Other people's reactions to your weight loss or diet
Replies
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JulieSHelms wrote: »
One thing I have noticed...I have been complimented a lot, but it's always women. Other than my husband and father, no men have said a word.
Any 40+ married men care to comment on that--I'd love to know what's happening from your perspective on this.
42 year old married man here. First off, I don't think I know any ladies that have had a major weight loss. If I did, though, I'd probably have to know them pretty well to say something about it. I'd be worried a bit about coming off like a creep that was hitting on her. I also feel that pointing out that I notice how much they've lost is also pointing out that I noticed how huge they used to be...lol. It's a weird dynamic, as I'm down almost 60lbs myself, and appreciate the comments when I get them. I worry that by pointing out weight loss to a woman, I'm also pointing out how much heavier she used to be in an insulting way. Hopefully that makes sense.
How about this. If you are a man and would like to acknowledge that a woman has lost weight but you are afraid of coming off like a creeper or implying that she used to be fat, how about just saying, "You look like you've lost weight." Period.
That alone is a compliment. I'm sure many women like myself would look in the mirror and not be able to see the changes. This comment confirms that the change is visible. Then there is no implied value judgement (eg. you look good--implies you looked bad before) and there is nothing inappropriate sounding.
Chances are this little comment will open her up to say something about it (yeah, I've lost 20 lbs, or it's a work in progress, whatever), then you could follow it up with something like "you're doing a good job." Again no sexual innuendo.
And if on the off chance you are wrong, and she hasn't lost weight--it still stands as a compliment!
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JulieSHelms wrote: »JulieSHelms wrote: »
One thing I have noticed...I have been complimented a lot, but it's always women. Other than my husband and father, no men have said a word.
Any 40+ married men care to comment on that--I'd love to know what's happening from your perspective on this.
42 year old married man here. First off, I don't think I know any ladies that have had a major weight loss. If I did, though, I'd probably have to know them pretty well to say something about it. I'd be worried a bit about coming off like a creep that was hitting on her. I also feel that pointing out that I notice how much they've lost is also pointing out that I noticed how huge they used to be...lol. It's a weird dynamic, as I'm down almost 60lbs myself, and appreciate the comments when I get them. I worry that by pointing out weight loss to a woman, I'm also pointing out how much heavier she used to be in an insulting way. Hopefully that makes sense.
How about this. If you are a man and would like to acknowledge that a woman has lost weight but you are afraid of coming off like a creeper or implying that she used to be fat, how about just saying, "You look like you've lost weight." Period.
That alone is a compliment. I'm sure many women like myself would look in the mirror and not be able to see the changes. This comment confirms that the change is visible. Then there is no implied value judgement (eg. you look good--implies you looked bad before) and there is nothing inappropriate sounding.
Chances are this little comment will open her up to say something about it (yeah, I've lost 20 lbs, or it's a work in progress, whatever), then you could follow it up with something like "you're doing a good job." Again no sexual innuendo.
And if on the off chance you are wrong, and she hasn't lost weight--it still stands as a compliment!
Good advice, thank you
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singingflutelady wrote: »I'm bmi 20 and always get comments from others if they see me eat "non diet" calorie dense food and they comment how lucky I am. It isn't lucky, it's math
I think this is the biggest thing I have learned on this journey. When I know we are going out I eat food with less calories to save up. I went to NYC yesterday to visit my daughter in college. We went to little Italy and I had pasta and a canolli. Guess what? I not only was within my calories for the day but lost when I stepped on the scale!16 -
No one - except my wife - noticed until I had lost 25 lbs. Now that I have lost 40 - from 250 to 210# - I hear comments more frequently. Generally positive but pretty much everyone is sure I must have had some sort of system - usually involving cutting carbs - and their eyes glaze over when I mention mfp.10
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Haha, I've had a lot of people very interested in how I lost weight. Until I tell them it was by eating better and exercising more...then they lose interest.joeneely71 wrote: »No one - except my wife - noticed until I had lost 25 lbs. Now that I have lost 40 - from 250 to 210# - I hear comments more frequently. Generally positive but pretty much everyone is sure I must have had some sort of system - usually involving cutting carbs - and their eyes glaze over when I mention mfp.
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JulieSHelms wrote: »JulieSHelms wrote: »
One thing I have noticed...I have been complimented a lot, but it's always women. Other than my husband and father, no men have said a word.
Any 40+ married men care to comment on that--I'd love to know what's happening from your perspective on this.
42 year old married man here. First off, I don't think I know any ladies that have had a major weight loss. If I did, though, I'd probably have to know them pretty well to say something about it. I'd be worried a bit about coming off like a creep that was hitting on her. I also feel that pointing out that I notice how much they've lost is also pointing out that I noticed how huge they used to be...lol. It's a weird dynamic, as I'm down almost 60lbs myself, and appreciate the comments when I get them. I worry that by pointing out weight loss to a woman, I'm also pointing out how much heavier she used to be in an insulting way. Hopefully that makes sense.
