I DO NOT WANT my cake and I DO NOT WANT to eat it too...

ironanimal

I have nothing to add but if you would like to donate your birthday cake, I will message you my postal address.

Lady_Bane

The problem with everyone suggestions is to always assume everyone is going to buy you a cake. She didn't know she was going to get a cake, so why would she call her sister to be like: "hey...so that cake you may or may not buy for me...yeah...can it be something else?"

I don't think you were wrong. They had no idea, you had no idea.

disasterman

- Eating the foods you enjoy is healthy.
- Not eating the foods you don't enjoy is healthy
- Limiting the foods you enjoy to reasonable portions is healthy
- Having an eating disorder where food becomes a major driver of what you do in life and causes issues with work/school/social activities/important relationships is not healthy

I don't disagree with anything here. But I've re-read the original post and I just don't pick up on any of that. All the OP said about it was:

I do not eat dessert/packaged or, in my view, 'unhealthy'(sugar, fat and other 'questionable' food-like products)items

From the context, I gathered that she was talking about refined sugar and unhealthy fats which exist in copious quantities in store bought cakes and which many people try to avoid-rightly or wrongly. And, given this context, I was and still am kind of mystified about the responses here. Many people on this thread were giving the advice "just eat the cake" and implying-or I think even saying- that not doing so indicates an unhealthy realtionship with food but somehow giving into societal and peer pressure to eat something because it is "polite" or "expected" even though you do not really want to eat it indicates a healthy relationship with food. And I strongly disagree with that. And these posts with "sugar isn't bad" or "fat is necessary" were mostly just dressed up versions of "just eat the cake". I still don't see how not wanting to eat a store bought cake and avoiding processed sugar and fats (as usually found in pre-packaged desserts) is problematic in any way.

Acg67

I still don't see how not wanting to eat a store bought cake and avoiding processed sugar and fats (as usually found in pre-packaged desserts) is problematic in any way.

Avoiding processed sugar and fats is highly illogical. Also something like sucrose in an apple = sucrose in a sugar packet

disasterman

I still don't see how not wanting to eat a store bought cake and avoiding processed sugar and fats (as usually found in pre-packaged desserts) is problematic in any way.

Avoiding processed sugar and fats is highly illogical. Also something like sucrose in an apple = sucrose in a sugar packet

Those cakes are full of hyrdogenated fats, additives,artificial colors and sugars, and the sugar content is very high and the current medical orthodoxy continues to advise limiting sugar. I know plenty of people who would refuse for similar reasons as the OP and none of them have EDs.

likitisplit

Saying, "Since I've changed my lifestyle, I no longer enjoy store bought desserts. I prefer to save my calories for foods that give me more pleasure." is VERY different than saying "I've changed my lifestyle to avoid bad food."

disasterman

Saying, "Since I've changed my lifestyle, I no longer enjoy store bought desserts. I prefer to save my calories for foods that give me more pleasure." is VERY different than saying "I've changed my lifestyle to avoid bad food."

Only if you define lifestyle soley in terms of how you eat. For me, both statements are pretty much true. Although I don't really believe in "'bad" food I avoid or try to plan for situations where I may end up making choices I regret and I plan ahead. It seemed to me that's all the OP was doing. She didn't say she would even refuse to eat the cake; she was asking whether that would be considered rude. I understood her to be planning and trying to come up with an alternative in advance. And I've done the very same things - planned and practiced what to say or do in advance, pre-logged food to help me stick to my eating plan, suggested or brought alternative dishes to events, simply said "no", or said "yes" and didn't worry about it. Maybe I have an eating disorder and didn't know it but these seem like normal things for people who are redefining in some way how they deal with food and eating.

ETA

And I have avoided places and social situations. Sometimes, for example, I wont' go to the birthday celebration in the conference room at work because I know there will be cake and cake pushers there. If it's a close friend I won't miss it but my point is I've changed my behavior to avoid...

shartran

Well…I had no idea this would be such a ‘topic’ of discussion. I think I began to feel sorry for the poor birthday cake! LOL!!

