Did you lose your Lover/Spouse/S.O AFTER you loss weight???
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Hello everyone! How is it going? I hope you are still smashing your goals and continuing on your journey, in spite of your non supportive partner!!!!! Keep pushing! Feel free to vent here if you want!0
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bump0
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Thanks @STLBADGIRL I'm having a better day, much calmer. How are you?3
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You know what really helps a relationship that's not going so well? Kid and school drama! Uggggh!!!!0
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bearbugbear wrote: »Thanks @STLBADGIRL I'm having a better day, much calmer. How are you?
@bearbugbear I'm doing great today. I'm happy that today is a better day for you. I'm rooting for you. I suggest to maybe pick up a new hobby or interest. I don't want you having too much idle time....1 -
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Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »littlemissbgiff wrote: »bearbugbear wrote: »Having a pretty terrible time but staying string for my children.
We've never interacted here and you don't know me but I've read your story here and I have been in similar shoes. I need you to know that it's hard right now and it will be for some time. But I also need you to know that you will come out of this a better woman and a better mother. You will look back one day and be amazed at your own strength. Above that, you will learn so much about yourself that you never knew. Sweetie you deserve to have in life, exactly what you want in life. You will learn what you want not what you will settle for and you will find it. The road is long and arduous but you are worth it. Your children are worth it. Promise. Hugs.
I completely agree with this. I too have been there and I know it feels like you're drowning right now . But gradually things will settle and you will realize how much better off you are without him. The universe will align and you will get the happiness you deserve. Much love to you.
I could not have said this better myself (both posters above) -- there are so many of us who have been in your shoes, albeit for different reasons -- we're here for you!0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »
You mean every day? Homework!
LOL....I've been running around for homecoming attire....Today I will make my Zumba class and hit legs...I hate to miss leg day!0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »
You mean every day? Homework!
LOL....I've been running around for homecoming attire....Today I will make my Zumba class and hit legs...I hate to miss leg day!
Oh sheesh I'm glad I'm not there yet. Just the thought of my daughter being a teenager stresses me out.0 -
Just thought I should come back and update my status. We are now getting divorced.0
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Sorry Nnsando, me too.0
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I'm so sorry you two
I told my husband that I want to do couple counseling last night. I suppose it's a good step to take at this point, as I can't afford to move out. Just not sure it's really going to help when the feelings are gone.. but at least I can say that we tried.
What really sucks too is feeling like I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I'm not sure I should bring it up with my guy friend, as he knows my husband too, and well, he's a guy, but he's the closest I have to a good friend. Moot point probably though as we only see each other when our kids/other people are around anyway.
Can't talk to my mom either as she loves my husband and will probably just blame and judge me. Not that I can blame her, I mean, he's a good guy.
Sometimes life just sucks.0 -
Just thought I should come back and update my status. We are now getting divorced.
I'm sorry things couldn't work out. Do you have friends and family that can support you during this time? I've been through a divorce and there is 'life after a divorce'.... May I ask, what was deciding factor that made you two want to consider this? And I completely understand if you do not want to answer.... I am sending you <major hugs>....0 -
I'm so sorry you two
I told my husband that I want to do couple counseling last night. I suppose it's a good step to take at this point, as I can't afford to move out. Just not sure it's really going to help when the feelings are gone.. but at least I can say that we tried.
What really sucks too is feeling like I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I'm not sure I should bring it up with my guy friend, as he knows my husband too, and well, he's a guy, but he's the closest I have to a good friend. Moot point probably though as we only see each other when our kids/other people are around anyway.
Can't talk to my mom either as she loves my husband and will probably just blame and judge me. Not that I can blame her, I mean, he's a good guy.
Sometimes life just sucks.
A good therapist could really help if you two are open to it. We went to one therapist (before the good one) and we argued and argued and argued after we left. He accused us of ganging up on him....uggh. I think she couldn't believe the ridiculous stuff that was coming out of his mouth. The other therapist controlled the tempo and corrected us when we weren't playing by the rules and talked to us in a way that made us see what we were doing wrong and what we should correct....GOOD LUCK!!!!
Oh, that one friend might can help because he knows the both of you...if that talk could happen.0 -
bearbugbear wrote: »Sorry Nnsando, me too.
