WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR NOVEMBER 2016
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Allie -
Sorry I lost my temper. The one thing you could do is ring a domestic abuse helpline and get some support and advice. It would be something you could do without your husband knowing. Any step forward is better than none.
My very best wishes, Heather UK xxxxxxx0 -
klanders30 wrote: »morning early risers. As I sip my coffee I just knew I'd find a post from you lisa
glad the trip was great and those grandkids are adorable. Good that you know the terrain you are looking for and taking your time about going about it. It is a big exciting step.
Well back on track, made a grreat big pot of stock and had a very delicious cup of chicken broth for dinner last night, felt great after all that overindulging. Even went shopping for DD yesterday, found a pair of warm boots (kind of like Barbies) for her and about 4 sweaters. She is a frugal bargain hunter, from a long line of women who could squeeze a nickel till it squeaks
the whole weekend was filled with friends, family and a little business, banking, RX refills, and paying her tuition 
all in all a very busy 5-days.
I am looking forward to the joy of a normal week or what constitutes for normal in December! Simple goal for the week, making the gym a daily goal and eating down the contents of my fridge with little food waste- have a lot of soup to enjoy
NYKAREN
knocked me off me computer chair with your shouting....heehee.....too cute. (((hugs))) Becca1 -
Allie~ (((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) That is like a bear hug but no claws.... Know we love you, and would love to put Tom on a roasting spit...(said in jest but not really). Know this is your haven to rant and rave and most importantly BE VALUED. We love ya....ok I said that already.....
Becca
that wants to just adopt ya and
fan you with a fan and
feed ya grapes in the sunshine...no wait
I will let some handsome waiter named GUNTHER, or SWEN do that.....0 -
cityjaneLondon wrote: »
oh she is outright Gerber Baby cute!!!! Want to just nibble those cheeks!!!
(sons make babies already) I am needing to be a Grandma!!
Becca1 -
Still working on our bathroom remodel! Best wishes to everyone! 1
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Allie - I know you're scared at this time in your life to have to make it on your own. When I left my abusive husband (not just mental abuse but physical as well) I still had 3 children to raise. I was afraid to let him know I was leaving because of the abuse so I made a plan. I wrote him a letter, left it in his car at work and got a truck and moved out. Yes I left behind a house and a lot of other stuff but leaving was the best thing I did. Yes I had to start over and for a while I had to stay with friends here and there but I took the time to better myself and I've never let anyone treat me like a doormat again. I went to counseling, went back to college and got a career. I know it will be a mystery to some that I still felt that I loved that man when I left but the truth is I only loved the fact that he supposedly loved me. If I had been more confident about my self worth at the time I would never have married him. If you make the decision to leave maybe you could find someone to room with so you could share expenses. I would never tell you to leave him as that is a decision only you can make and I too believe in the sanctity of marriage but I'll tell you what a minister told me when I thought the right thing to do was stay. God gave us the freedom of choice because sometimes the choices we originally make are not the best ones in the first place. Is it possible for you to go to counseling before you make a decision? As someone else said - please stay safe. You said he would never do anything physical but there is no guarantee of that. Tom sounds like he could be a ticking time bomb. Do you have anyone close to you who you can confide in? I never told my family as I was ashamed (very common with those being abused). You could also talk to someone at a Domestic Violence shelter if not for anything other than to find an attorney who deals with this. Please be as kind and loving to yourself as you are to others.
Gloria in WA4 -
Hello everyone: Hope you are having a good Sunday. Went to church and sang with choir this morning. The choir participated in the children's message by using masks and making animal noises. the back row of guys was quite a hoot, they really got into it. DH has not been following orders after his kidney stone treatment and is paying for it. Will not take advice from either DD or me. He sees urologist again tomorrow. Hopefully the doc can straighten him out. Not doing so well on food today and it is raining again so no outside work and not much exercise. Yuck!!
Forgot last time to say welcome to the newbies.
Barbie - Like the new shoes and boots. I bought some waterproof BearPaws shoes and really like them especially for around here.
Lisa - At least you have narrowed down an area and can make your search easier.
" What you do today can improve all your tomorrows." - Ralph Marston I need to remember this.
Healing angels to all who need them and congratulations to those with victories. Sue in WA1 -
Score! Found the first of two white elephant gifts I need to get for gatherings this season. A free standing pink flamingo umbrella. Love it's little feet and ruffles. I can picture a nice manly man as the recipient.
