What's on your mind?

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  • RomaineCalm
    RomaineCalm Posts: 3,972 Member
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    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    RomaineCalm wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    MistressSara wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    Today I get a random call from an unknown long distance caller. Considering I have my house up for sale and I don’t want to miss any important calls, I picked up without screening the call as usual. Well that was a mistake. This has been my ex’s second attempt to “talk some sense into me.” Now I have the dilemma of telling my current partner about this call. I’m *kitten* sweating bullets. I really didn’t need this unneeded drama in this already stressful moment of my life. Although the simple thing to do is not tell him and continue ignoring his calls, experience tells me that simply being honest is the best route. Despite the repercussions.
    Hugs, friend, but Repercussions? I hope he doesn’t get angry with YOU for someone else’s nonsense.

    You are right, but regardless of my wrong choices in this situation I feel that it’s simply not that simple. If I put myself in his shoes, I would be jealous. Personally I don’t think jealousy is wrong. How it’s handled at times is wrong, definitely, but not the feeling in itself. Dealing with controversy is enough to make me want to avoid the situation, let alone having to explain my wrong doing which lead to it.

    I personally feel like jealousy is something you feel over your partner showing attention to another person. You can't control someone else's actions (the ex contacting you) so there is nothing to be jealous over. Your attention is not on your ex. You realize now you shouldn't have continued contact with his mom. Your current partner has the right to be upset at your continued contact with the ex's mom without his knowledge, but he shouldn't be jealous.

    jealousy is when u are afraid someone is going to take away something u have that’s important to you and it makes u mad or crazy or sad

    personally i never get jealous bc i’m super mature like that
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    RomaineCalm wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    MistressSara wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    Today I get a random call from an unknown long distance caller. Considering I have my house up for sale and I don’t want to miss any important calls, I picked up without screening the call as usual. Well that was a mistake. This has been my ex’s second attempt to “talk some sense into me.” Now I have the dilemma of telling my current partner about this call. I’m *kitten* sweating bullets. I really didn’t need this unneeded drama in this already stressful moment of my life. Although the simple thing to do is not tell him and continue ignoring his calls, experience tells me that simply being honest is the best route. Despite the repercussions.
    Hugs, friend, but Repercussions? I hope he doesn’t get angry with YOU for someone else’s nonsense.

    You are right, but regardless of my wrong choices in this situation I feel that it’s simply not that simple. If I put myself in his shoes, I would be jealous. Personally I don’t think jealousy is wrong. How it’s handled at times is wrong, definitely, but not the feeling in itself. Dealing with controversy is enough to make me want to avoid the situation, let alone having to explain my wrong doing which lead to it.

    I personally feel like jealousy is something you feel over your partner showing attention to another person. You can't control someone else's actions (the ex contacting you) so there is nothing to be jealous over. Your attention is not on your ex. You realize now you shouldn't have continued contact with his mom. Your current partner has the right to be upset at your continued contact with the ex's mom without his knowledge, but he shouldn't be jealous.

    I really like your prospective, thank you. I guess I’ve never really thought of it that way.

    If the third party is not a true rival for your partner's attention, why be jealous?
  • como_agua1
    como_agua1 Posts: 210 Member
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    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    RomaineCalm wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    MistressSara wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    Today I get a random call from an unknown long distance caller. Considering I have my house up for sale and I don’t want to miss any important calls, I picked up without screening the call as usual. Well that was a mistake. This has been my ex’s second attempt to “talk some sense into me.” Now I have the dilemma of telling my current partner about this call. I’m *kitten* sweating bullets. I really didn’t need this unneeded drama in this already stressful moment of my life. Although the simple thing to do is not tell him and continue ignoring his calls, experience tells me that simply being honest is the best route. Despite the repercussions.
    Hugs, friend, but Repercussions? I hope he doesn’t get angry with YOU for someone else’s nonsense.

    You are right, but regardless of my wrong choices in this situation I feel that it’s simply not that simple. If I put myself in his shoes, I would be jealous. Personally I don’t think jealousy is wrong. How it’s handled at times is wrong, definitely, but not the feeling in itself. Dealing with controversy is enough to make me want to avoid the situation, let alone having to explain my wrong doing which lead to it.

