Did you lose your Lover/Spouse/S.O AFTER you loss weight???
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In the process of splitting with 15 year relationship because he doesn't like my new found confidence or that I get compliments especially off men0
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Life is to short to be unhappy!!!! Congrats on the weight loss!!!! It's a shame that you had to deal with the rest. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger!!!brianbgboy wrote: »my ex left me for stupid reasons but is now asking to come back home. im so not looking forward to dating and haven't had success finding anyone new so maybe ill let her back home and fake my way through the rest of my days... this is miserable!
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sorry to hear this....it would be great if he could support you on your hard efforts. It's a shame one has to go through these difficulties just because they want to improve themselves. Hang in there and keep pushing.gunabe1sexymuma wrote: »In the process of splitting with 15 year relationship because he doesn't like my new found confidence or that I get compliments especially off men
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EricNewark wrote: »I'm kind of going through this now myself. I lost upwards of 70lbs, kicked all meds (BP, cholesterol etc) and my wife won't do anything. She says she wants to, but then doesn't and then makes me feel like crap for wanting to walk, run, exercise, whatever. I ask her all the time to go for a walk with me and she won't. I gave up trying to get her to go the gym. Even gave up on my gym membership because of the grief she gave me it wasn't worth paying for with the little times I went.
Divorce? Yeah I get pissed here and there but I don't think I would for these reasons. However it does add aggregation to the whole relationship so I totally understand how it would interfere and cause it. I'm still grasping at hope she will just decide to join me one day. There is jealousy involved, she thinks I'm cheating all the time now. It gets really, really old after a while.
But I haven't given up hope yet and honestly I hope that I never do. If it happens though at least I know I tried.
Not sure what your ages are, but the time will eventually come when the doctor tells her what she needs to do for health reasons related to aging. Some people don't make changes in their life until the doctor says so.0 -
Checking in....how is everyone doing this holiday weekend???0
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Thanks for checking in STLBADGIRL I've had a stressful weekend, my husband has been in a very bad mood. Hope yours has been nicer.0
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I went from 257lbs to 143lbs, and then my husband insisted I was cheating on him, even though I worked from home, and went no where without him. So he walked out. So yeah it does happen. I was just so much happier than I had ever been before, I guess he was insecure. Oh well I am really happy now.7
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I'm glad you are happier now, that must have been a very difficult time for you.0
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bearbugbear wrote: »Thanks for checking in STLBADGIRL I've had a stressful weekend, my husband has been in a very bad mood. Hope yours has been nicer.
Sorry to hear about your weekend! We had gorgeous weather here, and I made a conscious decision not to visit family, so I was able to stick to my goals. I can't wait till a I can get to a place where I can be around food that I typically don't eat and can still choose healthier options. I'm not there yet!0 -
Thanks for sharing your story, I'm sure that had to be devestating! Sometimes "change" is hard for people. And the mind can play some crazy games on you. But I am so happy that you are in a good place now @coleryan11coleryan11 wrote: »I went from 257lbs to 143lbs, and then my husband insisted I was cheating on him, even though I worked from home, and went no where without him. So he walked out. So yeah it does happen. I was just so much happier than I had ever been before, I guess he was insecure. Oh well I am really happy now.
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I kinda lost the thread of this thread (??) but i think I'm responding to @STLBADGIRL - your husband 'is a DOER' you said. I read a book about the difference between men and women years ago. It said men are logical problem solvers and women are emotional talkers. The issue arises like this:
Woman comes home from work and complains about bad day just to get it off her chest
Man thinks woman is presenting problem because she wants it solved – offers a solution
Woman doesn’t want solution, she wants a listener. By telling her how easy it is solve he belittles the feelings of anger/frustration/sadness she has
Next day woman comes home from another bad day – wants to talk to feel better
Man is frustrated she didn’t carry out solution – feels unappreciated she didn’t think his solution would work or is good enough
Argument or similar ensues
This isn’t true to a particular sex though. In my house I’m the logical problem solver (am female, partner is male); when my he complains I automatically want to make it better by giving a solution. He gets annoyed because he feels I’m telling him its no big deal – just sort it out. We still argue and fall out because of this but keeping it in mind does make it less often.