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Flamingo-Ruffled-Umbrella/149355105?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=288&adid=22222222227051087816&wmlspartner=wmtlabs&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=147659283985&wl4=pla-260977080446&wl5=9028898&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=111840139&wl11=online&wl12=149355105&wl13=&veh=sem
Grandmallie - you have been married for more than 10 years to Tom so you are entitled to a financial claim on his Social Security and any pensions he might collect or is collecting. Don't be fooled into thinking you are starting from scratch, you don't need his permission to make your claim on SS or pensions and he can't stop you either.2 -
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My new shoes are wonderful. I wore the tall ones this morning and the others this afternoon. It's worth the money to buy good quality shoes. They felt great. Didn't walk in the rain, but walked the dogs in the wet grass and came home with dry feet....17,000 steps today--maybe that's why I'm exhausted....the Physical Therapy exercises are really working on my back and I can feel the effect. Barbie from wet NW Washington 3 -
Allie – YES! DO WHAT HEATHER SAID, ‘Call a Women’s Abuse Hotline’, they can give you a lot of good information and even names of lawyers that will do Pro Bono [free] work. We worked very closely with the local shelter, which is in a ‘secret location’; and, all the things they do to help prevent an abuser to getting to his woman and their children. Tom might not ever lay a hand on you; but, his hand is holding you DOWN; and, he is free as a bird to do whatever it is that he wants to do. Do you go with him to Florida? Or is that something that he does not want you to do? He seems to want to control everything you do and where you go. That’s not right in my book; but, I am married to a man who lets me do things he does not have much interest in, and, I don’t mind him going ‘hunting’ or even out to Louisiana with our DOS to visit with our DYS and hunt for a week. Would not be any fun for me to go, I went once when DOS had started a ‘new’ job … I read a lot; but, I also had a lot of ‘good food’ brought home to me during the middle of the day. I might be ‘alone’; but, I am rarely ever ‘lonely’.
Well, I guess it is good that FL is a ‘community property’ state; if you and nobody else is ‘on the deed’. But, I would strongly suggest making Wills … it is more for ‘saving money’ than anything else. Of course, a separation (could) and/or divorce would make it 'null and void'. DH and I have the ‘basic’ “I Love You” mirror Wills. Everything left to the other, then to our sons, share-and-share alike … they can figure that one out, we’ll be DEAD and won’t care. Will only require the drawing up of a couple of Deeds to get property into their individual names.
DH is sitting in his seat popping bubble wrap. It’s fun to do, but, sooooooo irritating when someone else is doing it; thankfully, it is a small piece. He can have this moment of going back to his childhood … no wait, they did not have bubble wrap that far back, they wrapped everything I a LOT of newspapers. He’s having a ‘ball’ … I am just tuning him out. La-La-La-La-La-La-La …
DDnL#1 came over this afternoon to ‘talk’ to/with both of us. She is on the verge of a meltdown. Thankfully, DH was here and he did most of the talking. She is supposed to be calling her MD and talking to her tomorrow and finding out what she needs to do or who she needs to go to. I did tell her to NOT allow her to send her to one particular MD in town. She’s a real QUACK; and, I took her before the Composite State Board of Medical Examiners. Showed her … she ‘thought’ that someone with a ‘mental illness’ had to be STUPID. NOT SO. But, I do hope and pray that my DDnL#1 will get the help that she needs and ‘if’ it means she needs to take medication for the rest of her life to do it, I hope she will comply.
I don’t know if there is ever going to a ‘good’ time to start a discussion with Tom, who isn’t willing to listen to you, especially about finances – even more so if he has been the one keeping all of them and giving you a pittance of an allowance. Maybe he thinks he is keeping you from being ‘worried’. Some men think that, you know. You just have to ‘jump in’ and do it. I think DH telling DOS to tell DDnL#1 ‘not’ to drive on the grass by the driveway; but, to drive ‘on’ the driveway itself, might have instigated her trip over here to talk to us. DOS had told her ‘not to come over because it would probably only make matters worse’. He took DYGD## hunting and here she came. I am glad that she did come … even gladder that DH was here when she came. It probably would have ‘not’ been better if she had tried talking to me alone, while in tears. She’s pulled too many ‘I’m the victim’ situations so that now, I am pretty wary of her coming over by herself, especially if she comes over 'trying to help' when I have not asked for any. He was very direct; but, very ‘gentle’ at the same time. By the time she left here, she was no longer so close to tears ‘that if you had said “Boo” she would have let a waterfall flow’.
