Have you ever been "fit shamed"?
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ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »You assume they are trying make a person feel shame.
wordnerd derail.not that i know the answer, but the point about intention snagged at me too. i think 'criticism' inherently implies a preference for the behaviour not to exist, doesn't it? whether the critic is intentionally trying to push the shame button to make it happen . . . idk, that seems sort of hyperspecific to me.
most people i've come across aren't even critical in any straightforward way. i'm lucky not to have run into much outright meanness where the intention blatantly is to upset. with me, they just can't stop passive-aggressively harping on an irrelevant subject because to them it isn't irrelevant. they're just compulsively expressing their own hyperconsciousness of a difference between us that is real.
that's what this kind of thing communicates, imo. 'here's my definition of normal and here's where you sit relative to that definition. you're noteworthy because you're not normal . . . according to me.' so if i'm being super word-picky, the word that i'd pick for my own encounters would be 'marginalized' more than shamed.
did it work, in my case? sure. they were communicating something and i'm not a social idiot. they're broadcasting a message and i pick it up. did/does it bother me? sure. passive-aggression pisses most people off; combine that with boringness and it just gets worse. and i'm not a sociopath afaik so i take an interest in where i stand relative to my own species.
is it the worst thing ever done to one person by another person? of course not. but it's at least as good a conversational topic as anything else.3 -
The only time I was sort of fit-shamed was when my sister invited me and my other sister to go kayaking for her "bachelorette party" last summer. She's outdoorsy so she felt like she would enjoy that more than the typical party. I was super excited for it and was like awesome I don't even have to work-out beforehand, that'll be more work out. So I went, and apparently my sisters were more excited about sitting out in the water drinking and taking shots than actually doing any kayaking.
I'm just not a big drinker in general because it makes me sick (in a bad way) so I kept trying to urge them on and I was often way far ahead of them, and I got teased the entire trip because I "actually wanted to kayak". They still will bring it up to make fun of me!
I don't know why drinking is considered more socially acceptable than actually wanting to be active!3 -
I usually train 5-6 times a week too, i consider myself fit, i follow iifym so even tho i eat a lot, still for me to want to eat something, it must be worth my macros. Anyway my colleague, she's much older than me and big, any piece of junk she puts in her mouth she feels like she needs to tell me she doesn't care and you gotta live sometimes
She over did it, when i got rear ended, and hurt as a result, and when a friend asked how i was that colleague said: "she's working and energetic and healthy don't feel bad for her!
" wow! That really made everyone look at her with jaws dropped! 2 -
Yes...this year I joined a women's "mom" organization and was put on the leadership committee for fundraising. One of my ideas that I had was to hold a 5k fun run and one mile walk. I got turned down immediately from some of the other moms, making comments like "nobody wants to go out and run/walk for fun." I felt like such an idiot for bringing it up.
When I was working, I would get comments all the time on my choice of food for lunches. "You get so healthy," or "Don't you ever just eat junk." Then when they would actually see me eating pizza or something not considered in there minds healthy they made such a big deal about it. "Oh my gosh she is eating pizza!" It always made me feel like I was abnormal because I chose to eat green beans with chicken for lunch and snacked on protein bars. I really try for balance in my diet, I eat my treats when I want but I have learned to love my healthy foods as well. I never once ridiculed them for their choice of food. Now that I am getting older I am learning not to let peoples opinions bother me.
#1 - So true about the coworkers seeing you eat healthy meals most of the time and then absolutely freaking out when you eat something like pizza or cake once in awhile. It just doesn't compute for these all-or-nothing type mentalities. Maybe that's why so many people fail at diets/weight loss. They have an all-or-nothing mindset that they have to be totally miserable and restrictive in order to be fit and healthy. My SIL has that mindset - even though she sees me enjoying all kinds of stuff, she can't visualize herself enjoying a fit lifestyle - like it would only work for some "lucky" people like me, but not for her - so she doesn't even bother with even small, easy changes. Sad.
#2 - @ChelzFit I would have been totally excited about your fun run idea vs. the usual boring fundraising ideas. (I confess I might have been slightly disappointed in the one mile walk, though. Too easy. A 5k is short enough as it is. A one miler would be over before you even got started.
) Who are these lazy moms who won't even walk a mile to raise some cash?!? They could gossip and play with their phones the whole time to pass the time...Ooh...what if you had a combination fun run/walk/bake sale? Upon completion of your 5k, you've earned a cupcake! I would sign up for that sooo fast! Two ways to win! 
