Other people's reactions to your weight loss or diet
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JulieSHelms wrote: »My two favorite comments came while at church from older women. One said to me as I walked in the door..."Where's your other half?" I said, "He's parking the car. He'll be right in." She said, "No, I mean the other half of you!" Last week a woman who I know by sight only said I looked amazing and a 'shadow of my former self'. Lol.
One thing I have noticed...I have been complimented a lot, but it's always women. Other than my husband and father, no men have said a word.
Any 40+ married men care to comment on that--I'd love to know what's happening from your perspective on this.
42 year old married man here. First off, I don't think I know any ladies that have had a major weight loss. If I did, though, I'd probably have to know them pretty well to say something about it. I'd be worried a bit about coming off like a creep that was hitting on her. I also feel that pointing out that I notice how much they've lost is also pointing out that I noticed how huge they used to be...lol. It's a weird dynamic, as I'm down almost 60lbs myself, and appreciate the comments when I get them. I worry that by pointing out weight loss to a woman, I'm also pointing out how much heavier she used to be in an insulting way. Hopefully that makes sense.38 -
singingflutelady wrote: »I'm bmi 20 and always get comments from others if they see me eat "non diet" calorie dense food and they comment how lucky I am. It isn't lucky, it's math
I've said the same thing to people when they comment on how complicated or difficult it must be.. I'm just like "yeah, it's not easy but it's just about making good choice... And math. It's just the math of eating properly."7 -
JulieSHelms wrote: »
One thing I have noticed...I have been complimented a lot, but it's always women. Other than my husband and father, no men have said a word.
Any 40+ married men care to comment on that--I'd love to know what's happening from your perspective on this.
42 year old married man here. First off, I don't think I know any ladies that have had a major weight loss. If I did, though, I'd probably have to know them pretty well to say something about it. I'd be worried a bit about coming off like a creep that was hitting on her. I also feel that pointing out that I notice how much they've lost is also pointing out that I noticed how huge they used to be...lol. It's a weird dynamic, as I'm down almost 60lbs myself, and appreciate the comments when I get them. I worry that by pointing out weight loss to a woman, I'm also pointing out how much heavier she used to be in an insulting way. Hopefully that makes sense.
That does make sense. But it highlights the difference. When women compliment women there is no subtext of "if you look good now, it's because you were fat before." I don't think this goes the other way, with women complimenting men.
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I never really received comments when I was in fit mode, however, I receive more comments now that I am pregnant than ever. Somehow it has become ok as a society to comment on a pregnant woman's body like it's open season. Complete strangers feel the need to tell you that you look like you're carrying two. (No. I am not.) Or that no way you are going to last another X amount of months. (Gee, thanks for wishing a premature birth on me.). Or my personal favorite, "You're BIG for X amount of months." (YAY, just what every pregnant woman wants to hear... how BIG they have gotten when they are most likely feeling fairly self-conscience about their size.)
Then there are stares like no one has ever seen a pregnant woman before in their lives. Sigh...13 -
JulieSHelms wrote: »My two favorite comments came while at church from older women. One said to me as I walked in the door..."Where's your other half?" I said, "He's parking the car. He'll be right in." She said, "No, I mean the other half of you!" Last week a woman who I know by sight only said I looked amazing and a 'shadow of my former self'. Lol.
One thing I have noticed...I have been complimented a lot, but it's always women. Other than my husband and father, no men have said a word.
Any 40+ married men care to comment on that--I'd love to know what's happening from your perspective on this.
42 year old married man here. First off, I don't think I know any ladies that have had a major weight loss. If I did, though, I'd probably have to know them pretty well to say something about it. I'd be worried a bit about coming off like a creep that was hitting on her. I also feel that pointing out that I notice how much they've lost is also pointing out that I noticed how huge they used to be...lol. It's a weird dynamic, as I'm down almost 60lbs myself, and appreciate the comments when I get them. I worry that by pointing out weight loss to a woman, I'm also pointing out how much heavier she used to be in an insulting way. Hopefully that makes sense.
I actually had this conversation with my brother in law the other day.
Some context: We are both early 30's and we have both lost around 25-30Kgs (as has my sister - his wife).
The two of us were at a bike repair shop taking my scooter in for repairs. The owner has known us for approximately 5 years now, and we tend to go there about twice a year (for services, repairs, etc on our bikes). After seeing my brother in law for the first time in six months, the male owner pulled me aside and asked me if he had been ill or if he had lost the weight by following a diet. I quickly explained the details of mfp, and then he had a long conversation with my brother...
