How to period. Male POV
I have a healthy fascination with women and their plumbing work. I’m a nerd so I like to dig deep into things I find interesting. That includes learning about how/why a girl half my size bullies me every month. And here are my detailed overview of how it all goes down for them
First comes the crankiness. Brace yourself. This is even before PMS starts. This is just a trailer. Imagine this being the first boss in a dungeon in a video game. The boss there is to show you whats to come. The kind of powers in store for the final boss without giving all its dirty secrets. This boss is easy to handle simply by moving out the fire that it laid out to kill you. Best to stay out the way. The crankiness goes away when the bleeding starts. Try offering some wine to calm down the boss.
During this time, they also feel “bloaty”. They have a hard time fitting into their skinny jeans. Expect the “honey, do I look fat in these?” This is NOT the time to make your silly fat jokes. No matter how cool she is, this won’t go well for you. You will be threatened to have your tiny banana chopped off in your sleep if you said something silly. Be warned! Try changing the topic by saying “hey I’m getting some wine, would you like some?”
How do women feel during their PMS? Imagine you watching Rudy, Fields of Dreams and your childhood dog being put away, all at the same time. Over and over and over again. Except you cannot get desensitized to it. So you’re stuck there. Crying. And feeling bad. And feeling angry about why you’re being made to watch this against your will. That’s how it is. LOTS of anger and sadness. Usually chocolate and wine helps though.
Little things can set them off. Like watching a small 2 inch long thread on the carpet can make them cry. When this happens, you be a man and you offer her a hug, a soft gentle kiss and some wine. You get her more wine than a catholic church on a Sunday. You be the best damn lover she’s ever had. Your kindness WILL be remembered and rewarded. If all else fails, chocolates and wine.
There will be cramps. Cramps is like having a random stranger greet you often and after you politely say “hello” to him, he just grabs you by the collar and kicks you in the family jewels. And he does it everytime except due to the pain you figure “ok, he won’t do it again, nobody is that cruel”. But that guy really IS that cruel. Cramps is like that guy. You know the only solution to cramps I’ve find so far? More wine.
Now I must warn you, that the PMS sync is a real thing. Its true. I am not entirely sure about the details but I do believe it involves with girls going to the bathroom together. There is some oil involved and possibly scissors…. But we’re getting off the point.
Then theres the last thing. The actual bleeding. Ever been shanked in the prison over and over again? Of course you haven’t. But that’s how they work. They get stabbed down there and have to visit the restroom twice as much.
Congratulations. You have just made it through hell. it is finally over. Now it is time for sweet sweet reward. She won’t be feeling fat. She won’t feel depressed. She will have lots of energy, feel like the most beautiful woman on the planet and have lots of confidence. All the wine you made her drink is about to pay off. Hope you had condoms and gatorade stocked up.
First comes the crankiness. Brace yourself. This is even before PMS starts. This is just a trailer. Imagine this being the first boss in a dungeon in a video game. The boss there is to show you whats to come. The kind of powers in store for the final boss without giving all its dirty secrets. This boss is easy to handle simply by moving out the fire that it laid out to kill you. Best to stay out the way. The crankiness goes away when the bleeding starts. Try offering some wine to calm down the boss.
During this time, they also feel “bloaty”. They have a hard time fitting into their skinny jeans. Expect the “honey, do I look fat in these?” This is NOT the time to make your silly fat jokes. No matter how cool she is, this won’t go well for you. You will be threatened to have your tiny banana chopped off in your sleep if you said something silly. Be warned! Try changing the topic by saying “hey I’m getting some wine, would you like some?”
How do women feel during their PMS? Imagine you watching Rudy, Fields of Dreams and your childhood dog being put away, all at the same time. Over and over and over again. Except you cannot get desensitized to it. So you’re stuck there. Crying. And feeling bad. And feeling angry about why you’re being made to watch this against your will. That’s how it is. LOTS of anger and sadness. Usually chocolate and wine helps though.
Little things can set them off. Like watching a small 2 inch long thread on the carpet can make them cry. When this happens, you be a man and you offer her a hug, a soft gentle kiss and some wine. You get her more wine than a catholic church on a Sunday. You be the best damn lover she’s ever had. Your kindness WILL be remembered and rewarded. If all else fails, chocolates and wine.
There will be cramps. Cramps is like having a random stranger greet you often and after you politely say “hello” to him, he just grabs you by the collar and kicks you in the family jewels. And he does it everytime except due to the pain you figure “ok, he won’t do it again, nobody is that cruel”. But that guy really IS that cruel. Cramps is like that guy. You know the only solution to cramps I’ve find so far? More wine.
Now I must warn you, that the PMS sync is a real thing. Its true. I am not entirely sure about the details but I do believe it involves with girls going to the bathroom together. There is some oil involved and possibly scissors…. But we’re getting off the point.
Then theres the last thing. The actual bleeding. Ever been shanked in the prison over and over again? Of course you haven’t. But that’s how they work. They get stabbed down there and have to visit the restroom twice as much.
