A text message I received...what do you think?
Replies
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So you are insecure about your relationship and told him as much. He responded in such a way to reinforce your insecurity. This is not okay. He is being manipulative. He's withholding affection, time, and emotional support.
You've been together 8 years and said that this came out of nowhere. All of a sudden he's a PT and surrounded by gym bunnies whom he wants you to look like? It sounds to me like this is the beginning of the end. I think you need to be the one to end it for your own mental health.8 -
@MeganAM89I would love to hear your opinions on the following message.... I received this last night and I still haven't replied, cried a little and cant stop thinking about it.....
Of course you are important to me, how could you not be
But I want you to start putting more effort into training and getting into shape, as I am surrounded by people who are in shape and training hard all the time, and all these people have full time jobs too, and get tired but still do their training
so I'm used to seeing hard working, slim and toned girls all day, and want to be proud to show off my girlfriend as being just as hard working and in just as good of shape
Chat tomorrow
...................
I haven't read all of the responses, but has anyone asked for more context? I'd like to know what was said that prompted this.
Because if this is all that I'm seeing, then it looks like he's being a bit of a dick but he's attempted to be "nice" about it. But if you were having a conversation about health, or about what you both feel you need in your relationship, then maybe I can give him a little bit of slack (although I'm not sure how much, because there's no way to take him basically saying "I see hot girls around me all the time, I'd like to see you be just as hot" very well).
pg 2? 3? yes, it's been asked and answered and flip through to read what was said so you get an idea where this threads already been and going... I don't mean that snarky in the slightest..just a suggestion so you get the gist of what's going on with what the OP's been dealing with. You can do a quick skim and you'll catch most of it.1 -
Tell him you found a way to lose 150 pounds immediately. Hit the road, dingus.6
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Tell him you are used to people who are considerate and respectful of others and you would love for him to work on his attitude so that you won't be ashamed to have him around all of your friends. That is just about one of the rudest things he could say. I am sorry you have that kind of person in your life.3
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He's a control freak.........heading for trouble with this one.3
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jjewell1981 wrote: »Send me his number I'll text him for you.
With an attachment?2 -
LiftingRiot wrote: »What the hell does this guy do where he is surrounded by fit people all day? How long have you been dating and what were the pre-cursors to this discussion. This doesn't seem appropriate.
He has just qualified as a PT, works in the gym all day. We have been going out for over 8 years but we are currently doing long distance.
So you've been in his life for 8 years, but now that he's suddenly a PT and he's surrounded by fit women, you're not good enough anymore? Peace out, bro. I wouldn't be able to walk away fast enough.
Look at your profile picture. You are gorgeous. Big beautiful eyes, gorgeous hair, adorable smile. Girl. If he's not proud to show you off now, then you are spinning your wheels with him.
If you choose to get in shape, do it for you, not him. Your body isn't for him to show off, it's for him to love every inch of, no matter how many inches there are. Find someone who will do that for you because you deserve to be ADORED.
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LiftingRiot wrote: »What the hell does this guy do where he is surrounded by fit people all day? How long have you been dating and what were the pre-cursors to this discussion. This doesn't seem appropriate.
He has just qualified as a PT, works in the gym all day. We have been going out for over 8 years but we are currently doing long distance.
So you've been in his life for 8 years, but now that he's suddenly a PT and he's surrounded by fit women, you're not good enough anymore? Peace out, bro. I wouldn't be able to walk away fast enough.
Look at your profile picture. You are gorgeous. Big beautiful eyes, gorgeous hair, adorable smile. Girl. If he's not proud to show you off now, then you are spinning your wheels with him.
If you choose to get in shape, do it for you, not him. Your body isn't for him to show off, it's for him to love every inch of, no matter how many inches there are. Find someone who will do that for you because you deserve to be ADORED.
THIS. ALL. OF. THIS. I definitely second the motion.4 -
It was fine until it got to the part of him showing off his girlfriend.... You've been promoted to Potential Trophy. Ditch him!3
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Respond:
Do you even lift bro?1 -
While I agree with everyone saying that he's an *kitten*, that is his right to have those feelings and as much as it may have hurt you, at least he is being honest about what he wants.
With that being said, get rid of him and find a guy who can love you for who you are and not what you look like.6 -
Nobody should make anyone feel inadequate. He's a dick bag. Move on . And mail the bag of dicks with a note that's says to enjoy.2
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Motorsheen wrote: »If you are long distance, he has been not paying attention to you lately and he says this then I would assume he is looking to break up/is interested in someone else... that you no longer fit in his world.
He is saying you are not good enough for him and he is not proud of you after 8 years together. Not a good sign for a continued relationship.
