Who pays?
Replies
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Of my generation the guy pays, but since we're all equal and non-sexist now, the Initiator should pay.2
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bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »So I shouldn't expect a guy to pay just cause he's the guy?
In all of my 25 years of life and probably 10 years of dating, I have never once had a guy offer to pay on the first date (or any date). From now on, that's how I am determining if they get a second date or not. If they don't offer to pay, then I'm not giving them more of my time. Not because I expect them to buy me fancy things, but because it's the right thing to do if they are interested, and it shows unselfish character. I'll offer to leave the tip. Going second date and beyond, though, I expect to split the bill. Unless he makes 100k+ a year....then, come on. lol
Wait, every date has expected you to pay?0 -
jollyjoe321 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »So I shouldn't expect a guy to pay just cause he's the guy?
In all of my 25 years of life and probably 10 years of dating, I have never once had a guy offer to pay on the first date (or any date). From now on, that's how I am determining if they get a second date or not. If they don't offer to pay, then I'm not giving them more of my time. Not because I expect them to buy me fancy things, but because it's the right thing to do if they are interested, and it shows unselfish character. I'll offer to leave the tip. Going second date and beyond, though, I expect to split the bill. Unless he makes 100k+ a year....then, come on. lol
That makes me sad...that men of your generation have no chivalry
Some do, depends how she's meeting them!
it shouldn't matter how she met them...the fact that no one has even offered? WTF!2 -
AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »jollyjoe321 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »So I shouldn't expect a guy to pay just cause he's the guy?
In all of my 25 years of life and probably 10 years of dating, I have never once had a guy offer to pay on the first date (or any date). From now on, that's how I am determining if they get a second date or not. If they don't offer to pay, then I'm not giving them more of my time. Not because I expect them to buy me fancy things, but because it's the right thing to do if they are interested, and it shows unselfish character. I'll offer to leave the tip. Going second date and beyond, though, I expect to split the bill. Unless he makes 100k+ a year....then, come on. lol
That makes me sad...that men of your generation have no chivalry
Some do, depends how she's meeting them!
it shouldn't matter how she met them...the fact that no one has even offered? WTF!
Surprised me too! But yeah, I should have reworded that, if you meet a person who volunteers at a youth group etc, then I'd expect them to be more sensitive and switched on than one you'd met at a bar or club.0 -
Im traditional, but I think a woman should atleast offer to go halves.
Otherwise, shes a brat who is demanding to be treated like a princess. (imho) (and no this doesnt equate to holding higher standards)
It's not uncommon to find that alot of women use "dates" to grab a free meal and entertainment without any genuine interest.
(Prepared to be flamed)
Actually what I was thinking.1 -
No that is not the page I am on at all. I do not expect any man to pay for me on a first date. I genuinely feel that that expectation leads to other expectations. I also feel it is very unfair toward the man (gets expensive) and deregatory toward the woman that she feels she should accept this.I get both sides, and I think generally everyone is on the same page? Generally a guy pays for the first date, but needs to respect that paying does not mean anything should be expected from the lady. The lady can offer to pay and a guy should be able to handle that as not an attack on his standing in society.
It is not an offer to pay my share, which a man can turn down. IMO his standing in my personal part of society is higher if he sees me as his equal, not some silly princess that needs to be impressed.0 -
He usually pays for dinner and I pay for the movie. That's how most of my dates went. Most men I've dated were kinda insulted when I'd offer to pay. Then again, most of them turned out to be asshats.1
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dutchandkiwi wrote: »
No that is not the page I am on at all. I do not expect any man to pay for me on a first date. I genuinely feel that that expectation leads to other expectations. I also feel it is very unfair toward the man and deregatory toward the woman that she accepts this.I get both sides, and I think generally everyone is on the same page? Generally a guy pays for the first date, but needs to respect that paying does not mean anything should be expected from the lady. The lady can offer to pay and a guy should be able to handle that as not an attack on his standing in society.
It is not an offer to pay my share, which a man can turn down. IMO his standing in my part of society is igher if he sees me as his equal, not some silly princess that needs to be impressed.
My bad. I get where you're coming from though.0 -
I think the person who initiated the date should pay, but perhaps, if there's a next date, the other person should pay.1
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Us men should pay0
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jollyjoe321 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »jollyjoe321 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »So I shouldn't expect a guy to pay just cause he's the guy?