Thanks to those that simply answered my question, however I found (as I guess many of you did) the discussion engaging…so many opinions! I thought sarcastic comments like ‘You sound like such a fun person’ were hurtful and unnecessary and some of the other comments I totally agree with too!. For example:: “It's mind-boggling to me that not wanting to eat a specific food is considered to be an ED.” Good idea of just telling my sis-in-law what I would want. Sure seems logical, but I would feel a little ‘weird’ doing just that – love her, but I’m not that close with her. Thanks for all the advice though (and the b-day wishes)

There was sure some ‘debate’ over if my wanting to not have the cake was ED related. Well, I believe it is not. I have NEVER enjoyed typical ‘Safeway-type’ cakes…the icing is way too sweet and leaves an ‘oily’ taste in ones mouth and the cake part is too sweet as well – Not enjoyable for my culinary tastes! If however, I was presented with a homemade cake/dessert or a cake from a ‘real’ bakery (yes…even if it was made with sugar and butter, etc.) I would have a piece It would most likely be small and I probably would not finish it.. (dessert really isn’t ‘my thing’ and yes, I’m still working through my ED too). However, the fact that I would consider having it at all would be considered light years from where my head was at last year.

So, as the drama unfolds…I’m sure you would love to hear that there was a huge fight and that icing, cake and ice cream was flung from one room to the other…sorry, it just didn’t happen!

So, the cake came – and yes, it came from a grocery store –.I just said to myself, ‘just be gracious and appreciative – to which I felt I was. I told her how beautiful the cake looked and how generous she was, etc., I volunteered to serve and cut myself some, ate some of the fruit, talked a lot, pushed it around on my plate, took pictures, etc.., and then when people were up and around I cleaned up the plates and discretely discarded mine in the garbage.
Done.

ndj1979

Is it rude to refuse a piece of my own birthday cake?

My sister-in-law always purchases a store bought cake
for my birthday. I do not eat dessert/packaged or, in my view,
'unhealthy'(sugar, fat and other 'questionable' food-like products)items.

Will it be rude to refuse a piece? What can I say to her when I'm offered a
piece?
Thanks!!

Neither sugar or fat are unhealthy without context and dosage taken into consideration, so your logic is flawed

i was thinking this ...and when you boil sugar down all sugars are pretty much the same ..so I am not sure what "bad" sugar is...

Also, just say that you want a tine piece and eat it ...have less of something else to compensate...

ndj1979

I still don't see how not wanting to eat a store bought cake and avoiding processed sugar and fats (as usually found in pre-packaged desserts) is problematic in any way.

Avoiding processed sugar and fats is highly illogical. Also something like sucrose in an apple = sucrose in a sugar packet

Those cakes are full of hyrdogenated fats, additives,artificial colors and sugars, and the sugar content is very high and the current medical orthodoxy continues to advise limiting sugar. I know plenty of people who would refuse for similar reasons as the OP and none of them have EDs.

so one sliver of a piece is going to adversely affect health.....??? Please....

darrensurrey

Perhaps madam would prefer this cake instead: http://www.instructables.com/id/watermelon-cake/

*slurp*

TBH I'd just eat the real cake. It's only once a year. (Well, apart from Christmas. And other birthdays. And mooncake festival if you are so inclined. :laugh: )

bbbgamer

she doesnt want to eat the cake, people!!! jeesh, you guys sound like the one buying the cake with your "one small piece wont hurt you" comments.

my advice would just be tell her you will have some later, and have a plate of something healthy in your hands....

or just tell her no, thank you!

81Katz

Well…I had no idea this would be such a ‘topic’ of discussion. I think I began to feel sorry for the poor birthday cake! LOL!!

Thanks to those that simply answered my question, however I found (as I guess many of you did) the discussion engaging…so many opinions! I thought sarcastic comments like ‘You sound like such a fun person’ were hurtful and unnecessary and some of the other comments I totally agree with too!. For example:: “It's mind-boggling to me that not wanting to eat a specific food is considered to be an ED.” Good idea of just telling my sis-in-law what I would want. Sure seems logical, but I would feel a little ‘weird’ doing just that – love her, but I’m not that close with her. Thanks for all the advice though (and the b-day wishes)

There was sure some ‘debate’ over if my wanting to not have the cake was ED related. Well, I believe it is not. I have NEVER enjoyed typical ‘Safeway-type’ cakes…the icing is way too sweet and leaves an ‘oily’ taste in ones mouth and the cake part is too sweet as well – Not enjoyable for my culinary tastes! If however, I was presented with a homemade cake/dessert or a cake from a ‘real’ bakery (yes…even if it was made with sugar and butter, etc.) I would have a piece It would most likely be small and I probably would not finish it.. (dessert really isn’t ‘my thing’ and yes, I’m still working through my ED too). However, the fact that I would consider having it at all would be considered light years from where my head was at last year.

