I DO NOT WANT my cake and I DO NOT WANT to eat it too...

BeckyMBisMe

thinking about this a little more and would like to add a more helpful response.

only YOU know why you don't want cake or even THAT you don't want cake (in your s-i-l's case). You need to say something ahead of time. Tell her you have always appreciated her efforts to honor you on your birthday but you have made some lifestyle changes and prefer not to have a birthday cake this year. If she still wants to provide that for any other guests who aren't like minded that's fine but you won't be eating it. Tell her you would love a fresh fruit salad in a watermelon bowl (or something like that).

OldManMurray

Your SIL would need to be a delicate little flower to be offended by you not eating cake. If I bought someone a birthday cake and they said they didn't want a bit then I wouldn't be bothered, it'll be getting shared round the other guests anyway so I'm sure it wouldn't go to waste. It seems a bit of an unhealthy attitude to attach your feelings to whether someone else eats something or not. Not every occasion has to centre around food.

It's a good idea to tell her beforehand though. I'm pretty straightforward about stuff like that, I always think it's better to just let people know how you're feeling. I would never eat something to make someone else happy. Isn't it supposed to be part of a healthy attitude to food to only eat something when you want it rather than for the sake of it.

I eat cake when I want it and not when I feel like I have to.

P.S. I love cake! My sister made me a castle cake for my birthday complete with edible glitter covered maltesers on top of the turrets, it was amazing!

TyTy76

For those who keep saying that a little bit won't hurt...for some people that sugar is as much of a drug as alcohol is for and alcoholic. One tiny taste is all it takes for a major bender.

I'm still working off the 10 lbs I gained after "just one bowl of ice cream". Alcohol? No problems...I can take it or leave it. But sugar and even white carbs will totally derange my metabolism and brain chemistry.

Refined sugar is a true drug for some people, and need to be treated that way. It's addicting and has a withdrawal syndrome. Since your sister-in-law cares enough about you to get a cake, she will care enough to respect your needs.

At family dinners, I generally remove myself from the table so I don't get too close to dessert (yes, I am weak, and this is what I have to do to be drug-free). I eat some fruit instead, or I eat extra veggies so I feel full by the time dessert rolls around.

I understand that this is a big deal for the O.P. Well-meaning relatives, friend and co-workers need to be informed of issues so as to support the O.P.'s goals. You don't offer alcohol to a recovering alcoholic, so why would you force sugar on someone who has a problem with it?

Yep, offering a piece of cake is JUST like offering a drink to an alcoholic.

Come to think of it, I have seen MANY people at my AA meetings who are there for sugar addiction...

*shakes head*

You have obviously never heard of Overeaters Anonymous. Yes it's real and yes I do go. Processed sugar to me is like crack. I can hardly bear to be around it.

Sure I have heard of it.

Comparing the two is ridiculous in my mind..

billsica

For those who keep saying that a little bit won't hurt...for some people that sugar is as much of a drug as alcohol is for and alcoholic. One tiny taste is all it takes for a major bender.

I'm still working off the 10 lbs I gained after "just one bowl of ice cream". Alcohol? No problems...I can take it or leave it. But sugar and even white carbs will totally derange my metabolism and brain chemistry.

Refined sugar is a true drug for some people, and need to be treated that way. It's addicting and has a withdrawal syndrome. Since your sister-in-law cares enough about you to get a cake, she will care enough to respect your needs.

At family dinners, I generally remove myself from the table so I don't get too close to dessert (yes, I am weak, and this is what I have to do to be drug-free). I eat some fruit instead, or I eat extra veggies so I feel full by the time dessert rolls around.

I understand that this is a big deal for the O.P. Well-meaning relatives, friend and co-workers need to be informed of issues so as to support the O.P.'s goals. You don't offer alcohol to a recovering alcoholic, so why would you force sugar on someone who has a problem with it?

Yep, offering a piece of cake is JUST like offering a drink to an alcoholic.

Come to think of it, I have seen MANY people at my AA meetings who are there for sugar addiction...

*shakes head*

You have obviously never heard of Overeaters Anonymous. Yes it's real and yes I do go. Processed sugar to me is like crack. I can hardly bear to be around it.

People with alcohol addiction don't go around substituting rum balls.
for a sugar addiction, you don't eat cake, then gorge on some sugary fruit? This is getting weird.

Achrya

Wow, this probably why most of us got fat, are fat, were fat, gained weight, lost weight, gained it again, lost it again, or have f.cked up food issues because of this need to eat food so we don't hurt peoples feelings.

It would not be rude to speak to her BEFORE your party/b-day about the cake situation.

It would however be rude to make a big stink about it, out loud, in front of everyone RIGHT AS she's lighting the candles.

If the bday girl doesn't want cake she doesn't have to eat the effing cake.

have you polled most of mfp, or are you making assumptions?

kiykiy79

I look forward to birthday celebrations... Because of the cake!!

I do understand where you are coming from though, however I would handle this very delicately because you don't want to turn off your family and lose their support in your journey. Advance notice of your preference would be nice or just have a sliver of cake OR you can just fit a real piece in your day! Either way - happy birthday!

Cheers!

Capt_Apollo

take the cake and do this

Vivian06703188

Open your mouth and tell her you don't want traditional Birthday cake. It's your birthday you can have whatever you want. You sister in law is just trying to give you a good birthday. Tell her birthday cake is not your thing and you would prefer _______________ and that is she wants cake to get a small side cake.

Witchdoctor58

"Yep, offering a piece of cake is JUST like offering a drink to an alcoholic.