Congratulations. You have just made it through hell. it is finally over. Now it is time for sweet sweet reward. She won’t be feeling fat. She won’t feel depressed. She will have lots of energy, feel like the most beautiful woman on the planet and have lots of confidence. All the wine you made her drink is about to pay off. Hope you had condoms and gatorade stocked up.
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Replies
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you seem to be an expert on bleeding from the crotch0
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First sentence + Taunto = I was laughing too hard to keep reading.
:laugh:0 -
Replace wine with beer and we have ourselves a winner!0
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Ignoring how patronising (and unnecessary) this post is, you forgot "have a lot of sex with your female partner while she's bleeding if she wants to". Some women get really horny, while menstruating.
Dear men: Please keep quiet about biological functions and mental states you have no experience of.0 -
You must secretly be a woman- only explanation.
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I have a healthy fascination with women and their plumbing work. I’m a nerd so I like to dig deep into things I find interesting. That includes learning about how/why a girl half my size bullies me every month. And here are my detailed overview of how it all goes down for them
Or maybe just go back to Reddit.0 -
As a woman I can confirm.0
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Hi Taunto!!0
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Thank goodness for wine. :drinker:0
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Ignoring how patronising (and unnecessary) this post is, you forgot "have a lot of sex with your female partner while she's bleeding if she wants to". Some women get really horny, while menstruating.
Dear men: Please keep quiet about biological functions and mental states you have no experience of.
Who wants their bedroom to look like a damn csi investigation?0 -
I have to say that was awesome and about the best summary of how a woman's period works and feels that I have had heard thus far!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that made me :laugh:0
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Laughing so hard, I can't breathe! This explanation needs to go on NATGEO and then every other front page!!!
Taunto, you are awesome! I pretty much concur with every detail...but then again....I am a woman!0 -
was this about me stating I was going to have my "stupid sensitive girl" gene replaced with the "IDGAF" gene?!?0
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Well.....you've got the wine thing down0
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Ignoring how patronising (and unnecessary) this post is, you forgot "have a lot of sex with your female partner while she's bleeding if she wants to". Some women get really horny, while menstruating.
Dear men: Please keep quiet about biological functions and mental states you have no experience of.
Who wants their bedroom to look like a damn csi investigation?
If you cant play in the ocean when the tide is in then you have no business playing when the tide is out.0 -
meh :indifferent:0
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I have a healthy fascination with women and their plumbing work. I’m a nerd so I like to dig deep into things I find interesting. That includes learning about how/why a girl half my size bullies me every month. And here are my detailed overview of how it all goes down for them
Or maybe just go back to Reddit.
Here
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Beyond awesome .... absolutely true and hilarious.... gues what tho.. for some you might wanna double this by 10! :laugh:0
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Ignoring how patronising (and unnecessary) this post is, you forgot "have a lot of sex with your female partner while she's bleeding if she wants to". Some women get really horny, while menstruating.
Dear men: Please keep quiet about biological functions and mental states you have no experience of.
Who wants their bedroom to look like a damn csi investigation?
If you cant play in the ocean when the tide is in then you have no business playing when the tide is out.
:drinker:0 -
:laugh:0
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Ignoring how patronising (and unnecessary) this post is, you forgot "have a lot of sex with your female partner while she's bleeding if she wants to". Some women get really horny, while menstruating.
Dear men: Please keep quiet about biological functions and mental states you have no experience of.
Who wants their bedroom to look like a damn csi investigation?
The guy who wants to get some of the best action he's ever had. That's who.0 -
I have a healthy fascination with women and their plumbing work. I’m a nerd so I like to dig deep into things I find interesting. That includes learning about how/why a girl half my size bullies me every month. And here are my detailed overview of how it all goes down for them
Or maybe just go back to Reddit.
Here
bahahahahahaha!0 -
for the record, this stuff is only that bad for me when I am not on the pill. PCOS sucks.0
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As a woman I can confirm.
you make me so gay.0 -
This content has been removed.
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Ignoring how patronising (and unnecessary) this post is, you forgot "have a lot of sex with your female partner while she's bleeding if she wants to". Some women get really horny, while menstruating.
Dear men: Please keep quiet about biological functions and mental states you have no experience of.
Who wants their bedroom to look like a damn csi investigation?
The guy who wants to get some of the best action he's ever had. That's who.
:drinker:0 -
you seem to be an expert on bleeding from the crotch
I do alright. I might someday write a book. I'll put you down for a signed copy.0 -
I'm just surprised there wasn't a paragraph on parting the red sea
How.....how did I missed that?!?!?!0 -
Oh, boy, if you think this is an interesting thing, just wait until you see a baby squeeze out of there. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to walk into a birthing center and ask to watch, though. That might be a bad idea.
And don't forget to add that there is over FIVE YEARS SOLID of the bleeding when you string it all together. And that's if you start at 13 and are ever so lucky to stop at 50, have two kids and only five days per period. Ugh...0 -
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