Maybe in talking about your struggles to make you feel better he actually only hears problems and thinks he's helping by giving a solutions. If he understood you just want him to listen and you know he's giving solutions out of good intentions it might help. I don't know if this is helpful but I thought I would say incase xx
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dancing_daisy wrote: »I kinda lost the thread of this thread (??) but i think I'm responding to @STLBADGIRL - your husband 'is a DOER' you said. I read a book about the difference between men and women years ago. It said men are logical problem solvers and women are emotional talkers. The issue arises like this:
Woman comes home from work and complains about bad day just to get it off her chest
Man thinks woman is presenting problem because she wants it solved – offers a solution
Woman doesn’t want solution, she wants a listener. By telling her how easy it is solve he belittles the feelings of anger/frustration/sadness she has
Next day woman comes home from another bad day – wants to talk to feel better
Man is frustrated she didn’t carry out solution – feels unappreciated she didn’t think his solution would work or is good enough
Argument or similar ensues
This isn’t true to a particular sex though. In my house I’m the logical problem solver (am female, partner is male); when my he complains I automatically want to make it better by giving a solution. He gets annoyed because he feels I’m telling him its no big deal – just sort it out. We still argue and fall out because of this but keeping it in mind does make it less often.
Maybe in talking about your struggles to make you feel better he actually only hears problems and thinks he's helping by giving a solutions. If he understood you just want him to listen and you know he's giving solutions out of good intentions it might help. I don't know if this is helpful but I thought I would say incase xx
@dancing_daisy thank you for this insight.....yes this is the type of stuff we go through....he is a very logical thinker...and yes, sometimes that upsets me, because I just want you to listen. Sometimes I would like to figure my own issues out. And most of the time his suggestion is worthy of listening to, and ultimately will help, but sometimes its not all that easy to manifest...and that's what i need him to listen to. I have a friend and her guy tells her flat out, "that's a conversation for you to have with your girlfriends" because he knows beforehand that if he doesn't respond in a way that she is expecting an argument will arise...1 -
Just curious as to what some of you guys plan on doing about this thread if your partner decides to try out MFP with you, given the fact you cannot delete posts or make edits after an hour?1
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I haven't said anything untrue or that he hasn't admitted himself. If he were to see this thread I believe he would be surprised I mentioned it as I'm usually very private but not angry.2
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I hear ya! if mine sees this thread and said anything id say the truth hurts don't it!bearbugbear wrote: »I haven't said anything untrue or that he hasn't admitted himself. If he were to see this thread I believe he would be surprised I mentioned it as I'm usually very private but not angry.
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[/quote]
This is a tough place to be. So instead of being unhappy, maybe make real effort to rediscover your relationship. It's going to be a pretty long life with someone that you no longer enjoy, might as well make the best out of it![/quote]
Thanks, sorry I was out of town so barely saw this. Our little vacation helped a lot. It's a very tough place to be and even harder when as a couple your not on the same page. It is what it is. Good and bad days. I guess that's marriage.0 -
@STLBADGIRL that didn't post right for some reason0
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brianbgboy wrote: »
I hear ya! if mine sees this thread and said anything id say the truth hurts don't it!bearbugbear wrote: »I haven't said anything untrue or that he hasn't admitted himself. If he were to see this thread I believe he would be surprised I mentioned it as I'm usually very private but not angry.
Well hello there.
@brianbgboy1 -
Just curious as to what some of you guys plan on doing about this thread if your partner decides to try out MFP with you, given the fact you cannot delete posts or make edits after an hour?
I'm sure they already know. People really do know when they are being an azzhole....they just hate when you call them on it...1 -
It didn't...but I followed what you were saying....haha@STLBADGIRL that didn't post right for some reason
This is a tough place to be. So instead of being unhappy, maybe make real effort to rediscover your relationship. It's going to be a pretty long life with someone that you no longer enjoy, might as well make the best out of it![/quote]
Thanks, sorry I was out of town so barely saw this. Our little vacation helped a lot. It's a very tough place to be and even harder when as a couple your not on the same page. It is what it is. Good and bad days. I guess that's marriage.[/quote]
I get it...and because of this theory it seems abnormal to see a happy and thriving marriage....lol and smh....0 -
OMG! I have looked everywhere for you since we last talked months back! pm and request sent! damn how ive missed you!!!brianbgboy wrote: »
I hear ya! if mine sees this thread and said anything id say the truth hurts don't it!bearbugbear wrote: »I haven't said anything untrue or that he hasn't admitted himself. If he were to see this thread I believe he would be surprised I mentioned it as I'm usually very private but not angry.
Well hello there.