How about this. If you are a man and would like to acknowledge that a woman has lost weight but you are afraid of coming off like a creeper or implying that she used to be fat, how about just saying, "You look like you've lost weight." Period.
That alone is a compliment. I'm sure many women like myself would look in the mirror and not be able to see the changes. This comment confirms that the change is visible. Then there is no implied value judgement (eg. you look good--implies you looked bad before) and there is nothing inappropriate sounding.
Chances are this little comment will open her up to say something about it (yeah, I've lost 20 lbs, or it's a work in progress, whatever), then you could follow it up with something like "you're doing a good job." Again no sexual innuendo.
And if on the off chance you are wrong, and she hasn't lost weight--it still stands as a compliment!
Good advice, thank you
I am 57 and I would not comment on a woman co-workers' weight. Good friends, or family members, yes, but co-workers, not unless they bring it up first, and then only rarely. It is NOT because I did not notice or that I was jealous or whatever. There have been numerous times that I had to bite my tongue NOT to offer encouraging words to the co-worker on weight loss, new clothes, new hair style, etc. I have worked in corporate America for over 30 years and I know that most of my female co-workers would take my compliment as I intended, but there is a chance that one might be offended by "you look like you lost weight" or some other similar comment, so I keep my mouth shut and I am confident that most corporate attorneys or HR staff would say something similar.
Even the most sincere compliments could be taken as offensive by someone having a bad day, a bad previous experience, etc. by reading something into the statement and it could result in a possible sexual harassment issue.
How could someone be offended by that? "OMG, my boss looked at me today and said he noticed that I lost weight. I'm uncomfortable with him looking at my body. I had nightmares last night thinking about his comment and him looking at me in that way."
Ii is not right and a very sad commentary on corporate America, but it is a risk that I do not want to take and I advise ALL of my co-workers to stop and consider the possible consequences of any comments about appearances regarding another co-worker.16 -
JulieSHelms wrote: »JulieSHelms wrote: »
One thing I have noticed...I have been complimented a lot, but it's always women. Other than my husband and father, no men have said a word.
Any 40+ married men care to comment on that--I'd love to know what's happening from your perspective on this.
42 year old married man here. First off, I don't think I know any ladies that have had a major weight loss. If I did, though, I'd probably have to know them pretty well to say something about it. I'd be worried a bit about coming off like a creep that was hitting on her. I also feel that pointing out that I notice how much they've lost is also pointing out that I noticed how huge they used to be...lol. It's a weird dynamic, as I'm down almost 60lbs myself, and appreciate the comments when I get them. I worry that by pointing out weight loss to a woman, I'm also pointing out how much heavier she used to be in an insulting way. Hopefully that makes sense.
How about this. If you are a man and would like to acknowledge that a woman has lost weight but you are afraid of coming off like a creeper or implying that she used to be fat, how about just saying, "You look like you've lost weight." Period.
That alone is a compliment. I'm sure many women like myself would look in the mirror and not be able to see the changes. This comment confirms that the change is visible. Then there is no implied value judgement (eg. you look good--implies you looked bad before) and there is nothing inappropriate sounding.
Chances are this little comment will open her up to say something about it (yeah, I've lost 20 lbs, or it's a work in progress, whatever), then you could follow it up with something like "you're doing a good job." Again no sexual innuendo.
And if on the off chance you are wrong, and she hasn't lost weight--it still stands as a compliment!
I personally wouldn't like any comments about my body. One person's complement is another person's insult.7 -
This is a very cultural thing.
I can tell you that in the UK, people are very reluctant to comment on a visible weight loss. Mine is very visible.
The Brits are very much into the "how can I convey the message in the most remote way possible in order to not look disrespectful or impolite".
I get a lot of people being embarrassed, waiting for me to tell them "Yes, I've lost weight" so they can feel comfortable in discussing the topic, initiating a conversation with "you look very healthy", "you look great".
In France, it's not seen as being impolite at all to compliment someone for a weight loss. It's seen as a good thing unless you end up too skinny but if people knew you fat, they wouldn't shy away from complimenting out loud "you lost a lot of weight, congratulations!".
To be honest, I do get the British approach but I consider that if you used to be fat, if someone compliments you on your weight loss and it hurts your feelings because of the implied "you didn't look great before", then you're too self-conscious in my opinion and overly sensitive.
You decided to lose weight so that does mean you thought you didn't look great either.18 -
Most want to know "the secret" and seem very disheartened when I explain calorie counting and mfp to them. One lady asked me how long I have been at it, when I replied 8 months she said that's way too long... Haha, 8 months for 25 Kg with only 3kg more to go for goal did not seem long to me at all! But people still want the quick fix...
I got the same reactions when I tell them I do my 10K+ daily steps, I weight and log in everything I eat, etc. ... I have lost 11 kg. and have approx 14 kg. to lose. I'm not dieting, I'm not on a restricted diet, I just changed habits, so it's taking me a while... Sometimes all people want to hear is about a magic pill or something.
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After changing to a pescetarian diet/vegetarian I lost the first 10 lbs very quickly and a few girls at the office said, "girl you need a cheese burger!"
