my husband thinks that I am ungrateful
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Aaron_K123 wrote: »DisruptedMatrix wrote: »
Science disagrees with you.cerise_noir wrote: »
Drug addiction is not anywhere near the same as "sugar addiction". It irks me when the two are similarly compared.
No it doesn't don't be ridiculous. There is a big difference between being tempted by a food you like and a chemically addictive drug.
Comparing chocolate to heroine is insultingly naive. You know a lot of people who break open their child's piggy bank and hop in their car at 3am to drive to some sketch part of town and buy some Hershey bar only to be found later passed out in their vehicle still clutching the wrapper?
I've heard of people who tried to sell their kids or organs for drugs... Would you REALLY sell your kid for chocolate?3 -
Aaron_K123 wrote: »DisruptedMatrix wrote: »
Science disagrees with you.cerise_noir wrote: »
Drug addiction is not anywhere near the same as "sugar addiction". It irks me when the two are similarly compared.
No it doesn't don't be ridiculous. There is a big difference between being tempted by a food you like and a chemically addictive drug.
Comparing chocolate to heroine is insultingly naive. You know a lot of people who break open their child's piggy bank and hop in their car at 3am to drive to some sketch part of town and buy some Hershey bar only to be found later passed out in their vehicle still clutching the wrapper?
Maybe not a good analogy, millions of folks slowing killing themselves by overeating. Some not so slow when heartache hits.
Not saying obesity isn't a problem but that does not make food equivalent to heroine.
I'm losing weight right now but I'll occasionally have a chocolate bar. I don't, however, occasionally shoot up heroine.4 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »paperpudding wrote: »I still dont agree with this "develop will power as a means to itself" line of thought.
I would still say Develop strategies that work for you.
It may be developing greater will power - or it may be finding ways to work with what you are .
Really basic example - if I have a bowl of chocolate peanuts and I am mindlessly eating them - I could put them on my lap and make myself have willpower to not eat them.
Or I could move them out of reach/out of sight/out of the house so i dont eat them.
neither method is better - and the aim of losing weight is to lose weight, however that may work for you.
Weight loss is about weight loss, not about developing different 'better' personality traits.
I don't think people are disagreeing with any of this.
But the fact is that will powder will be necessary.
Strategies work to a certain extent: IMO, eating something like chocolate peanuts out of a bowl vs. taking out a serving size and putting them away would be asking for trouble. Someone else may find that having them at home is, and I respect that. But at some point, you will face temptation: maybe someone will remember you love chocolate peanuts and give you some as a gift; maybe during the holidays your office will decide to have a big bowl of chocolate peanuts in the breakroom; maybe a friend will invite you over and offer you chocolate peanuts or want to split some during a movie, I dunno. If the response to that is "you know I can't resist chocolate peanuts! I can't! It is impossible for me, and therefore all of the people or situations are sabotaging me and making it impossible to lose weight," then that's a problem, and by that I don't mean the people or situations.
I don't really think it's fair to suggest that OP was doing that (she was venting, she was asking about a specific situation, mostly), but I think this is the sort of thing that people are talking about when mentioning taking responsibility or needing to develop will power. These sorts of situations WILL come up, better to have an ability to deal with them or think about how you will, and not just cast blame because you can't avoid chocolate peanuts. But of course that doesn't mean (IMO) that anyone is saying there's some virtue to seeing how difficult you can make it for yourself and still resist.
(As you can see, I like the chocolate peanut example!)
yes I agree strategies work to a certain extent and there is a limit to how much one can or should control the environment. Some things will come up and that is unavoidable and not something to cast blame about.
Unrealistic to expect no chocolate peanuts ( or whatever the trigger food is) to not be brought into your workplace or to see a friend who knows you like them giving you some as a gift as sabotage
But realistic to nicely ask your spouse to give you alternative gifts.
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If the worst thing my husband did was to bring chocolates on my birthday, I'd cry tears of joy at having such a loving, caring man who genuinely wanted to make me happy even if his attempt went a bit astray.
He remembered your birthday.
He remembered you enjoy chocolate.
