Who pays?
Replies
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Im traditional, but I think a woman should atleast offer to go halves.
Otherwise, shes a brat who is demanding to be treated like a princess. (imho) (and no this doesnt equate to holding higher standards)
It's not uncommon to find that alot of women use "dates" to grab a free meal and entertainment without any genuine interest.
(Prepared to be flamed)5 -
dutchandkiwi wrote: »dutchandkiwi wrote: »I have always insisted on the first date being 50/50 paid for. I will not get into discussions with men about how I owe them something because we went on a date. No *insert very strong expletive which will be kittyfied* way. Seen it happen way too often that friends got into some very sticky situations with virtual strangers because they paid for a date meal. Not me.
Impress me with attitude, ways, sense of humour etc. On the basis of that we can see what the next steps will be. Steps taken out of free will not because feeling pressured or being bought.
Most men that I met liked that attitude and agreed. One or two did not and insisted they'd pay, date was cancelled as it is a major red flag for me.
How is that a red flag? Honestly if I were to ask someone on a date it would be common decency to pay for it.
Red Flag: They would not respect my personal boundaries. If that happens on a first date then they will not respect my boundaries in future either.
Perhaps the confusion is insistence. Of course it's polite for the guy to offer, however, if the woman wants to pay and the guy refuses beyond the standard polite, "I've got this. no, no, please let me. Well, ok" then it could present the red flag of a general lack of respect for the woman's boundaries and wants.
I get both sides, and I think generally everyone is on the same page? Generally a guy pays for the first date, but needs to respect that paying does not mean anything should be expected from the lady. The lady can offer to pay and a guy should be able to handle that as not an attack on his standing in society.2 -
It's not uncommon to find that alot of women use "dates" to grab a free meal and entertainment without any genuine interest.
(Prepared to be flamed)
Maybe, but I can't imagine going through the bother and the discomfort for some chicken wings, a cocktail and a lame movie.
Between dining with a stranger who may or may not say intrusive and crude things during the course of the evening and probably having to sit through a movie that wouldn't be your first choice anyway, well...
After assessing all first-dates-with-a-stranger risks, including the risk that you'll be getting gross or profanity-laden texts if you decide you don't like him after all, it would make more sense to pay for your own buzz and grub and watch a movie on Netflix under the covers.
(the use of you and your don't actually mean you and yours selina - I'm just generalizing)
Yep I agree. lol
I guess if you insist on paying for your own meal, it's probably because you won't feel so guilty for turning him down incase he asks for a second date. (sorry guys, we women really are confusing because thats not always the reasoning either)
Im happy Im finally with the man I love because now I get free meals all the time
haha. (I wish, Im tied to the kitchen sink) 0 -
So I shouldn't expect a guy to pay just cause he's the guy?
In all of my 25 years of life and probably 10 years of dating, I have never once had a guy offer to pay on the first date (or any date). From now on, that's how I am determining if they get a second date or not. If they don't offer to pay, then I'm not giving them more of my time. Not because I expect them to buy me fancy things, but because it's the right thing to do if they are interested, and it shows unselfish character. I'll offer to leave the tip. Going second date and beyond, though, I expect to split the bill. Unless he makes 100k+ a year....then, come on. lol2 -
bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »So I shouldn't expect a guy to pay just cause he's the guy?
In all of my 25 years of life and probably 10 years of dating, I have never once had a guy offer to pay on the first date (or any date). From now on, that's how I am determining if they get a second date or not. If they don't offer to pay, then I'm not giving them more of my time. Not because I expect them to buy me fancy things, but because it's the right thing to do if they are interested, and it shows unselfish character. I'll offer to leave the tip. Going second date and beyond, though, I expect to split the bill. Unless he makes 100k+ a year....then, come on. lol
Not to rub it in but I am very very surprised that no guy has offered to pay on the date.
In my whole life, it's only happened once where a guy went 50/50 otherwise every single guy has paid and rejected my offer to go dutch.
Do you "look" rich? lol1 -
AnabolicMind2011 wrote: »
So I'm guessing you agree with giving .. on the first night. Well nevermind, I'm sure you know what I mean. But I'm guessing by the looks of your profile pic that you don't often. Well nevermind again. You get the hint. ToodlesAnabolicMind2011 wrote: »Just curious- you mentioned you had a bit of a disaster on a date recently and he also made you pay the bill. Now your preparing for another date with someone else. Is there any chance that you are just dating any man that shows interest in you? If so, I would set your standard higher and not go out with everyone and anyone that finds you attractive on a dating site.
I dunno how people have the ballz (or lack of respect) to speak to strangers this way O_o
OP said she's been on one crazy date (
). Now she's thinking about future dates.... I'm not sure what lead you to form so many assumptions about her and then give such condescending advice.
Given the gutsy stories/threads I've seen the OP post (), I'd say she displays more confidence than the majority of MFP women (many of whom just go about fishing and saying what they think guys want to hear)
How about you turn your judgy down a notch?
