Who pays?
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PlaydohPants wrote: »Damn the guys just can't win in this thread. If you pay you're just after something in return or you're controlling, if you don't pay you're a cheap *kitten* and not chivalrous. At this point even I'm getting anxiety about who pays and I never really thought much of it before.
I don't know really. I've not had much anxiety on this issue...and I have anxiety. I figure the anxious part is getting someone who technically is just a stranger with some similarities to agree to meet. This is the easy part. I let the woman take the lead. If she offers to pay her half, cool. If I pay all, cool. If she wants to pay it all, sure. If her paying means she thinks I'm now obligated to be her human pony in her play dungeon...I want a movie too.
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It would be fun to make a game out of it. Like flip a coin or play cards or something.1
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snickerscharlie wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »I had a boyfriend years ago who refused to let me pay for anything for the first year we were together. Like - flat out refused. He said "what kind of man would I be if I let you pay?"
A non-controlling one, perhaps?
Actually no, he wasn't controlling at all. He was actually a pretty good guy...until he wasn't.
I would sneak stuff in. Like picking up a pizza or Dunkin Donuts on the way over to his house.1 -
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Either of two ways. The person who asks, pays, *or* if you pre-agree to go dutch, that also works.0
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ncboiler89 wrote: »What is this chatter about the last dude?
Check out the thread titled Tinder. Tl;dr: dude shoved during oral time and made her sick.
Serves him right, then! Bet he'll think twice before doing that again!0 -
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PlaydohPants wrote: »A war date sounds strangely appealing
Yeah, sort of a "let's see who you really are" date. No way the real you doesn't come out during those.0 -
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a person who innitiated/ asked out should always assume they will be paying
the person who got asked out should always offer to split, but not push it if the other person say no thanks
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My date will pay of course. It has nothing to do with earning your own income, equal rights, being independent, or not wanting to create expectations. It's a simple way of giving him the opportunity to be charming, and tells you whether he's cheap or not, how much he tips, and how kind he is to employees.0
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PlaydohPants wrote: »PlaydohPants wrote: »A war date sounds strangely appealing
Yeah, sort of a "let's see who you really are" date. No way the real you doesn't come out during those.
Especially monopoly. *kitten* gets real fast!
Monopoly: Keeping families hostile since 1935.
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On the other hand... I have a long established profession and reasonable job security. The man who is now my husband was right out of college and working at a grocery store when we met. The guy could barely afford rent. So I did the asking and the paying. Stuff is situational. If I see that someone is deliberately taking advantage of me, I'll cut them right off. But I don't have some bizarre notion that boobs = Free Stuff, or dong = magical money tree. We're all just people as far as I'm concerned; I'm not into convoluted sex/gender politics of any sort.
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On the other hand... I have an long established profession and reasonable job security. The man who is now my husband was right out of college and working at a grocery store when we met. The guy could barely afford rent. So I did the asking and the paying. Stuff is situational. If I see that someone is deliberately taking advantage of me, I'll cut them right off. But I don't have some bizarre notion that boobs = Free Stuff, or dong = magical money tree. We're all just people as far as I'm concerned; I'm not into convoluted sex/gender politics of any sort.
How dare you bring common sense into a mfp thread? lol1 -
dutchandkiwi wrote: »I have always insisted on the first date being 50/50 paid for. I will not get into discussions with men about how I owe them something because we went on a date. No *insert very strong expletive which will be kittyfied* way. Seen it happen way too often that friends got into some very sticky situations with virtual strangers because they paid for a date meal. Not me.
Impress me with attitude, ways, sense of humour etc. On the basis of that we can see what the next steps will be. Steps taken out of free will not because feeling pressured or being bought.
Most men that I met liked that attitude and agreed. One or two did not and insisted they'd pay, date was cancelled as it is a major red flag for me.
How is that a red flag? Honestly if I were to ask someone on a date it would be common decency to pay for it.
i can see how it can be a red flag. i mean, if she insisted ahead of time and said "look, i will go out with you but only if i pay for my part. i won't go into why, but it is important to me that i do." and the guy still insists, then it's a red flag.
To me, if it's important to her then the guy should respect that.
That said, if this is an insistence made as the check arrives, then some guys can see this as a weird "test," and try to pass by wanting to pay.
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for those in the "woman should at least offer" mindset, my question is: is you opinion of the man diminished if he accepts the offer?0
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Whoever does the invite should pay. However, the guest should offer to pay at which point the original inviter says "thanks, but this is my treat, I insist."1
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If you go on a date with someone that's not down to dine and ditch with you then you've messed up from the very start.3
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wolverine66 wrote: »for those in the "woman should at least offer" mindset, my question is: is you opinion of the man diminished if he accepts the offer?
For me, yes. And I hate myself for saying that. In all my years of dating, only one took me up on the offer. We did go out on a 2nd date though...but I honestly don't remember who paid.0 -
wolverine66 wrote: »for those in the "woman should at least offer" mindset, my question is: is you opinion of the man diminished if he accepts the offer?
Yes, now take me to dinner.0 -
PlaydohPants wrote: »wolverine66 wrote: »for those in the "woman should at least offer" mindset, my question is: is you opinion of the man diminished if he accepts the offer?
Personally, no. I wouldn't offer to pay without the actual intention of paying so it wouldn't change my opinion of him. I think people only get salty about it if they offer just to be polite but don't expect to be taken up on their offer.
well, intent to pay is different than what i was asking.
even if you are prepared to pay (which really, you should be if you're going to offer), and that offer is accepted. Does a tiny piece of disappointment settle in because the offer was accepted?0 -
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ErlienWubs wrote: »My date will pay of course. It has nothing to do with earning your own income, equal rights, being independent, or not wanting to create expectations. It's a simple way of giving him the opportunity to be charming, and tells you whether he's cheap or not, how much he tips, and how kind he is to employees.
perfect way for him to weed out the golddiggers too2 -
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Wow, I really avoided a minefield by going for a younger husband, didn't I? LOL! I'm a bombastic old girl anyway, I just waltz in and handle everything. And yes he DID appreciate the flowers I gave him. I will accept no flack over this. :P We're not trying to be normal in the first place. XD He's happy, if a touch spoiled.1
https://youtu.be/ioQZrMQegj4
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