my husband thinks that I am ungrateful
miteyme
Posts: 21 Member
How do I explain to my husband that a box of chocolates is an unsuitable present for a chocoholic overweight wife in the second week of a weight loss diet. Incidently I responded by eating 15 in quick succession before our birthday tea which included a raspberry and cream dessert cake made by his 92 year old mum. The outcome is 1500 Cal daily excess, an exploding tummy and a deep feeling of resentfulness. Help me!
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Replies
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"Hello <insert husband's name> a box of chocolates is an unsuitable present for a chocoholic overweight wife in the second week of a weight loss diet, thanks though".
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What Cityruss said. You just gotta suck it up and know he'll be upset. Draw the line clearly in the sand so it doesn't happen again. Maybe somehow give alternative gift ideas somehow?17
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Ah, the age old issue of others and their probably well intentioned gifts.
It is quite possible that Hubby just went on auto pilot and gave you something that he knows form past experience you would love and thought no more deeply about it than that. Talk to him. Thank him but give him options for future gifts and explain why you would prefer they did not revolve around food in the future....Oh and get him to pass on the message to his Mum.34 -
"Hey, I'm trying to lose weight. Please don't buy me food as gifts."
There's no reason to feel resentful and no reason for him to be upset, either.27 -
Is there reason to believe your husband doesn't want you to lose the weight?8
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Did he force those 15 chocolates down your throat? I'm thinking not.
You're allowed to politely decline; it sounds like you went another route.50 -
Girl, just say NO!! That's called sabotage! Maybe he thinks if you lose weight you will not want him anymore - try to encourage him and let him know this will give you "more energy" to enjoy him even more....he'll like that!!15
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Thanks everyone for the sympathy. I could have secretly used them for baiting mouse traps I guess.7
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Girl, just say NO!! That's called sabotage! Maybe he thinks if you lose weight you will not want him anymore - try to encourage him and let him know this will give you "more energy" to enjoy him even more....he'll like that!!
Yeah, evil man devil!!!
Or maybe he bought his wife some chocolates for her birthday, which could have been consumed in moderation.72 -
You have to be honest with him, and emphasise that it's not you being ungrateful; if you're not, he's not going to understand. Simples. In reality, two weeks isn't a long time for the people around you to adjust to your changed way of eating, and it may take some gentle reminders for a while before your loved ones remember. The other option (if possible) is take forever to eat the chocolates. One a day (or every second day) until the box is finished.
Could you ask him if he can get something just as nice, but healthy instead? Love cherries? Ask for a box of export grade cherries that you can keep in the fridge and pack yourself a small container of every day. Same with strawberries or grapes. A small piece of really good cheese? Or maybe ask if he can think of something non-food based. Potted plant or flowers maybe?6 -
Birthday is over for a year, right? I'd probably not make an issue of it but let him know well before Christmas (if you celebrate it) that this isn't a good year for food-related gifts and give some alternative ideas.20
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Girl, just say NO!! That's called sabotage! Maybe he thinks if you lose weight you will not want him anymore - try to encourage him and let him know this will give you "more energy" to enjoy him even more....he'll like that!!
It's really not sabotage. Calling a nice gesture from a husband sabotage is injecting more resentfulness into the relationship, not less. Attributing nefarious intentions where none were intended is toxic and damaging.
OP: You could explain to him that you find it hard to resist and ask that he gets you something else. You could say "thanks, these are my fav! I'm going to have one, and then you need to hide the box and ration them out for me!"
Also, I see it was your birthday. Good thing about those? They only happen once a year. You ate the chocolates, ate the cake, logged the calories, learned a lesson. This time next year you can assess where you're at and whether you want to tell him not to get you chocolates.32 -
It's your birthday. It's one day per year. If I get through a birthday and aren't 1000+ calories over my normal daily goals I'd probably be a little disappointed
Just keep at it tomorrow and it'll all be okay. Everything in moderation, including moderation
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If you have never seriously tried to lose weight before, or you have tried multiple times and not sustained it, then he probably thinks this time will be the same. It's just human nature. So he probably saw no harm in buying you something you have always liked.
Just be honest with him and show him through your actions that you are committed to a new lifestyle. Nobody is forcing you to eat anything anyone gives you. Sure it's not the easiest thing in the world to always resist but those are skills you're going to have to develop, may as well start right here right now with those birthday chocolates.4 -
Now cheese or cherries! Mmmmm. But suppose there , ust not have been a cheese or cherry shop on the way home from work.... Grrrrr0
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My mum sent me a cheese hamper for my birthday a few weeks back. It was probably worse than sending me chocolates haha. So much cheesey deliciousness.4
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Dear Lissmayer, trapping mice or rats for that matter with chocolate, could be quite theraputic. It would involve walking, would not involve any eating as dirty fingers would preclude that, and chocolate is agreat rodent bait. Last winter mice ate the air pipes in the brakes of my car, causing accute brake failure. I say that using the chocolate to catch mice might even have saved my life! Maybe not so daft after all.5
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When I first started my new WOE Rowdy brought home pigs in a blanket from my fav doughnut shop for me. He knew I LOVED them. Of course I didn't eat them. I simply told him "thank you so much for thinking of me, but I really shouldn't be eating those any longer." That was in March. Just a few weeks back he went to the same doughnut place and I noticed an empty bag much like the bag the pigs came in on the floor - I thought uh oh...he got me a couple of pigs but the dog ate em. When I asked he was almost upset because he thought he'd done bad...he didn't buy pigs for me the bag was from doughnut holes. I quickly explained I didn't want the pigs but thought the dog had gotten them. Because he cares about what I need/want he chose to forgo the pigs knowing I wouldn't eat them anyway. He didn't bring me anything from that shop as there was nothing for me there. I wasn't upset that he didn't bring me anything and I knew that meant he was indeed thinking of me. I made sure I was appreciative of that. "Thank you for not getting them. I may have caved and eaten one, had you".