There you go again with the personal attacks on internet strangers Do I have to put on my university teacher voice and explain to you why bullying doesn't make you cool. (And if you're going to be a troll...at least be funny like the more notorious trolls on this forum 
)
Btw, I didn't flag you. I have a lot of friends around here
(mostly bc I'm nice to people 
) 4 -
Louise1491 wrote: »Also @jenmar22 I'll date you and pay if i get that Ferrari
I'd date you so hard. Plus it would be great for the equal rights movement we were talking about.... 0 -
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bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »So I shouldn't expect a guy to pay just cause he's the guy?
In all of my 25 years of life and probably 10 years of dating, I have never once had a guy offer to pay on the first date (or any date). From now on, that's how I am determining if they get a second date or not. If they don't offer to pay, then I'm not giving them more of my time. Not because I expect them to buy me fancy things, but because it's the right thing to do if they are interested, and it shows unselfish character. I'll offer to leave the tip. Going second date and beyond, though, I expect to split the bill. Unless he makes 100k+ a year....then, come on. lol
That makes me sad...that men of your generation have no chivalry
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AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »So I shouldn't expect a guy to pay just cause he's the guy?
In all of my 25 years of life and probably 10 years of dating, I have never once had a guy offer to pay on the first date (or any date). From now on, that's how I am determining if they get a second date or not. If they don't offer to pay, then I'm not giving them more of my time. Not because I expect them to buy me fancy things, but because it's the right thing to do if they are interested, and it shows unselfish character. I'll offer to leave the tip. Going second date and beyond, though, I expect to split the bill. Unless he makes 100k+ a year....then, come on. lol
That makes me sad...that men of your generation have no chivalry
Some do, depends how she's meeting them!0 -
Of my generation the guy pays, but since we're all equal and non-sexist now, the Initiator should pay.2
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bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »So I shouldn't expect a guy to pay just cause he's the guy?
In all of my 25 years of life and probably 10 years of dating, I have never once had a guy offer to pay on the first date (or any date). From now on, that's how I am determining if they get a second date or not. If they don't offer to pay, then I'm not giving them more of my time. Not because I expect them to buy me fancy things, but because it's the right thing to do if they are interested, and it shows unselfish character. I'll offer to leave the tip. Going second date and beyond, though, I expect to split the bill. Unless he makes 100k+ a year....then, come on. lol
Wait, every date has expected you to pay?0 -
jollyjoe321 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »So I shouldn't expect a guy to pay just cause he's the guy?
In all of my 25 years of life and probably 10 years of dating, I have never once had a guy offer to pay on the first date (or any date). From now on, that's how I am determining if they get a second date or not. If they don't offer to pay, then I'm not giving them more of my time. Not because I expect them to buy me fancy things, but because it's the right thing to do if they are interested, and it shows unselfish character. I'll offer to leave the tip. Going second date and beyond, though, I expect to split the bill. Unless he makes 100k+ a year....then, come on. lol
That makes me sad...that men of your generation have no chivalry
Some do, depends how she's meeting them!
it shouldn't matter how she met them...the fact that no one has even offered? WTF!2 -
AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »jollyjoe321 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »So I shouldn't expect a guy to pay just cause he's the guy?
In all of my 25 years of life and probably 10 years of dating, I have never once had a guy offer to pay on the first date (or any date). From now on, that's how I am determining if they get a second date or not. If they don't offer to pay, then I'm not giving them more of my time. Not because I expect them to buy me fancy things, but because it's the right thing to do if they are interested, and it shows unselfish character. I'll offer to leave the tip. Going second date and beyond, though, I expect to split the bill. Unless he makes 100k+ a year....then, come on. lol
That makes me sad...that men of your generation have no chivalry
Some do, depends how she's meeting them!
it shouldn't matter how she met them...the fact that no one has even offered? WTF!
Surprised me too! But yeah, I should have reworded that, if you meet a person who volunteers at a youth group etc, then I'd expect them to be more sensitive and switched on than one you'd met at a bar or club.0 -
Im traditional, but I think a woman should atleast offer to go halves.
Otherwise, shes a brat who is demanding to be treated like a princess. (imho) (and no this doesnt equate to holding higher standards)
It's not uncommon to find that alot of women use "dates" to grab a free meal and entertainment without any genuine interest.
(Prepared to be flamed)
Actually what I was thinking.1 -
No that is not the page I am on at all. I do not expect any man to pay for me on a first date. I genuinely feel that that expectation leads to other expectations. I also feel it is very unfair toward the man (gets expensive) and deregatory toward the woman that she feels she should accept this.I get both sides, and I think generally everyone is on the same page? Generally a guy pays for the first date, but needs to respect that paying does not mean anything should be expected from the lady. The lady can offer to pay and a guy should be able to handle that as not an attack on his standing in society.