Made me think they were just jealous, but it kind of offended me.8 -
Friends have noticed and always compliment me tell me to keep up the good work. My family on the other hand say I starve myself and I've lost the weight too quick
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The pizza lady at Harris Teeter noticed my weight loss. I love their pizzas and on Mondays it's only $7.99 for a large. Anyway, on that day she was working in the deli and I asked for 1 lb of turkey and she said "have you lost weight?" That was the best feeling ever. Although I go to Harris Teeter about once a week, I don't always go to her area so her commenting on my weight loss motivated me to continue on this journey even when I don't feel like it.11
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I just had the first compliment from someone who did NOT know I was trying to lose weight. My boss (male) said "You look good - more awake or alert or something. More happy." I told him I had been eating way better and exercising and had lost 10 lbs and two pants sizes. He was amazed and I was not offended at all. I understand that all men, especially in the workplace, have to watch what they say about women's bodies. But a lot of the "creepy" factor is in how they say things, and where they are staring when they say it.21
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Everyone just tells me I look too skinny now. I got told by someone I've had a crush on for years that I'm too skinny (he likes big girls I just found out ugh). I'm not anywhere close to being "too skinny" for my height...but everyone's reactions make me wonder6
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ericatoday wrote: »My family tells me to stop losing weight because im going to start looking sick im 5'7" and 135lbs i still have lots of jiggle because im not toned and i still have thick thighs. But my whole family is obese so idk of theyre jealous or just use to fat family. Or i hate when people ask how i did it then they say thats too much work.
I WANNA SEE THAT JIGGLE.....LOL1 -
hypodonthaveme wrote: »Where do I start. I have had some excited about me trying to lose weight and this some also mocked me when weight loss started to show. I have been told I'm unhealthy and assume I had cancer or something. Which I don't. I have people who use to talk to me that no longer talk to me. Good thing I am doing this for me and not them. I have had people who have never spoke to me and now they do. My husband and daughter say I am an inspiration to them.
But none of that matters. I am doing this for me. Just let the negatives keep rolling past. I am stronger. I walk faster now. I have more energy. I am doing things that I once thought was impossible. I am the happiest I have been in years. I am enjoying myself for the first time in my life. I love all the things I have learned about myself through my weight loss journey.
I will not quit on myself because of someone else's opinion. I will strive and continue on. I deserve this and I am going to reach goal.
I love this one.
A friend of mine recently came for a visit and after hugging me she poutily said that I used to be much fluffier and cuddlier. That made me laugh.
But I know that true friends will love you regardless of what you look like on the outside. Therefore this transformation is not about the opinion or reaction of others, but about what I feel and want for myself.7 -
It's all been positive. My grandpa and father, both who are feeders, would comment that I will blow away in the wind, but not in a negative way. I still eat well, and everyone knew I wasn't very healthy before losing weight.
And I agree that a lot of people want to know the secret to my weight loss. It gets a little old after a while, especially when no one likes it when you tell them you counted calories and started exercising, lol.5 -
bugsypemberton wrote: »I'm going to focus on something I think is more important: how do you react to others after your weight loss.
Years ago there was a made for TV movie called "the girl most likely to". Played by Stockard Channing, the story revolved around an obese college student who admittedly was not very pretty but was trying her best to fit in. During the course of winding her way through the muck and mire of peerdom, she ended up being the brunt of a joke that was so humiliating to her that she ran out and ended up in an accident that landed her in the hospital getting extreme plastic surgery.
You can probably guess that she ended up beautiful and thin.
And then she exacted her revenge for every hurtful, painful thing anyone ever did to her.
I was 380 pounds. I am now down to 240. I wonder how many in this thread would look at me with disdain still? I hope none would. I would like to think everyone here- even the ones here to gain weight- would say "wow thats great!"
The other day, while sitting in the B&N waiting on some good herbal tea, I looked over and saw a woman eating her scone. They serve very large scones in the one near us. With a custard sauce. She was enjoying it. I would guess her weight to be around 400 or so. She was a big girl.
At first the thought crossed my mind: "doesn't she see how she looks eating that?"
Then I looked over at a very lovely, thin girl and her friends. They were laughing and looking at me. One even said:"Its okay for old ladies to be fat" (she needed to learn how to whisper). Since I was the only woman there with gray hair it was safe to assume who the object was.
It was wrong of me to see someone else the way others see me.
Changing how we see others after we lose our weight is as important as how others see us, I reckon.
I was just telling my bf about this movie two days ago. Jon from "CHiPS" was in it. She cut him loose or something like that while they were sky diving...haha2 -
My oldest sister whines and says, "Yeah, but losing weight (or whatever it is that she's working on personally) is easier for YOU." Whatever. I usually just smile and say, "Yeah. It is."1
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My coworker just said "dang, skinny!" When I came in to a meeting the other day. Was kind of embarrassing as there were like 4 others on the room. I said "skinny is overstating it, but yes I've lost weight"; I'm about 178 and 5'7 so not even close to skinny. I guess nice to be noticed but was kind of unprofessional, or would've been different if was just us two. Friends and family have been encouraging though!10
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