Sometimes for our sig others they don't know what's right and what's wrong when we change the way we eat. "Can she have just a taste of this?" "Maybe a small one will be ok". I could go on and on with what may be in his head. "I know she said she didn't want me to buy this, but it is a special occasion"... or "crud, I knew I should have gotten them" (which is what my Rowdy thought when I questioned him about the pigs).
Cut him some slack. Always be appreciative, give gentle reminders, don't over do and learn together.21 -
Dear Lissmayer, trapping mice or rats for that matter with chocolate, could be quite theraputic. It would involve walking, would not involve any eating as dirty fingers would preclude that, and chocolate is agreat rodent bait. Last winter mice ate the air pipes in the brakes of my car, causing accute brake failure. I say that using the chocolate to catch mice might even have saved my life! Maybe not so daft after all.
Ok- but it wouldn't solve the problem of needing to communicate with your spouse- and possibly also his mother (or at least just tell her no).4 -
So, when I first started, I had this feeling like every extra calorie would ruin my whole life. 93 lbs and a billion extra calories later and I know that that's not the case.
I wouldn't even address it right now. Why make him feel bad for a gift, and why let yourself feel bad over treats on your birthday? Enjoy the chocolates now, and then later on, have a casual chat about how important it is for you to stay on track, and that you don't want him to buy you sweets as gifts or take you out for over-indulgent dinners for a while until you get your bearings.8 -
You mentioned you are only 2 weeks in to your diet. I think he was just getting what he knew you liked in the past. I would just say thank you and at a later time talk about the changes you are making and how much you appreciate in advance his support. Before the next holiday maybe drop hints of things you would like.8
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How do I explain to my husband that a box of chocolates is an unsuitable present for a chocoholic overweight wife in the second week of a weight loss diet. Incidently I responded by eating 15 in quick succession before our birthday tea which included a raspberry and cream dessert cake made by his 92 year old mum. The outcome is 1500 Cal daily excess, an exploding tummy and a deep feeling of resentfulness. Help me!
Why not just have one on your birthday ... then put the box in the freezer, and have one a day until they are gone?
I'm from a cycling (bicycles) background, and one of the cycling traditions is to ride our age in miles on our birthdays. This means that I celebrate my birthday with a decently long ride ... and then I can complete the celebration with a nice meal and cake.
This might be an idea for you as you deal with celebrations ... get in some exercise which frees you up to eat a bit more.
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Well, given you are only into week 2, it's not too surprising that he hasn't got it all sorted yet. By next year you will be able to give him some new suggestions, plus maybe save a few extra calories for birthday treats so you don't go so far over goal.
I usually only get a birthday present from my hubby if I buy it for myself!
1500 over isn't so bad - if you look at it over the week and stick to goal for the other days, you'll probably still be below maintenance for the week (depending how small your deficit is) and at least not gain weight.5 -
I got yelled at for not noticing when she changed her hair! He's not reading the room right is my guess. I'd eat one, thank him, then make them disappear at work.6
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"Thankyou dear husband for the fancy chocolates - you really do know how much I love chocolate! I'm going to have one a day and fit it nicely into my calorie plan and will get to enjoy them for a whole month!"25
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you can just accept them and then mail them to me.
kidding...kind of. 9 -
Well let's be honest - he's her husband. Realistically, he should know that she has a hard time moderating chocolates. I wouldn't expect my husband to eat one serving of Doritos at a time if I bought him some either.
So I would probably reacted as OP did too (binge included). So my advice is just to be completely honest with him. I'm sure he did have good intentions but he has to understand that it's making things much harder for you too.10 -
I have to ask though if just the appearance of chocolate causes you to overeat by 1500 calories what is your long-term plan for maintaining at a healthy weight?
Sounds to me like you need to practice self-discipline and control and practice with occasional exposure to chocolate might be good for that. When encountering chocolate realize that that is going to happen throughout your life and rather than casting external blame remind yourself of your goals and ask whether your goals are more or less important to you than chocolate and act accordingly.
Living literally in fear of chocolate and feeling anger towards those that offer it is no way to live.
Here is the thing. If a loved one buys you chocolate and your response to that is to set it aside and not touch it then they will pick up on that and next time they won't buy you chocolate. All with you not having said a word. If they feel offended you didn't eat their gift then that's on them and if they need to know why they can ask you and you can give them a totally reasonable response.25
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