Back to the “Tom” discussion … so you go to New England, and he goes to Florida (without you?) or am I totally turned around. What is the basis of your marriage to one another? Did he marry you to be his ‘maid’? Did you marry because you fell in love with him? Was he 'in love with you at that point' or has he never been able to 'love someone'. What kind of relationships has he had (either before you or with you children, whether together as biological' or what? You mentioned a son-in-law ... so there has to be a 'daughter' somewhere, ... is she your child, y'all child? Are there children/grandchildren involved? Damn, girl, you deserve more than that. You can be ‘alone’ and ‘not be lonely’; and, it is also possible to be ‘in a crowded room’ and be ‘extremely lonely’. I think the 2 of you will HAVE to sit down and discuss what ‘living comfortable’ means to each of you. I think I would go talk to a divorce attorney; in most places they will sit down and give you some ‘free’ advice the first visit. At least the ones where I have always worked would. Sounds like you get the ‘ice and snow’ and he wants the ‘sun and fun’.
I also agree with Charleen – I’d not be waiting for him to make the decision about what HE wants to do. There’s more going on than he is letting on, and it sounds like he is living in two different worlds. IMHO. Not that it is any of my business. We just want you to be protective of yourself and what you have ‘also’ put into this ‘relationship’. You, at least, deserve to come out on the other end of the tunnel with what you brought into it and then some. You’ve always ‘been there’, either by choice or under the circumstances that Tom has dictated. Now, you need to do what is BEST for you. Even ‘if’ it means you have to start over.
And, yes, I am ‘quite opinionated’, especially about things like this. You ‘don’t kick the cat because you are mad at the dog’. You don’t hold someone down just because they let you. Don’t let him. Learn how to say, “NO!” and mean it. “NO” is a very powerful word and it does NOT need any ‘explanation’. What part of “NO” don’t you understand, Tom? I’m going to try to PM you, if I can’t get through, then I will send you a friend request,
Charleen – Looks like the penguin works for the NCIS! LOL!
Cheri – I love emojis; but, I am not so sure that I can follow instructions that well at this point in my life. I have some really bad ‘short-term memory loss issues’. I do good to be able to handle it when MFP decides to ‘stop responding’ on me. Which it is doing almost EVERY time I get on here. Something is screwy and I don’t know what. Not taking me back to my last post; and, then it is breaking up when I try to go back a page (or even forward, if I am at the bottom). Whoever decided to change it to only go to the last page doesn’t have a freaking clue what it is like to do that on a thread this large. I’m going to try to find out from MFP what’s going on insofar as my end goes. I’ve never had anything frustrate me like this.
Becca and Heather – It looks like someone has already been nibbling on 'sweet Bea’s little pug nose'.
Gloria – Working for an attorney nearly all my adult work-life we came in contact with several divorce clients who were ‘filing’ because of (mostly) physical abuse. They would go back-and-forth … whenever dear hubby would ‘cry and promise not to ever mistreat them again or other promises’. They rarely admitted that they were abusive; they’d puff up and swear they were providing their wives with everything. A nice house, a car, not having to work, and a lot of times 3 or more little children. She never got a break from anything. But, they would always say, “I love him, he needs me, the children need him, I have no education, and (especially with the ones that were physically abused) … we’d tell them (after showing them the pictures we had taken the first time they came to the office) that the ‘next’ time might be the ‘last time’. Spending time in a Battered Women’s Shelter, quite often was the push they needed to get out of the situation. They help with the kiddos, they get them to and from school, they have activities, they help with their homework, they do educational programs to help women learn how to ‘live on their own’. They are invaluable to most communities.
When they came to our office to file divorce papers; the police would come and take them to the shelter (which was in an undisclosed location) so that they would NOT be home whenever the man got served with papers; and these types of divorce papers were prepared and walked through getting the temporary order signed, filed with Clerk, and taken to the Sheriff for serving - usually the very day. The police would take them ‘home’ if they needed to have this done so they could get their belongings. We had one whose daughter was being abused, and during the temporary hearing she kept darting her eyes, not answering his direct questions. My boss looked at her, turned around and then stood between her and her father so that he could not intimate her. The oldest child had moved out, the girl wanted to move out; but, couldn’t do so legally unless her mother did, the 2 younger children grew up to be abusive themselves. I have never felt so sorry for someone in my life as I did for them.
Then, they found out that she was ‘calling him’ … trying to work things out (according to her). DFACS got involved for the sake of the children. It was a mess and a half. They told her the next time, when she showed up at their doorstep, that she could NOT stay there any longer. They’d make arrangements for her in another town in the surrounding area; but, it would put the women and children that were staying there into a very dangerous position. She actually went back to the man and they moved away. All the children are now adults with children of their own, still living in this area. Unfortunately, the ‘cycle’ continues for some of them. The oldest son, is a mirror image of his Dad.
