I DO NOT WANT my cake and I DO NOT WANT to eat it too...

Witchdoctor58

I'd watch the crude stuff. This board is moderated, and I've seen boards locked down for much less raciness than this.

chericspencer

I understand how about a frozen yogurt cake from tcby small treat and no hurt feelings on her part......

retirehappy

My sister-in-law always purchases a store bought cake
for my birthday. I do not eat dessert/packaged or, in my view,
'unhealthy'(sugar, fat and other 'questionable' food-like products)items.

Will it be rude to refuse a piece? What can I say to her when I'm offered a
piece?
Thanks!!

Speak to her ahead of time, thank her for it in advance. Explain to her what you said above," I do not eat dessert...,"

Maybe she doesn't care if you eat the cake, maybe she wants it or maybe she wants to ruin your attempts to eat healthy, who knows.
Have a nice chat with her and don't wait till the event.

Have a great birthday!

Oh and it is never rude to politely refuse any food, unless you are a world traveler like Anthony Bourdain, he gets paid to eat any thing put before him :laugh: . Just say: no thanks.

stealthq

Oh and it is never rude to politely refuse any food, unless you are a world traveler like Anthony Bourdain, he gets paid to eat any thing put before him :laugh: . Just say: no thanks.

If someone buys the food specifically for you (not generally for the table), then it is as rude to refuse it as it is rude to refuse any well-meant gift, barring medical issues. You don't have to eat it, or at most have a taste of it, as has been said time and again.

I can tell you that if I buy someone a cake for their birthday, and they knew it and didn't say anything; then, as I'm handing it out, they tell me 'no, thanks', then I am going to be both annoyed and I'm going to feel badly that I didn't get something they would like. But mostly, I'd be annoyed.

For the record, I never make or buy anyone birthday treats anything without asking if they'd like it first or clearing it with a someone who knows their tastes if it's a surprise. And I'm never offended if they don't eat because it's bad. I had an incident where I made a chocolate creme brulee birthday cake, and a relative made the mistake of grabbing the curry sauce for a chicken divan instead of the vanilla bean creme brulee sauce. **shudder**

luisalg14

Happy birthday!

I never had birthday cake growing up, so if someone bought me a cake once a year, I'd probably be super happy to have a slice or two. Similarly, when I see my family next, who I only see every few years, undoubtedly, father will make me crispy chicken chop with miso sauce, or super fatty pork belly with pickled vegetables and taro hot pot, etc. etc. All of these noms which I don't normally eat at present. In my culture, at least, family offering you food is an act of love, so I would never refuse. I would probably just bust my butt working out the next day.

marvybells

gotta keep this one rolling. Inquiring minds want to know if the sister in law ever get tipped off that OP doesn't want cake, and if so how did she react? does OP accept the cake, and if so did she eat the cake or not? Was there a big family blowout over cake??? the suspense is killing me...

jonnythan

I doubt we will here back from the OP since she was accused of having an ED just because she didn't want some cake.

She straight-up said in another thread that she's being treated for an eating disorder.

So...... the comment wasn't very far off, was it?

WendyTerry420

Is it rude to refuse a piece of my own birthday cake?

My sister-in-law always purchases a store bought cake
for my birthday. I do not eat dessert/packaged or, in my view,
'unhealthy'(sugar, fat and other 'questionable' food-like products)items.

Will it be rude to refuse a piece? What can I say to her when I'm offered a
piece?
Thanks!!

A birthday without cake? Even a diabetic should have a small piece of cake on their birthday. mho

KenosFeoh

I totally understand. One of my SIL's would go out of her way to bring a big sheet cake for every occasion, then complain about how she was going to have to eat all the leftovers, which would ruin her "diet". I tried telling her "don't bring the cake; I've already planned dessert," but she wouild anyway. I think complaining about having to eat the leftovers was the whole point, not "going out of her way" to do something nice for someone.

No thank you almost always works, but you might have to repeat it a few times. If she asks "why not?" I'd just tell her it's personal and you don't want to talk about it. That's what I would do (and did).

jonnythan

I doubt we will here back from the OP since she was accused of having an ED just because she didn't want some cake.