So, as the drama unfolds…I’m sure you would love to hear that there was a huge fight and that icing, cake and ice cream was flung from one room to the other…sorry, it just didn’t happen!

So, the cake came – and yes, it came from a grocery store –.I just said to myself, ‘just be gracious and appreciative – to which I felt I was. I told her how beautiful the cake looked and how generous she was, etc., I volunteered to serve and cut myself some, ate some of the fruit, talked a lot, pushed it around on my plate, took pictures, etc.., and then when people were up and around I cleaned up the plates and discretely discarded mine in the garbage.
Done.

Welcome back OP. I didn't think your question would turn into this either.

Glad you had a nice b-day/party and everything worked out. :flowerforyou:

Contrarian

17 pages about whether or not to eat a piece of cake. MFP, you are fabulous!

angel5561

my mom actually makes cakes not always a good thing lol but anyway this year i told her in advance what i wanted i found a cake made entirely out of fruit haha now i dont have to worry about the temptation of a peice of my own birthday cake or hurt her feelings. It is your day you shouldnt have to eat or do anything that you dont really want to. I think its also ok to have a birthday cake as it is traditional and other people who do enjoy cake can eat it and celebrate with you but it is perfectly ok to say no thank you to a slice of your own cake

rosemaryhon

...Also, just say that you want a tine piece and eat it ...have less of something else to compensate...

Many have expressed a similar opinion (eg, "it won't kill you", "only once a year", etc) ~ and this ^ just doesn't sit right with me. Why should I have "less of something else to compensate" so as to eat a food I just DO NOT want? That makes no sense to me. Shouldn't matter to others why I don't want it IMO.

rosemaryhon

...Also, just say that you want a tine piece and eat it ...have less of something else to compensate...

Many have expressed a similar opinion (eg, "it won't kill you", "only once a year", etc) ~ and this ^ just doesn't sit right with me. Why should I have "less of something else to compensate" so as to eat a food I just DO NOT want? That makes no sense to me. Shouldn't matter to others why I don't want it IMO.

Because the reason you don't want it is that you have an eating disorder.

Well again, seems to me this thread has broadened to more in-general than the OP's particular situation (which OP didn't mention ED anyway, others assumed and/or figured it out and/or read past posts of hers). The post I quoted & replied to made NO mention of ED, as in "**If you have an ED** just take a tiny piece and have less of something else to compensate". That doesn't seem it'd be a helpful response to suggest to one with an ED anyway (IMO).

So how about in-general (forgetting the OP), how about if I just don't want a piece of my birthday cake? What about if I don't want less of enjoying a 2nd helping of fried calamari to compensate for cake? Because from many of the responses I read, my impression was ED was NOT a factor, many replied to seeming insist "it won't kill you", "take a tiny piece" just at the idea someone wouldn't want cake.

shartran

...Also, just say that you want a tine piece and eat it ...have less of something else to compensate...

Many have expressed a similar opinion (eg, "it won't kill you", "only once a year", etc) ~ and this ^ just doesn't sit right with me. Why should I have "less of something else to compensate" so as to eat a food I just DO NOT want? That makes no sense to me. Shouldn't matter to others why I don't want it IMO.

Because the reason you don't want it is that you have an eating disorder.

The reason I don't want it, is because I would NOT ENJOY EATING IT! IT IS SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T APPEAL TO TO ME!!

alfiedn

Why don't you suggest her buying fruit salad instead of a cake? Fruit salad is sweet and delicious and if she bought it then it wouldn't cost her TOOO much in time or money.

agdyl

Because the reason you don't want it is that you have an eating disorder.

The reason I don't want it, is because I would NOT ENJOY EATING IT! IT IS SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T APPEAL TO TO ME!!

People here are ridiculous.

And I absolutely agree that store bought cake just does not taste right. The frosting usually has a waxy/plastic-y taste to it that tastes nothing at all like homemade frosting with just butter and sugar in it. If people like it, then they should eat it, but forcing it on other people is absurd.

Good grief - if people don't like brussels sprouts for instance, I'd just encourage them to try other vegetables and find something they like. Not IF YOU DON'T EAT THIS ONE FOOD THAT I THINK YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LIKE, YOU HAVE AN EATING DISORDER".