Clean and Sober role call

silvergurl518

Here! I'm sober now but I don't have an 'official' date. I have had some sips here and there, but it's been almost a year since I'm gotten drunk and probably 10 yrs since I've done heavy drugs.

I started drinking and doing drugs pretty young (14) and was arrested 5 times for underage drinking and possession by the time I was 19. I was sent to treatment, but was still using and left town after getting busted. I had to spend a week in jail. No fun. I met my now husband and I mellowed out a bit, but had some times where i nearly lost him from all the stupid things I'd do while drunk. I thought I could social drink, but then I don't stop until I'm passed out in a field somewhere with everyone looking for me. So. not cool.

Funny, cause now I am all about health and not consuming anything toxic. Although alcohol was the last thing to go. It's hard when people are used to the drunk 'you' who is uber fun and obnoxious and you try to live up the that being sober. This weekend is the 4-day fest where we used to drink unlimited amounts of beer for 4 days straight (it's our 8th yr). This is my first year sober there. I volunteered to be the designated driver and I still plan to have a kick *kitten* time!!

proud of you, dear !!!

pixelheap

I had a pretty good streak going but drank yesterday... Starting over today... 7/17/2013

KatLifter

I had a pretty good streak going but drank yesterday... Starting over today... 7/17/2013

Welcome back, today is a new day

silvergurl518

I had a pretty good streak going but drank yesterday... Starting over today... 7/17/2013

Welcome back, today is a new day

yep, today is a new day! happy to see you here

pucenavel

My "sober song" is my story as it appears in parts of a Peter Gabriel song.

The first part reminds me of those last few months before I finally got help. My bottom wasn't the night I nearly died of hypothermia, passed out in a snowbank on a night with below zero temperatures, it was the day I looked in a mirror and realized that I'd lost myself. It was my face, but I didn't know who was looking back at me. I was hollow.

I didn't recall this until I had some sobriety time behind me (maybe a year and half), when I listened to the words of this song as was just awestruck at the memory it returned to me and the sudden realization that that was the bottom for me. It was like getting hit in the head with a brick when it struck me what meaning these lyrics had in my life. It was just pure luck that I didn't die that night in the cold and was given the opportunity to look back on that morning. I had no will to live; I was just waiting to not wake up one morning. I was at my wits end & no one could count on me for anything. I was useless and devoid of humanity.

"I caught sight of my reflection
I caught it in the window
I saw the darkness in my heart
I saw the signs of my undoing
They had been there from the start
And the darkness still has work to do
The knotted chord's untying
The heated and the holy
Oh, there sitting there on high
So secure in everything they're buying

[skipping ahead to next verse]

My grip is surely slipping
I think I've lost my hold
Yes, I think I've lost my hold
I cannot get insurance anymore
They don't take credit, only gold
Is that a dagger or a crucifix I see
You hold so tightly in your hand
And all the while the distance grows between you and me
I do not understand"

The next bit brings back the relief, the acceptance, the hope and the love that I felt upon walking into Parker Valley Hope (the treatment center I stayed at for 26 days). It also signifies the realization that came some years into sobriety when I had not only accepted the past for what it was, but came to know that I had forgiven myself for the past and was truly ready to be - to just be - to be me, to accept life on life's terms.

"At my request, you take me in
In that tenderness, I am floating away
No certainty, nothing to rely on
Holding still for a moment
What a moment this is
Oh for a moment of forgetting, a moment of bliss
Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy"

(if you can, listen to the live recording off of Secret World Live - still send shivers up my spine every time I listen to that bit)

And finally, the closing verse that reminds me that I must be here to reach out to others. There are millions suffering from addiction, chemical dependency and other afflictions of the mind/soul that imprison us with feelings of inadequacy, fear, self-loathing, anger and a slew of other punishing storms that smother us into isolation. It reminds me that I need to, as much as I am capable, be a beacon of hope for those that are suffering and looking for a way out.

"I can hear the distant thunder of a million unheard souls
Of a million unheard souls
Watch each one reach for creature comfort
For the filling of their holes"

...well, that and bits and pieces of a hundred other songs.

l0vedim0

Had my last beer a couple months ago.

mhopp71

Praise the Lord for all of these victories! He took my alcohol addiction away on 2/21/10. He took my drug addictions away in '06. Haven't smoked cigarettes since Jan '01. I haven't gambled or viewed porn for many years either. All the praise and honor to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!