I'll wager that he's already dating someone else and is just softening the beachhead prior to ending the relationship.
This--then he can say it's your fault for not being in shape.1 -
I hate to say it boo, but your relationship may have just entered the danger zone...you know the one with the red flashing lights and sirens...the one that comes right before the bottom drops out.
This sounds a little similar to something that happened to me only I was 15 years into the marriage with 3 kids.
Long distance relationships are difficult whether you are married or not.
It does seem like maybe he is setting the stage for a break up.
Hopefully, you all can work it out. Either way, DO NOT let this man make you feel insecure about who you are or what you need to be in order for him to be proud. You need to be proud of you.2 -
Do it for you and no one else. He cares about your physical well being but not your emotional. Time to let this guy go.2
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Sorry about the text you received, but this thread has taught me so much. Who knew you can actually buy and send a bag of gummy dicks? Way too funny.
And, if you're posting on here for relationship advice, sounds like your relationship was over before you even posted.
- BuffingButtons5 -
Oh my...WTF
He started dating you just the way you are. If he really loved you he would be happy with you not your outside appearance.1 -
Oh my...WTF
He started dating you just the way you are. If he really loved you he would be happy with you not your outside appearance.
It's also not fair to say appearance has no bearing on a relationship, plus if he's a PT then it's natural to start urging your friends and family to get in shape.
What rubs me the wrong way is how he went about it4 -
My. You met him at 21 and gave him all of your 20s for what? Are you seriously going to wait around another 8years for someone who only wants a trophy girlfriend? And if its not fitness, then it will be wrinkles and aging. Just curious how old this boy is. Its long distance, why again are you hanging on? have you thought about cutting it off? He's a personal trainer where again? No commitment? If you were my daughter I would tell you to cut your losses and move on. You'll fee sad for about a minute, but then your wallet will be fatter and your freedom will be immense.
Just my opinion since you asked.3 -
happilymegan wrote: »Ummm tell him to eat a bag of d!cks
Yes...d!cks...bags of them...eat them.1 -
happilymegan wrote: »Ummm tell him to eat a bag of d!cks
'nuff said.
I believe that if you want to date a person that's in great shape, then you go date a person that's in great shape. Maybe it's shallow to some people, but it's being honest with yourself and nothing to be ashamed of. Picking someone who's not your ideal and sending them a message about how they need to work harder to be worthy of you, well that's just *kitten*. He's a kittenhole if I've ever seen one. He tried to phrase it as nicely as possible and STILL comes off as a giant *kitten*.
You are lovely and no one deserves that crap from the person who should be loving them.
Don't chat tomorrow. Block the turd.1 -
My suggestion would be to use this service: https://dicksbymail.com/
Send him the bag of gummi dicks, and block the number. I'd call him a douche canoe, but that's too small to contain his douchiness. Maybe douchetanic? Or douchecraft carrier?0 -
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happilymegan wrote: »Ummm tell him to eat a bag of d!cks
Yes...d!cks...bags of them...eat them.
Oh my!0 -
LiftingRiot wrote: »If you want to hit the gym and get in shape, do it for yourself and not for his ego. Don't make people a priority if your not a priority to them.
Agreed! You get in the best shape of your life, for you. I would do it without him, if after 8 years he makes you feel like you have to compete for his affection. Your time and attention would be better spent elsewhere.2 -
shellyld2016 wrote: »LiftingRiot wrote: »If you want to hit the gym and get in shape, do it for yourself and not for his ego. Don't make people a priority if your not a priority to them.
Agreed! You get in the best shape of your life, for you. I would do it without him, if after 8 years he makes you feel like you have to compete for his affection. Your time and attention would be better spent elsewhere.
Correcto! Most people go to the gym and get those six pack are doing it for themselves!. Like buying that cute outfit or flaunting that booty they're doing it for themselves has nothing to do with getting other people's attention at all
But once they have the hit body and cute outfit and flaunt it ya they may get attention but it's their own ego it's feeding so they in fact are doing it for their own gratification0 -
Tell him to buy a big truck to overcompensate for his small dick! What a *kitten*. You don't want to be with a shallow, ahole creep like that. I was with a d-bag for 7 years in my 20s who always commented about my weight and how I looked. Men like that don't ever change.1
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I hope that if he's commenting on your appearance that he has the body of Channing Tatum and the face of Ryan Reynolds, but I'm guessing he doesn't. Those who diss others rarely do. That ugly personality seeps right through. Girl you're gorgeous. Tell him to go play in the road and find someone who truly adores all of you.1
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Sounds like he's very interested in what's important to him, which makes it irrelevant to you.2
This discussion has been closed.
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