Did you lose your Lover/Spouse/S.O AFTER you loss weight???
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i am terrified of this, we dont have much else in common besides tv anymore2
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i am terrified of this, we dont have much else in common besides tv anymore
this is where it all started for me. now my wife is and always was small but as I lost weight, the stuff in common besides tv all went away. eventually, so did the tv because I wanted to keep moving as the weight came off. hope this doesn't happen to your relationship! good luck!0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »
yes, she doesnt ever want to do anything outside the house, and if were in the house she dosent want to get off the couch.1 -
Yes I have but not because of my weight loss. I just happened to have been losing weight at the time we decided to separate.1
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STLBADGIRL wrote: »
As well as it's been I suppose.i am terrified of this, we dont have much else in common besides tv anymore
Join the club...1 -
You have to do whats good for you, and makes you happy, and let the chips fall where they may..2
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I agree. But it's still sad to lose your loved one bc you are bettering yourself or because out of fear and/or jealously cause a tension in the relationship. You would think your partner would enjoy a better you!PowerMan40 wrote: »You have to do whats good for you, and makes you happy, and let the chips fall where they may..
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I was being impatient and worried because I hate being single. over the last few days things have really changed and the attention ive been getting is crazy. I mean I love it but didn't expect it. ill remain open to whatever comes my way from now on as ive learned to not be so damn hard on myself!4
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Well I am currently loosing weight and he walked out on me the other day... Does that count???1
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amcalmond768 wrote: »Well I am currently loosing weight and he walked out on me the other day... Does that count???
He is an idiot to do that, to someone who is trying to improve themselves.0 -
PowerMan40 wrote: »amcalmond768 wrote: »Well I am currently loosing weight and he walked out on me the other day... Does that count???
He is an idiot to do that, to someone who is trying to improve themselves.
Wasn't really related to weight loss but felt it was still appropriate ... And yeah he is a idiot2 -
I think it counts. He still walked out during the time you are losing weight. Lol. So yeah, we can count it.amcalmond768 wrote: »Well I am currently loosing weight and he walked out on me the other day... Does that count???
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I look at this as an inevitable outcome of the victim mentality. Anyone who takes personal responsibility and makes positive changes will be vilified, perhaps not overtly or even intentionally, but recognition that someone else can be successful is a hard pill to swallow for certain people. Especially if they realize that they too could implement the same changes. This requires one to take responsibility which many are not prepared for.
For interpersonal relationships this is a huge threat. Two people have become comfortable with the given situation when suddenly one wants to change - the other may take this personally thinking they are not good enough. In a strong relationship both should be able to communicate why the changes are being made, but let's be honest - this doesn't happen. We have become a very passive aggressive society and honesty is not welcomed. Honest communication has been replaced with political correctness, micro-aggressions, and safe spaces.0 -
For interpersonal relationships this is a huge threat. Two people have become comfortable with the given situation when suddenly one wants to change - the other may take this personally thinking they are not good enough. In a strong relationship both should be able to communicate why the changes are being made, but let's be honest - this doesn't happen. We have become a very passive aggressive society and honesty is not welcomed. Honest communication has been replaced with political correctness, micro-aggressions, and safe spaces.
My husband is definitely not comfortable with my transformation. He has always been controlling, but it got worse when I decided to stop being controlled. It's amazing how one person's self-confidence leads to another's insecurities.4 -
For interpersonal relationships this is a huge threat. Two people have become comfortable with the given situation when suddenly one wants to change - the other may take this personally thinking they are not good enough. In a strong relationship both should be able to communicate why the changes are being made, but let's be honest - this doesn't happen. We have become a very passive aggressive society and honesty is not welcomed. Honest communication has been replaced with political correctness, micro-aggressions, and safe spaces.
My husband is definitely not comfortable with my transformation. He has always been controlling, but it got worse when I decided to stop being controlled. It's amazing how one person's self-confidence leads to another's insecurities.
I should have stressed that this requires a healthy relationship between two people.
This article contains one of my personal favorite infographics:
http://totalselfconfidence.net/confident-people-vs-insecure-people/0 -
I look at this as an inevitable outcome of the victim mentality. Anyone who takes personal responsibility and makes positive changes will be vilified, perhaps not overtly or even intentionally, but recognition that someone else can be successful is a hard pill to swallow for certain people. Especially if they realize that they too could implement the same changes. This requires one to take responsibility which many are not prepared for.
For interpersonal relationships this is a huge threat. Two people have become comfortable with the given situation when suddenly one wants to change - the other may take this personally thinking they are not good enough. In a strong relationship both should be able to communicate why the changes are being made, but let's be honest - this doesn't happen. We have become a very passive aggressive society and honesty is not welcomed. Honest communication has been replaced with political correctness, micro-aggressions, and safe spaces.
I agree with what you typed here...and this applies to people in healthy and open relationships. It seems so easy to apply these principles, but it can be hard and requires a lot of energy to do so with a person that is controlling, resistant to change, configure weird and untrue thoughts in their mind, self sabotage, or is down right jealous....It takes less energy to point the finger than self reflect and ask yourself and really examine why another person taking charge of their lives in a positive way will cause this reaction? That's hard to do when you deflect all the time. But in a healthy relationship and in a perfect world, this would be great.
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For interpersonal relationships this is a huge threat. Two people have become comfortable with the given situation when suddenly one wants to change - the other may take this personally thinking they are not good enough. In a strong relationship both should be able to communicate why the changes are being made, but let's be honest - this doesn't happen. We have become a very passive aggressive society and honesty is not welcomed. Honest communication has been replaced with political correctness, micro-aggressions, and safe spaces.