He never once mentioned my weightloss during the entire exchange.
My brother in law found it funny/disturbing, but I told him no man, other than my dad, my best male friend and my brothers in law have commented on the weightloss - whilst every other woman I know (especially in the last two months) have made comments (from very supportive (90%) to slightly catty (5-10%)).
We realized then that either men are blind to women's weight (doubtful...) or they feel unsure about how to broach the topic.
My brother however, have apparently been receiving positive comments/questions from both genders equally... It makes for interesting social commentary...8 -
I've found that a lot of people either don't notice, or they *do* notice but don't want to say anything. I did have one coworker friend say to me "You look smaller, are you shrinking?" And I told her yes, i've lost 20 pounds, and she said "I thought so but I wasn't sure my mind wasn't playing tricks on me! And you did that intentionally, right? You're okay, not sick?" Once I confirmed that yes, I'm fine, she was thrilled for me. But at first she was truly worried about offending me accidentally. Honestly, I think many people are conditioned to think asking someone if they've lost weight is risky, the same way that asking someone if they're pregnant is risky and a faux pas. If the person in question hasn't lost weight (or actually gained), or they have but unintentionally due to illness, you could hurt their feelings. I am really glad she said something though, it really made my day.
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At first people were resistant to my efforts. "You're not fat, you don't want to be bony," blah blah blah. I put a lid on this by letting them know that I am prediabetic and that this is medically ordered for me to do. Now everyone knows. Also now that the weight is off, people have a new attitude, which is "How did you do it? I want to do it." I tell them I went to see a nutritionist, learned how to eat right, that I count calories and work out. I tell them that you do not do a temporary diet, you change your eating and exercise habits permanently, and it works. People say what about cleanses and nutrisystem and etc. I say "rubbish." They ask me if it's hard. I say yes, to me, it is hard. But the spectre of full blown diabetes is enough to keep me serious about my efforts.15
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itislizard146 wrote: »One of my friends kept telling me and everyone else that I was anorexic. Which is/was not true. It made me feel awful, I'm not sure why. And then it sabotaged my progress and I wound up gaining weight back and I still can't get it out of my head.
A friend of mine told me a few months back that I was getting too thin (I literally lost 7 pounds and was wearing a US6). I quit after she said that to me and put those back on. I have started back up again and am down those 7 pounds again. Her reaction to me yesterday? "Are you going to become anorexic?" When I said no, she said that I wouldn't tell her anyway because anorexic people don't tell other people they are anorexic. ?!?
FYI, I like food entirely too much to be anorexic. My weight was bordering on overweight for my size. Losing the other 13 pounds I want to lose does not make me anorexic. I just want to be healthy again!9 -
I have lost 60lbs since Easter...everyone is very supportive and tells me how amazing I look..I saw some family the other day and i said thank you I still have 90 pounds to lose and they said no way you will be too skinny...no i wont, that's in the healthy weight for me...people don't like the answer of how did you do it...counting calories and exercise isn't something they want to hear because that requires work.. ec eryone wants an easy magic trick to do...the oddest compliment I got was from my adult nephew who said " wow, I remember when you completely filled that chair!" He didn't mean it bad. But...it still resonates in my head that I was,actually big enough to fill a lazyboy recliner...9
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JulieSHelms wrote: »My two favorite comments came while at church from older women. One said to me as I walked in the door..."Where's your other half?" I said, "He's parking the car. He'll be right in." She said, "No, I mean the other half of you!" Last week a woman who I know by sight only said I looked amazing and a 'shadow of my former self'. Lol.
One thing I have noticed...I have been complimented a lot, but it's always women. Other than my husband and father, no men have said a word.
Any 40+ married men care to comment on that--I'd love to know what's happening from your perspective on this.
42 year old married man here. First off, I don't think I know any ladies that have had a major weight loss. If I did, though, I'd probably have to know them pretty well to say something about it. I'd be worried a bit about coming off like a creep that was hitting on her. I also feel that pointing out that I notice how much they've lost is also pointing out that I noticed how huge they used to be...lol. It's a weird dynamic, as I'm down almost 60lbs myself, and appreciate the comments when I get them. I worry that by pointing out weight loss to a woman, I'm also pointing out how much heavier she used to be in an insulting way. Hopefully that makes sense.
