Other people's reactions to your weight loss or diet

Madwife2009

bugsypemberton wrote: »

I'm going to focus on something I think is more important: how do you react to others after your weight loss.

Years ago there was a made for TV movie called "the girl most likely to". Played by Stockard Channing, the story revolved around an obese college student who admittedly was not very pretty but was trying her best to fit in. During the course of winding her way through the muck and mire of peerdom, she ended up being the brunt of a joke that was so humiliating to her that she ran out and ended up in an accident that landed her in the hospital getting extreme plastic surgery.

You can probably guess that she ended up beautiful and thin.

And then she exacted her revenge for every hurtful, painful thing anyone ever did to her.

I was 380 pounds. I am now down to 240. I wonder how many in this thread would look at me with disdain still? I hope none would. I would like to think everyone here- even the ones here to gain weight- would say "wow thats great!"

The other day, while sitting in the B&N waiting on some good herbal tea, I looked over and saw a woman eating her scone. They serve very large scones in the one near us. With a custard sauce. She was enjoying it. I would guess her weight to be around 400 or so. She was a big girl.

At first the thought crossed my mind: "doesn't she see how she looks eating that?"

Then I looked over at a very lovely, thin girl and her friends. They were laughing and looking at me. One even said:"Its okay for old ladies to be fat" (she needed to learn how to whisper). Since I was the only woman there with gray hair it was safe to assume who the object was.

It was wrong of me to see someone else the way others see me.

Changing how we see others after we lose our weight is as important as how others see us, I reckon.

This is really interesting as I have reached a similar conclusion. I have changed my outlook on others (unlike my husband, so it causes some "discussion" between us). I am no longer disgusted by myself, even though I am still carrying 30-40lbs excess weight. Maybe I have lost the disgust I felt in my looks because I am doing something about it. I don't know. I do know that I hated how I looked but it took me many, many years (decades) to get to grips with it and change things. I wouldn't eat in public for fear of "looking awful", especially if it was a "bad" food. I used to think that everyone was judging me. They probably weren't but I suspect that many were as that, sadly, is human nature. Pick on those that don't fit the "normal" mould.

Losing weight has actually changed how I see others - I once had the attitude of "Yes, I can judge others because I am really fat" and I would think thoughts similar to yours, "why can't s/he see how awful that looks?" because that it how I used to view myself. I don't think like that anymore. I now know that we are all different, have different problems and are at different stages of emotional development. I now very occasionally think, when I see an overweight/obese person, "I wonder if they are on a journey to better health as I am?". Because we don't know what their lives are like, or what they did prior to "looking awful" whilst eating something regarded as unhealthy. That unhealthy food they are eating at that moment might be their once-a-week/month treat, or it just fits in with their calorie goal that day. Any why shouldn't an overweight/obese person enjoy their food?

I was talking to the checkout cashier a couple of weeks ago whilst buying some new clothes - most were a UK size 12 but I'd added in a size 10 (my next goal size) just for fun and because it made me feel darn good to buy something that small. The cashier noticed and asked me if I wanted the size 10 or had I picked it up by mistake. I told her that I had meant to include it and that I'd shrink into it over the next few weeks and so a conversation about weight loss ensued. It turned out that she was also on a weight-loss programme and that she and her husband, between them, had lost 210lbs. I was totally in awe of this woman, she's lost way more than me at that point. Yet up until that point, I had no idea that the woman at the checkout was losing weight as well. I actually hadn't even noticed that she was overweight as I don't really care if others are overweight/obese, I still treat them as human beings with respect and dignity.

And that, I think, is the issue. Human beings aren't kind in general (not that the doctor was being unkind), especially if someone doesn't fit within the "normal" range. And they are judgmental towards others. We get it from everyone - kids at school (I was overweight with other health problems at school, so was a natural target for bullies), random people in the street, even those supposed to be helping us, like our doctors (you know, that "you need to lose weight, you are not in a healthy BMI range" conversation that happens each visit).

