Did you lose your Lover/Spouse/S.O AFTER you loss weight???

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Replies

  • amcalmond768
    amcalmond768 Posts: 289 Member
    Well I am currently loosing weight and he walked out on me the other day... Does that count???
  • PowerMan40
    PowerMan40 Posts: 766 Member
    amcalmond768 wrote: »
    Well I am currently loosing weight and he walked out on me the other day... Does that count???

    He is an idiot to do that, to someone who is trying to improve themselves.
  • amcalmond768
    amcalmond768 Posts: 289 Member
    PowerMan40 wrote: »
    amcalmond768 wrote: »
    Well I am currently loosing weight and he walked out on me the other day... Does that count???

    He is an idiot to do that, to someone who is trying to improve themselves.

    Wasn't really related to weight loss but felt it was still appropriate ... And yeah he is a idiot
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    amcalmond768 wrote: »
    Well I am currently loosing weight and he walked out on me the other day... Does that count???
    I think it counts. He still walked out during the time you are losing weight. Lol. So yeah, we can count it.
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,252 Member
    I look at this as an inevitable outcome of the victim mentality. Anyone who takes personal responsibility and makes positive changes will be vilified, perhaps not overtly or even intentionally, but recognition that someone else can be successful is a hard pill to swallow for certain people. Especially if they realize that they too could implement the same changes. This requires one to take responsibility which many are not prepared for.

    For interpersonal relationships this is a huge threat. Two people have become comfortable with the given situation when suddenly one wants to change - the other may take this personally thinking they are not good enough. In a strong relationship both should be able to communicate why the changes are being made, but let's be honest - this doesn't happen. We have become a very passive aggressive society and honesty is not welcomed. Honest communication has been replaced with political correctness, micro-aggressions, and safe spaces.
  • Domino_75
    Domino_75 Posts: 373 Member
    CSARdiver wrote: »

    For interpersonal relationships this is a huge threat. Two people have become comfortable with the given situation when suddenly one wants to change - the other may take this personally thinking they are not good enough. In a strong relationship both should be able to communicate why the changes are being made, but let's be honest - this doesn't happen. We have become a very passive aggressive society and honesty is not welcomed. Honest communication has been replaced with political correctness, micro-aggressions, and safe spaces.

    My husband is definitely not comfortable with my transformation. He has always been controlling, but it got worse when I decided to stop being controlled. It's amazing how one person's self-confidence leads to another's insecurities.
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,252 Member
    Domino_75 wrote: »
    CSARdiver wrote: »

    For interpersonal relationships this is a huge threat. Two people have become comfortable with the given situation when suddenly one wants to change - the other may take this personally thinking they are not good enough. In a strong relationship both should be able to communicate why the changes are being made, but let's be honest - this doesn't happen. We have become a very passive aggressive society and honesty is not welcomed. Honest communication has been replaced with political correctness, micro-aggressions, and safe spaces.

    My husband is definitely not comfortable with my transformation. He has always been controlling, but it got worse when I decided to stop being controlled. It's amazing how one person's self-confidence leads to another's insecurities.

    I should have stressed that this requires a healthy relationship between two people.

    This article contains one of my personal favorite infographics:

    http://totalselfconfidence.net/confident-people-vs-insecure-people/
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    CSARdiver wrote: »
    I look at this as an inevitable outcome of the victim mentality. Anyone who takes personal responsibility and makes positive changes will be vilified, perhaps not overtly or even intentionally, but recognition that someone else can be successful is a hard pill to swallow for certain people. Especially if they realize that they too could implement the same changes. This requires one to take responsibility which many are not prepared for.

    For interpersonal relationships this is a huge threat. Two people have become comfortable with the given situation when suddenly one wants to change - the other may take this personally thinking they are not good enough. In a strong relationship both should be able to communicate why the changes are being made, but let's be honest - this doesn't happen. We have become a very passive aggressive society and honesty is not welcomed. Honest communication has been replaced with political correctness, micro-aggressions, and safe spaces.

    I agree with what you typed here...and this applies to people in healthy and open relationships. It seems so easy to apply these principles, but it can be hard and requires a lot of energy to do so with a person that is controlling, resistant to change, configure weird and untrue thoughts in their mind, self sabotage, or is down right jealous....It takes less energy to point the finger than self reflect and ask yourself and really examine why another person taking charge of their lives in a positive way will cause this reaction? That's hard to do when you deflect all the time. But in a healthy relationship and in a perfect world, this would be great.

  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    Domino_75 wrote: »
    CSARdiver wrote: »

    For interpersonal relationships this is a huge threat. Two people have become comfortable with the given situation when suddenly one wants to change - the other may take this personally thinking they are not good enough. In a strong relationship both should be able to communicate why the changes are being made, but let's be honest - this doesn't happen. We have become a very passive aggressive society and honesty is not welcomed. Honest communication has been replaced with political correctness, micro-aggressions, and safe spaces.

    My husband is definitely not comfortable with my transformation. He has always been controlling, but it got worse when I decided to stop being controlled. It's amazing how one person's self-confidence leads to another's insecurities.

    I totally agree. It's amazing how a person would like for you to mirror their issues too.
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,252 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    CSARdiver wrote: »
    I look at this as an inevitable outcome of the victim mentality. Anyone who takes personal responsibility and makes positive changes will be vilified, perhaps not overtly or even intentionally, but recognition that someone else can be successful is a hard pill to swallow for certain people. Especially if they realize that they too could implement the same changes. This requires one to take responsibility which many are not prepared for.