I have lost 40+ lbs with 15 to go, size 14 to size 4/6, and only one male (a much younger guy in my dept. who appreciates fitness, etc.) has said anything. Almost every woman in my school has made positive comments and more. I teach in a high school and I've had former male students in and out of school come up to me and tell me how great I looked. One in particular came was home from college for a few days and kept going on about it......I knew he was special 3 -
Best reaction I had to my weight loss (125+ lbs) was from someone I had never seen before. The pharmacy tech asked to see my ID (which I haven't updated yet) when I picked up a prescription, he looked at my license and asked me "are you picking this up for her?" I said no, that was me - he looked at my license again then looked me up and down, gave me a great big smile and said "wow - good job!" Absolutely made my day!52
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I've only lost 13lbs so far, but my best friend started giving me all this advice about food & diet saying things like they say you should do this or that. It was SO annoying! I finally told her what i'm doing is working & it's not a diet because when you're on a diet & you loose weight, then you go back to your old ways & gain it back. This is a style of eating that i can live with.
Me & hubby went to lunch today & he kept offering me a bite of his burger & onion rings. I kept saying no thank you. He was so surprised, but what i had was 470cal & tasty & filling so it wasn't hard to say no.8 -
JulieSHelms wrote: »JulieSHelms wrote: »
One thing I have noticed...I have been complimented a lot, but it's always women. Other than my husband and father, no men have said a word.
Any 40+ married men care to comment on that--I'd love to know what's happening from your perspective on this.
42 year old married man here. First off, I don't think I know any ladies that have had a major weight loss. If I did, though, I'd probably have to know them pretty well to say something about it. I'd be worried a bit about coming off like a creep that was hitting on her. I also feel that pointing out that I notice how much they've lost is also pointing out that I noticed how huge they used to be...lol. It's a weird dynamic, as I'm down almost 60lbs myself, and appreciate the comments when I get them. I worry that by pointing out weight loss to a woman, I'm also pointing out how much heavier she used to be in an insulting way. Hopefully that makes sense.
That does make sense. But it highlights the difference. When women compliment women there is no subtext of "if you look good now, it's because you were fat before." I don't think this goes the other way, with women complimenting men.
I don't think it does either. I have received compliments from a lot of women, so they seem fine doing it. And I know a couple guys losing weight, and I'll compliment them. But it feels like it'd be weird mentioning it to a woman. Us guys are weird sometimes, though. 3 -
JulieSHelms wrote: »My two favorite comments came while at church from older women. One said to me as I walked in the door..."Where's your other half?" I said, "He's parking the car. He'll be right in." She said, "No, I mean the other half of you!" Last week a woman who I know by sight only said I looked amazing and a 'shadow of my former self'. Lol.
One thing I have noticed...I have been complimented a lot, but it's always women. Other than my husband and father, no men have said a word.
Any 40+ married men care to comment on that--I'd love to know what's happening from your perspective on this.
42 year old married man here. First off, I don't think I know any ladies that have had a major weight loss. If I did, though, I'd probably have to know them pretty well to say something about it. I'd be worried a bit about coming off like a creep that was hitting on her. I also feel that pointing out that I notice how much they've lost is also pointing out that I noticed how huge they used to be...lol. It's a weird dynamic, as I'm down almost 60lbs myself, and appreciate the comments when I get them. I worry that by pointing out weight loss to a woman, I'm also pointing out how much heavier she used to be in an insulting way. Hopefully that makes sense.
I actually had this conversation with my brother in law the other day.
Some context: We are both early 30's and we have both lost around 25-30Kgs (as has my sister - his wife).
The two of us were at a bike repair shop taking my scooter in for repairs. The owner has known us for approximately 5 years now, and we tend to go there about twice a year (for services, repairs, etc on our bikes). After seeing my brother in law for the first time in six months, the male owner pulled me aside and asked me if he had been ill or if he had lost the weight by following a diet. I quickly explained the details of mfp, and then he had a long conversation with my brother...
He never once mentioned my weightloss during the entire exchange.
My brother in law found it funny/disturbing, but I told him no man, other than my dad, my best male friend and my brothers in law have commented on the weightloss - whilst every other woman I know (especially in the last two months) have made comments (from very supportive (90%) to slightly catty (5-10%)).
We realized then that either men are blind to women's weight (doubtful...) or they feel unsure about how to broach the topic.