I was "judged" by a doctor over the weekend (spent in A&E, unfortunately) who saw my "Star Wars The Force Awakens" T-shirt. He then attempted to get me to talk about the Star Wars films (yes, I know he was trying to make me feel at ease). I don't like the Star Wars films, I have never been able to sit through one without falling asleep (I've tried, my children asked me to watch with them and I just didn't "get" the films so fell asleep, much to my children's disgust). I did like this particular T-shirt though, it looks good on me, so I purchased it. But there's an example - the doctor made an assumption, based on my appearance, that I was a Star Wars fan. I'm not, so the "at ease" conversation failed before it started. This has happened with others as well, just based on the Star Wars T-shirt; I certainly know how to kill a conversation by stating that I've not watched the film

I don't think that there's ever going to be a fix for this issue of being judged by others, it's a nasty human trait. Perhaps treating others as you would like to be treated is something that needs to be nurtured from birth (which I have tried to do with my children, and I think that I have succeeded as, to my knowledge, my children don't judge others).

AriesGal329

bugsypemberton wrote: »

I'm going to focus on something I think is more important: how do you react to others after your weight loss.

Years ago there was a made for TV movie called "the girl most likely to". Played by Stockard Channing, the story revolved around an obese college student who admittedly was not very pretty but was trying her best to fit in. During the course of winding her way through the muck and mire of peerdom, she ended up being the brunt of a joke that was so humiliating to her that she ran out and ended up in an accident that landed her in the hospital getting extreme plastic surgery.

You can probably guess that she ended up beautiful and thin.

And then she exacted her revenge for every hurtful, painful thing anyone ever did to her.

I was 380 pounds. I am now down to 240. I wonder how many in this thread would look at me with disdain still? I hope none would. I would like to think everyone here- even the ones here to gain weight- would say "wow thats great!"

The other day, while sitting in the B&N waiting on some good herbal tea, I looked over and saw a woman eating her scone. They serve very large scones in the one near us. With a custard sauce. She was enjoying it. I would guess her weight to be around 400 or so. She was a big girl.

At first the thought crossed my mind: "doesn't she see how she looks eating that?"

Then I looked over at a very lovely, thin girl and her friends. They were laughing and looking at me. One even said:"Its okay for old ladies to be fat" (she needed to learn how to whisper). Since I was the only woman there with gray hair it was safe to assume who the object was.

It was wrong of me to see someone else the way others see me.

Changing how we see others after we lose our weight is as important as how others see us, I reckon.

I remember that movie! I am a huge Stockard Channing fan and this was the first movie I saw her in. I was a teen then, and though not really overweight was already on the "diet" trend. We all wanted to be thinner no matter what. I remember watching this movie cheering for her as she got her revenge on everyone who was mean to her. Now that I'm older and wiser I truly do just want to feel good about myself for me. I really honestly don't care what others think. That sometimes comes with age.

ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken

I can say I was shocked by my husband's reaction to my 25 lb loss. Or should I say lack of reaction, he never said a single word. My sister made a comment and he just seemed to let it fly right by. I said something to him later. "You know, It hurts that you can't even speak on the fact that I lost this much weight. I always let you know that I see your progress when you get in shape." He responded with a heartfelt, "Eh. You look alright." With out so much as glancing in my direction. So yeah. Shocked indeed. And he wonders why this marriage is in the toilet.

DebBahr

I've had all positive reactions. I went from 208 lbs. to 160 lbs. in 8 months. I'm 5' 10". In addition to the weight loss I'm wearing much nicer clothes. I've had women and men be very complimentary. Sometimes when someone who I haven't seen since I lost weight I get a really surprised reaction. It can be a bit uncomfortable if they are loud about it in a group. I just say, "you haven't seen me in awhile." But I am 50 years old and I haven't looked this good in more than 20 years so I'll take it.

Eleniala

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SnazzIT

cinnag4225 wrote: »

Heydew wrote: »

I always find it interesting when people react to your weight loss. Or when they offer you something to eat and you decline.

What are some of your experience with people's reactions? Have any good stories?