Thank you.0 -
bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »I haven't personally had this happen but I have read quite a few stories about this being common. I think it can be a few reasons really, but one of the one I hear most often is that it is common for those who are overweight to "settle" for the best they feel they can get. Maybe they weren't actually in love in the first place, and just settled for the only thing they thought they could find. Now that they are thinner and have more options, they start getting curious about finding someone they actually connect with.
Another reason could be that the couple was really in love, but the one who lost weight now has a different lifestyle. Maybe before the weight loss they enjoyed eating bad foods and bonded over eating and not being active. Now that one part of the couple is living differently it could cause issues...
this0 -
I'm so sorry you two
I told my husband that I want to do couple counseling last night. I suppose it's a good step to take at this point, as I can't afford to move out. Just not sure it's really going to help when the feelings are gone.. but at least I can say that we tried.
What really sucks too is feeling like I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I'm not sure I should bring it up with my guy friend, as he knows my husband too, and well, he's a guy, but he's the closest I have to a good friend. Moot point probably though as we only see each other when our kids/other people are around anyway.
Can't talk to my mom either as she loves my husband and will probably just blame and judge me. Not that I can blame her, I mean, he's a good guy.
Sometimes life just sucks.
I agree life can just suck, but counseling is a good start if you both are willing to listen to the input.0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »Just thought I should come back and update my status. We are now getting divorced.
I'm sorry things couldn't work out. Do you have friends and family that can support you during this time? I've been through a divorce and there is 'life after a divorce'.... May I ask, what was deciding factor that made you two want to consider this? And I completely understand if you do not want to answer.... I am sending you <major hugs>....
I have a huge support group, I'm very grateful for that. Overall I'm happy I can start my life over. I found him having crazy affairs on me. I say crazy because there is some insane details to this. So he's a liar and a cheater. I know money will be tight but I know I will do everything I can to support my children. This is worth the struggle, and honestly my house seems more peaceful with him not here. It will work out.2 -
Yes it will work out!!!! Sorry, but I am happy that you have had some peace at home...and you have a positive outlook on your future.....YOU CAN DO IT...STLBADGIRL wrote: »Just thought I should come back and update my status. We are now getting divorced.
I'm sorry things couldn't work out. Do you have friends and family that can support you during this time? I've been through a divorce and there is 'life after a divorce'.... May I ask, what was deciding factor that made you two want to consider this? And I completely understand if you do not want to answer.... I am sending you <major hugs>....
I have a huge support group, I'm very grateful for that. Overall I'm happy I can start my life over. I found him having crazy affairs on me. I say crazy because there is some insane details to this. So he's a liar and a cheater. I know money will be tight but I know I will do everything I can to support my children. This is worth the struggle, and honestly my house seems more peaceful with him not here. It will work out.
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STLBADGIRL wrote: »Just thought I should come back and update my status. We are now getting divorced.
I'm sorry things couldn't work out. Do you have friends and family that can support you during this time? I've been through a divorce and there is 'life after a divorce'.... May I ask, what was deciding factor that made you two want to consider this? And I completely understand if you do not want to answer.... I am sending you <major hugs>....
I have a huge support group, I'm very grateful for that. Overall I'm happy I can start my life over. I found him having crazy affairs on me. I say crazy because there is some insane details to this. So he's a liar and a cheater. I know money will be tight but I know I will do everything I can to support my children. This is worth the struggle, and honestly my house seems more peaceful with him not here. It will work out.
Oh wow you're way better off! Still sorry you had to go through that.1 -
Thank you ladies.0
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STLBADGIRL wrote: »I'm so sorry you two
I told my husband that I want to do couple counseling last night. I suppose it's a good step to take at this point, as I can't afford to move out. Just not sure it's really going to help when the feelings are gone.. but at least I can say that we tried.
What really sucks too is feeling like I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I'm not sure I should bring it up with my guy friend, as he knows my husband too, and well, he's a guy, but he's the closest I have to a good friend. Moot point probably though as we only see each other when our kids/other people are around anyway.
Can't talk to my mom either as she loves my husband and will probably just blame and judge me. Not that I can blame her, I mean, he's a good guy.
Sometimes life just sucks.
A good therapist could really help if you two are open to it. We went to one therapist (before the good one) and we argued and argued and argued after we left. He accused us of ganging up on him....uggh. I think she couldn't believe the ridiculous stuff that was coming out of his mouth. The other therapist controlled the tempo and corrected us when we weren't playing by the rules and talked to us in a way that made us see what we were doing wrong and what we should correct....GOOD LUCK!!!!