    For interpersonal relationships this is a huge threat. Two people have become comfortable with the given situation when suddenly one wants to change - the other may take this personally thinking they are not good enough. In a strong relationship both should be able to communicate why the changes are being made, but let's be honest - this doesn't happen. We have become a very passive aggressive society and honesty is not welcomed. Honest communication has been replaced with political correctness, micro-aggressions, and safe spaces.

    I agree with what you typed here...and this applies to people in healthy and open relationships. It seems so easy to apply these principles, but it can be hard and requires a lot of energy to do so with a person that is controlling, resistant to change, configure weird and untrue thoughts in their mind, self sabotage, or is down right jealous....It takes less energy to point the finger than self reflect and ask yourself and really examine why another person taking charge of their lives in a positive way will cause this reaction? That's hard to do when you deflect all the time. But in a healthy relationship and in a perfect world, this would be great.

    Agree - and I should have begun with the caveat that this requires both people in the relationship to be good people. If the relationship is unhealthy, then the unhealthy behavior (manipulation, lying, etc.) either needs to change or end the relationship. Sad that in most cases the unhealthy behavior is only recognized by the insecure person after the relationship has ended. As you say self-reflection takes more energy.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    CSARdiver wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    CSARdiver wrote: »
    I look at this as an inevitable outcome of the victim mentality. Anyone who takes personal responsibility and makes positive changes will be vilified, perhaps not overtly or even intentionally, but recognition that someone else can be successful is a hard pill to swallow for certain people. Especially if they realize that they too could implement the same changes. This requires one to take responsibility which many are not prepared for.

    For interpersonal relationships this is a huge threat. Two people have become comfortable with the given situation when suddenly one wants to change - the other may take this personally thinking they are not good enough. In a strong relationship both should be able to communicate why the changes are being made, but let's be honest - this doesn't happen. We have become a very passive aggressive society and honesty is not welcomed. Honest communication has been replaced with political correctness, micro-aggressions, and safe spaces.

    I agree with what you typed here...and this applies to people in healthy and open relationships. It seems so easy to apply these principles, but it can be hard and requires a lot of energy to do so with a person that is controlling, resistant to change, configure weird and untrue thoughts in their mind, self sabotage, or is down right jealous....It takes less energy to point the finger than self reflect and ask yourself and really examine why another person taking charge of their lives in a positive way will cause this reaction? That's hard to do when you deflect all the time. But in a healthy relationship and in a perfect world, this would be great.

    Agree - and I should have begun with the caveat that this requires both people in the relationship to be good people. If the relationship is unhealthy, then the unhealthy behavior (manipulation, lying, etc.) either needs to change or end the relationship. Sad that in most cases the unhealthy behavior is only recognized by the insecure person after the relationship has ended. As you say self-reflection takes more energy.

    You are so right...thanks for weighing in on this topic, very insightful!!!!
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    How about I take a different spin to this subject....what if the person that is losing weight becomes a different person and are now "feeling themselves" and becomes a bit cocky and that's what creates the issues in the relationship? Is this possible as well?
  • brianbgboy
    brianbgboy Posts: 393 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    How about I take a different spin to this subject....what if the person that is losing weight becomes a different person and are now "feeling themselves" and becomes a bit cocky and that's what creates the issues in the relationship? Is this possible as well?
    very possible! my ex says this is also a big part in us splitting because I was becoming different and cocky. now I must say I don't think I did at all! I did get on her a few tmes about not wanting to get out the house to do something but I wasn't being cocky per se'...
  • brianbgboy
    brianbgboy Posts: 393 Member
    ill also add ive been here a while now and if anyone on here has ever seen me as cocky or stuck up id love to know about it please! :D
  • Iscah13
    Iscah13 Posts: 1,954 Member
    Mine never really had anything positive to say about me being 50 pounds smaller. I did however get " you're too skinny I can see your backbone" and " you need to do more squats" oh and " I miss your old butt when it was bigger."
  • brianbgboy
    brianbgboy Posts: 393 Member
    Iscah13 wrote: »
    Mine never really had anything positive to say about me being 50 pounds smaller. I did however get " you're too skinny I can see your backbone" and " you need to do more squats" oh and " I miss your old butt when it was bigger."
    this makes me angry for you! you look amazing and just your getting healthier alone deserves a compliment not a negative comment! congrats on your progress! I say you look phenominal!!!
  • PowerMan40
    PowerMan40 Posts: 766 Member
    Is it really cocky or is it just that your personal view of yourself has improved along with your pride in accomplishments, which gave you a boost in your self confidence. You start holding you head higher, and people notice your body language has changed. You start being friendly and smiling. Sooner or later you start attracting the same kind of people who are friendly and smile.

    The other person who sees these changes become jealous of your success, and the positive changes, and becomes resentful.
  • eich_joe
    eich_joe Posts: 32 Member
    My wife and I both lost weight this year. She lost about 30lbs and I've lost about 50.. For her, yes the relationship went south.. Possibly her new found attention was to much to handle... Be wise with your new look
  • Pterod
    Pterod Posts: 131 Member
    eich_joe wrote: »
    My wife and I both lost weight this year. She lost about 30lbs and I've lost about 50.. For her, yes the relationship went south.. Possibly her new found attention was to much to handle... Be wise with your new look

    Sorry to hear that, sounds like you've had a difficult adjustment as a couple but congratulations on your weight loss, both of you.

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