "set" his "normal weight" higher.
*insert big ol' NOOOOOPPPEEE gif here*
Calories at the end of the day are what control whether you gain or lose.
Not to mention that expecting an eleven-year-old boy who is a picky eater who apparently enjoys carbohydrates to maintain a diet that is free of sugar and grain is setting him up for failure and even more emotional issues around eating.
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That's what I'm saying, you have no idea how hard I try! I know my mom has a bigger power over him than I do, and I've talked to her so many times and told her that she needs to get him off Xbox and she needs to just stop being so easy with him and letting him do whatever he feels like doing. She agrees with me but then it's like she forgot the conversation ever happenedMissTattoo wrote: »Tell your parents to kick his little butt out of the house and go play. You're only home for the summer. You aren't going to do much. You need to teach your parents. They are the ones buying the food. They are the ones allowing him to stay on his Xbox all day. They are the ones enabling this. Now they want to continue to be lazy with him and look to you to help him? Eff all of that. He needs activity. Get him a bike. Go roller blading. Go play basketball. That will go over better than 100 calorie snack packs.
That sucks because where is all of your effort going to go at the end of the summer when you leave and your mom is like whatever? If I were you, I'd be so pissed right now. I'm pissed at your parents! I have a 9 year old and she likes to play Minecraft, but guess what? There are rules. I tell her that Xbox/PC time is limited to 2 hours a day and outside time is 4-5. I get huffs and puffs, but you know what? Once the kids in the neighborhood come out to play, she's outside all day. Your parents need to suck it up. Let him whine. Take his Xbox away if he's obsessed. Deal with his tantrums. He needs activity.1 -
Thank you! That's why I'm trying to get him to eat healthier things too. Everyone is saying to feed him exactly what he was eating before, but smaller portions. While I agree with that to a certain extent, I also think that considering he likes grilled chicken and carrots and broccoli and egg whites, I would much rather he learn to eat those things instead, you know? I want there to be a combination of food that's "good for you" and food that's not so good for you. Obviously if he was given the choice he would choose to eat McDonald's instead of grilled chicken and vegetables, just like most people would. He's not learning good nutrition from that, although portion sizes are also important to learn. I'm trying to teach him both.I have no advice, but I think you're an awesome sister. I wish someone had cared enough to help me learn about proper nutrition when I was a kid. It could saved me countless years of yo-yo dieting.
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That's exactly how I would handle it but unfortunately I don't have the final day. That's exactly what I told my mom to do, but she's just too much of a softie. I'll talk to her againMissTattoo wrote: »
That's what I'm saying, you have no idea how hard I try! I know my mom has a bigger power over him than I do, and I've talked to her so many times and told her that she needs to get him off Xbox and she needs to just stop being so easy with him and letting him do whatever he feels like doing. She agrees with me but then it's like she forgot the conversation ever happenedMissTattoo wrote: »Tell your parents to kick his little butt out of the house and go play. You're only home for the summer. You aren't going to do much. You need to teach your parents. They are the ones buying the food. They are the ones allowing him to stay on his Xbox all day. They are the ones enabling this. Now they want to continue to be lazy with him and look to you to help him? Eff all of that. He needs activity. Get him a bike. Go roller blading. Go play basketball. That will go over better than 100 calorie snack packs.
That sucks because where is all of your effort going to go at the end of the summer when you leave and your mom is like whatever? If I were you, I'd be so pissed right now. I'm pissed at your parents! I have a 9 year old and she likes to play Minecraft, but guess what? There are rules. I tell her that Xbox/PC time is limited to 2 hours a day and outside time is 4-5. I get huffs and puffs, but you know what? Once the kids in the neighborhood come out to play, she's outside all day. Your parents need to suck it up. Let him whine. Take his Xbox away if he's obsessed. Deal with his tantrums. He needs activity.
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Just saying for what it's worth . . . keep feeding him granola bars, pasta, and brown rice, and he will continue to gain weight. "Portion control" is a myth. Weight is controlled by hormones, not directly by calories or portion size. These are old wives' tales that has been proven wrong-headed over the last 15 years.