    I personally feel like jealousy is something you feel over your partner showing attention to another person. You can't control someone else's actions (the ex contacting you) so there is nothing to be jealous over. Your attention is not on your ex. You realize now you shouldn't have continued contact with his mom. Your current partner has the right to be upset at your continued contact with the ex's mom without his knowledge, but he shouldn't be jealous.

    I really like your prospective, thank you. I guess I’ve never really thought of it that way.

    i do hope your current partner would not have an issue with this Jen. my support and thoughts are with you - always.
  • como_agua1
    como_agua1 Posts: 210 Member
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    bojack5 wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    MistressSara wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    Today I get a random call from an unknown long distance caller. Considering I have my house up for sale and I don’t want to miss any important calls, I picked up without screening the call as usual. Well that was a mistake. This has been my ex’s second attempt to “talk some sense into me.” Now I have the dilemma of telling my current partner about this call. I’m *kitten* sweating bullets. I really didn’t need this unneeded drama in this already stressful moment of my life. Although the simple thing to do is not tell him and continue ignoring his calls, experience tells me that simply being honest is the best route. Despite the repercussions.
    Hugs, friend, but Repercussions? I hope he doesn’t get angry with YOU for someone else’s nonsense.

    You are right, but regardless of my wrong choices in this situation I feel that it’s simply not that simple. If I put myself in his shoes, I would be jealous. Personally I don’t think jealousy is wrong. How it’s handled at times is wrong, definitely, but not the feeling in itself. Dealing with controversy is enough to make me want to avoid the situation, let alone having to explain my wrong doing which lead to it.

    I think your heart is right....you are where you belong and with the right person. It may get uncomfortable, there may be some anger and jealousy, but weather that storm and you will be ok, its always better to make a tough decision now and deal with the consequences briefly, or put it off and deal with them in your head and heart forever.

    well said
  • iMago
    iMago Posts: 8,714 Member
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    bootyrubsandtacos wrote: »
    Reckoner67 wrote: »
    bootyrubsandtacos wrote: »
    Therapy is not helping, medication is not my helping, working out is not helping. If anything I feel like I’m getting worse.

    Ugh, I dunno what your specific fight is but I've been there. Keep battling, and I hope you find the combination that works for you to give you that break

    Thanks 🙏🏽
    iMago wrote: »
    @bootyrubsandtacos wrote: »
    Therapy is not helping, medication is not my helping, working out is not helping. If anything I feel like I’m getting worse.

    im sorry to hear this one.
    normally i'd say to most folks that they should try and get some time off work/school/family/whatever and take a private little trip somewhere all to themselves to clear their heads. maybe have some fun. even if its just a day.
    but that may not be what you need either. and it's rarely ever that simple.
    so what do you think would help?
    ain't saying you gotta answer here or nothing either, but it is worth thinking about regardless. and i hope you pass through it soon.

    Thanks 😪 I just wish my health problems would go away and I could sleep. I’m moving downstairs next month and I’m just feeling overwhelmed.

    A few months ago I found a half dead firefly on my window sill in my room. I have no clue how it got in, because I keep my windows closed and sealed shut with duck tape (long story 💀) I just thought about it while looking at my window. I read that firefly’s are very symbolic 🤔 I found it comforting for some odd reason. I still want to know how it got in.

    trust me, i understand lack of sleep as well as anybody and how it can play havoc within you.

    your firefly is especially interesting to me. honestly.
    they have four life cycles. egg, larva, pupa and then (shoutout to me) the imago- the fully formed adult version, which is what you found. if you wanted to ascribe meaning to that, you'd have to look into yourself a little bit further i think.

    point being, whatever you're going through, it's hopefully near the end as well, and everything prior has been part of the transformation.
  • como_agua1
    como_agua1 Posts: 210 Member
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    bojack5 wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    bojack5 wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    MistressSara wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    Today I get a random call from an unknown long distance caller. Considering I have my house up for sale and I don’t want to miss any important calls, I picked up without screening the call as usual. Well that was a mistake. This has been my ex’s second attempt to “talk some sense into me.” Now I have the dilemma of telling my current partner about this call. I’m *kitten* sweating bullets. I really didn’t need this unneeded drama in this already stressful moment of my life. Although the simple thing to do is not tell him and continue ignoring his calls, experience tells me that simply being honest is the best route. Despite the repercussions.
    Hugs, friend, but Repercussions? I hope he doesn’t get angry with YOU for someone else’s nonsense.

