Did you lose your Lover/Spouse/S.O AFTER you loss weight???

24567…10

Replies

  • Icheatonmywife
    Icheatonmywife Posts: 132 Member
    louann_jude wrote: »
    mountman2012 wrote: »
    Been there done that. I dropped 60lbs from 300 to 230lbs. She resents me for it. I have tried to help, when asked for help, but she never sticks to anything, or finished anything. Constantly complains about weight but wont do anything about it. Its bad enough now, we don't talk, don't have sex, basically just live as room mates. I did it cause doctors told me I was borderline diabetic, with High blood pressure, and a candidate for a heart attack.

    I kind of wanted to live and did it with or with out her. So here I am, back at 275lbs because I let things slide just for her, to see if that would help. It doesn't, help, just makes me depressed, and she still does not love me.
    So Im back on my mission to weight around 230 and be health.

    Sorry you are going through this. I have learned if someone isn't happy with their selves nothing you do can make them happy. I know it's hard but you may have to do you and let her do her and do what makes you happy. Unless someone wants to change they wont. I learned that the hard way.

    Thats what I am doing, just have to be me...
  • moya_bleh
    moya_bleh Posts: 1,375 Member
    No, but I have lost two fiancees and I have friends who have lost wives after they had lost the weight, started getting attention from other guys and decided to trade up.
  • JukeboxHeroine
    JukeboxHeroine Posts: 348 Member
    moya_bleh wrote: »
    No, but I have lost two fiancees and I have friends who have lost wives after they had lost the weight, started getting attention from other guys and decided to trade up.

    I've seen this too. That's awful and makes me think they didn't really love their spouse in the first place.
  • Pterod
    Pterod Posts: 131 Member
    I really hoped losing weight would make me more attractive to my husband but it hasn't helped. He's not the only reason I'm losing but I'm heartbroken it hasn't worked. I just want to be desired by him.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    mntnwmn477 wrote: »
    I'm going through this right now. After 10 years of marriage and a couple kids things got a little too cushy with us and we packed on the pounds. Well, I didn't want to live like that, it made me deeply depressed to see how I was going downhill and so I decided to do something about it. I started exercising daily, eating better and I've seen awesome results. I've gotten in touch with who I am and who I've always wanted to be. However, my relationship has taken a downward spiral because of it. He refuses to get on board with me and doesn't even recognize my weight loss. It feels like we're living two completely different lives....like we're just roommates taking care of a couple kids. Our goals and our needs/wants are not on the same level at all. Not sure where we're going, but I've distanced myself emotionally already and it's not looking good.

    Roommates... exactly.
  • MTgal477
    MTgal477 Posts: 829 Member
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    I really hoped losing weight would make me more attractive to my husband but it hasn't helped. He's not the only reason I'm losing but I'm heartbroken it hasn't worked. I just want to be desired by him.

    ((((((HUGS)))))) I'm in the same boat....it hurts :/ Hang in there!
  • Icheatonmywife
    Icheatonmywife Posts: 132 Member
    mntnwmn477 wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    I really hoped losing weight would make me more attractive to my husband but it hasn't helped. He's not the only reason I'm losing but I'm heartbroken it hasn't worked. I just want to be desired by him.

    ((((((HUGS)))))) I'm in the same boat....it hurts :/ Hang in there!

    See my shirt, huggs to the both of you. :)
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    sunnybeaches105 wrote: »
    Nope. If anything we got closer. And a bit more sweaty.

    Yay! Awesome. Thanks for sharing.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    JeromeBarry1 wrote: »
    A few months ago a fellow at church told us that we were the happiest people and so in love with each other and he was really impressed with us. I thought, "Who?, What? How?" . Well, it worked out like this, at about the same time I started on MFP I stopped on porn. Success on losing weight made me happy. Success off porn made her happy.