Honestly, you won the husband lottery.
This post needs a double-awesome clickie thingy at the bottom.4 -
Sloth I dont think OP was saying otherwise about her husband.
The original question wasnt about whether he is a loving husband but about how to deal with the issue of him giving food gifts.
And whilst all those good things about him may well be true, it is still best to nicely ask him to buy alternative gifts in future.4 -
This thread is so entertaining. It's got it all! Food-is-as-addicting-as-heroin? Check! Suggesting the OP should get a divorce? Check! Willpower vs. Modifying your environment? Check!
It's only missing a discussion on Diet Sodas, Yes or No? to be perfectly well rounded. So that will be my contribution:
Why not ask him to get you a crate of Diet Coke for your birthday instead?9 -
Hungry_Shopgirl wrote: »This thread is so entertaining. It's got it all! Food-is-as-addicting-as-heroin? Check! Suggesting the OP should get a divorce? Check! Willpower vs. Modifying your environment? Check!
It's only missing a discussion on Diet Sodas, Yes or No? to be perfectly well rounded. So that will be my contribution:
Why not ask him to get you a crate of Diet Coke for your birthday instead?
My boyfriend just asked if I wanted him to pick up a case of pepsi (my favorite). I told him to get Pepsi max lol.
Getting divorced over a box of chocolates. That would be hard to explain without sounding horrible. " I had been dieting for two weeks and he gave me a box of chocolates so I new he was trying to sabotage me and filed for divorce before he could do anymore damage".4 -
Once a thread like this becomes two days old and older, strange things always happens. the topic of discussion stops being the topic of discussion, or topic of discussion gets blown way out of proportion and it starts taking on a life of its own.. you just have to roll with the flow...2
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Aaron_K123 wrote: »Aaron_K123 wrote: »DisruptedMatrix wrote: »
Science disagrees with you.cerise_noir wrote: »
Drug addiction is not anywhere near the same as "sugar addiction". It irks me when the two are similarly compared.
No it doesn't don't be ridiculous. There is a big difference between being tempted by a food you like and a chemically addictive drug.
Comparing chocolate to heroine is insultingly naive. You know a lot of people who break open their child's piggy bank and hop in their car at 3am to drive to some sketch part of town and buy some Hershey bar only to be found later passed out in their vehicle still clutching the wrapper?
Maybe not a good analogy, millions of folks slowing killing themselves by overeating. Some not so slow when heartache hits.
Not saying obesity isn't a problem but that does not make food equivalent to heroine.
I'm losing weight right now but I'll occasionally have a chocolate bar. I don't, however, occasionally shoot up heroine.
I don't disagree just saying...
Oddly enough there are casual heroin users called chippers. Certainly not recommending it just saying SOME can casually use it. Few exist I'm sure.0 -
Aaron_K123 wrote: »
It looked like recent posts about feeders were going in that direction.Aaron_K123 wrote: »Aaron_K123 wrote: »I was just sitting here trying to picture the gender-swapped version of this post and how people might react to that.
Do you mean women who feed men to keep them overweight?
Well that is assuming a lot about the OPs post. No, I meant like the swap of the OPs post. So a wife gifting a husband chocolates and the husband being visibily distraught and upset about it and the wife feeling that the husband was being ungrateful.
Where did you get feeding from that? Buying someone chocolate is feeding them now?
Ah...I was just refering to the original post not what others may have said. I was wondering if the response would have been the same if a husband came on here complaining about a thoughtless wife gifting him chocolates when he was trying to diet. My feeling is he wouldn't have recieved much sympathy.
I would give the same advice which was that OP should cut her husband some slack. I don't think a person is thoughtless but are giving chocolates either out of habit or not having their s/o's new restrictions in the forefront of their mind.
I don't think husbands mean to be unthoughtful, forgetful or mean harm or foul.. sometimes the excitement of doing something nice for your wife might cause the excitement to oversee all else.
Our husbands either know the boundaries and completely forget, or there are there are none to begin with. Perhaps OP is quiet about this, he is not a mind reader..