    You are right, but regardless of my wrong choices in this situation I feel that it’s simply not that simple. If I put myself in his shoes, I would be jealous. Personally I don’t think jealousy is wrong. How it’s handled at times is wrong, definitely, but not the feeling in itself. Dealing with controversy is enough to make me want to avoid the situation, let alone having to explain my wrong doing which lead to it.

    I think your heart is right....you are where you belong and with the right person. It may get uncomfortable, there may be some anger and jealousy, but weather that storm and you will be ok, its always better to make a tough decision now and deal with the consequences briefly, or put it off and deal with them in your head and heart forever.

    Whether or not I am with the right person isn’t necessarily important. But I do agree that it’s better to always be honest despite the momentary drama it will conjure up. Rather than putting it off and ultimately destroying what was built caused of lack of trust. Which was exactly the point of my post. If I would of been honest that I kept in contact with his mother, when and if this day came around I wouldn’t of felt so guilty and felt tempted to lie. Hence, honesty is always best despite how uncomfortable it makes you feel in the moment.

    Being with the right person is very important. The right person is the one that will be with you for what is real and accept your flaws or mistakes.

    to a degree i would say. but life isn't quite so black and white. there are variables of grey for everyone and what works for someone and their ideals may not necessarily be in the same realm as another person. a certain amount of give and take is more important than being *with the right person*, especially if you're committed to each other and there's children involved - compromise is the key
  • RomaineCalm
    RomaineCalm Posts: 3,972 Member
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    JustPassingTime wrote: »
    RomaineCalm wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    MistressSara wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    Today I get a random call from an unknown long distance caller. Considering I have my house up for sale and I don’t want to miss any important calls, I picked up without screening the call as usual. Well that was a mistake. This has been my ex’s second attempt to “talk some sense into me.” Now I have the dilemma of telling my current partner about this call. I’m *kitten* sweating bullets. I really didn’t need this unneeded drama in this already stressful moment of my life. Although the simple thing to do is not tell him and continue ignoring his calls, experience tells me that simply being honest is the best route. Despite the repercussions.
    Hugs, friend, but Repercussions? I hope he doesn’t get angry with YOU for someone else’s nonsense.

    You are right, but regardless of my wrong choices in this situation I feel that it’s simply not that simple. If I put myself in his shoes, I would be jealous. Personally I don’t think jealousy is wrong. How it’s handled at times is wrong, definitely, but not the feeling in itself. Dealing with controversy is enough to make me want to avoid the situation, let alone having to explain my wrong doing which lead to it.

    I personally feel like jealousy is something you feel over your partner showing attention to another person. You can't control someone else's actions (the ex contacting you) so there is nothing to be jealous over. Your attention is not on your ex. You realize now you shouldn't have continued contact with his mom. Your current partner has the right to be upset at your continued contact with the ex's mom without his knowledge, but he shouldn't be jealous.

    If he has been cheated on, deceived, or played before he'll be jealous. Trust is like a broken vase no matter how you glue the damn thing there still be crack in it

    I agree with you on that.
    However, I feel that fundamentally, jealously shouldn't occur unless there is a real threat to the relationship.
  • como_agua1
    como_agua1 Posts: 210 Member
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    bojack5 wrote: »
    ninap118 wrote: »
    bojack5 wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    bojack5 wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    MistressSara wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    Today I get a random call from an unknown long distance caller. Considering I have my house up for sale and I don’t want to miss any important calls, I picked up without screening the call as usual. Well that was a mistake. This has been my ex’s second attempt to “talk some sense into me.” Now I have the dilemma of telling my current partner about this call. I’m *kitten* sweating bullets. I really didn’t need this unneeded drama in this already stressful moment of my life. Although the simple thing to do is not tell him and continue ignoring his calls, experience tells me that simply being honest is the best route. Despite the repercussions.
    Hugs, friend, but Repercussions? I hope he doesn’t get angry with YOU for someone else’s nonsense.