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No one I know cares if I exercise or not, they are too busy doing their own thing
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I get the "you're already skinny you don't need to go to the gym" frequently. And when I turn down eating out because I track macros I get *kitten* from people sometimes. Yup I'm a party pooper lol0
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I workout 7 days a week....ppl tell me it's too much. I am nowhere thin. I am pretty fit (I think)...ppl are gonna hate.....you have 2 do u.....eff the haters0
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I always get the "you workout too much" comments and they nag on me for bringing my own lunch when lunch is catered everyday at work, sometimes breakfast, snack, and lunch. I think my acceptance of the comments just came with time. I now just brush the comments off and don't take them to heart. I know it's my own way to burn off excess energy every day. I've inspired a couple at work to start working out, some of which made the comments, so I guess there's some victories in the long term.0
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why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
I fully agree with you. However, how does me having good self-esteem make it ok for someone else to try and put me down?
It doesn't, why it bothers you (or some/most posting here) is the question.trigden1991 wrote: »why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
Fat shaming is a thing.
The only person who can "shame" you is you. If you're happy with yourself, or your efforts at getting better, there can be no shame. If you are not happy with yourself or your efforts, you know what to do.
Because I'm human and being criticized for trying to look better be more healthy by people who are not, does eventually get to me. Also the absolute hypocrisy \of overweight people shouting about fat shaming while at the same time seeing nothing wrong with criticizing "fit" people bugs the hell out of me. Again, I'm human.5 -
why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
I fully agree with you. However, how does me having good self-esteem make it ok for someone else to try and put me down?
It doesn't, why it bothers you (or some/most posting here) is the question.trigden1991 wrote: »why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
Fat shaming is a thing.
The only person who can "shame" you is you. If you're happy with yourself, or your efforts at getting better, there can be no shame. If you are not happy with yourself or your efforts, you know what to do.
Because I'm human and being criticized for trying to look better be more healthy by people who are not, does eventually get to me. Also the absolute hypocrisy \of overweight people shouting about fat shaming while at the same time seeing nothing wrong with criticizing "fit" people bugs the hell out of me. Again, I'm human.
I get that it bothers you. Just how are you "shamed"?0 -
why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
I fully agree with you. However, how does me having good self-esteem make it ok for someone else to try and put me down?
It doesn't, why it bothers you (or some/most posting here) is the question.trigden1991 wrote: »why cant the term "fit shame" be used? If people make you feel bad about what you look like it is not shaming you?
How, if you are happy with yourself, or your efforts, can ANYONE ELSE, much less a stranger, make you feel bad about yourself? Are we really that dependent on what others think over what/how we feel about ourselves? WTF has happened to our self esteem?
Yes. I'm old, bald and "slightly" overweight. What else you got 'cause I really don't care. I'm doing good (and getting better) and like me. If you don't (like me) just go away, 'cause I really don't care.
Fat shaming is a thing.
The only person who can "shame" you is you. If you're happy with yourself, or your efforts at getting better, there can be no shame. If you are not happy with yourself or your efforts, you know what to do.
Because I'm human and being criticized for trying to look better be more healthy by people who are not, does eventually get to me. Also the absolute hypocrisy \of overweight people shouting about fat shaming while at the same time seeing nothing wrong with criticizing "fit" people bugs the hell out of me. Again, I'm human.
I get that it bothers you. Just how are you "shamed"?
How is anyone shamed? All I am saying is that if fat shaming is a thing then you cant say fit shaming cannot be a thing.1 -
I have, but I also somewhat deserve it because fitness (running) is such an important part of who I am, I wear it on my proverbial sleeve. Everything is subservient to the run.
Believe it or not, those of us who are radically adhered to this lifestyle are very much in the minority. Some people just don't know how to address that. Some think they're engaging in good natured ribbing, some might think they're being encouraging, and others just can't come to terms with something they can't understand. I just smile and say thanks.2 -
I have, but I also somewhat deserve it because fitness (running) is such an important part of who I am, I wear it on my proverbial sleeve. Everything is subservient to the run.
Believe it or not, those of us who are radically adhered to this lifestyle are very much in the minority. Some people just don't know how to address that. Some think they're engaging in good natured ribbing, some might think they're being encouraging, and others just can't come to terms with something they can't understand. I just smile and say thanks.
No-one deserves to be shamed. Your decision to put the run first is as much your lifestyle choice, and your right, as the next person's choice to sit one their couch.