Since he is already near "obesity," he has an insulin resistance problem, probably caused by too much refined sugar and too much grain (and especially whole grains, which spike blood sugars more than table sugar.) Calories matter, but do not matter nearly as much as cutting down (or better, out) sugars and grains, since the body reacts differently to fat, carb, and protein calories. Your heart is in the right place, but low calorie meals than contain more than 50 grams of carbs a day will not only cause him to gain weight, but will also make him miserable, grumpy, and low energy (his body will fight your best efforts to let go of weight, and eventually he will gain it all back, plus more, and then his body will "set" his "normal weight" higher.
Research experts and recent research findings:
Dr. Jason Fung, Obesity Code
Dr. William Davis, Wheat Belly Total Health
Dr. David Perlmutter, Grain Maker and Grain Brain.
You can also go to Dr. Davis' Facebook page ~https://www.facebook.com/OfficialWheatBelly/~ to see hundreds of stories about this. No, I am not associated with his organization, except as an obese WB follower for the last 19 months. I've lost 40 lbs and regained my health at 68. You can post a question there about low carb high fat eating for children. Your brother may not like giving up pizza, spaghetti-Os, ice cream, and chips, but it is those very things -- whatever the portion size -- that is making America obese, and have been since the USDA published its Food Pyramid ("6-11 servings of grains per day, low fat") in the late 1970s.
That aside, your parents have put you in a very difficult position. As I said, your heart is in the right place, and that is to help your brother.
BAD advice and wrong on so many things. eating too much of anything can cause weight gain. there is also no proof he has an insulin resistance problem. my daughter is overweight, she doesnt eat granola bars,pasta,brown rice and yet she is overweight and has NO insulin resistance as she was seeing and endocrinologist because we thought she had one of these issues and come to find out she does not.as for carbs there is nothing wrong with carbs, carbs fuel the body! he doesnt need to be on a low carb diet(from how you are wording it). if pizza,spaghetti O's and so on make you fat then when I was a kid I should have been obese, and I was far from it.same with my son.
It definitely is all about portion sizes. too much of any food,even salads could make a person fat. I became fat by eating too much period! to me a child should not be on low carb diets unless its proven they have a health issue and a Dr,pediatrician or dietitian puts that child on a low carb diet. Kids are still growing and need more calories than most adults because their body needs the fuel. its not what you eat its how much and that goes for everyone.fat,carbs and protein are all broken down by the body and used for fuel,low carbs is what will probably make him grumpy and tired, I still eat pizza and rice and so on and guess what? I lost weight. if these foods were bad no one here would have lost weight eating those things.3 -
I know I don't have to but I want to. I know I won't help as much as a health specialist but I know I'll help a lot more than my mom will.janejellyroll wrote: »
It is my business. I'm his sister, and his parents put it on me to control what he eats. My mom knows she has no knowledge about nutrition because the only way she ever lose weight was by going on diets such as drinking only milk on Tuesdays (no food) and only vegetables on Wednesdays. It's completely my business. Or wait, should I just "mind my business" and let my brother get 200, 300, 400 pounds?If you are not his parent or guardian, then it really is not your business and you should not be controlling what he eats.
His parent or guardian should take him to a pediatrician and possible a pediatric dietician. Growing children have specific needs and you could be doing more harm than good.
And you're telling me giving him healthy food is doing more harm than letting him eat fried food and chips all day long? I'm not limiting his calories. I let him eat as much food as he needs to feel full. My mom refuses to take him to a health specialist.
The expectations from your parents, that you parent your brother, aren't appropriate. It's okay for you to set boundaries and reject their inappropriate demands.
Focus on how to be a good *sister* to your brother, not how to parent him. Just because your parents expect you to take over for them doesn't mean you have to.