She straight-up said in another thread that she's being treated for an eating disorder.

So...... the comment wasn't very far off, was it?

All she wanted to know if it was rude and how she should go about her SIL buying cake for her and everyone jumped down her throat. All she needed to do was talk to her SIL about it and let her know that she would rather have something else besides cake. Nothing rude about that at all, but many of the comments here were about how RUDE it was and that she was being selfish or that she has orthorexia nervosa. Many with EDs have self esteem issues as it is. Certainly don't need to be called selfish and rude for not wanting to eat a piece of cake.

She is obviously working on the ED and she even stated she is in therapy for it, so why in the world do people need to constantly remind her of it? It takes time to work on these things and the snarky and rude comments on this thread were not helpful at all.

For crying out loud... it is HER birthday. If she doesn't want to eat cake, then she should not have to eat cake.

Well it might have been helpful to note that the reason she didn't want to eat the cake was that she has an eating disorder and is being treated for it, and cake isn't a part of that treatment.

Instead we have a bunch of people who recognized that the OP seems to have an eating disorder and encouraged her to reexamine her relationship with food and possibly seek treatment.

If people had known from the start that she was already in treatment, the whole thing could have been avoided.

jonnythan

The only reason people knew about her ED is because they went back and looked at her old posts. I just did the same when you mentioned that she had stated she had an ED in another thread. I only found one post in which she mentioned it and in that exact same post she mentioned being in therapy.

Problem with all forums I suppose. People can only comment on what they know and I imagine some just replied after seeing someone else mention her thread about having an ED but didn't actually see that thread for themselves.

Statements made in the OP made it sound like she has an eating disorder. People responded saying that she might have an eating disorder and she should think about seeing someone about it.

Turns out that she already is seeing someone about it, so the comments were spot on. The comments could have been avoided entirely if she mentioned that fact to begin with.

likitisplit

And majority of the comments that recognized that suggested that a healthy way of dealing with the problem would be to ask for something she *does* want. And that's true no matter what the underlying issue for not wanting to eat the cake.

jonnythan

people around here tend to be too critica

Fullsterkur_woman

And majority of the comments that recognized that suggested that a healthy way of dealing with the problem would be to ask for something she *does* want. And that's true no matter what the underlying issue for not wanting to eat the cake.

You win the thread.:flowerforyou:

Mcgrawhaha

i DO want my cake, and i definitely WANT TO EAT IT also!

Carnivor0us

The only reason people knew about her ED is because they went back and looked at her old posts. I just did the same when you mentioned that she had stated she had an ED in another thread. I only found one post in which she mentioned it and in that exact same post she mentioned being in therapy.

Problem with all forums I suppose. People can only comment on what they know and I imagine some just replied after seeing someone else mention her thread about having an ED but didn't actually see that thread for themselves.

Statements made in the OP made it sound like she has an eating disorder. People responded saying that she might have an eating disorder and she should think about seeing someone about it.

Turns out that she already is seeing someone about it, so the comments were spot on. The comments could have been avoided entirely if she mentioned that fact to begin with.

WHY in the hell should she mention that? She wanted advice on how to politely decline cake on her birthday, not on getting help for an ED that she's already getting help for. It's not appropriate for the question at hand.

jonnythan

The only reason people knew about her ED is because they went back and looked at her old posts. I just did the same when you mentioned that she had stated she had an ED in another thread. I only found one post in which she mentioned it and in that exact same post she mentioned being in therapy.

Problem with all forums I suppose. People can only comment on what they know and I imagine some just replied after seeing someone else mention her thread about having an ED but didn't actually see that thread for themselves.

Statements made in the OP made it sound like she has an eating disorder. People responded saying that she might have an eating disorder and she should think about seeing someone about it.

Turns out that she already is seeing someone about it, so the comments were spot on. The comments could have been avoided entirely if she mentioned that fact to begin with.