    Kudos to you!!!! #winning So keep doing what makes you happy. evidently it is resonating.
  • Pterod
    Pterod Posts: 131 Member
    Hugs appreciated thank you, I've spent the evening crying upstairs while he watched TVs downstairs. Miserable but I hope we get through it.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    TheRoadDog wrote: »
    Never lost a spouse /lover/ s.o. after losing weight, but I have lost weight after losing a spouse/lover/s.o.

    :D:D:D I don't know why this made me bahahahahahaaaa
  • brianbgboy
    brianbgboy Posts: 393 Member
    to all here going through this like I am, there is light at the end of the tunnel! the last few days on here have made me open up and tell my story. since then, I feel much better and realize life is really pretty damn good for me! smile everyday and live life for yourself.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    brianbgboy wrote: »
    to all here going through this like I am, there is light at the end of the tunnel! the last few days on here have made me open up and tell my story. since then, I feel much better and realize life is really pretty damn good for me! smile everyday and live life for yourself.
    this is awesome Abrianbgboy that you are able to open up more, and because of it, we see that others are going through it too. Therapeutic in a way....It's hard while you are going through, but there is life beyond....

  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    I really hoped losing weight would make me more attractive to my husband but it hasn't helped. He's not the only reason I'm losing but I'm heartbroken it hasn't worked. I just want to be desired by him.

    I don't know how I overlooked this. This tugged at my heartstrings. The first thing that came to my mind was for you to pray for your husband. Continue your weightloss journey (because staying focused on a goal is sexy in itself). But there could be other demanding issues that he is dealing with (finances, job, kids, etc.) that could affect him and come off as him not being attracted to you! Build your confidence, self worth and self esteem. Hugs!
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    mntnwmn477 wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    I really hoped losing weight would make me more attractive to my husband but it hasn't helped. He's not the only reason I'm losing but I'm heartbroken it hasn't worked. I just want to be desired by him.

    ((((((HUGS)))))) I'm in the same boat....it hurts :/ Hang in there!

    Hugs to you too!!!!!
  • Pterod
    Pterod Posts: 131 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    I really hoped losing weight would make me more attractive to my husband but it hasn't helped. He's not the only reason I'm losing but I'm heartbroken it hasn't worked. I just want to be desired by him.

    I don't know how I overlooked this. This tugged at my heartstrings. The first thing that came to my mind was for you to pray for your husband. Continue your weightloss journey (because staying focused on a goal is sexy in itself). But there could be other demanding issues that he is dealing with (finances, job, kids, etc.) that could affect him and come off as him not being attracted to you! Build your confidence, self worth and self esteem. Hugs!

    Thank you for your kind words. Sadly he's just not attracted to me, he told me recently that he never desired me (even when we met before three children and weight gain) I'm devastated but I'm determined to reach my goal, 24lbs to go to healthy weight on bmi, I want to be healthy and a good role model for my children and to feel better about myself even if I can't be sexy for my husband.
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    I really hoped losing weight would make me more attractive to my husband but it hasn't helped. He's not the only reason I'm losing but I'm heartbroken it hasn't worked. I just want to be desired by him.

    I don't know how I overlooked this. This tugged at my heartstrings. The first thing that came to my mind was for you to pray for your husband. Continue your weightloss journey (because staying focused on a goal is sexy in itself). But there could be other demanding issues that he is dealing with (finances, job, kids, etc.) that could affect him and come off as him not being attracted to you! Build your confidence, self worth and self esteem. Hugs!

    Thank you for your kind words. Sadly he's just not attracted to me, he told me recently that he never desired me (even when we met before three children and weight gain) I'm devastated but I'm determined to reach my goal, 24lbs to go to healthy weight on bmi, I want to be healthy and a good role model for my children and to feel better about myself even if I can't be sexy for my husband.