It is not an offer to pay my share, which a man can turn down. IMO his standing in my personal part of society is higher if he sees me as his equal, not some silly princess that needs to be impressed.0 -
He usually pays for dinner and I pay for the movie. That's how most of my dates went. Most men I've dated were kinda insulted when I'd offer to pay. Then again, most of them turned out to be asshats.1
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dutchandkiwi wrote: »
No that is not the page I am on at all. I do not expect any man to pay for me on a first date. I genuinely feel that that expectation leads to other expectations. I also feel it is very unfair toward the man and deregatory toward the woman that she accepts this.I get both sides, and I think generally everyone is on the same page? Generally a guy pays for the first date, but needs to respect that paying does not mean anything should be expected from the lady. The lady can offer to pay and a guy should be able to handle that as not an attack on his standing in society.
It is not an offer to pay my share, which a man can turn down. IMO his standing in my part of society is igher if he sees me as his equal, not some silly princess that needs to be impressed.
My bad. I get where you're coming from though.0 -
I think the person who initiated the date should pay, but perhaps, if there's a next date, the other person should pay.1
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Us men should pay0
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jollyjoe321 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »jollyjoe321 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »So I shouldn't expect a guy to pay just cause he's the guy?
In all of my 25 years of life and probably 10 years of dating, I have never once had a guy offer to pay on the first date (or any date). From now on, that's how I am determining if they get a second date or not. If they don't offer to pay, then I'm not giving them more of my time. Not because I expect them to buy me fancy things, but because it's the right thing to do if they are interested, and it shows unselfish character. I'll offer to leave the tip. Going second date and beyond, though, I expect to split the bill. Unless he makes 100k+ a year....then, come on. lol
That makes me sad...that men of your generation have no chivalry
Some do, depends how she's meeting them!
it shouldn't matter how she met them...the fact that no one has even offered? WTF!
Surprised me too! But yeah, I should have reworded that, if you meet a person who volunteers at a youth group etc, then I'd expect them to be more sensitive and switched on than one you'd met at a bar or club.
I met them at all different places...work, school, online, shopping at Barnes and Noble. They always expected me to pay my half. My family and friends were shocked when I brought this to their attention a few weeks ago...my best friend was like...what?! why would you even go out with him again if he didn't even offer?! I guess I acted like they were doing me a favor just by going out with me in the first place, so in a way it was my fault.
Also, I will agree there aren't too many guys in my generation that are very chivalrous anymore. I had this one guy who dropped me off after a date one night DOWN THE BLOCK FROM MY HOUSE because he "didn't feel like driving all the way to my house". I ended up walking home. Oh, and this wasn't just a date. He was my boyfriend. Who I had been dating for three months, and continued to date for another nine after it happened....0 -
bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »jollyjoe321 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »jollyjoe321 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »So I shouldn't expect a guy to pay just cause he's the guy?
In all of my 25 years of life and probably 10 years of dating, I have never once had a guy offer to pay on the first date (or any date). From now on, that's how I am determining if they get a second date or not. If they don't offer to pay, then I'm not giving them more of my time. Not because I expect them to buy me fancy things, but because it's the right thing to do if they are interested, and it shows unselfish character. I'll offer to leave the tip. Going second date and beyond, though, I expect to split the bill. Unless he makes 100k+ a year....then, come on. lol
That makes me sad...that men of your generation have no chivalry
Some do, depends how she's meeting them!
it shouldn't matter how she met them...the fact that no one has even offered? WTF!
Surprised me too! But yeah, I should have reworded that, if you meet a person who volunteers at a youth group etc, then I'd expect them to be more sensitive and switched on than one you'd met at a bar or club.
I met them at all different places...work, school, online, shopping at Barnes and Noble. They always expected me to pay my half. My family and friends were shocked when I brought this to their attention a few weeks ago...my best friend was like...what?! why would you even go out with him again if he didn't even offer?! I guess I acted like they were doing me a favor just by going out with me in the first place, so in a way it was my fault.
Also, I will agree there aren't too many guys in my generation that are very chivalrous anymore. I had this one guy who dropped me off after a date one night DOWN THE BLOCK FROM MY HOUSE because he "didn't feel like driving all the way to my house". I ended up walking home. Oh, and this wasn't just a date. He was my boyfriend. Who I had been dating for three months, and continued to date for another nine after it happened....
@bemyyfriend0918 you need to work on your self-esteem and realize that you ARE a woman of value and should be treated as such 2 -
IMHO : Who ever asked who to go should pay.
If the Guy asked a Gal on a date, then he pays.
If the Gal asked a Guy on a date, then she pays.0 -
I always pay and rather it that way personally. old fashioned I guess...1
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It's ok for a man to pay. It's also ok for a woman to offer to pick up the bill.0
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I had a boyfriend years ago who refused to let me pay for anything for the first year we were together. Like - flat out refused. He said "what kind of man would I be if I let you pay?"1
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AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »I had a boyfriend years ago who refused to let me pay for anything for the first year we were together. Like - flat out refused. He said "what kind of man would I be if I let you pay?"
A non-controlling one, perhaps? 3 -
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