I can sense your concern for your brother. It is great that he has a big sis who cares for him. You can set a good example and teach him while you are there, but it will be difficult for him unless your mom somehow gets on board. She is the one buying the groceries and providing food. Your brother might benefit by learning the portion plate method. That is something that he can control somewhat, isn't too difficult to maintain and will get healthy variety in him.3 -
I'm so torn on this. Him and I are really close, he goes to me for everything. I just know that my parents aren't doing anything about his xbox time and eating habits, so it's on me. I choose to put his health over other things, even if that means he's going to hate me for an hour (he doesn't really hold grudges). I feel like as he gets older he's going to understand that I'm doing it because I care about him and don't want to see him become 500 pounds. I sometimes lay in bed all day on my phone or watch Netflix and don't do anything too, and I'm fine with him spending 8am to 9pm on Xbox SOME days. But this is everyday. I think I can be his friend while helping him, especially if I explain to him that I'm doing it because I care.baciodolce18 wrote: »
No it's not changing because in my original post I said I'm not sure if he's underestimating or lying. And actually yes, I am looking for some praise. I'm a 19 year old who has a lot on her plate and has to also basically parent a little kid and deal with a drunk of a dad and a mom who is too lazy to do anything for him. Considering I have all this to do, obviously I may be doing things wrong or coming on too strong sometimes. But what you need to understand is that you don't know the entire situation so when I tell you that he likes what he's having, or that he doesn't feel restricted, or whatever else then you just need to believe me, okay? I was looking for some advice on what to say to my mom or what to do when it comes to taking him to the doctor, not criticism on what I'm currently feeding him because I know what he's doing now is much better than what he was doing before and I know he likes what he's eating. I know my brother better than what you think you know from a short description. Thanks for the helpYou're story keeps changing. First he is hiding food, now it is just he under estimates...
I get that you want to come off as this amazing person and likely looking for praise for your efforts. However, you are coming across as a know it all who can do no wrong when it comes to your brother. Sorry for the harsh reality, but you may be doing serious emotional and physical damage to him. You NEED to understand that.
Not sure if you saw my original post further up, but I want to add to counter some other posters' suggestions of you controlling his Xbox time- I think that's a terrible idea as his sister. I really resented my sisters when they tried to *police* my behavior- either food or activity. I know they were an extra kind of awful, but I think that should come from the parents. You should be his friend and role model. And I don't even know what the solution is as far as the technology because parents all over struggle with figuring out how to limit screen time without massive fights and tantrums. I personally struggle myself with my own screen time.
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One of the things to consider about an 11 year old is he has a lot of growing to do. He is about to hit puberty and have a growth spurt and it could very well put him at the perfect weight by then. So I wouldn't bombard him with trying to lose weight right now. I would just try and make sure he is eating good nutritious meals and not just pigging out on junk food and TV dinners.1
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I go with her to buy groceries and she's been cutting back on buying some things or replacing it with better things. I'm not sure if this will last when I leave though, but I hope so! I haven't talked to him about the portion plate thing, but I'll definitely do that! It seems easy enough for him to understand
I know I don't have to but I want to. I know I won't help as much as a health specialist but I know I'll help a lot more than my mom will.janejellyroll wrote: »
It is my business. I'm his sister, and his parents put it on me to control what he eats. My mom knows she has no knowledge about nutrition because the only way she ever lose weight was by going on diets such as drinking only milk on Tuesdays (no food) and only vegetables on Wednesdays. It's completely my business. Or wait, should I just "mind my business" and let my brother get 200, 300, 400 pounds?If you are not his parent or guardian, then it really is not your business and you should not be controlling what he eats.
His parent or guardian should take him to a pediatrician and possible a pediatric dietician. Growing children have specific needs and you could be doing more harm than good.
And you're telling me giving him healthy food is doing more harm than letting him eat fried food and chips all day long? I'm not limiting his calories. I let him eat as much food as he needs to feel full. My mom refuses to take him to a health specialist.
The expectations from your parents, that you parent your brother, aren't appropriate. It's okay for you to set boundaries and reject their inappropriate demands.
Focus on how to be a good *sister* to your brother, not how to parent him. Just because your parents expect you to take over for them doesn't mean you have to.
I can sense your concern for your brother. It is great that he has a big sis who cares for him. You can set a good example and teach him while you are there, but it will be difficult for him unless your mom somehow gets on board. She is the one buying the groceries and providing food. Your brother might benefit by learning the portion plate method. That is something that he can control somewhat, isn't too difficult to maintain and will get healthy variety in him.0 -
Yeah, I'm not exactly trying to get him to lose weight but just not gain it. I just know that as he goes through puberty he could gain even more weight (like a lot of people do) despite a growth spurt if his eating habits aren't controlled. I was so skinny when I was his age but around 13 I just gained A LOT of weight.megzchica23 wrote: »One of the things to consider about an 11 year old is he has a lot of growing to do. He is about to hit puberty and have a growth spurt and it could very well put him at the perfect weight by then. So I wouldn't bombard him with trying to lose weight right now. I would just try and make sure he is eating good nutritious meals and not just pigging out on junk food and TV dinners.0
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