Ask a mortician

I'm a licensed funeral director and embalmer at a small family-owned funeral home in Tennessee. If there is anything you are dying to know, ask away.

Replies

dbanks80

thesunmoonandstars wrote: »

LiftingLady5 wrote: »

Have you had experience with the paranormal? Ghostly or unexplainable happenings?

I would like to know this too please.

Me too especially when you are there by yourself and it's all quiet....

unknown

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Heartisalonelyhunter

GnothiSeauton23 wrote: »

_dixiana_ wrote: »

futureicon wrote: »

Wait.. you're serious?

Tr4pQueen wrote: »

How is the person above me going to die?

Let's not answer that, mmmkay.

But what if it was in my arms tonight, perhaps because of something you said.

It must have been some kind of kiss...

dbanks80

For some reason i feel emotional.

LittleHearseDriver

@JaneiR36 If a vault isn't used then the weight of the dirt will make the casket cave in our time and bugs could get. Vaults prevent that from happening. I have seen a disinterment once and the casket looked perfect, no dirt or bugs.

@PowerMan40 I knew someone would ask that

"Angel's Lust" is a myth. Once you're dead your blood stops flowing. Since erections are caused by excess blood flow to the penis, it would make it impossible to have a hard on. Sorry man!

@Heartisalonelyhunter I have never had anyone move, but they can make a burping sound when you are transferring them front table to table. We use eye caps (which are like contact lenses with ridges in them) to keep the eyes closed and the help them maintain their natural shape. The eyes begin to dehydrate sink in within 8 hours.

@melmelw03 Absolutely

We have a rental casket with a removal insert (the bed). When the service is over, we take the insert out and bury you. Wha-La, just like that! Some cemeteries require a vault and others do not. Ever cemetery has their own rules and regulations.

melmelw03

LittleHearseDriver wrote: »

@JaneiR36 If a vault isn't used then the weight of the dirt will make the casket cave in our time and bugs could get. Vaults prevent that from happening. I have seen a disinterment once and the casket looked perfect, no dirt or bugs.

@PowerMan40 I knew someone would ask that "Angel's Lust" is a myth. Once you're dead your blood stops flowing. Since erections are caused by excess blood flow to the penis, it would make it impossible to have a hard on. Sorry man!

@Heartisalonelyhunter I have never had anyone move, but they can make a burping sound when you are transferring them front table to table. We use eye caps (which are like contact lenses with ridges in them) to keep the eyes closed and the help them maintain their natural shape. The eyes begin to dehydrate sink in within 8 hours.

@melmelw03 Absolutely We have a rental casket with a removal insert (the bed). When the service is over, we take the insert out and bury you. Wha-La, just like that! Some cemeteries require a vault and others do not. Ever cemetery has their own rules and regulations.

Woo hoo! Because I'm such a bargain shopper. This is exciting news! Now I just need to shop around to see a if anyone local offers coupon deals. And I'm legit serious.

LittleHearseDriver

melmelw03 wrote: »

Can you throw some incense in with me if I'm cremated? To make it smell pretty?

You can be cremated with whatever you want besides a pacemaker. We have to take those out because the batteries will explode and cause damage to the retort.

futureicon

melmelw03 wrote: »

LittleHearseDriver wrote: »

@JaneiR36 If a vault isn't used then the weight of the dirt will make the casket cave in our time and bugs could get. Vaults prevent that from happening. I have seen a disinterment once and the casket looked perfect, no dirt or bugs.

@PowerMan40 I knew someone would ask that "Angel's Lust" is a myth. Once you're dead your blood stops flowing. Since erections are caused by excess blood flow to the penis, it would make it impossible to have a hard on. Sorry man!

@Heartisalonelyhunter I have never had anyone move, but they can make a burping sound when you are transferring them front table to table. We use eye caps (which are like contact lenses with ridges in them) to keep the eyes closed and the help them maintain their natural shape. The eyes begin to dehydrate sink in within 8 hours.