    This is very hard to read. I'm confused as to why he would marry you if he didn't find you attractive. That was really mean of him to say. Hang in there Hun and continue your mission of being a awesome Role Model to your kids.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    I really hoped losing weight would make me more attractive to my husband but it hasn't helped. He's not the only reason I'm losing but I'm heartbroken it hasn't worked. I just want to be desired by him.

    I don't know how I overlooked this. This tugged at my heartstrings. The first thing that came to my mind was for you to pray for your husband. Continue your weightloss journey (because staying focused on a goal is sexy in itself). But there could be other demanding issues that he is dealing with (finances, job, kids, etc.) that could affect him and come off as him not being attracted to you! Build your confidence, self worth and self esteem. Hugs!

    Thank you for your kind words. Sadly he's just not attracted to me, he told me recently that he never desired me (even when we met before three children and weight gain) I'm devastated but I'm determined to reach my goal, 24lbs to go to healthy weight on bmi, I want to be healthy and a good role model for my children and to feel better about myself even if I can't be sexy for my husband.

    This is very hard to read. I'm confused as to why he would marry you if he didn't find you attractive. That was really mean of him to say. Hang in there Hun and continue your mission of being a awesome Role Model to your kids.

    Well I can answer that I guess... Sometimes you just love someone for who they are, not necessarily their looks.. you get along great, your personalities really click, you're very comfortable with each other... there's just not always that physical attraction. I'm still not sure it can actually work long term though...
  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    Francl27 wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    I really hoped losing weight would make me more attractive to my husband but it hasn't helped. He's not the only reason I'm losing but I'm heartbroken it hasn't worked. I just want to be desired by him.

    I don't know how I overlooked this. This tugged at my heartstrings. The first thing that came to my mind was for you to pray for your husband. Continue your weightloss journey (because staying focused on a goal is sexy in itself). But there could be other demanding issues that he is dealing with (finances, job, kids, etc.) that could affect him and come off as him not being attracted to you! Build your confidence, self worth and self esteem. Hugs!

    Thank you for your kind words. Sadly he's just not attracted to me, he told me recently that he never desired me (even when we met before three children and weight gain) I'm devastated but I'm determined to reach my goal, 24lbs to go to healthy weight on bmi, I want to be healthy and a good role model for my children and to feel better about myself even if I can't be sexy for my husband.

    This is very hard to read. I'm confused as to why he would marry you if he didn't find you attractive. That was really mean of him to say. Hang in there Hun and continue your mission of being a awesome Role Model to your kids.

    Well I can answer that I guess... Sometimes you just love someone for who they are, not necessarily their looks.. you get along great, your personalities really click, you're very comfortable with each other... there's just not always that physical attraction. I'm still not sure it can actually work long term though...

    hmmmmm. that's something to think about. HMMMMM. For me I have to be attracted to you. Hell, even if it's ONLY your pinky toe. What you described to me (which I think is very good points) in my book, is a good friendship.
  • Pterod
    Pterod Posts: 131 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    I really hoped losing weight would make me more attractive to my husband but it hasn't helped. He's not the only reason I'm losing but I'm heartbroken it hasn't worked. I just want to be desired by him.

    I don't know how I overlooked this. This tugged at my heartstrings. The first thing that came to my mind was for you to pray for your husband. Continue your weightloss journey (because staying focused on a goal is sexy in itself). But there could be other demanding issues that he is dealing with (finances, job, kids, etc.) that could affect him and come off as him not being attracted to you! Build your confidence, self worth and self esteem. Hugs!

    Thank you for your kind words. Sadly he's just not attracted to me, he told me recently that he never desired me (even when we met before three children and weight gain) I'm devastated but I'm determined to reach my goal, 24lbs to go to healthy weight on bmi, I want to be healthy and a good role model for my children and to feel better about myself even if I can't be sexy for my husband.

    This is very hard to read. I'm confused as to why he would marry you if he didn't find you attractive. That was really mean of him to say. Hang in there Hun and continue your mission of being a awesome Role Model to your kids.