Oh, that one friend might can help because he knows the both of you...if that talk could happen.
I actually got to! Happened to spend almost two hours with him today without kids for the first time ever.
Now I just need to find a good therapist...1 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »I'm so sorry you two
I told my husband that I want to do couple counseling last night. I suppose it's a good step to take at this point, as I can't afford to move out. Just not sure it's really going to help when the feelings are gone.. but at least I can say that we tried.
What really sucks too is feeling like I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I'm not sure I should bring it up with my guy friend, as he knows my husband too, and well, he's a guy, but he's the closest I have to a good friend. Moot point probably though as we only see each other when our kids/other people are around anyway.
Can't talk to my mom either as she loves my husband and will probably just blame and judge me. Not that I can blame her, I mean, he's a good guy.
Sometimes life just sucks.
A good therapist could really help if you two are open to it. We went to one therapist (before the good one) and we argued and argued and argued after we left. He accused us of ganging up on him....uggh. I think she couldn't believe the ridiculous stuff that was coming out of his mouth. The other therapist controlled the tempo and corrected us when we weren't playing by the rules and talked to us in a way that made us see what we were doing wrong and what we should correct....GOOD LUCK!!!!
Oh, that one friend might can help because he knows the both of you...if that talk could happen.
I actually got to! Happened to spend almost two hours with him today without kids for the first time ever.
Now I just need to find a good therapist...
This is awesome. Was he 'fair' in his listening and did he offer good advice?
How is the therapist hunting going?1 -
Checking in guy. How is everyone coping!0
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STLBADGIRL wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »I'm so sorry you two
I told my husband that I want to do couple counseling last night. I suppose it's a good step to take at this point, as I can't afford to move out. Just not sure it's really going to help when the feelings are gone.. but at least I can say that we tried.
What really sucks too is feeling like I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I'm not sure I should bring it up with my guy friend, as he knows my husband too, and well, he's a guy, but he's the closest I have to a good friend. Moot point probably though as we only see each other when our kids/other people are around anyway.
Can't talk to my mom either as she loves my husband and will probably just blame and judge me. Not that I can blame her, I mean, he's a good guy.
Sometimes life just sucks.
A good therapist could really help if you two are open to it. We went to one therapist (before the good one) and we argued and argued and argued after we left. He accused us of ganging up on him....uggh. I think she couldn't believe the ridiculous stuff that was coming out of his mouth. The other therapist controlled the tempo and corrected us when we weren't playing by the rules and talked to us in a way that made us see what we were doing wrong and what we should correct....GOOD LUCK!!!!
Oh, that one friend might can help because he knows the both of you...if that talk could happen.
I actually got to! Happened to spend almost two hours with him today without kids for the first time ever.
Now I just need to find a good therapist...
This is awesome. Was he 'fair' in his listening and did he offer good advice?
How is the therapist hunting going?
He mostly listened and wished me luck. I talked to his wife too... It helps to be able to talk about it, at least I'm not depressed about having no friend anymore.. love those guys.
Giving it a couple weeks to find a therapist, my mom is visiting soon and I don't need her judgement (she'll just blame me).0 -
I actually got to! Happened to spend almost two hours with him today without kids for the first time ever.
Now I just need to find a good therapist...[/quote]
This is awesome. Was he 'fair' in his listening and did he offer good advice?
How is the therapist hunting going?[/quote]
He mostly listened and wished me luck. I talked to his wife too... It helps to be able to talk about it, at least I'm not depressed about having no friend anymore.. love those guys.
Giving it a couple weeks to find a therapist, my mom is visiting soon and I don't need her judgement (she'll just blame me).[/quote]
Checking on you. How are things going?0 -
In a word Yes0
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STLBADGIRL wrote: »
Checking on you. How are things going?
Same old. I've been spending more time with my friends, which does help - I suppose it's more stress on a marriage when you don't have friends and basically rely on your spouse for everything. But my best friend is a guy so I suppose it irks my husband a little too (even though he likes him)... and I suppose that it makes me sad too that I'm happier when I spend time with them than with my family.
But we managed to actually do something as a family last Saturday, so I guess that's some improvement. He's depressed too though, which really doesn't help... I'm just waiting for November to find a marriage counselor.0 -
@Franci27 I'm hoping it all works out. Depression is a Bish. Maybe once he gets that under control that will be the difference maker!0
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