Live together before getting married?

Options
12346»

Replies

  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    edited December 2016
    Options
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    TonyB0588 wrote: »
    Haven't read this whole thread but my answer is based on Christian values I've upheld all my life. No I wouldn't live together before marriage, because the temptation would be too great to do the things married people do while alone together. So we got married at 22 and 23 without having touched each other, and each moved from our parent's houses straight in to our own together.
    But people don't have to married to touch each other. There are lots of christians that have had kids out of wedlock.
    That was 28 years ago and we're still married, in contrast to all the horror stories that are described as today's "normal".
    Well I know lots of christian families who are divorced after 30 years of marriage or less who married under traditional beliefs. Many stayed together that long because of religion and not because they were happy in their marriage. And could that be worse? Ask anyone dating after 40 if it's easier than when they were in their 20's.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png




    My parents divorced after 33 years of marriage - they didn't have sex or live together before they were married due to their religious beliefs. It was great for the first 15 years or so, bumpy for the next 15, and terrible for the last 3. I don't think they would have stuck it out so long if it wasn't for their Christian ideals, and they would have been happier.

    My mom is casually dating in what little free time she has between getting her Master's degree and volunteering with a nonprofit in Africa, but she doesn't really want to be committed to anyone right now. My dad's "living in sin" with his fiancee - they don't intend to get married any time soon (and by that I mean YEARS), but he felt like if he was going to move in with her she should at least have a ring. I know people change as time goes on, but him announcing he was moving in with her really bewildered me. It was so against everything he had preached at me growing up.

    That said, my in-laws subscribed to the same Christian ideals. They were married for 62 years before my FIL passed this year, and they had the best marriage I've ever seen. Marriage is complex, and you can't know what life will throw at you or how you'll evolve over the years.
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,252 Member
    Options
    NorthCascades wrote: »
    AllOutof_Bubblegum wrote: »
    *Epic sigh*

    Holy crap! You flew off the handle because you made a point and I made a counter point!

    We're talking about ideas. On a forum made for talking. You need thick enough skin to be able to deal with other people not agreeing with you sometimes. :wink:

    You two should definitely sign a pre-nup.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
    Options
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    TonyB0588 wrote: »
    Haven't read this whole thread but my answer is based on Christian values I've upheld all my life. No I wouldn't live together before marriage, because the temptation would be too great to do the things married people do while alone together. So we got married at 22 and 23 without having touched each other, and each moved from our parent's houses straight in to our own together.
    But people don't have to married to touch each other. There are lots of christians that have had kids out of wedlock.
    That was 28 years ago and we're still married, in contrast to all the horror stories that are described as today's "normal".
    Well I know lots of christian families who are divorced after 30 years of marriage or less who married under traditional beliefs. Many stayed together that long because of religion and not because they were happy in their marriage. And could that be worse? Ask anyone dating after 40 if it's easier than when they were in their 20's.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png




    The two most Catholic people in my family are an aunt and a cousin. Aunt married 4 times, has 5 kids, one of the kids' dad is not one of the 4 husbands. The cousin had her first baby at 16, and has been divorced twice. Funnily, it doesn't stop her judging the *kitten* out of everyone else.
  • GiddyupTim
    GiddyupTim Posts: 2,819 Member
    Options
    You've set the question up in such a way that if someone says 'no' it is implied that their relationships are doomed to failure.
    I never actually resided at the same address with my wife before we got married. But there were no surprises. That was 27 years ago.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,663 Member
    Options
    GiddyupTim wrote: »
    You've set the question up in such a way that if someone says 'no' it is implied that their relationships are doomed to failure.
    I never actually resided at the same address with my wife before we got married. But there were no surprises. That was 27 years ago.
    So in other words it's worked for you. That's great. My parents did the same. I chose a different path. I have family members who are married now who did it traditional and also lived together first.
    I gave my experience with it and others are giving theirs. I don't think there's any right or wrong way. There just may be a preferred way and it's interesting to hear people's views on it.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,868 Member
    Options
    TonyB0588 wrote: »
    Haven't read this whole thread but my answer is based on Christian values I've upheld all my life. No I wouldn't live together before marriage, because the temptation would be too great to do the things married people do while alone together. So we got married at 22 and 23 without having touched each other, and each moved from our parent's houses straight in to our own together. That was 28 years ago and we're still married, in contrast to all the horror stories that are described as today's "normal".

    My parents were married when my mom was 18 and my dad was 21...they were both Christians...my dad was an associate pastor at our church and held weekly Bible studies at the house...they divorced after 26 years of marriage.

    I don't really think it has anything to do with Christian or not Christian and has nothing to do with whether a couple cohabitates before marriage or not...they have the same divorce rates.
  • crackpotbaby
    crackpotbaby Posts: 1,297 Member
    Options
    I've lived with my partner for 14 yrs without being married.

    Commitment is commitment regardless of legal status.

    You're either committed or you're not.

Categories