WHY in the hell should she mention that? She wanted advice on how to politely decline cake on her birthday, not on getting help for an ED that she's already getting help for. It's not appropriate for the question at hand.

Because it's relevant.

If you make a post about avoiding food, and make it sound like you have an eating disorder, you can expect people to comment on it and nudge you towards seeking help.

This is a more extreme example, but if someone put up a post asking how to make a couple of quick bucks for another hit of heroin, would you respond with "it's not appropriate for the question at hand" if someone responds with "you should check into rehab"?

Carnivor0us

The only reason people knew about her ED is because they went back and looked at her old posts. I just did the same when you mentioned that she had stated she had an ED in another thread. I only found one post in which she mentioned it and in that exact same post she mentioned being in therapy.

Problem with all forums I suppose. People can only comment on what they know and I imagine some just replied after seeing someone else mention her thread about having an ED but didn't actually see that thread for themselves.

Statements made in the OP made it sound like she has an eating disorder. People responded saying that she might have an eating disorder and she should think about seeing someone about it.

Turns out that she already is seeing someone about it, so the comments were spot on. The comments could have been avoided entirely if she mentioned that fact to begin with.

WHY in the hell should she mention that? She wanted advice on how to politely decline cake on her birthday, not on getting help for an ED that she's already getting help for. It's not appropriate for the question at hand.

Because it's relevant.

If you make a post about avoiding food, and make it sound like you have an eating disorder, you can expect people to comment on it and nudge you towards seeking help.

This is a more extreme example, but if someone put up a post asking how to make a couple of quick bucks for another hit of heroin, would you respond with "it's not appropriate for the question at hand" if someone responds with "you should check into rehab"?

Yes, because that person asked about making money, not their heroin problem. I'd likely not even answer the post though.

I just refused cake today. Do you diagnose me with an eating disorder?

It's also irrelevant because she's already seeking help, she doesn't need to be told to do what's she's already doing.

jonnythan

The only reason people knew about her ED is because they went back and looked at her old posts. I just did the same when you mentioned that she had stated she had an ED in another thread. I only found one post in which she mentioned it and in that exact same post she mentioned being in therapy.

Problem with all forums I suppose. People can only comment on what they know and I imagine some just replied after seeing someone else mention her thread about having an ED but didn't actually see that thread for themselves.

Statements made in the OP made it sound like she has an eating disorder. People responded saying that she might have an eating disorder and she should think about seeing someone about it.

Turns out that she already is seeing someone about it, so the comments were spot on. The comments could have been avoided entirely if she mentioned that fact to begin with.

WHY in the hell should she mention that? She wanted advice on how to politely decline cake on her birthday, not on getting help for an ED that she's already getting help for. It's not appropriate for the question at hand.

Because it's relevant.

If you make a post about avoiding food, and make it sound like you have an eating disorder, you can expect people to comment on it and nudge you towards seeking help.

This is a more extreme example, but if someone put up a post asking how to make a couple of quick bucks for another hit of heroin, would you respond with "it's not appropriate for the question at hand" if someone responds with "you should check into rehab"?

Yes, because that person asked about making money, not their heroin problem. I'd likely not even answer the post though.

I just refused cake today. Do you diagnose me with an eating disorder? I'll bet you would because you think everyone should all eat the same as yourself.

This just went off the deep end into nonsense and ad hominem.

saschka7

Look. There are a few people here who are sugar addiction deniers. By your logic, there is also no such thing as gambling addiction, video game addiction, sex addiction, religion addiction (yes, Fundamentalists anonymous really exists), etc. Compulsive behavior is not limited to substance ingestion.

Umm...actually the new DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders put out by the American Psychiatric Association which gives the standard criteria for the classification of mental disorders) has removed Sex Addiction from its list of disorders. So yes, that logic is correct: there is no longer such a thing as "sex addiction". It is a compulsive behavior.

The DSM-5 does recognize 'gambling addiction' although not 'video game addiction' or 'religion addiction'--labeled as such. Those behaviors may fall under compulsive behaviors but compulsive behavior is NOT the same as an addiction.