    You are right, but regardless of my wrong choices in this situation I feel that it’s simply not that simple. If I put myself in his shoes, I would be jealous. Personally I don’t think jealousy is wrong. How it’s handled at times is wrong, definitely, but not the feeling in itself. Dealing with controversy is enough to make me want to avoid the situation, let alone having to explain my wrong doing which lead to it.

    I think your heart is right....you are where you belong and with the right person. It may get uncomfortable, there may be some anger and jealousy, but weather that storm and you will be ok, its always better to make a tough decision now and deal with the consequences briefly, or put it off and deal with them in your head and heart forever.

    Whether or not I am with the right person isn’t necessarily important. But I do agree that it’s better to always be honest despite the momentary drama it will conjure up. Rather than putting it off and ultimately destroying what was built caused of lack of trust. Which was exactly the point of my post. If I would of been honest that I kept in contact with his mother, when and if this day came around I wouldn’t of felt so guilty and felt tempted to lie. Hence, honesty is always best despite how uncomfortable it makes you feel in the moment.

    Being with the right person is very important. The right person is the one that will be with you for what is real and accept your flaws or mistakes.

    to a degree i would say. but life isn't quite so black and white. there are variables of grey for everyone and what works for someone and their ideals may not necessarily be in the same realm as another person. a certain amount of give and take is more important than being *with the right person*, especially if you're committed to each other and there's children involved - compromise is the key

    Again.....the right person is the one that will compromise, and be compassionate. You have described what being the right person is. Sometimes the right person is the one that can make you the angriest, but thats all part of going all in.

    confirmed for agreement on that. and there's always room for improvement :)
  • Mr_Healthy_Habits
    Mr_Healthy_Habits Posts: 12,588 Member
    edited February 2019
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    Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    MistressSara wrote: »
    laprimaJenny wrote: »
    Today I get a random call from an unknown long distance caller. Considering I have my house up for sale and I don’t want to miss any important calls, I picked up without screening the call as usual. Well that was a mistake. This has been my ex’s second attempt to “talk some sense into me.” Now I have the dilemma of telling my current partner about this call. I’m *kitten* sweating bullets. I really didn’t need this unneeded drama in this already stressful moment of my life. Although the simple thing to do is not tell him and continue ignoring his calls, experience tells me that simply being honest is the best route. Despite the repercussions.
    Hugs, friend, but Repercussions? I hope he doesn’t get angry with YOU for someone else’s nonsense.

    You are right, but regardless of my wrong choices in this situation I feel that it’s simply not that simple. If I put myself in his shoes, I would be jealous. Personally I don’t think jealousy is wrong. How it’s handled at times is wrong, definitely, but not the feeling in itself. Dealing with controversy is enough to make me want to avoid the situation, let alone having to explain my wrong doing which lead to it.

    Jenny you did absolutely nothing wrong...
    No one has any right to give you *kitten* for this

    He has no right to feel jealous either, you've done nothing wrong...

    ETA... Who gives a *kitten* if he is jealous...

    It's your business and you don't owe anyone the details of the conversation, not even your current partner...

    You have a right to your privacy, and if he is a good partner, he'll understand this...

    It's OK for you to think solely about yourself and be selfish even... You've got yourself and your kids, to hell with anyone else and there "feelings".

    You are the only thing you need to consider here... And he'll just need to respect that, if not then again, you deserve better...
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,440 Member
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    iMago wrote: »
    Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »
    iMago wrote: »
    DeadliftsAndSprinkles wrote: »
    This conversation is suddenly a lot deeper than I was anticipating

    better than endless meme threads and people complaining about how it's so boring here now etc etc imo

    Imo2

    I bet people have been complaining about how boring its got around here since before this mythical Era...

    they have. i been here off and on since like late 09 early 10 and its always been the same.

    all of this has happened before and will happen again.

    Yes, it ebbs and flows.. old faces, become new faces and so it continues.
  • Tankiscool
    Tankiscool Posts: 11,105 Member
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    SurfyFoFurfy wrote: »
    @Tankiscool

    You rang? 😜

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