My brother however, have apparently been receiving positive comments/questions from both genders equally... It makes for interesting social commentary...
I think it is the unsure how to bring it up thing. People always notice, it's in our nature. We just donnt always know what to say, or if we should say it.3 -
Haha, that's awesome. Good stufftamms_1965 wrote: »JulieSHelms wrote: »My two favorite comments came while at church from older women. One said to me as I walked in the door..."Where's your other half?" I said, "He's parking the car. He'll be right in." She said, "No, I mean the other half of you!" Last week a woman who I know by sight only said I looked amazing and a 'shadow of my former self'. Lol.
One thing I have noticed...I have been complimented a lot, but it's always women. Other than my husband and father, no men have said a word.
Any 40+ married men care to comment on that--I'd love to know what's happening from your perspective on this.
42 year old married man here. First off, I don't think I know any ladies that have had a major weight loss. If I did, though, I'd probably have to know them pretty well to say something about it. I'd be worried a bit about coming off like a creep that was hitting on her. I also feel that pointing out that I notice how much they've lost is also pointing out that I noticed how huge they used to be...lol. It's a weird dynamic, as I'm down almost 60lbs myself, and appreciate the comments when I get them. I worry that by pointing out weight loss to a woman, I'm also pointing out how much heavier she used to be in an insulting way. Hopefully that makes sense.
I have lost 40+ lbs with 15 to go, size 14 to size 4/6, and only one male (a much younger guy in my dept. who appreciates fitness, etc.) has said anything. Almost every woman in my school has made positive comments and more. I teach in a high school and I've had former male students in and out of school come up to me and tell me how great I looked. One in particular came was home from college for a few days and kept going on about it......I knew he was special
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JulieSHelms wrote: »My two favorite comments came while at church from older women. One said to me as I walked in the door..."Where's your other half?" I said, "He's parking the car. He'll be right in." She said, "No, I mean the other half of you!" Last week a woman who I know by sight only said I looked amazing and a 'shadow of my former self'. Lol.
One thing I have noticed...I have been complimented a lot, but it's always women. Other than my husband and father, no men have said a word. Once a woman started raving about my changes, then kind of elbowed her husband and said, "doesn't she look great?" Poor guy--he was looking at the ceiling, at the floor, everywhere but me. That really got me thinking about the phenomenon. I think it must be cultural and that men (I'm talking the 40+ married crowd) have been well trained either to not notice or not comment on women's weight--which is probably a good thing because I wouldn't have wanted them saying anything while I got heavy!
Any 40+ married men care to comment on that--I'd love to know what's happening from your perspective on this.
Edited to add: This is a 'real-time' phenomenon only. On Facebook, I have posted progress pictures twice and the men responded there--either hit the Like button or with a "Congrats" in the comments.
I've had a few men comment on my weight loss. For perspective I am married and 50 years old. One comment was from a 30 something former co-worker who hadn't seen me in several months. He was very surprised and said something like, "You look fantastic!" I've had a current male co-worker who is very positive in a professional manner compliment me multiple times but it's in his nature. I've had a couple other male friends make comments. Only one was a little creepy as I got the up and down look but I was looking pretty good that day5 -
When I lost weight on weightwatchers before I gained it back a male friend saw me while passing me in my neighborhood and said " u look different, by the way never complain about your boobs! They r nice!" I lost weight and still had my boobs but that made me laugh at the same time uncomfortable. I'm back to losing these 70 pounds now on this site and not weightwatchers. I'm happy I'm here.4
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Its been a mixed reaction at my workplace. A couple of female co-workers have been complimentary and supportive whereas others (from another section of the company but have regular contact with) haven't said a word, although I think one was on the cusp of saying something when she saw me eating my butter chicken the other day for lunch...im sure she wanted to say you're eating takeaway?? lol. A couple of the non communicative co-workers started going on diets I reckon as soon as they noticed my weight loss...or I dunno could've just been a coincidence lol2
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After reading everyone's post I realized that all my compliments came from women except one which came from a male coworker. He was very fit and when he complimented me it was at the perfect time, in the beginning of my weight loss journey. His support was great in the beginning because it kept me motivated. Other people would make comments to my close friends and my friends would tell me. I found that kind of funny. They would ask my friends if I was losing weight and when they said yes they felt comfortable enough to compliment me. I've lost 48lbs. with more to go but the compliments are great on the days I don't feel so great.8
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I don't recall anything in particular.0
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