Who pays?
Replies
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Agreed^^^0
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Just curious- you mentioned you had a bit of a disaster on a date recently and he also made you pay the bill. Now your preparing for another date with someone else. Is there any chance that you are just dating any man that shows interest in you? If so, I would set your standard higher and not go out with everyone and anyone that finds you attractive on a dating site. Maybe hold off all together until you find someone you really click with. Then you won't have to worry about who pays because you'll be comfortable enough with the man to just ask him who is paying. I may have you pegged wrong but just in case I'm correct- set your standards higher. Realize you are worth more then what your getting.3
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She's using tinder. Don't judge3
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The guy
If he initiated0 -
AnabolicMind2011 wrote: »Just curious- you mentioned you had a bit of a disaster on a date recently and he also made you pay the bill. Now your preparing for another date with someone else. Is there any chance that you are just dating any man that shows interest in you? If so, I would set your standard higher and not go out with everyone and anyone that finds you attractive on a dating site. Maybe hold off all together until you find someone you really click with. Then you won't have to worry about who pays because you'll be comfortable enough with the man to just ask him who is paying. I may have you pegged wrong but just in case I'm correct- set your standards higher. Realize you are worth more then what your getting.
I don't have any dates planned, or anyone in mind right now. Just wondering what everyone's opinions are, what the new social norms and rules are.1 -
I always have the money on me obviously. But the first time we hang, if a guy wants it to be a date, I expect him to pay. If I pay for half...I'm not considering it a date
The only exceptions are: 1. If it's a double activity like dinner and a movie; he can pay for dinner and I'll pay for the movie. Or if it's just the movie; he can get the tickets and I'll buy concessions 2. If I know he's struggling financially, I'll pay
That being said, I also don't spring for the most expensive thing on the menu because I know someone else is paying (I have friends who will do that
). I order what I would want to pay for.
If I like him, I pay for the second date.3 -
AnabolicMind2011 wrote: »Just curious- you mentioned you had a bit of a disaster on a date recently and he also made you pay the bill. Now your preparing for another date with someone else. Is there any chance that you are just dating any man that shows interest in you? If so, I would set your standard higher and not go out with everyone and anyone that finds you attractive on a dating site.
I dunno how people have the ballz (or lack of respect) to speak to strangers this way O_o
OP said she's been on one crazy date (). Now she's thinking about future dates.... I'm not sure what lead you to form so many assumptions about her and then give such condescending advice.
Given the gutsy stories/threads I've seen the OP post (), I'd say she displays more confidence than the majority of MFP women (many of whom just go about fishing and saying what they think guys want to hear)
How about you turn your judgy down a notch?9 -
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Louise1491 wrote: »I think it's wrong to expect a man to pay, you want all the equal rights, be prepared to live by it, otherwise get in that kitchen and make him a Damn sammich.
OP I recommend you perhaps eat light or not atall if you feel he's the insistent type.
I like the way you think0 -
I have always insisted on the first date being 50/50 paid for. I will not get into discussions with men about how I owe them something because we went on a date. No *insert very strong expletive which will be kittyfied* way. Seen it happen way too often that friends got into some very sticky situations with virtual strangers because they paid for a date meal. Not me.
Impress me with attitude, ways, sense of humour etc. On the basis of that we can see what the next steps will be. Steps taken out of free will not because feeling pressured or being bought.
Most men that I met liked that attitude and agreed. One or two did not and insisted they'd pay, date was cancelled as it is a major red flag for me.3 -
Louise1491 wrote: »I think it's wrong to expect a man to pay, you want all the equal rights, be prepared to live by it, otherwise get in that kitchen and make him a Damn sammich.
Hmm... I think equal rights and courtship can co-exist.
If he makes me feel wanted by grabbing the bill the first date, then I'll use my equal pay for equal work monies to pay for the second date and also buy him his favorite ferari some day
It'll all even out in the end (In my situation at least....)
......Splitting a bill just seems so impersonal to me. Even with my best friends, most of the time we don't split the bill. We take turns paying.1 -
dutchandkiwi wrote: »I have always insisted on the first date being 50/50 paid for. I will not get into discussions with men about how I owe them something because we went on a date. No *insert very strong expletive which will be kittyfied* way. Seen it happen way too often that friends got into some very sticky situations with virtual strangers because they paid for a date meal. Not me.
Impress me with attitude, ways, sense of humour etc. On the basis of that we can see what the next steps will be. Steps taken out of free will not because feeling pressured or being bought.
Most men that I met liked that attitude and agreed. One or two did not and insisted they'd pay, date was cancelled as it is a major red flag for me.
How is that a red flag? Honestly if I were to ask someone on a date it would be common decency to pay for it.0 -
So buying someone dinner is a sign that you're old fashioned or decent or looking to pressure a woman to have sex. What a minefield.2
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In the two stranger dates I've been on in my life I chose something free to do on the first one that way I didn't feel guilty if I didn't like them or there was no chemistry. It worked out perfect.. One I parted ways with right after the first date and the other got a few more chances where he paid for a date or I set up something impromptu and surprised him by bringing food and drinks.3
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dutchandkiwi wrote: »I have always insisted on the first date being 50/50 paid for. I will not get into discussions with men about how I owe them something because we went on a date. No *insert very strong expletive which will be kittyfied* way. Seen it happen way too often that friends got into some very sticky situations with virtual strangers because they paid for a date meal. Not me.
Impress me with attitude, ways, sense of humour etc. On the basis of that we can see what the next steps will be. Steps taken out of free will not because feeling pressured or being bought.