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@brianbgboy things seem to be changing for you already.....lol2
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this lovely woman and I were talking after my separation. she was awesome and way too beautiful for me! me being a complete moron ran from It because I was scared to settle down. I didn't think I was worthy of being loved and she really cared for me. she is a very good woman and im so glad she found me here! I messaged her, praying she can forgive my ignorance is all. if she accepts my apology, and isn't seeing anyone I would love to start over! im not sure of anything but if she will accept my apology only and not be interested in me, at least I got to tell her I know I was wrong....STLBADGIRL wrote: »@brianbgboy things seem to be changing for you already.....lol
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brianbgboy wrote: »
this lovely woman and I were talking after my separation. she was awesome and way too beautiful for me! me being a complete moron ran from It because I was scared to settle down. I didn't think I was worthy of being loved and she really cared for me. she is a very good woman and im so glad she found me here! I messaged her, praying she can forgive my ignorance is all. if she accepts my apology, and isn't seeing anyone I would love to start over! im not sure of anything but if she will accept my apology only and not be interested in me, at least I got to tell her I know I was wrong....STLBADGIRL wrote: »@brianbgboy things seem to be changing for you already.....lol
@brianbgboy - awww this is the sweetest thing. Well maybe I read it wrong, but she seems pretty happy to have found you here. I say go for it!!! This would be so awesome if things could work out. This would shift this thread around TOTALLY!!!!
I'm wishing you luck buddy!!!! 1 -
I sure hope so as well! I regretted my actions immediately but she was done with me and gone. kat I know your reading this, so please accept my apology and lets talk!STLBADGIRL wrote: »brianbgboy wrote: »
this lovely woman and I were talking after my separation. she was awesome and way too beautiful for me! me being a complete moron ran from It because I was scared to settle down. I didn't think I was worthy of being loved and she really cared for me. she is a very good woman and im so glad she found me here! I messaged her, praying she can forgive my ignorance is all. if she accepts my apology, and isn't seeing anyone I would love to start over! im not sure of anything but if she will accept my apology only and not be interested in me, at least I got to tell her I know I was wrong....STLBADGIRL wrote: »@brianbgboy things seem to be changing for you already.....lol
@brianbgboy - awww this is the sweetest thing. Well maybe I read it wrong, but she seems pretty happy to have found you here. I say go for it!!! This would be so awesome if things could work out. This would shift this thread around TOTALLY!!!! I'm wishing you luck buddy!!!!
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brianbgboy wrote: »
I sure hope so as well! I regretted my actions immediately but she was done with me and gone. kat I know your reading this, so please accept my apology and lets talk!STLBADGIRL wrote: »brianbgboy wrote: »
this lovely woman and I were talking after my separation. she was awesome and way too beautiful for me! me being a complete moron ran from It because I was scared to settle down. I didn't think I was worthy of being loved and she really cared for me. she is a very good woman and im so glad she found me here! I messaged her, praying she can forgive my ignorance is all. if she accepts my apology, and isn't seeing anyone I would love to start over! im not sure of anything but if she will accept my apology only and not be interested in me, at least I got to tell her I know I was wrong....STLBADGIRL wrote: »@brianbgboy things seem to be changing for you already.....lol
@brianbgboy - awww this is the sweetest thing. Well maybe I read it wrong, but she seems pretty happy to have found you here. I say go for it!!! This would be so awesome if things could work out. This would shift this thread around TOTALLY!!!! I'm wishing you luck buddy!!!!
So I read in my news feed that she is giving you a second shot... This is so awesome. We are glad that you listened to our advice in here. Your wishes came FAST!!!! Goooooooooooo get'em today Brian3 -
We are taking it slow but her willingness to talk at all is fine with me! She is a special woman to me, always was. I'm glad to have the advice here and I've prayed to meet up with her again many times. I can say I'm a very happy man at this point and I will work hard to make it work this time!2
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im being patient and hoping it all works out but I feel like she doesn't trust that im being true maybe? she has the right to feel that way because how I acted last time I guess. time will tell but im happy either way!0
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Hope it works out for you!0
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brianbgboy wrote: »im being patient and hoping it all works out but I feel like she doesn't trust that im being true maybe? she has the right to feel that way because how I acted last time I guess. time will tell but im happy either way!brianbgboy wrote: »im being patient and hoping it all works out but I feel like she doesn't trust that im being true maybe? she has the right to feel that way because how I acted last time I guess. time will tell but im happy either way!
Unfortunately, I get it. You are going to have to put in some work. Show her that you are not going to bail again and that she can trust her. Be honest with what you were truly feeling...1
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