I have never been in an abusive relationship long-term. Only time I came ‘close’ was with a boy I dated the summer after I graduated from HS. I was 18, he was 17; we went shooting his Dad’s pistol; and still had a few rounds; when he wanted me to go buy some more ammunition. I told him, ‘no’; and, he pointed that damn thing at me. We were out in the boonies; my parents did not even ‘know’ where we had gone. Well, that September I went off to school and my 3 roommates and I lived in a gated apartment complex. He followed me to school, then to work one day, and walked into the deli where I worked. I must have had the ‘deer in the headlights’ look when I asked my boss to take over at the cash register; my boss was on him in 2 seconds. Told him that we’d had a restraining order taken out on him and he was going to call the police if he did NOT leave me alone. Scared him; but, unfortunately, that is just a piece of paper – not very restraining and doesn’t provide protection.
But, apparently, that is all it took to scare him off. I swore after that, that the ‘first’ inkling that someone was going to be jealous or abusive … I was ‘gone’. DH has never been the least bit abusive or jealous. When both boys reached the age of about 15; they got surly with one or the other of us; and, found themselves lifted off the floor against the pantry door by their 5’5’ Daddy by their chins. He never laid a hand on them before or since. But, they never acted out like that either.
He brought them up knowing how to treat women. I brought them up knowing how women are and what they needed to do in certain situations. My boys were exposed to a lot of things growing up; but, abuse of any kind was never one of them.
Lenora0 -
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Getting organized for tomorrow's 8am start to work. I don't usually get up until 7:30 and will now need to be up by 6 to get myself and DGS#2 out the door and to daycare by 7:15. Clothes are picked out, deciding on what to take for lunch and snacks, coffee cup and water cup ready, tea bags packed, legal dictionary ready, box of kleenex. The great thing about going back to the AG's office is I start back at the salary grade I left at, and benefits such as vacation and sick leave days stay as they were which I think was 3 wks vacation. I have a few medical procedures that are scheduled for December that I am going to reschedule to January so I will have my medicare and the insurance from work.
I've got a chicken in the oven roasting so dinner is planned for tomorrow night. If tonight is like every other time I've started a new job I won't get much sleep.
Lenora - I'm glad to hear that DDnL#1 is seeking help and that she came to you and DH. Maybe all that praying and saying "she has a good heart" is paying off!
Gotta run to the store real quick so I'm out until tomorrow night. Have a great Monday everyone!
Gloria in WA
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Kate UK1 -
No exercise yesterday, so I went well over calories. Well there was a walk to the park, but .........
I did sleep, even though I'd slept nearly all afternoon. I must be getting old!
Got to get up and exercised and tidied up so we are out of the house for the viewing. Here's hoping!
Will do alcohol free today and catch up a few calories. The only day I have company is Friday when my brother and his wife are coming for lunch. I am cooking instead of us going out. I'm doing Lamb Shanks, which is the dish they always order at the pub. I will cook them the day before. Will get cheese, stinky of course. Don't know about the rest, probably a seafood starter that is in the freezer. My brother is diabetic 2, but he is terrible at sticking to a diet.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxx2 -
glo so happy to hear that your job already has good benefits and don't have to wait for them to kick in. You sound ready, ready, ready, with food prep, clothes and kids all organized--YOU ARE SUPER WOMAN--
now be sure to be kind and take it easy on yourself, slow and steady, this is gonna be an adjustment for everybody, don't try to do it all yourself, your wonderful grandkids are gonna pick up the slack at home make sure
DOS reached out by phone, not just to hyperventilate, but to thank me for all the leftover food I packed for her from t-day but also just to chat. This was very good, a real conversation! I was pleased to see her stretching herself, her world
Is incredibly isolated because of her emotional and physical disabilities, just shows it doesn't matter what age you are, you can take chances, you can reach out and do things differently a little at a time. I am proud of her, little steps are big steps!!!
Have a great start to the week everyone, be good to yourselves NYKAREN1 -
The viewers are NOT coming. :sad: She is still not feeling well. Will be rescheduled for sometime. As before we had got up extra early and had been tidying up etc. I was on the elliptical when the call came.
Sooooooo happy for you, Gloria. Hope it all goes well and you get lots of cooperation from the boys. :flowerforyou:
Going to do a tiny bit of memoir this morning.
Much love, Heather UK
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