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My date with the person above me was going great until...
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she made me laugh so hard milk came out my nose0
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changed my food order behind my back0
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She loosened her pull strings on her pants to make room for the food on plate!
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We both showed up wearing red....0
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And she looked waaaay better wearing red!
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She said she was a Bronco's fan...2
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I realized he wasn't kidding about not taking the mask off
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The mask came off...0
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She wouldn't eat animals..
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A hawk swooped down and stole my beer. I mean, come on!1
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He kissed me then said I kiss a lot like my mom
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My wife tapped me on the shoulder and said "what the hell do you think you're doing?"0
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Your wife left my table to tap on your shoulder. Lol1
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His Mom told him that i was too old for him and he agreed!
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She wanted me to move away from my beach condo...0
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His wife found out...0
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She stole my cupcake0
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We both forgot the safe word
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His mother came to pick him up.0
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He asked me for selfies
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She spent the evening on her phone0
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She made me cry by throwing onions at me..0
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went home with Alejandro, the bus boy1
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He went home with the waitress.0
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