How to talk to those who think I have lost enough and am getting too thin
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youdoyou2016 wrote: »I think the next time this happens to me I'm going to thank them for their concern, chat about it for a bit, and then say something like, "So, any plans to do anything about your weight?"
I like it.
Might have to add it to my repertoire for those especially annoying people.
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Be vague and change the topic. Comment along the lines that at this point you're focusing on health & fitness, and then encourage them to talk about themselves. Ask about their kids, their hobbies, etc.First let me start by saying I am not TOO thin. I am 5'6.5" tall and weigh 170. My goal is 150. I am a size 12, almost in a 10. I am a BIG girl with big bones(really) and very broad shoulders. My problem is so many people have told me I need to stop losing now, it's enough. I am getting too thin. They refuse to believe me until I disclose how much I weigh and I HATE to do that. I understand I started at 250 and a size 20, and it's a big change; but they refuse to believe I am still in the overweight category. Any advice on how to deal and what to say to people would be welcome.
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My reflex response would be "Oh! You want to talk about weight! I lost X lb, but I still weigh Y. How much do YOU weigh? Gained or lost this year?"
Said brightly. With a smile.5 -
shredcamps wrote: »i bet those making the comments are all overweight.
⬆️ and I'd call them on it. If they're going to comment on my weight, I'd comment back. "That's interesting, because I was just thinking how good you would feel and look if you lost some weight. To each his own".
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I've been getting that from my mother a lot lately. I'm 5'7" and 182 lbs - not even remotely in the "too thin" category. I just let her say whatever it is she wants to say. I don't let it get to me. I know I still have plenty to lose.3
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Remember if you are truly "big boned" then getting to the high end of a healthy BMI may be where you want to stop.
Middle of healthy BMI range is for those with a medium frame, low end of healthy BMI range is for small frame, and you are large framed.2 -
dragon_girl26 wrote: »youdoyou2016 wrote: »I think the next time this happens to me I'm going to thank them for their concern, chat about it for a bit, and then say something like, "So, any plans to do anything about your weight?"
But you have a valid point. Why is it okay for them to comment about your weight, but you can't comment on theirs? I mean, they can say you're getting too thin, but you can't turn around and tell them they're getting too fat.
Ugh..
Yeah, but I don't even mean to say it if the person is overweight. I mean any weight. Even a thin person who has no plans to lose weight or put on muscle or whatever would have to stop for a sec and get what a dumb thing it is to bother another person about this ...
Genuine concern for a my health that comes from a place of love and caring is one thing -- even if I think it's not an issue or anything to worry about. But that's not the same thing that happens in the office break room when some person inappropriately makes comments / jokes about my body -- especially when I suspect the issue really isn't with my body but with theirs.1 -
I've had people do this to me and it's almost always because a crab is highly upset that I've left the bucket. I tell them to have fun in the bucket, cause I'm out to see the world.2
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By 5 (4? whatever) pages, this has probably been put to bed, but I just wanted to speak up to say something from a different point of view. I am rather hesitant to admit, but i must say i was one who often said that type of thing to my friends- never to complete strangers, and only when they were discussing how much more they wanted to lose (and clearly inviting comments), some people just to love to talk endlessly about their weight loss!
I can tell you in my case, and very likely many others, although of course there are exceptions, that it is meant as a compliment, to be (sincerely) flattering, that is tell the person they indeed look very good as they are, and is given as encouragement and loving acceptance.
Believe me, after seeing theses comments ten thousand times over, i have learned that is NOT what people want to hear!
But I sincerely didn't realize it at the time.
I would have responded best to something that was non-confrontational, and didn't assume that was I was trying to be snarky or bossy or critical. If someone would have responded as some of you have suggested, i would have assumed *that* person was needlessly rude, not that *I* was being out of line.
Responses such as "dont worry, I wont" or "Im working on fitness now" etc, are ideal. Many are like I was and had no idea they came across rude. If you have that kind of relationship, try to help them understand whatever part youre comfortable with telling them, whether educating them about healthy weight or telling them their comment actually sounds rude, or if not, just brush it off pleasantly with something noncommittal. Some of us do eventually learn better.
To those claiming it is the "same thing" as telling someone they are too fat and need to lose weight- it is absolutely NOT! Where in "lose some weight" are you being accepting of that person? The spirit behind what the OP is referring to is "you are beautiful as you are! don't change!" which is exactly opposite of telling an overweight person to lose weight!
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I feel like some people have good intentions and are just worried about the possibility of you starting an eating disorder. It is not uncommon (not saying that it is common either) for people who achieve a drastic weight loss to have some kind of eating disorder or to develop some kind of unhealthy relationship with food following their huge willpower and efforts for their diet. Some people also do have a problem to 'where to stop' and end up always fighthing to lose more and more just 'out of habit'.
You are not too thin and you don't have to explain yourself to anybody OP ....BUT! Keep in mind that some of them are just concerned that you may become one of those people eventually because they don't know your stats, they just see you melting! 4 -
Weight loss and body image are intensely personal. I don't think people need to push their opinions on you or your goals. If you are dropping a lot of weight or trying to gain a lot of weight you should be talking with your doctor fairly regularly anyway so they can monitor your health during those big gains or losses.1
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Ah yes I used to get this all the time, still do occasionally. The problem is people have no idea what being to thin is, they perhaps think they are thin when actually they are over weight. I just agree and ignore them now.3
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I'm 5ft8 and a broad big boned girl. I was 250 lbs when I lost weight last time. U.K. Size 20. I lost 40 kilos and got to a 14 and ppl said no more enough. Big mistake. I should have finished and got to a 10/12 which was about 8/10 kilos. Instead I was complimented and comfortable and went up to a 16 bot noticing
Once again after 2 kids I found myself at 250lbs again. This time I don't care what people say, my target is 150lbs. Woooooo half way there, living on a prayer (and calorie deficit to get there)4 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »I've had people do this to me and it's almost always because a crab is highly upset that I've left the bucket. I tell them to have fun in the bucket, cause I'm out to see the world.
Fantastic image!
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Same old story to me, i thinks it is because to our big frames which bones will be showed if we lose so much weight but still good, then also they said healthy weight is also based in body frame if you are small medium or large but its all up to us if we want to lose or whatever. What i do if they commenting on my weight loss smile walkout moveon thats all theres nothing bad 1
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I love this!annacole94 wrote: »My reflex response would be "Oh! You want to talk about weight! I lost X lb, but I still weigh Y. How much do YOU weigh? Gained or lost this year?"
Said brightly. With a smile.
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dave_in_ni wrote: »Ah yes I used to get this all the time, still do occasionally. The problem is people have no idea what being to thin is, they perhaps think they are thin when actually they are over weight. I just agree and ignore them now.
This. THIS.
The population at large has literally lost all perspective, it seems, on what a healthy weight really is.0 -
My dad likes to complain about my tattoos. My response would also apply to your situation, "I don't make comments about your life choices, please give me the same respect." That usually shuts him up for awhile.3
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My first thought is ask where they were when I was getting fat lol
Good luck1
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