Most men that I met liked that attitude and agreed. One or two did not and insisted they'd pay, date was cancelled as it is a major red flag for me.
How is that a red flag? Honestly if I were to ask someone on a date it would be common decency to pay for it.
If you ask a mate to go down to the pub for drinks do you pay for his drinks all night?1 -
Whoever initiated pays - it was their idea.0
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So I'm guessing you agree with giving .. on the first night. Well nevermind, I'm sure you know what I mean. But I'm guessing by the looks of your profile pic that you don't often. Well nevermind again. You get the hint. ToodlesAnabolicMind2011 wrote: »Just curious- you mentioned you had a bit of a disaster on a date recently and he also made you pay the bill. Now your preparing for another date with someone else. Is there any chance that you are just dating any man that shows interest in you? If so, I would set your standard higher and not go out with everyone and anyone that finds you attractive on a dating site.
I dunno how people have the ballz (or lack of respect) to speak to strangers this way O_o
OP said she's been on one crazy date (). Now she's thinking about future dates.... I'm not sure what lead you to form so many assumptions about her and then give such condescending advice.
Given the gutsy stories/threads I've seen the OP post (), I'd say she displays more confidence than the majority of MFP women (many of whom just go about fishing and saying what they think guys want to hear)
How about you turn your judgy down a notch?-5 -
I think I'm a traditional gal with this, the guy should get the first meal, but I think the girl should get a round of drinks in, just to keep things fair, unless he insists on paying for everything it is the first date after all0
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@Angela937 just go out and be yourself I walk the park I have met lots of people and chat with them. My walking partner who is single found a girlfriend there. Granted now he doesn't walk with me the old married lady anymore but that's ok. Do the things you enjoy and you will meet someone doing the same thing.
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AnabolicMind2011 wrote: »Just curious- you mentioned you had a bit of a disaster on a date recently and he also made you pay the bill. Now your preparing for another date with someone else. Is there any chance that you are just dating any man that shows interest in you? If so, I would set your standard higher and not go out with everyone and anyone that finds you attractive on a dating site.
I dunno how people have the ballz (or lack of respect) to speak to strangers this way O_o
OP said she's been on one crazy date (). Now she's thinking about future dates.... I'm not sure what lead you to form so many assumptions about her and then give such condescending advice.
Given the gutsy stories/threads I've seen the OP post (), I'd say she displays more confidence than the majority of MFP women (many of whom just go about fishing and saying what they think guys want to hear)
How about you turn your judgy down a notch?
Calling someone out for being judgy by being judgy yourself. Hello pot...0 -
I've met 2 people through online dating one I dated for 3 months the other I am married to and from what I remember they both paid for the meals. I offered but they insisted so that's good enough for me haha. 0
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OP, try going just for drinks on a first date instead of dinner. Or coffee. It's less expensive for whoever offers to pay, and it's a shorter time period to be with them to figure out if the person is worth dinner. You can say you have other plans with a friend if it isn't going well, or segue into dinner if it is.
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OP, try going just for drinks on a first date instead of dinner. Or coffee. It's less expensive for whoever offers to pay, and it's a shorter time period to be with them to figure out if the person is worth dinner. You can say you have other plans with a friend if it isn't going well, or segue into dinner if it is.
exactly why I suggest coffee. If someone is just not feeling it, we didn't commit to hours together. If we do hit if off? Then screw the aspiring screenwriters and students who are just going to sit there for 85 hours hogging the wifi, we're still there.
Also, if it isn't a thing, then no one is out any major $ regardless of who paid for what.3 -
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AnabolicMind2011 wrote: »Just curious- you mentioned you had a bit of a disaster on a date recently and he also made you pay the bill. Now your preparing for another date with someone else. Is there any chance that you are just dating any man that shows interest in you? If so, I would set your standard higher and not go out with everyone and anyone that finds you attractive on a dating site. Maybe hold off all together until you find someone you really click with. Then you won't have to worry about who pays because you'll be comfortable enough with the man to just ask him who is paying. I may have you pegged wrong but just in case I'm correct- set your standards higher. Realize you are worth more then what your getting.
Well it's hard to know if you click with someone unless you meet them in person.
Onto the "Who Pays" business. This issue has been plaguing me for years. I think if you meet someone IRL and they ask you on a date, then they should pay. If you meet someone on a dating site, then expect to go dutch - but keep it simple like just meeting for drinks. If the date goes well and drinks turn into dinner, expect to split the bill. When it comes, offer to pay your share. If the guy insists on paying - or just busts out his credit card and hands it to the waitress - just thank him politely. If the date is still going super well and drinks, dinner turn into coffee after (it's happened to me a few times) offer to treat him to the coffee.
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dutchandkiwi wrote: »I have always insisted on the first date being 50/50 paid for. I will not get into discussions with men about how I owe them something because we went on a date. No *insert very strong expletive which will be kittyfied* way. Seen it happen way too often that friends got into some very sticky situations with virtual strangers because they paid for a date meal. Not me.
Impress me with attitude, ways, sense of humour etc. On the basis of that we can see what the next steps will be. Steps taken out of free will not because feeling pressured or being bought.
Most men that I met liked that attitude and agreed. One or two did not and insisted they'd pay, date was cancelled as it is a major red flag for me.
How is that a red flag? Honestly if I were to ask someone on a date it would be common decency to pay for it.
Red Flag: They would not respect my personal boundaries. If that happens on a first date then they will not respect my boundaries in future either.2 -
I'd personally expect the guy to offer, but would also expect the woman to refuse and offer to split it. Seems to be the modern way!0
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