So, this has turned into a bit of a petpeeve for me, but I hate eating at my parents. My mom and baby bro & sis are all super happy and supportive, but my dad makes it super difficult to eat smart (strange given how attentive he is to detail when making my mom diabetic-friendly meals). He's happy that I'm losing the weight, but when I start trying to track what I'm eating he tends to get snippy and offended.

My husband's responses are both expected and unexpected. For the expected: He keeps doing the shaky-excited-squeezy hug thing to me and basically acting like an excited teenaged girl about being able to wrap his arms completely around me. On the unexpected (and kind of irritating) end, he's much more protective and jealous now. As an example, if I'm out swimming and he sees a group of idiot guys in the area, he'll either sit there like an angry sentinel or he'll bug and bug for me to go home with him (this might have been cute and a bit of an ego-booster, but it interferes with my exercise, so yeah, not cool).

I get a lot of happy and positive responses from others ("Have you lost weight?" "You're looking great!" etc), and recently I've been getting a lot of "What year of college are you?", not to mention I'm getting ID'd a lot more often again (apparently I look about 20 to some people). There are also a couple fashion retailers I frequent, and a couple of the employees have started bringing me a size smaller when they have something new they think I'll like, so that feels really good! ^_^

My husband is the same, he cannot keep his hands of me which is awesome, but now annoys me by texting me to get home early when I go out with friends somewhere where he knows that there will be a lot of strange men around...

shawnele

ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »

I can say I was shocked by my husband's reaction to my 25 lb loss. Or should I say lack of reaction, he never said a single word. My sister made a comment and he just seemed to let it fly right by. I said something to him later. "You know, It hurts that you can't even speak on the fact that I lost this much weight. I always let you know that I see your progress when you get in shape." He responded with a heartfelt, "Eh. You look alright." With out so much as glancing in my direction. So yeah. Shocked indeed. And he wonders why this marriage is in the toilet.

I'm so sorry. That stinks. Hopefully you are ecstatic enough to more than make up for his lack of manners!

Madwife2009

ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »

I can say I was shocked by my husband's reaction to my 25 lb loss. Or should I say lack of reaction, he never said a single word. My sister made a comment and he just seemed to let it fly right by. I said something to him later. "You know, It hurts that you can't even speak on the fact that I lost this much weight. I always let you know that I see your progress when you get in shape." He responded with a heartfelt, "Eh. You look alright." With out so much as glancing in my direction. So yeah. Shocked indeed. And he wonders why this marriage is in the toilet.

I'm sorry that your husband is not appreciating the effort you are making. My husband is much the same, he never comments either BUT when I asked him about it, he says that my appearance never bothered him and that he loves me however I am, be it fat or not so fat. He's never seen me at my current weight (I was much heavier when we met) but also says that as the change is so gradual, he doesn't really notice, and I've lost 133lbs over the last year or so! It's only when he looks at photos of the old me compared to the new me, that he can see the difference. There's no way he'd have noticed a 25lb loss. Men are a bit like that unfortunately; not that I'm defending your husband as I don't know him.

berolcolour

Not many of my friends have said anything, but I'm ok with that. It's not the basis of our friendship! A couple have complimented clothes or said I look good in something which I think is more flattering.

I got told I didn't need to calorie count at work, I've changed jobs a few times so they don't know the before - some were surprised!

Cutemesoon

Here is my post about people's reaction to my weight loss:

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10396593/my-weightloss-makes-people-angry-that-makes-me-happy-d#latest

People have said some really crazy stuff. Makes me wonder what's wrong with them!

rsclause

My favorite is "you lost so much weight....are you well?"

Treece68

My Mother last weekend when we were swimming: "where did your boobs go?"

ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken

Treece68 wrote: »

My Mother last weekend when we were swimming: "where did your boobs go?"

rachellosesitall85

^^^ I wish. Genetics has mine looking bigger than ever but I'm losing a little booty. My band size is going down I'm still an F after almost 40lbs down. Time to lift heavy for my butt!

emd2570

People say dumb things -the best is - oh your husband must be real happy now - bet he can't keep his hands off you .... I usually reply with that he never ever complained about my weight before and yes he is happy ....for me....

PennWalker

bugsypemberton wrote: »

I'm going to focus on something I think is more important: how do you react to others after your weight loss.


The other day, while sitting in the B&N waiting on some good herbal tea, I looked over and saw a woman eating her scone. They serve very large scones in the one near us. With a custard sauce. She was enjoying it. I would guess her weight to be around 400 or so. She was a big girl.

At first the thought crossed my mind: "doesn't she see how she looks eating that?"

Then I looked over at a very lovely, thin girl and her friends. They were laughing and looking at me. One even said:"Its okay for old ladies to be fat" (she needed to learn how to whisper). Since I was the only woman there with gray hair it was safe to assume who the object was.

It was wrong of me to see someone else the way others see me.

Changing how we see others after we lose our weight is as important as how others see us, I reckon.

What an awful experience at B&N. That girl was showing off for her friends. I'll tell you, it is easier to lose weight than it is for a rude person to change the ugliness inside them -- that's a lifetime project a lot of people never make.

Sara1791

edalton2570 wrote: »

People say dumb things -the best is - oh your husband must be real happy now - bet he can't keep his hands off you .... I usually reply with that he never ever complained about my weight before and yes he is happy ....for me....

Yep. My aunt said, "I'm so glad because your husband deserves to have a good-looking woman."

I felt bad for her that she thought a husband's love or appreciation must be so much tied up in physical appearance or that a change in physical appearance was the most important result of weight loss. I wasn't too annoyed about it because I also tend to think she's a lil off her rocker. It's easy to forgive people when you believe them to be lacking sanity.

Mostly people have been impressed and happy for me and understand that I'm doing it (mostly) for health and mobility.

JulieSHelms

My two favorite comments came while at church from older women. One said to me as I walked in the door..."Where's your other half?" I said, "He's parking the car. He'll be right in." She said, "No, I mean the other half of you!" Last week a woman who I know by sight only said I looked amazing and a 'shadow of my former self'. Lol.

One thing I have noticed...I have been complimented a lot, but it's always women. Other than my husband and father, no men have said a word. Once a woman started raving about my changes, then kind of elbowed her husband and said, "doesn't she look great?" Poor guy--he was looking at the ceiling, at the floor, everywhere but me. That really got me thinking about the phenomenon. I think it must be cultural and that men (I'm talking the 40+ married crowd) have been well trained either to not notice or not comment on women's weight--which is probably a good thing because I wouldn't have wanted them saying anything while I got heavy!

Any 40+ married men care to comment on that--I'd love to know what's happening from your perspective on this.

Edited to add: This is a 'real-time' phenomenon only. On Facebook, I have posted progress pictures twice and the men responded there--either hit the Like button or with a "Congrats" in the comments.

MamaSooz89129

I'm blessed, I've got pretty supportive co-workers who have been saying nice things (down 23 lbs, 60 to go) and reminding me my slacks were getting too baggy. I finally went to Savers and found some smaller pants and the first day I wore them, they noticed and said nice things. So far nobody is trying to sabotage me and I'm grateful for that.

purplesevens

Reactions:

It's funny how some people never say a word about it, and other people completely freak out. Comments have been things like:

You look great!
You look 10 years younger!
How did you do that?
OMG you're so skinny now!

Skinny! 180 is hardly skinny for a 5'5 person but I guess they mean compared to how I was. I have some "obese" pictures on my profile but don't have a whole body shot yet at my current weight.

As for unspoken comments, at work everybody seems to stare at me CONSTANTLY. I lost 60 pounds and it was a big change. Some people are probably trying to figure out if it's me--at a friend's social event I had one person introduce herself to me--even though we knew each other already. Sure not that well, but I had to say who I was and how she knew me. Her jaw literally dropped. Women look at other women anyway, just a comparison thing I suppose, though they are not dirty looks. Men at work who didn't even notice me before look at me all the time, sometimes feel a little weird about it, but male co-workers say that's just how "they" are lol.

I still have 25 pounds to go and I can't wait til my family holiday get-togethers! Hopefully I can see my family member's jaws drop!