@melmelw03 Absolutely We have a rental casket with a removal insert (the bed). When the service is over, we take the insert out and bury you. Wha-La, just like that! Some cemeteries require a vault and others do not. Ever cemetery has their own rules and regulations.

Woo hoo! Because I'm such a bargain shopper. This is exciting news! Now I just need to shop around to see a if anyone local offers coupon deals. And I'm legit serious.

Groupon maybe?

LittleHearseDriver

You guys ask better questions than the kids a career day. They just stare at me like I'm a weirdo.

MelodyandBarbells

LittleHearseDriver wrote: »

You guys ask better questions than the kids a career day. They just stare at me like I'm a weirdo.

You mean people who were literally born yesterday aren't ready to think about dying??

unknown

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RunHardBeStrong

littlemissbgiff wrote: »

LittleHearseDriver wrote: »

You guys ask better questions than the kids a career day. They just stare at me like I'm a weirdo.

I think you are awesome! Super interesting thread!

I agree, I have read this whole thing. Even while eating lunch!

futureicon

So do you guys have a special dead people hair and nail person for open caskets?

_dixiana_

GnothiSeauton23 wrote: »

_dixiana_ wrote: »

futureicon wrote: »

Wait.. you're serious?

Tr4pQueen wrote: »

How is the person above me going to die?

Let's not answer that, mmmkay.

But what if it was in my arms tonight, perhaps because of something you said.

Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »

GnothiSeauton23 wrote: »

_dixiana_ wrote: »

futureicon wrote: »

Wait.. you're serious?

Tr4pQueen wrote: »

How is the person above me going to die?

Let's not answer that, mmmkay.

But what if it was in my arms tonight, perhaps because of something you said.

It must have been some kind of kiss...

I should've walked away....

Karb_Kween

Do you prettyfy the corpse? I got questions if you do

LittleHearseDriver

futureicon wrote: »

So do you guys have a special dead people hair and nail person for open caskets?

I do make-up and paint nails. I don't know squat about hair. When it comes to my hair I just run a brush through it and call it a day. Most elderly ladies have been going to the same hairdresser for 100 years and they do it.

_dixiana_

futureicon wrote: »

So do you guys have a special dead people hair and nail person for open caskets?

My aunt used to do hair and makeup on corpses.

unknown

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futureicon

_dixiana_ wrote: »

futureicon wrote: »

So do you guys have a special dead people hair and nail person for open caskets?

My aunt used to do hair and makeup on corpses.

At least they don't move around a lot.

LittleHearseDriver

@hali1 Each state varies on the requirements to become a funeral director and embalmer. In Tennessee you have to graduate from an accredited mortuary college, pass the National Boards/ State Law Test, and serve a one year apprenticeship.

ninerbuff

Has anyone been asked to be buried in a Superhero outfit?

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

dbanks80

Has anyone ever knocked over the casket in one of those Jerry Springer moments?

LittleHearseDriver

@ninerbuff Nope, but it wouldn't surprise me if it happened one day.

@_unsteady_ Who is Butch Jones???

@dbanks80 No, knock on wood. It would be a female dog to pick it up though

RunHardBeStrong

My sister in laws got into a fist fight at my father in law's funeral just a few months ago. Have you had that happen? Does that qualify as a Jerry Springer moment? It sure felt like one and was mortifying AF.

LittleHearseDriver

Yep, that's a classic Jerry Springer funeral moment.

dbanks80

Are you responding to all these questions while you are working??

Heartisalonelyhunter

dbanks80 wrote: »

Are you responding to all these questions while you are working??

Well I doubt her clients will complain...

kbmnurse

Nope, don't care.

LittleHearseDriver

Yeah, I am. We are empty at the funeral home right now. We've had 172 people this year. The past two weeks we have been quite which is very unusual for this time of year. We usually have 2 -3 a week.

MelodyandBarbells

What do you do to drum up business when times are slow?