My husband is definitely not comfortable with my transformation. He has always been controlling, but it got worse when I decided to stop being controlled. It's amazing how one person's self-confidence leads to another's insecurities.
I totally agree. It's amazing how a person would like for you to mirror their issues too.0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »I look at this as an inevitable outcome of the victim mentality. Anyone who takes personal responsibility and makes positive changes will be vilified, perhaps not overtly or even intentionally, but recognition that someone else can be successful is a hard pill to swallow for certain people. Especially if they realize that they too could implement the same changes. This requires one to take responsibility which many are not prepared for.
For interpersonal relationships this is a huge threat. Two people have become comfortable with the given situation when suddenly one wants to change - the other may take this personally thinking they are not good enough. In a strong relationship both should be able to communicate why the changes are being made, but let's be honest - this doesn't happen. We have become a very passive aggressive society and honesty is not welcomed. Honest communication has been replaced with political correctness, micro-aggressions, and safe spaces.
I agree with what you typed here...and this applies to people in healthy and open relationships. It seems so easy to apply these principles, but it can be hard and requires a lot of energy to do so with a person that is controlling, resistant to change, configure weird and untrue thoughts in their mind, self sabotage, or is down right jealous....It takes less energy to point the finger than self reflect and ask yourself and really examine why another person taking charge of their lives in a positive way will cause this reaction? That's hard to do when you deflect all the time. But in a healthy relationship and in a perfect world, this would be great.
Agree - and I should have begun with the caveat that this requires both people in the relationship to be good people. If the relationship is unhealthy, then the unhealthy behavior (manipulation, lying, etc.) either needs to change or end the relationship. Sad that in most cases the unhealthy behavior is only recognized by the insecure person after the relationship has ended. As you say self-reflection takes more energy.0 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »I look at this as an inevitable outcome of the victim mentality. Anyone who takes personal responsibility and makes positive changes will be vilified, perhaps not overtly or even intentionally, but recognition that someone else can be successful is a hard pill to swallow for certain people. Especially if they realize that they too could implement the same changes. This requires one to take responsibility which many are not prepared for.
For interpersonal relationships this is a huge threat. Two people have become comfortable with the given situation when suddenly one wants to change - the other may take this personally thinking they are not good enough. In a strong relationship both should be able to communicate why the changes are being made, but let's be honest - this doesn't happen. We have become a very passive aggressive society and honesty is not welcomed. Honest communication has been replaced with political correctness, micro-aggressions, and safe spaces.
I agree with what you typed here...and this applies to people in healthy and open relationships. It seems so easy to apply these principles, but it can be hard and requires a lot of energy to do so with a person that is controlling, resistant to change, configure weird and untrue thoughts in their mind, self sabotage, or is down right jealous....It takes less energy to point the finger than self reflect and ask yourself and really examine why another person taking charge of their lives in a positive way will cause this reaction? That's hard to do when you deflect all the time. But in a healthy relationship and in a perfect world, this would be great.
Agree - and I should have begun with the caveat that this requires both people in the relationship to be good people. If the relationship is unhealthy, then the unhealthy behavior (manipulation, lying, etc.) either needs to change or end the relationship. Sad that in most cases the unhealthy behavior is only recognized by the insecure person after the relationship has ended. As you say self-reflection takes more energy.
You are so right...thanks for weighing in on this topic, very insightful!!!!0 -
How about I take a different spin to this subject....what if the person that is losing weight becomes a different person and are now "feeling themselves" and becomes a bit cocky and that's what creates the issues in the relationship? Is this possible as well?2
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very possible! my ex says this is also a big part in us splitting because I was becoming different and cocky. now I must say I don't think I did at all! I did get on her a few tmes about not wanting to get out the house to do something but I wasn't being cocky per se'...STLBADGIRL wrote: »How about I take a different spin to this subject....what if the person that is losing weight becomes a different person and are now "feeling themselves" and becomes a bit cocky and that's what creates the issues in the relationship? Is this possible as well?
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ill also add ive been here a while now and if anyone on here has ever seen me as cocky or stuck up id love to know about it please!
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Mine never really had anything positive to say about me being 50 pounds smaller. I did however get " you're too skinny I can see your backbone" and " you need to do more squats" oh and " I miss your old butt when it was bigger."1
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this makes me angry for you! you look amazing and just your getting healthier alone deserves a compliment not a negative comment! congrats on your progress! I say you look phenominal!!!Mine never really had anything positive to say about me being 50 pounds smaller. I did however get " you're too skinny I can see your backbone" and " you need to do more squats" oh and " I miss your old butt when it was bigger."
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Is it really cocky or is it just that your personal view of yourself has improved along with your pride in accomplishments, which gave you a boost in your self confidence. You start holding you head higher, and people notice your body language has changed. You start being friendly and smiling. Sooner or later you start attracting the same kind of people who are friendly and smile.
The other person who sees these changes become jealous of your success, and the positive changes, and becomes resentful.3 -
Yeah, I lost 250 pounds from my life..... HIM! That was mean.... but I really needed his extra weight off of me so that I can actually lose weight.5
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My wife and I both lost weight this year. She lost about 30lbs and I've lost about 50.. For her, yes the relationship went south.. Possibly her new found attention was to much to handle... Be wise with your new look2
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My wife and I both lost weight this year. She lost about 30lbs and I've lost about 50.. For her, yes the relationship went south.. Possibly her new found attention was to much to handle... Be wise with your new look
Sorry to hear that, sounds like you've had a difficult adjustment as a couple but congratulations on your weight loss, both of you.1
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