    He has recently told me he is asexual. He loves me but doesn't desire me. He thinks I'm attractive but in a platonic way. I'm so sad about it but it explains a lot over the years. We are definitely at a crossroads in our relationship and I'm not at all sure it will survive. Losing weight hasn't helped but then, it wouldn't, but that's what he told me before he confessed to his asexuality. He married me because he loved me in his way and wanted a family. Thank you for the support, I appreciate it, I can do with all the support I can get, after all, who can I talk to in real life about it!
  • KevinPsalm23v4
    KevinPsalm23v4 Posts: 208 Member
    Kind of a polar opposite. I'm going through a divorce NOW because I gained too much weight for her standard and she got a boyfriend who was younger, skinnier and better in bed......as so I was told.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    I really hoped losing weight would make me more attractive to my husband but it hasn't helped. He's not the only reason I'm losing but I'm heartbroken it hasn't worked. I just want to be desired by him.

    I don't know how I overlooked this. This tugged at my heartstrings. The first thing that came to my mind was for you to pray for your husband. Continue your weightloss journey (because staying focused on a goal is sexy in itself). But there could be other demanding issues that he is dealing with (finances, job, kids, etc.) that could affect him and come off as him not being attracted to you! Build your confidence, self worth and self esteem. Hugs!

    Thank you for your kind words. Sadly he's just not attracted to me, he told me recently that he never desired me (even when we met before three children and weight gain) I'm devastated but I'm determined to reach my goal, 24lbs to go to healthy weight on bmi, I want to be healthy and a good role model for my children and to feel better about myself even if I can't be sexy for my husband.

    This is very hard to read. I'm confused as to why he would marry you if he didn't find you attractive. That was really mean of him to say. Hang in there Hun and continue your mission of being a awesome Role Model to your kids.

    Well I can answer that I guess... Sometimes you just love someone for who they are, not necessarily their looks.. you get along great, your personalities really click, you're very comfortable with each other... there's just not always that physical attraction. I'm still not sure it can actually work long term though...

    hmmmmm. that's something to think about. HMMMMM. For me I have to be attracted to you. Hell, even if it's ONLY your pinky toe. What you described to me (which I think is very good points) in my book, is a good friendship.

    Yeah I'm still trying to figure that one out myself.... but I think there's really a distinction between a good friend and someone you can't imagine living without...
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    STLBADGIRL wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    I really hoped losing weight would make me more attractive to my husband but it hasn't helped. He's not the only reason I'm losing but I'm heartbroken it hasn't worked. I just want to be desired by him.

    I don't know how I overlooked this. This tugged at my heartstrings. The first thing that came to my mind was for you to pray for your husband. Continue your weightloss journey (because staying focused on a goal is sexy in itself). But there could be other demanding issues that he is dealing with (finances, job, kids, etc.) that could affect him and come off as him not being attracted to you! Build your confidence, self worth and self esteem. Hugs!

    Thank you for your kind words. Sadly he's just not attracted to me, he told me recently that he never desired me (even when we met before three children and weight gain) I'm devastated but I'm determined to reach my goal, 24lbs to go to healthy weight on bmi, I want to be healthy and a good role model for my children and to feel better about myself even if I can't be sexy for my husband.

    This is very hard to read. I'm confused as to why he would marry you if he didn't find you attractive. That was really mean of him to say. Hang in there Hun and continue your mission of being a awesome Role Model to your kids.

    He has recently told me he is asexual. He loves me but doesn't desire me. He thinks I'm attractive but in a platonic way. I'm so sad about it but it explains a lot over the years. We are definitely at a crossroads in our relationship and I'm not at all sure it will survive. Losing weight hasn't helped but then, it wouldn't, but that's what he told me before he confessed to his asexuality. He married me because he loved me in his way and wanted a family. Thank you for the support, I appreciate it, I can do with all the support I can get, after all, who can I talk to in real life about it!

    That's rough. I'm sorry.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories