Other people's reactions to your weight loss or diet
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Had to swing by an old office and my old boss saw me for the first time since I've lost the weight. She was legitimately concerned that I was sick and asked a few times if I was doing okay. (That's understandable considering a coworker of mine has been hospitalized for the last four months for diabetes-related issues.) I was both touched and annoyed by the attention.4
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My family and friends have always said that I look great, but I've had a couple coworkers tell me more than once that I was starting to look too thin and sick even though I was still overweight. One of the girls that always makes these comments to me is severely overweight (not trying to be rude) and always complains about her weight but makes no attempts to change anything. She'll always ask me what I'm doing and what my "secret" is, but rolls her eyes when I say diet and exercise. It can be frustrating but I'm learning to ignore it.9
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I've been sitting here reading the whole thread and have way too many thoughts so sorry in advance. I've lost a lot of weight and then put it all back on and now am finally (!) back in the right head space to get it off and keep it off. So, when I went from a 22W to a 14 (almost a 12) I was told at work by many women that I needed to stop. I'm very curvy so my goal of a 8 is perfectly reasonable (and actually I want to be a 6 since an 8 is much bigger than it used to be). They were adamant which is funny because nobody ever said I needed to stop when I was gaining weight!!!! Being a workplace (and that they reported eventually up to me) I stayed professional. Then the guys, nobody said anything directly to me. And I totally understand why. It's work. No matter how 'one of the guys' I am, it's still work. So I'd hear from coworkers that so and so mentioned you seemed happier with the weight loss or this person wanted to say something but didn't want to say it wrong. I understand they don't want to say or do the wrong thing either by HR standards or to hurt me. Others were just odd about it. I had guys literally do the up/down look and I have no idea how they think that's okay. Shouldn't the gym or health teacher teach guys in high school how to do it without being obvious? That should be a class. As for others, if a guy is with his wife or girlfriend and she's saying something he has no good option. He can ignore you or get killed by his wife, even if she is egging him on to agree with her. He cannot win.
Now for the flip side. A coworker was ill and because of that purposely lost a lot of weight. It looked like too much and many of us worried. I was closest to him so people would come to me to ask about it. I finally ventured out to talk about his illness and did the doctor tell him to lose so much weight. He said yes, I said oh great, as long as you and your doctor are happy isn't that what matters.
Oh, for people that say rude things in general, I either just stare back and let the awkward silence sit (make them break it) or for added fun, fake a HUGE yawn while they are talking and apologize with a 'sorry, you were saying'.
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I have to say i'm amazed at some of the comments people have gotten.
Everyone has been really good about my weight loss. My colleagues were complimenting me while i was losing, and asked me what i was doing. I said calorie counting and they accepted that,no further questions. I had to stop working for 6 months,so when i came back i was almost done with losing weight and i had started running as exercise,and the difference in how i looked was quite big.
Some people at first didn't recognize me, but everyone said i looked great. They were shocked in a good way. Then they asked me if i was still cal.counting and how much i had left to lose.They said that i shouldn't lose any more, 'cause i was getting too thin. They said it out of concern,not in a bad way, and they were right, i was starting to get too thin.
They never comment in what i eat, and when colleagues bring sweets due to birthdays, etc. i always take one, even though i might not eat it there and then. It might have to do with the fact i live in europe and being thin is actually the norm.We also don't get bombarded much with magic pills and fad diets.In a couple of months i'll visit my family and i'll see what they have to say.6 -
I always find it interesting when people react to your weight loss. Or when they offer you something to eat and you decline.
What are some of your experience with people's reactions? Have any good stories?
I have found personally when I went from 13.5st to 10.5 st -
'You look ill'
'You don't look well'
'You're too skinny'
Came from friends and family the compliments all came from the opposite sex or same sex in some instances
However now I've got to a stage in which I hate how I look again
'You look well'
Seriously WTF?
I was so fit at 10st7lbs, I was running marathons and was lean and I looked 'unwell'...
Now at 12st11lbs, I struggle to get through a 5k in a respectable time and I apparently look 'well'?
How confused is society?
I know my target is now to get as lean and fit as I was just 4 years ago!
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JessicaMcB wrote: »I have had several random people (cashier at the pharmacy, etc.) tell me I'm "too thin now" or look "sick". I get a lot of snark for being low carb as well. Obesity being so normalized makes being a normal weight person frustrating sometimes -_-
You're so right!2 -
I saw my extended family for the first time for Easter holidays and most of them were super supportive and kept saying how great I looked which was uncomfortable because I don't like being the center of attention.... but then of course my one cousin... she just had to make negative comments. It started out by asking me if I had gastric bypass. which no I did not and there's nothing wrong with people who go that route but the tone of her voice was very accusatory. Then after I told my aunt home much weight I've lost she said that "people who lose that much weight never look as good as they used to" again it was in her tone.
Her and I have never really gotten on much though. I feel like she's always making our relationship a competition and I'm literally never trying to compete with her. Never have, never will.
That's really the only super negative and kind of infuriating reaction I've gotten.1 -
This is a great post and helpful to me at 110 or so days in to my journey. I'm down about 30-32lbs from 240-210 on my 5'5" frame and about 1 size down that I've just started dressing for. I have literally had not one person comment, mention or say one word about my weight loss except someone asking (finally!) last week if I was losing weight and then walked away (I was like, couldn't a sister get a "you look good!"?).
I didn't start and I'm not doing this journey for others - but a little validation from someone, anyone, a high five, secret handshake, whatever would be great ... especially because right now I can't really see a difference and am still stuck on being +30lbs heavier than where I was when I started gaining like an animal. Le sigh. The struggle is real people.8 -
I get a lot of the "wow!" and a double take which is nice2
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This is a great post and helpful to me at 110 or so days in to my journey. I'm down about 30-32lbs from 240-210 on my 5'5" frame and about 1 size down that I've just started dressing for. I have literally had not one person comment, mention or say one word about my weight loss except someone asking (finally!) last week if I was losing weight and then walked away (I was like, couldn't a sister get a "you look good!"?).
I didn't start and I'm not doing this journey for others - but a little validation from someone, anyone, a high five, secret handshake, whatever would be great ... especially because right now I can't really see a difference and am still stuck on being +30lbs heavier than where I was when I started gaining like an animal. Le sigh. The struggle is real people.
Congrats on the results so far, great start! I started at 250lbs, and it was around 30lbs lost that people started to notice and conment. It'll probably start for you any time now. Don't worry if it doesn't, though. People are all different, and some don't feel comfortable talking about other people's weight. It is what it is; like you said, you are doing it for you, not them. Keep up the great work
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This is a great post and helpful to me at 110 or so days in to my journey. I'm down about 30-32lbs from 240-210 on my 5'5" frame and about 1 size down that I've just started dressing for. I have literally had not one person comment, mention or say one word about my weight loss except someone asking (finally!) last week if I was losing weight and then walked away (I was like, couldn't a sister get a "you look good!"?).
I didn't start and I'm not doing this journey for others - but a little validation from someone, anyone, a high five, secret handshake, whatever would be great ... especially because right now I can't really see a difference and am still stuck on being +30lbs heavier than where I was when I started gaining like an animal. Le sigh. The struggle is real people.
You ARE doing awesome! And you look marvelous! Keep up the good work. 2 -
This is a great post and helpful to me at 110 or so days in to my journey. I'm down about 30-32lbs from 240-210 on my 5'5" frame and about 1 size down that I've just started dressing for. I have literally had not one person comment, mention or say one word about my weight loss except someone asking (finally!) last week if I was losing weight and then walked away (I was like, couldn't a sister get a "you look good!"?).
I didn't start and I'm not doing this journey for others - but a little validation from someone, anyone, a high five, secret handshake, whatever would be great ... especially because right now I can't really see a difference and am still stuck on being +30lbs heavier than where I was when I started gaining like an animal. Le sigh. The struggle is real people.
You're doing great - keep up the good work!
If it helps, someone described it to me as "the paper towel effect". If you take a few sheets off a full roll of paper towel, you hardly notice any difference. But take the same number of sheets off a half-used roll and suddenly it looks a lot smaller!
For me, it seemed like my first 20lbs made no difference to the way I looked - inches were being lost, but I didn't think I looked any smaller and certainly no one else noticed until I lost at least 30. The most recent 10lbs (of the 60 in total that I've lost so far) has made a huge difference. I guess it does help that I'm getting close to a normal BMI range now, but I'm still nowhere near "slim".
Dressing in clothes that actually fit and aren't too loose also helps... I used to hide under baggy clothes but now I hate the way they look and want to wear more fitted things!
Make sure you take photos, even if you never want anyone else to see them, because that really does help you to see the difference for yourself. Take measurements regularly too, for extra motivation when the scale's not moving. 4 -
A work colleague acts odd around me. She talks to everybody about her diet and her exercise and how much she has lost shows everyone before and during photos but avoids talking to me about anything. She looks tired and miserable (I think she is overdoing or over exerting herself) I want to say something but think it will be taken completely the wrong way...I have lost 70 pounds but she has never acknowledged it (not that she has to of course) but she was forced to one day when another work colleague said go and talk to me about how I lost all the weight lol. She is also on FB and I posted that I had done my first 10km run, and the very next day she came in and told EVERYBODY ELSE how she had done a 4km walk the same night (small office I overhear her chatting) I just find her behaviour very bizarre.5
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I went from a BMI of 34 to 24, grew out a goatee, and got glasses. Most of my friends from high school just straight-up don't recognize me until I talk or tell them my name. Then they'll say something like "holy *kitten* are you [ent3rsandman]? You look so different, but in a good way!"
Only a couple of them have asked how I did it, but everyone in my family expressed interest. When I told them, most just hit me with the "oh man it must be nice", not because they were being sarcastic but because they legitimately believe that they're too old and/or don't have the metabolism to lose weight. I do what I can to ensure that they could do it if they really wanted to, but usually end up dropping it because I remember what it felt like to not care about what went into my body.6 -
Most people have been supportive, but one family member worries I'm losing too much. I told my doctor, all excited, and I showed him MFP, and later he said it seemed OCD.
So far I've lost 37 lbs since MFP.6 -
I've been receiving positive compliments. I'm currently 160 and when I tell some folks my goal of reaching 130s possible mid 120's, they worry I'll look too small. I have to remind them I'm only 5'2 and I'm doing all this ultimately to prevent high blood pressure which leads to heart disease. That works to stop all concerns.6
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I haven't really gotten to the point where my weight loss is noticeable to others yet. As far as declining food though, over Easter I ate only one plate of food. And didn't eat any dessert (I had healthy treats waiting at home). When my family kept offering and I kept declining they were offended. It's like they were mad that I wouldn't let them treat me however they wanted and let them push food down my throat. I am hesitant to tell any of them I am trying to be healthier because they are all overweight (some are morbidly obese) and I am actually somewhat smaller than them. But I know that if I tell them I am trying to lose some of my "insulation" and replace it with muscle they will tell me I don't need to. I don't think they are consciously trying to hold me back by telling me to eat more; they just can't help it because size is all about perspective.5
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cooliocat123 wrote: »Most people have been supportive, but one family member worries I'm losing too much. I told my doctor, all excited, and I showed him MFP, and later he said it seemed OCD.
Time for a new (supportive) doctor??9 -
I always find it interesting when people react to your weight loss. Or when they offer you something to eat and you decline.
What are some of your experience with people's reactions? Have any good stories?
I have found personally when I went from 13.5st to 10.5 st -
'You look ill'
'You don't look well'
'You're too skinny'
Came from friends and family the compliments all came from the opposite sex or same sex in some instances
However now I've got to a stage in which I hate how I look again
'You look well'
Seriously WTF?
I was so fit at 10st7lbs, I was running marathons and was lean and I looked 'unwell'...
Now at 12st11lbs, I struggle to get through a 5k in a respectable time and I apparently look 'well'?
How confused is society?
I know my target is now to get as lean and fit as I was just 4 years ago!
I agree, was discussing with a friend at the weekend who has lost a lot of weight. When someone recently asked me how much weight I had lost and I told her it was 28lbs but had another 20 to go to my first goal, her response was one of shock, "No! You'll look anorexic!" Hardly, I'd have a BMI around 24...but people don't seem to get how slim you need to be to within the healthy bmi range. I looked back at photos of the day with the lady who made the anorexic comment and realised I'm now slimmer than her...5 -
Heather4448 wrote: »And now for something completely different:
I saw a former coworker in Walmart recently. She stopped me and gushed about how much weight I've lost. She was really piling on the compliments! It was a nice feeling... for a little while. She was a serial dieter when we worked together. I noticed she had lost some weight, but nothing drastic. I said, "You look like you've lost weight, too! Good for you!"
"Oh. I guess you haven't heard. I have breast cancer."
OMFG. This is EXACTLY why people avoid mentioning weight loss/gain. Ugh. No coming back from that one.
(Also, don't worry. Her prognosis is very good.)
Huh. Not sure I would bring up my illness at that point to someone.0 -
MrsPinterest34 wrote: »I've been receiving positive compliments. I'm currently 160 and when I tell some folks my goal of reaching 130s possible mid 120's, they worry I'll look too small. I have to remind them I'm only 5'2 and I'm doing all this ultimately to prevent high blood pressure which leads to heart disease. That works to stop all concerns.
I will use your high blood pressure sentence from now on. In all honesty my family has a history of high blood pressure . A cousin of mine passed last year because of high blood pressure , he was in his forties .
My work colleagues never mentioned anything until recently when one of them said ohh you have lost a lot of weight .
Hubby and daughter are very happy for me . My sister in laws think I am doing it for vanity . I saw two of them last week and they were surprised how different I look since I last saw them last Christmas . They had the audacity to tell me to stop loosing the weight otherwise I will look old . I am not even at the healthy weight yet , now left with 10 lbs . They are both obese no sure what's that about
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Very few people have said much to me and I'm glad of that since I'm very bad at taking compliments. I think
folks at my office are aware since they see me at lunch everyday with them and it's always salad or soup.
They all remember me going thru this ritual a few years ago, and may be apprehensive about commenting since I gained
a lot of it back years ago.
There are friends I see every weekend that have yet To make a comment....that's fine with me.
I have another group of people I consult with at a hospital and I see them 2 days a month, they have all had very positive things
to say and I value their opinion since they are all medical administration and people affiliated in the healthcare industry.
I found it odd that they had more to say then my friends that I see every week.
As stated before, while I appreciate their acknowledgements, I did this for me and I would not be the least upset is no one
complicated me or said a single thing.4 -
JessicaMcB wrote: »I have had several random people (cashier at the pharmacy, etc.) tell me I'm "too thin now" or look "sick". I get a lot of snark for being low carb as well. Obesity being so normalized makes being a normal weight person frustrating sometimes -_-
Yes. People think I'm weird for counting calories when I'm "thin". (I'm still comfortably in the "overweight" range, just not "obese"). General perception has been so skewed by the majority of people being at least somewhat overweight (and many obese)(at least in Buffalo, NY).2 -
JessicaMcB wrote: »I have had several random people (cashier at the pharmacy, etc.) tell me I'm "too thin now" or look "sick". I get a lot of snark for being low carb as well. Obesity being so normalized makes being a normal weight person frustrating sometimes -_-
Yes. People think I'm weird for counting calories when I'm "thin". (I'm still comfortably in the "overweight" range, just not "obese"). General perception has been so skewed by the majority of people being at least somewhat overweight (and many obese)(at least in Buffalo, NY).
Lol it's even worse in the Midwest. I think I live in the fattest state. Everyone it seems like is obese or morbidly obese.0 -
I'm 6'1 and when my mom saw me at 200lbs (my profile picture) she said I looked too thin and was worried if i was sick ha. I tried to tell her 200lbs is still a large male but it takes time for people to adjust when they're used to a rounder version of yourself i suppose.
Everyone else though, their reactions through the process were always happy/excitement for me3 -
My family is used to my weight fluctuating. This is my third time "losing a bunch of weight again," as they so matter-of-factly put it. I kind of wish they would be more supportive/congratulatory of me though because they don't know why I gained the weight back. They don't know the second time I lost it was because I was too depressed to eat and lived off mcdonalds when I did. Basically it has always been tied to my emotional state and the fact that they aren't telling me right now that I'm doing a great job reaffirms the fact that they have no idea what this means to me and how far I've come. My weight journey has been directly tied to my mental health journey and I just wish they understood. I think they assume I will gain it back again..5
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cooliocat123 wrote: »Most people have been supportive, but one family member worries
Don't mind that doctor, is a healthy habit like having a shedule for your day.I'm 6'1 and when my mom saw me at 200lbs (my profile picture) she said I looked too thin and was worried
I'm the same, my mom worries I'll lose too much, I'm in normal bmi range but still have excess body fat around the abdomen. They might think that we're starving.0 -
I saw my doctor today for the first time in 65 lbs and he's thrilled. He told me I must be working hard. 11
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Person I work with said wow your like "wasting away"....Not exactly the adjective that I would like but at least they noticed that ive lost about 30 pounds 6
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Both Dh and I have lost about 19lbs each with a little less than 15lbs to go for each of us. Hadn't seen his extended family since Xmas-- cousin's wife says on Easter, "Dang! Are you guys getting all skinny?" Yes. Yes we are. My MIL was over the other day and I was sitting on the floor playing with my 2 year old when she says, "You look skinny even sitting down." Seemed like a weird comment-- like my weight loss was an optical illusion...8
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