Good Bad Jokes

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  • These24Hours
    These24Hours Posts: 1,382 Member
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    What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white.... ?


    A penguin rolling down a hill.
  • These24Hours
    These24Hours Posts: 1,382 Member
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    What's black and white and laughing?


    The penguin that pushed him.
  • Tweaking_Time
    Tweaking_Time Posts: 733 Member
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    I wanted to lose 10 pounds this year. Only 13 to go.
  • captainfantastic94
    captainfantastic94 Posts: 1,745 Member
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    Deep in the heart of the amazon there is a tribe of people called the trids. The trids live a peaceful life and every so often they send a scout to a nearby village. There is a bridge leading up to the village and a guard that stands watch. Each time a trid comes up to the bridge, the guard kicks him off. Over the years the trids had become more and more worried about going until one day an old Rabbi came across the tribe. They told him about the bridge and he bravely volunteered to go. He came to the bridge and walked across and the guard let him in. "Aren't you going to kick me off the bridge?" Asked the Rabbi.
    The guard replied "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"
  • captainfantastic94
    captainfantastic94 Posts: 1,745 Member
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    After decades of being on his own, a man decides to visit his childhood home. The family currently living there was very nice and let him look around. He told them which room had been his and what vases he remembered being where and things like that. He asked the family if he could check out the attic and they obliged. He goes up and is awestruck to see high school memorabilia, there's his game winning football, his high school year books, and his letterman's jacket!
    He tried it on and was amazed to find it still fit him! Smiling he put his hands in his pocket, only to find a shoe repair ticket.
    He decided to see if they had the shoes still and went to the shoe repair shop and turned in his ticket. The clerk looked at it and his eyes grew wide "It's you! It's been so long! So many years! Your shoes will be ready in two weeks"
  • Charabz69
    Charabz69 Posts: 52 Member
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    Riffraft1960 wrote: »
    Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.


    This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

    That actually made me laugh out loud! Love this thread!
  • captainfantastic94
    captainfantastic94 Posts: 1,745 Member
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    Patricia Whack works at a bank. One day there was a frog who came in. "I need 10,000 dollars so I can buy a sports car." Patricia, now very confused, says to the frog "for a loan of that size we will need some collateral" the frog pulls out a snow globe and sets it on the counter. Patricia tells the frog that she can't accept the snow globe as collateral. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? MY DAD IS MICK JAGGER! HOW DARE YOU DENY ME, GET THE MANAGER!"

    So Patricia get her manager and explains the situation to him, asks what she should do about the snow globe and he tells her

    "It's a knick knack, Patty whack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a rolling stone"
  • dawson002
    dawson002 Posts: 170 Member
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    I got arrested by the police last night but they clearly got the wrong person....they kept calling me Duncan Disorderly!!!
  • dawson002
    dawson002 Posts: 170 Member
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    the lights in my local Chinese restaurant were too bright.....so the waiter had to dim sum!!
  • dawson002
    dawson002 Posts: 170 Member
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    just had the police do a spot check on me....they found a mole and 2 whiteheads!!
  • dawson002
    dawson002 Posts: 170 Member
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    just bought an 8mm uzi......its so small I cant use it!!
  • dawson002
    dawson002 Posts: 170 Member
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    my car keeps getting clamped.....I think it must have parking zones disease!!
  • dawson002
    dawson002 Posts: 170 Member
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    I wouldn't say I'm a sore loser but I prefer playing SNAP with someone with a stammer!!
  • dawson002
    dawson002 Posts: 170 Member
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    I've been so depressed lately that my girlfriend threatened to leave me.....even that didn't cheer me up!!
  • dawson002
    dawson002 Posts: 170 Member
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    Elton John doesn't eat just any kind of lettuce.....he's a rocket man!!
  • dawson002
    dawson002 Posts: 170 Member
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    I woke up to find an aeroplane outside my bedroom door.....I must of left the landing light on!!
  • vikinglander
    vikinglander Posts: 1,547 Member
    edited April 2017
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    A cop pulls over an old lady driving a 1963 Cadillac convertible with 17 penguins in the backseat. He says, "Lady, I have to ask you to take these penguins back to the zoo!"
    She says, "Oh no...we went to the zoo yesterday. Today we're going to the beach!"
  • vikinglander
    vikinglander Posts: 1,547 Member
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    What's blue and smells like red paint?

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