In all of my 25 years of life and probably 10 years of dating, I have never once had a guy offer to pay on the first date (or any date). From now on, that's how I am determining if they get a second date or not. If they don't offer to pay, then I'm not giving them more of my time. Not because I expect them to buy me fancy things, but because it's the right thing to do if they are interested, and it shows unselfish character. I'll offer to leave the tip. Going second date and beyond, though, I expect to split the bill. Unless he makes 100k+ a year....then, come on. lol
That makes me sad...that men of your generation have no chivalry
Some do, depends how she's meeting them!
it shouldn't matter how she met them...the fact that no one has even offered? WTF!
Surprised me too! But yeah, I should have reworded that, if you meet a person who volunteers at a youth group etc, then I'd expect them to be more sensitive and switched on than one you'd met at a bar or club.
I met them at all different places...work, school, online, shopping at Barnes and Noble. They always expected me to pay my half. My family and friends were shocked when I brought this to their attention a few weeks ago...my best friend was like...what?! why would you even go out with him again if he didn't even offer?! I guess I acted like they were doing me a favor just by going out with me in the first place, so in a way it was my fault.
Also, I will agree there aren't too many guys in my generation that are very chivalrous anymore. I had this one guy who dropped me off after a date one night DOWN THE BLOCK FROM MY HOUSE because he "didn't feel like driving all the way to my house". I ended up walking home. Oh, and this wasn't just a date. He was my boyfriend. Who I had been dating for three months, and continued to date for another nine after it happened....0 -
bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »jollyjoe321 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »jollyjoe321 wrote: »AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »bemyyfriend0918 wrote: »So I shouldn't expect a guy to pay just cause he's the guy?
In all of my 25 years of life and probably 10 years of dating, I have never once had a guy offer to pay on the first date (or any date). From now on, that's how I am determining if they get a second date or not. If they don't offer to pay, then I'm not giving them more of my time. Not because I expect them to buy me fancy things, but because it's the right thing to do if they are interested, and it shows unselfish character. I'll offer to leave the tip. Going second date and beyond, though, I expect to split the bill. Unless he makes 100k+ a year....then, come on. lol
That makes me sad...that men of your generation have no chivalry
Some do, depends how she's meeting them!
it shouldn't matter how she met them...the fact that no one has even offered? WTF!
Surprised me too! But yeah, I should have reworded that, if you meet a person who volunteers at a youth group etc, then I'd expect them to be more sensitive and switched on than one you'd met at a bar or club.
I met them at all different places...work, school, online, shopping at Barnes and Noble. They always expected me to pay my half. My family and friends were shocked when I brought this to their attention a few weeks ago...my best friend was like...what?! why would you even go out with him again if he didn't even offer?! I guess I acted like they were doing me a favor just by going out with me in the first place, so in a way it was my fault.
Also, I will agree there aren't too many guys in my generation that are very chivalrous anymore. I had this one guy who dropped me off after a date one night DOWN THE BLOCK FROM MY HOUSE because he "didn't feel like driving all the way to my house". I ended up walking home. Oh, and this wasn't just a date. He was my boyfriend. Who I had been dating for three months, and continued to date for another nine after it happened....
@bemyyfriend0918 you need to work on your self-esteem and realize that you ARE a woman of value and should be treated as such
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IMHO : Who ever asked who to go should pay.
If the Guy asked a Gal on a date, then he pays.
If the Gal asked a Guy on a date, then she pays.0 -
I always pay and rather it that way personally. old fashioned I guess...1
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It's ok for a man to pay. It's also ok for a woman to offer to pick up the bill.0
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I had a boyfriend years ago who refused to let me pay for anything for the first year we were together. Like - flat out refused. He said "what kind of man would I be if I let you pay?"1
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AskTracyAnnK28 wrote: »I had a boyfriend years ago who refused to let me pay for anything for the first year we were together. Like - flat out refused. He said "what kind of man would I be if I let you pay?"
A non-controlling one, perhaps? 3 -
PlaydohPants wrote: »Damn the guys just can't win in this thread. If you pay you're just after something in return or you're controlling, if you don't pay you're a cheap *kitten* and not chivalrous. At this point even I'm getting anxiety about who pays and I never really thought much of it before.
I don't know really. I've not had much anxiety on this issue...and I have anxiety. I figure the anxious part is getting someone who technically is just a stranger with some similarities to agree to meet. This is the easy part. I let the woman take the lead. If she offers to pay her half, cool. If I pay all, cool. If she wants to pay it all, sure. If her paying means she thinks I'm now obligated to be her human pony in her play dungeon...I want a movie too. 4 -
It would be fun to make a game out of it. Like flip a coin or play cards or something.1
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