Oh and an example of fit shaming would be telling a female weight lifter that she looks like a man. How on God's green Earth is that acceptable and why the hell should she just let it not bother her? Happened to a a friend of mine with a guy telling her this. Her reply was "well if you lifted weights you could look like a man too" lol
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I used to get a lot of comments about my weight loss that irritated me. Last March was when I reached my goal maintenance weight. However, I still ate healthy, ran, and worked out. When people saw me eating healthy food such as salads or fruit, they would tell me I'm going to waste away. When I'd talk about a race or workout I did, some would tell me I need to watch out or I'll get too skinny. I politely explained that I stopped losing weight a while ago and am simply maintaining my weight loss and healthy habits.
It did irritate me because I felt like they were putting me down, essentially questioining my intellect to know what I was doing, in order to feel better about their own bodies, bad food choices and lack of exercise. On the other hand, they may have been trying to compliment me but didn't realize how it was perceived by me.
There were just 3 or 4 people who said these things to me, but all said it multiple times.
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I can't remember ever getting actual criticism for my fitness-related behavior. At my old job, my boss would occasionally make sarcastic jokes, like, "Oh, JeepHair probably won't come to lunch with us, she always RUNS at lunch." But he wasn't being mean. He was generally supportive of me and would ask friendly questions about what I was training for, so that kind of occasional comment really wouldn't bother me. It was the same way we'd razz each other for all sorts of things.2
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People are work are mostly supportive because in our department, a little under half of us are into physical fitness. It's my family that doesn't quite get it. My little sisters and brother in particular are the worst. I have always been the largest one in the family..and teased all the time then too. My defense mechanism to them was to make fun of myself first so their words/opinions didn't bother me as much but in reality it would make me cry on the way home. I haven't seen them much since I started crossfit this past September so my weight loss will probably be surprising. My older sister had a much different reaction. At first she would tease me, even taunt me with unhealthy food right she knew I couldn't/wouldn't eat. She'd side eye me or roll her eyes when she'd hear someone compliment my progress. She didn't understand why I would wake up at 4am in the morning to get to the gym at 5am, why I would pass up beer/alcohol at parties or on nights out, or even go to bed at 9pm. Then it seemed a light switched and she jumped on board. Now, I try my best to support her as she starts out and be a positive motivator for her because I know sometimes that's all you need...an understanding of 'why' before the shamers quiet down, and even maybe sometimes follow suit!3
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Lazy, insecure people like to surround themselves with other lazy, insecure people. If they can't find any, they'll pick the closest person to try and drag down with them. I know it sucks, but try and pay no mind to the concern trolls.4
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I have, but I also somewhat deserve it because fitness (running) is such an important part of who I am, I wear it on my proverbial sleeve. Everything is subservient to the run.
Believe it or not, those of us who are radically adhered to this lifestyle are very much in the minority. Some people just don't know how to address that. Some think they're engaging in good natured ribbing, some might think they're being encouraging, and others just can't come to terms with something they can't understand. I just smile and say thanks.
No-one deserves to be shamed. Your decision to put the run first is as much your lifestyle choice, and your right, as the next person's choice to sit one their couch.
Oh and an example of fit shaming would be telling a female weight lifter that she looks like a man. How on God's green Earth is that acceptable and why the hell should she just let it not bother her? Happened to a a friend of mine with a guy telling her this. Her reply was "well if you lifted weights you could look like a man too" lol
Is that actual fit shaming or just plain bad manners?
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Therealobi1 wrote: »I have, but I also somewhat deserve it because fitness (running) is such an important part of who I am, I wear it on my proverbial sleeve. Everything is subservient to the run.
Believe it or not, those of us who are radically adhered to this lifestyle are very much in the minority. Some people just don't know how to address that. Some think they're engaging in good natured ribbing, some might think they're being encouraging, and others just can't come to terms with something they can't understand. I just smile and say thanks.
No-one deserves to be shamed. Your decision to put the run first is as much your lifestyle choice, and your right, as the next person's choice to sit one their couch.
Oh and an example of fit shaming would be telling a female weight lifter that she looks like a man. How on God's green Earth is that acceptable and why the hell should she just let it not bother her? Happened to a a friend of mine with a guy telling her this. Her reply was "well if you lifted weights you could look like a man too" lol
Is that actual fit shaming or just plain bad manners?
Both.2 -
Lol they mad as hell and feel intimidated and their inferiority complex kick in1
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