Which is pretty much what I said.0 -
It really gets me when people say "have willpower". It is called an ADDICTION for a reason. People who can avoid things with sure will power are not addicted to them. An addict literally can NOT say no. I know this from personal experience. I can NOT say no to certain foods. Then I might cry after and feel awful, but I still couldn't say no. Hell, I might cry during. This is why they have rehab for drug addicts - because they need to be locked away from the drugs for a period of time so they can be used to living without it and THEN get the willpower. Science has shown that some foods can be the same way for certain people and our bodies can react as some people react to drugs. The abstinence comes BEFORE the willpower. It works the same with food addicts - this is why some people go to inpatient weight loss facilities. It does NOT mean she will fail long term. This just means that, for now, she needs the people around her to respect that she is dieting and try not to tempt her so she can get used to not having the addictions for a while before she is exposed to them again.
Also, OP, explain that you understand he was being sweet, but please stick to gifts that are not edible. Tell him that maybe he loves you the way you are, but you want to love yourself and feel healthier, so you need his support and understanding, but you do appreciate him thinking of you.3 -
I just had someone point out to me I've been saying heroine this entire time instead of heroin. Head...desk. Think I'm packing it in for the night cuz I'm clearly losing it.9
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OP has only been dieting 2 weeks. The husband likely isn't thinking about or experiencing what the wife is with the calorie restriction and probably innocently forgot.
I remember when I first cut out sugary items it was really difficult. Some people do experience discomfort, dull headaches, flu like aches and pains, fatigue, malaise, moodiness, and crankiness when first quitting sugar.
My opinion: When one's gone through the worst of it and is presented with something like chocolate, cookies, ice cream, etc which one has been craving, it is tough to turn down in the moment. Especially difficult is resisting when someone lovingly puts it right into one's hands basically. So it is easier for some people to avoid rather than moderate at times, especially when feeling vulnerable to giving in.
It does get easier with time. I was able to break the strong habit for carbs, but it took a change in macro combinations. I basically went LCHF, cut off the sugar supply of treats, rode out the brief couple weeks of side effects and stopped feeding the carb cravings.
Now that I've changed the macro percentages I get appetite blunting and don't get the carb cravings much anymore. It is great!
But I'm fairly sure if I started eating a high carb lifestyle again it could change back. I can walk by most of my old favorites and be indifferent whereas before I would have felt a draw to have them. Quite nice.
It isn't because of willpower that I don't care about sweets so much anymore. I don't really need willpower to resist now. Whereas before I white-knuckled through carb cravings that could last up to an hour before they passed.
In the past I'd remove myself to a different area and actively distract myself until the "hunger" passed which took superhuman willpower to fight against.
I call it "hunger" or "carb cravings" only because there isn't an adequate word I can think of to convey the angsty pull. It wasn't a normal, casual feeling of "I'd like that." It was more like, "I need it now! NOW.
Anyhow. I had good self control to fight the previous cravings while dieting, but it was a stressful, ongoing battle. Now I don't feel the tension.
Thank you to MFP low carb people who helped by sharing tips and resources. Plus I've learned what actual normal hunger signals are and can space meals out much farther than I ever could before.
I don't know how many people can relate. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the minority and maybe not many people do experience this?
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The shame that still follows me around from that day I was caught in the back alley doing things I'd rather not disclose, all for a Klondike bar.14
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nutmegoreo wrote: »The shame that still follows me around from that day I was caught in the back alley doing things I'd rather not disclose, all for a Klondike bar.
I once did something for a ding dong that makes me glad my youth happened before camera phones were a thing.10 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »The shame that still follows me around from that day I was caught in the back alley doing things I'd rather not disclose, all for a Klondike bar.
I once did something for a ding dong that makes me glad my youth happened before camera phones were a thing.
Me too! I can't believe how much is overshared on the internetz.2 -
paperpudding wrote: »Sloth I dont think OP was saying otherwise about her husband.
The original question wasnt about whether he is a loving husband but about how to deal with the issue of him giving food gifts.
And whilst all those good things about him may well be true, it is still best to nicely ask him to buy alternative gifts in future.
