my husband thinks that I am ungrateful

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  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,179 Member
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    miteyme wrote: »
    How do I explain to my husband that a box of chocolates is an unsuitable present for a chocoholic overweight wife in the second week of a weight loss diet. Incidently I responded by eating 15 in quick succession before our birthday tea which included a raspberry and cream dessert cake made by his 92 year old mum. The outcome is 1500 Cal daily excess, an exploding tummy and a deep feeling of resentfulness. Help me!

    Chocolate, birthdays and other special occasions will not disappear because you want to lose weight. You need a plan, where you lose weight and these things continue to exist. Next time, eat one piece of chocolate, as a treat, once a day. Eat a small portion of cake on this special day, or spend more time at the gym, or go for a long walk or eat less the rest of the day. O thank grandma and do nto eat, jsut take it home with you for when you can eat it. If the plan for weight loss and maintaining the new weight is for desserts to disappear, then this plan cannot work.
  • PennWalker
    PennWalker Posts: 554 Member
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    I haven't read all the comments on this long topic. If I told my husband I was going to make an effort to lose weight, and he knew I couldn't resist chocolate, and bought some for me, I would be really mad. It isn't nice to do that and if nothing else would mean he didn't take me seriously. My home is one of the few places where I can control what I eat, especially trigger foods.

    I would give the chocolates to my next door neighbors (I want to say throw in the trash, but not to my husband, especially when the neighbors would take the chocolates. I used to work in a food office, both clients and workers, and even thought about quitting every year around the holidays to get away from the mountains of food. When clients brought me Christmas food gifts I would wait until they left and throw the food (stuff with thousands of calories) in the dumpster or walk down the block and give it to the community soup kitchen.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
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    dn0pes wrote: »
    I'm a sober alcoholic. Every year people buy me bottles of wine. The problem is mine not theirs. My weight is my problem not theirs. They are trying to be nice, kind, or loving. I sincerely say "Thank you" and re-gift as soon as possible. They don't require a dissertation on my neurosis du jour. I must to accept my responsibility for my life. When all else fails I go for a run........ A different obsession.

    Yup, I could have written this same post.

    I think communicating with the husband is the issue, and yeah, I wouldn't expect someone really close to me to buy me booze, but the idea that if it is purchased for you you lose all control and have no responsibility for eating or drinking it is nuts.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    edited October 2016
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    kommodevaran wrote: »
    CattOfTheGarage wrote: »
    kommodevaran wrote: »
    Today we see the dark side of MFP :# "My husband brings me food I can't moderate!" "Oh, just be grateful, and eat them in moderation!"

    If you can't moderate, give them away. Or throw them away. The point is, the person losing weight needs their *own* strategy, rather than throwing the responsibility onto others. You can't make the world into a padded cell that's free of temptation.
    I have tried and tried having chocolate, biscuits, cookies, chips, etc, in the cupboard, but they keep calling for me. So I stopped buying them. I have made my own padded cell free of temptation - my home. I consider that a human right. That means I made a strategy, it works, but it's my own responsibility to stick to that strategy. I'm not saying OP's husband is sabotaging, but we need some boundaries and structure to stick to a strategy (and in the beginning, those boundaries may have to be a bit tight). He's not helping OP to stick to that strategy.

    IMO, blaming him for not getting this (what OP seemed to be doing, and what others accusing him of "sabotage" were doing) is wrong. He was trying to be nice. Communicating with him in advance is the answer. Too often people think loved ones should be able to read their minds, IMO.

    But if OP claims he MADE her eat, that's a separate problem, and not about moderation vs. not.
  • crzycatlady1
    crzycatlady1 Posts: 1,930 Member
    edited October 2016
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    Aaron_K123 wrote: »
    I have to ask though if just the appearance of chocolate causes you to overeat by 1500 calories what is your long-term plan for maintaining at a healthy weight?

    Sounds to me like you need to practice self-discipline and control and practice with occasional exposure to chocolate might be good for that. When encountering chocolate realize that that is going to happen throughout your life and rather than casting external blame remind yourself of your goals and ask whether your goals are more or less important to you than chocolate and act accordingly.

    Living literally in fear of chocolate and feeling anger towards those that offer it is no way to live.

    Here is the thing. If a loved one buys you chocolate and your response to that is to set it aside and not touch it then they will pick up on that and next time they won't buy you chocolate. All with you not having said a word. If they feel offended you didn't eat their gift then that's on them and if they need to know why they can ask you and you can give them a totally reasonable response.

    This. Part of this process is learning how to appropriately handle the real life situations you're going to face in the many years of maintenance that come after the short weight loss phase. Birthdays, holidays and food gifts are a part of that. This isn't about your husband, it's about you learning how to deal with real life in a way that fits with your goals.

    A gift of chocolate is a great opportunity practice moderation. Figure out how many you can fit in with your calorie goals and then enjoy your chocolate, guilt free. And when you go over, which will happen once in a while, use that as a learning opportunity as well. Learn how to get back on plan the next day, how one higher calorie day does not cancel out all the progress you've already made and most importantly- how this is a lifelong process and life is better with a bit of chocolate once in a while :)
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    Sued0nim wrote: »
    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    My husband always calls me on his way home from work to see if we need anything from the store. You know, milk, cream, bread, etc. He would also sometimes pick up a chocolate bar for me as a treat - one of the many ways he has of showing he loves me and is thinking of me.

    When I went on my diet last year (and lost 75 lbs) I asked him not to pick me up a chocolate bar anymore unless I asked him for one.

    He bought them for me because he loves me. He stopped buying them for me because he loves me. <3

    Communication is key. :)

    You found a man who listens the first time you tell him something

    And takes it in?

    Wha? Where?

    :bigsmile:

    I shopped around.

    A lot. :)

    Ahhh

    I always used to enjoy ...shopping
  • sllm1
    sllm1 Posts: 2,114 Member
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    I love my freezer for stuff like this. Somehow if I stick the whole box in the freezer, it takes more effort to eat and I don't think about it as much.
  • TR0berts
    TR0berts Posts: 7,739 Member
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    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    My husband always calls me on his way home from work to see if we need anything from the store. You know, milk, cream, bread, etc. He would also sometimes pick up a chocolate bar for me as a treat - one of the many ways he has of showing he loves me and is thinking of me.

    When I went on my diet last year (and lost 75 lbs) I asked him not to pick me up a chocolate bar anymore unless I asked him for one.

    He bought them for me because he loves me. He stopped buying them for me because he loves me. <3

    Communication is key. :)

    Yeah - that sounds like me and my wife. When I go on a cut to make weight for a competition, I ask her to not bring home desserts - or at least, not ones I like. It works out pretty well.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »
    nicholasedwards5477 wrote: »
    You don't have to eat them. If you don't have the willpower to resist then you're not ready to lose weight!

    I can't wait to use this advice on my infant niece when she starts learning to walk. "If you're still reaching to the coffee table, you're not ready."

    Someone whose brain isn't fully developed vs. someone whose is...hmmmm

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