Come to think of it, I have seen MANY people at my AA meetings who are there for sugar addiction... "

Tyty, I think you will find that most of your AA attendees have multiple addictions, including tobacco and sugar. I had to go to one of those in med school for training...there was caffeine and plenty of cookies and doughnuts. Drugs are drugs. And have you ever heard of "Overeaters Anonymous"?

I have many patients who have gone through rehab. They tell me outright about the extra sugar many of them use.

Your alcohol addiction is no more or less important or significant to you than another person's compulsive issues with another substance or behavior, or even as life-threatening. Please don't belittle other people's struggles, just because you don't share the same one.

So_Much_Fab

Will it be rude to refuse a piece?

Yes

What can I say to her when I'm offered a piece?

"Thank you"

Just eat a small piece. It won't kill you. Be thankful that she thinks of you on your birthday!

littlepinkhearts

I don't think you should have to eat what you don't wanna eat, but at the same time, it's rude to not accept what has been presented to you in your name and in celebration of you. I'd accept it, but just not eat it. (Although if I ever didn't eat cake that was going around, eveyone would know something was wrong with me haha) No one will notice. But like everyone else says, tell your sister in law ahead of time if she doesn't already know. Maybe she can help out with some other arrangement.

Ohhhh and Happy Birthday!!!

YaGigi

Maybe you should ask for a cake you would eat?

Honestly, I'd have a piece just out of respect. A little piece won't hurt you, it's your birthday

CrankMeUp

I like cake.

sunlover89

For those who keep saying that a little bit won't hurt...for some people that sugar is as much of a drug as alcohol is for and alcoholic. One tiny taste is all it takes for a major bender.

I'm still working off the 10 lbs I gained after "just one bowl of ice cream". Alcohol? No problems...I can take it or leave it. But sugar and even white carbs will totally derange my metabolism and brain chemistry.

Refined sugar is a true drug for some people, and need to be treated that way. It's addicting and has a withdrawal syndrome. Since your sister-in-law cares enough about you to get a cake, she will care enough to respect your needs.

At family dinners, I generally remove myself from the table so I don't get too close to dessert (yes, I am weak, and this is what I have to do to be drug-free). I eat some fruit instead, or I eat extra veggies so I feel full by the time dessert rolls around.

I understand that this is a big deal for the O.P. Well-meaning relatives, friend and co-workers need to be informed of issues so as to support the O.P.'s goals. You don't offer alcohol to a recovering alcoholic, so why would you force sugar on someone who has a problem with it?

Yep, offering a piece of cake is JUST like offering a drink to an alcoholic.

Come to think of it, I have seen MANY people at my AA meetings who are there for sugar addiction...

*shakes head*

You have obviously never heard of Overeaters Anonymous. Yes it's real and yes I do go. Processed sugar to me is like crack. I can hardly bear to be around it.

People with alcohol addiction don't go around substituting rum balls.
for a sugar addiction, you don't eat cake, then gorge on some sugary fruit? This is getting weird.

Who say's I gorge on fruit, or eat it at all?
Last time I checked, a mars bar and a bowl of fruit were two very different things.

katmombama

I don't know your family dynamic - did you grow up in the south where every event included food and other people tried to guilt you into eating? I've been there, done that. My own mother, who has worried about my weight from the day I was born, will still make me a homemade chocolate cake every year for my birthday. She also makes one for my husband and our three girls. Fortunately, she doesn't mind if I don't eat any as long as everyone else enjoys it. (I LOVE that cake, and if I eat one piece, I'm likely to eat three, so I choose not to start. Gorging on sugar is what made me gain so much weight in the first place.)

Does your SIL typically push food? Is she easily offended? If not, she probably won't care if you don't eat cake if there are others to enjoy it. If so, I agree with others who suggest you speak with her ahead of time so she can choose to forego cake or, if not, so she won't make a big issue of it at the time.

LiftAllThePizzas

Just tell them, "sorry I'm orthorexic now."

Mgregory723

Aviendha_RJ

My parents always just got me a block of iced cream. Now it's usually frozen yogurt.

likitisplit

Whether it's sugar addiction or just *not liking* cake, you shouldn't have to receive cake you don't want.

I'm not a big fan of birthday ice cream myself, so I don't have it. I don't like okra either, so I don't have it. I have been known to accept glasses of water just to satisfy a hostess's etiquette urges to offer food and beverages to guests.

Just don't get on a soap box about "non-processed foods" and don't play ED games with food and you'll be fine.

We're all adults here, this situation can be handled with adult skills and there are a million options that are neither having cake nor not having cake.

Hi_Im_Jess

If you dont want it, don't eat it. If you say no thank you nicely, im sure she will understand. Its taken me a long time to wrap my head around this logic. I was the person that would go out to eat with my bf, then go home and find out my mother cooked so I would eat that too out of guilt. I would eat desserts and excess food to please my little italian Grandma that kept offering me more because I didnt want to offend her. I think we all understand that one piece of cake will not kill you but if you dont want it, then the answer is no. I know for me personally if I have a piece of cake, I will think about that sucker all day and probably the following day too however if I dont have any at all, I'll forget about it pretty quick. If other people want to have cake then great, good for them but you dont have to. Nobody controls what you eat except for you. My suggestion is to talk to her beforehand and if there will be guests, request that there is a small cake so there arent leftovers and maybe a nice fruit salad or something like that.. Even those edible arangement things are a nice alternative for cake if thats what you want. Seeing is its your birthday, your wishes should be respected.