I'd suggest that the OP talk over her weight loss goals more broadly with her husband. A caring, thoughtful person often makes for a fantastic "cheerleader" Having that kind of support is super helpful.
Birthdays and holidays are often difficult. This is an opportunity to learn what to do at, say, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Will you need to avoid going to gatherings where there will be lots of high-calorie food? Or can you find a way to limit your portions and still be social?2 -
Since OP is no doubt long gone:Verity1111 wrote: »It really gets me when people say "have willpower". It is called an ADDICTION for a reason.
OP's post was not about addiction, it was about dieting. She likes chocolate and finds them hard to turn down. That's normal. It's not like being a heroin addict, that's ridiculous.
The answer, obviously, is communication. However, people suggesting that she should have been angry or resentful toward her husband and mother-in-law and that he was akin to someone bringing his wife who just got out of Betty Ford a bottle of her favorite wine and generally a bad, uncaring person are nuts.People who can avoid things with sure will power are not addicted to them.
Not true, actually. Someone who has had a problem with alcohol will be exposed to offers and gifts and ads and other situations that make alcohol look easy and tempting ALL the time. Saying no and exercising will power is essential. At first, is it sensible not to make it harder than it needs to be (say, not going to a wine tasting just to hang out), yes, obviously. Similarly (although I do not think it's the same thing), someone trying to avoid overdoing tempting foods might want to portion them out or avoid them for a while and not have them in the house, sure, absolutely. But the person will still get things like gifts or offers or the foods at work or social gatherings, and so has to learn to say no or eat them in moderation.
If I said I was "addicted" to sweets so cannot exercise will power, according to you that would mean that I was either doomed to be fat or had to teach my co-workers that we cannot have sweets on the premises and any sweet treats someone brings or we get as a gift from a vendor, etc., must be tossed immediately. That ridiculous and not feasible.
Just SMH.6 -
Let him know you are working hard to lose weight. My husband knows I like manicures or pedicures, don't get them often with three kiddos.
How about a shopping card or flowers? I know it's tough hang in there! I have been using benifiber to help me feel full and it has no gritty taste.1 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »Since OP is no doubt long gone:Verity1111 wrote: »It really gets me when people say "have willpower". It is called an ADDICTION for a reason.
OP's post was not about addiction, it was about dieting. She likes chocolate and finds them hard to turn down. That's normal. It's not like being a heroin addict, that's ridiculous.
The answer, obviously, is communication. However, people suggesting that she should have been angry or resentful toward her husband and mother-in-law and that he was akin to someone bringing his wife who just got out of Betty Ford a bottle of her favorite wine and generally a bad, uncaring person are nuts.People who can avoid things with sure will power are not addicted to them.
Not true, actually. Someone who has had a problem with alcohol will be exposed to offers and gifts and ads and other situations that make alcohol look easy and tempting ALL the time. Saying no and exercising will power is essential. At first, is it sensible not to make it harder than it needs to be (say, not going to a wine tasting just to hang out), yes, obviously. Similarly (although I do not think it's the same thing), someone trying to avoid overdoing tempting foods might want to portion them out or avoid them for a while and not have them in the house, sure, absolutely. But the person will still get things like gifts or offers or the foods at work or social gatherings, and so has to learn to say no or eat them in moderation.
If I said I was "addicted" to sweets so cannot exercise will power, according to you that would mean that I was either doomed to be fat or had to teach my co-workers that we cannot have sweets on the premises and any sweet treats someone brings or we get as a gift from a vendor, etc., must be tossed immediately. That ridiculous and not feasible.
Just SMH.
Granted, not everyone has difficulties. You can't make blanket statements for all people just because your body is insulin sensitive or responds properly to sugar
In the same way that some people aren't sensitive to alcohol and some are, some are sensitive to sugar or other food sources and some aren't. If a person has a drinking problem, as in your illustration, then the spouse shouldn't buy a bunch of alcohol and hand the person a bottle to teach self restraint or encourage a shot a night until the bottle's gone.
People need to be able to deal with the cards they have been dealt with and their struggles need to be taken seriously.
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