Who pays?

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  • arleban
    arleban Posts: 369 Member
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    PlaydohPants wrote: »
    A war date sounds strangely appealing

    Yeah, sort of a "let's see who you really are" date. No way the real you doesn't come out during those.
  • Rage_Phish
    Rage_Phish Posts: 1,507 Member
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    a person who innitiated/ asked out should always assume they will be paying
    the person who got asked out should always offer to split, but not push it if the other person say no thanks
  • ErlienWubs
    ErlienWubs Posts: 6 Member
    edited August 2016
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    My date will pay of course. It has nothing to do with earning your own income, equal rights, being independent, or not wanting to create expectations. It's a simple way of giving him the opportunity to be charming, and tells you whether he's cheap or not, how much he tips, and how kind he is to employees.
  • arleban
    arleban Posts: 369 Member
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    PlaydohPants wrote: »
    arleban wrote: »
    PlaydohPants wrote: »
    A war date sounds strangely appealing

    Yeah, sort of a "let's see who you really are" date. No way the real you doesn't come out during those.

    Especially monopoly. *kitten* gets real fast!

    Monopoly: Keeping families hostile since 1935.

  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    edited August 2016
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    On the other hand... I have a long established profession and reasonable job security. The man who is now my husband was right out of college and working at a grocery store when we met. The guy could barely afford rent. So I did the asking and the paying. Stuff is situational. If I see that someone is deliberately taking advantage of me, I'll cut them right off. But I don't have some bizarre notion that boobs = Free Stuff, or dong = magical money tree. We're all just people as far as I'm concerned; I'm not into convoluted sex/gender politics of any sort.
  • Lonestar5715
    Lonestar5715 Posts: 466 Member
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    gothchiq wrote: »
    On the other hand... I have an long established profession and reasonable job security. The man who is now my husband was right out of college and working at a grocery store when we met. The guy could barely afford rent. So I did the asking and the paying. Stuff is situational. If I see that someone is deliberately taking advantage of me, I'll cut them right off. But I don't have some bizarre notion that boobs = Free Stuff, or dong = magical money tree. We're all just people as far as I'm concerned; I'm not into convoluted sex/gender politics of any sort.

    How dare you bring common sense into a mfp thread? lol
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
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    Damien_K wrote: »
    dutchandkiwi wrote: »
    I have always insisted on the first date being 50/50 paid for. I will not get into discussions with men about how I owe them something because we went on a date. No *insert very strong expletive which will be kittyfied* way. Seen it happen way too often that friends got into some very sticky situations with virtual strangers because they paid for a date meal. Not me.

    Impress me with attitude, ways, sense of humour etc. On the basis of that we can see what the next steps will be. Steps taken out of free will not because feeling pressured or being bought.

    Most men that I met liked that attitude and agreed. One or two did not and insisted they'd pay, date was cancelled as it is a major red flag for me.

    How is that a red flag? Honestly if I were to ask someone on a date it would be common decency to pay for it.

    i can see how it can be a red flag. i mean, if she insisted ahead of time and said "look, i will go out with you but only if i pay for my part. i won't go into why, but it is important to me that i do." and the guy still insists, then it's a red flag.

    To me, if it's important to her then the guy should respect that.

    That said, if this is an insistence made as the check arrives, then some guys can see this as a weird "test," and try to pass by wanting to pay.

  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
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    for those in the "woman should at least offer" mindset, my question is: is you opinion of the man diminished if he accepts the offer?
  • sfcrocker
    sfcrocker Posts: 163 Member
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    Whoever does the invite should pay. However, the guest should offer to pay at which point the original inviter says "thanks, but this is my treat, I insist."
  • Caporegiem
    Caporegiem Posts: 4,297 Member
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    If you go on a date with someone that's not down to dine and ditch with you then you've messed up from the very start.
  • Shells918
    Shells918 Posts: 1,070 Member
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    This thread reminded me of Chris Rock

    https://youtu.be/ioQZrMQegj4

    Language is nsfw
  • AskTracyAnnK28
    AskTracyAnnK28 Posts: 2,817 Member
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    wolverine66 wrote: »
    for those in the "woman should at least offer" mindset, my question is: is you opinion of the man diminished if he accepts the offer?

    For me, yes. And I hate myself for saying that. In all my years of dating, only one took me up on the offer. We did go out on a 2nd date though...but I honestly don't remember who paid.
  • KrazyDaizy
    KrazyDaizy Posts: 815 Member
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    wolverine66 wrote: »
    for those in the "woman should at least offer" mindset, my question is: is you opinion of the man diminished if he accepts the offer?

    Yes, now take me to dinner.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
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    PlaydohPants wrote: »
    wolverine66 wrote: »
    for those in the "woman should at least offer" mindset, my question is: is you opinion of the man diminished if he accepts the offer?

    Personally, no. I wouldn't offer to pay without the actual intention of paying so it wouldn't change my opinion of him. I think people only get salty about it if they offer just to be polite but don't expect to be taken up on their offer.

    well, intent to pay is different than what i was asking.

    even if you are prepared to pay (which really, you should be if you're going to offer), and that offer is accepted. Does a tiny piece of disappointment settle in because the offer was accepted?
  • Rage_Phish
    Rage_Phish Posts: 1,507 Member
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    ErlienWubs wrote: »
    My date will pay of course. It has nothing to do with earning your own income, equal rights, being independent, or not wanting to create expectations. It's a simple way of giving him the opportunity to be charming, and tells you whether he's cheap or not, how much he tips, and how kind he is to employees.

    perfect way for him to weed out the golddiggers too
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Angela937 wrote: »
    If you're meeting up with someone for the first time, whether its a blind date or match from a dating site, who should pay?

    The one who initiated the meet, or should it always be the guy?

    I'd presume I was paying half...
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
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    Wow, I really avoided a minefield by going for a younger husband, didn't I? LOL! I'm a bombastic old girl anyway, I just waltz in and handle everything. And yes he DID appreciate the flowers I gave him. I will accept no flack over this. :P We're not trying to be normal in the first place. XD He's happy, if a touch spoiled.

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